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Received this email and figured it was funny enough..ok humourous enough to share
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.
The winning definitions in no particular order are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.!
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
The best of the bunch:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arseh*le.
And my favourite which applies to BigFooty posters
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to
its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.
The winning definitions in no particular order are:
1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
proctologists.!
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that,
when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
Jewish men.
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition. Here are some recent winners.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
Glibido: All talk and no action.
Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
The best of the bunch:
Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an arseh*le.
And my favourite which applies to BigFooty posters
Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
