Roast Yelling at Clouds

[ScragCity]

Australia is ****ed because the 3 year political cycle doesn't allow for long-term planning or short-term sacrifices for long-term gains. The voting public are too myopic and stupid to vote based on anything beyond how much their next tax break will be or how much their centrelink benefits will increase/decrease by.

 

[ScragCity]

The rising popularity of analingus is a leading indicator that western society is plunging into a harmful period of excessive decadence

 

[ScragCity]

I'd never be friends with someone who drinks decaf or light beer

 

[Next Waiting]

The multiverse theory pisses me off

Where I come from .... it's not a theory.

 

[maddog37]

Paying $1:50 for a dim sim.

 

[King Harold]

I'd never be friends with someone who drinks decaf or light beer

Some of the Zero beer are not bad Scrag.
So says my liver

 

[King Harold]

The rising popularity of analingus is a leading indicator that western society is plunging into a harmful period of excessive decadence

You Beauty , does that mean it’s not too late for my first ever orgy

 

[Freshwater]

The rising popularity of analingus is a leading indicator that western society is plunging into a harmful period of excessive decadence

I had to look up that word. I don’t think you need the ‘excessive’ when describing.

 

[St 07]

Gremlins who dump rubbish, don't clean up after their dog or return shopping cart trolleys need to be lined up and sho... sternly lectured

And heck you to the people who let their cats roam killing birds and wildlife

 

[Mojorisin]

Gremlins who dump rubbish, don't clean up after their dog or return shopping cart trolleys need to be lined up and sho... sternly lectured

And * you to the people who let their cats roam killing birds and wildlife

Cats are a big one. Doesn't impress me when I'm woken by cats fighting or playing leapfrog at 3am.

 

[Struggle]

Why can't I find the following players on the club website or any AFL media?!

Daniels
McCrae
Keith
Baku
O'Neil
Van Der Mier
Gardiner

BF posters imply they exist. Like Jim Edmonds, Ryan Hargraves and Tory Dixon...

How could you forget Colons as one of the past greats

 

[Philthy1]

People driving slowly in the right lane.

Oh my god. The law is keep left unless overtaking FFS.

 

[Jen Geoffings]

I *ing hate dickhead memes in online forums

 

[Philthy1]

1. From time to time I randomly scream 'Eff you Ian Collins' loudly anytime the Brownlow is mentioned on the radio or in the newspaper.

2. I still from time to time have a mild case of sitting in the corner in the foetal position rocking back and forward, foaming at the mouth, screaming "that was an effing goal for Libba" whenever Darren Jarman's name is mentioned.

3. The Elizabeth St roundabout at the corner of Royal Parade just flat out gives me the $hits.

4. Who thought building an observation wheel at Docklands was going to be a money maker?

5. Why haven't they built the Western Highway by pass between Rockbank and Melton when they can find billions for a train line from Cheltenham to Box Hill that no one will use?

6. Why is free to air TV so friggin crap these days?

7. Who said Craig Hutchinson should be able to have so much influence on AFL media and make it so American NFL like?


and no, I don't feel better

 

[Cookie]

In my younger corporate days in the big smoke, I had a period of time where I used to enter a lift and face everyone, making eye contact with as many people as possible, and smiling the whole time.
Virtually everyone looked down or away, and shifted the weight between their feet uncomfortably, or shuffled whatever they were holding in their hands.
Anyone that entered on floors where I didn't need to exit, I offered to press their floor button for them.
Other than that, I followed your etiquette to a T.
Not sure many of my fellow travellers enjoyed my behaviour (well, there was one young lady, but that's a long story... )

I miss those days.
I've also forgotten where I was going with this reply...

Oh well, is it round 23 yet?

I used to love letting go of a "silent, but deadly" after-grog fart in a lift.

 

[Pocket Terrace]

Buses replacing trains every ******* time I want to go to the footy. I swear this s**t has been going on since the start of last season. It takes twice as long and you spend half that time standing around like a dickhead next to a moron on a walkie-talkie.

After a night game loss is especially no good. I’d rather smash my piece with a brick.

 

[Norm De Guerre]

You should try commuting regularly on the Western Hwy between Ballarat and Melbourne.
The number of people who sit in the right lane doing 100 (or less) in a 110 zone with no vehicles ahead of them in either lane...

I'm guessing some of them are international tourists, but surely the expectation is you comply with local road rules?

Regardless of whether tourists or ignorant locals, my high beam, horn and friendly advice are often required to be engaged so they are better informed.

Morons in trucks racing all the way up the Pentlands doing 60kph in both lanes are a much bigger scourge than the occasional idiot tourist on the way to Soverignn Hill plodding along in the right hand lane. The latter you can usually drive around without issue. The former. Not so much.

 

[Scotch N Coke Monatore]

I had to look up that word. I don’t think you need the ‘excessive’ when describing.

Think Hep-A, which some people refer to in code as long covid.

 

[Next Waiting]

I *ing hate dickhead memes in online forums

 

[BulldogMuscle]

No bulldog games in Qld for the past 2 years. Come on AFL what the hell.

This right here is half the reason I haven't moved to Queensland from the icey-cold hellscape that is Victoria in winter.

 

[BulldogMuscle]

1. The Monash freeway
2. The EPA sending me a letter for a loud car when it isn't (Waste of half a day and $100 to clear my name)
3. Housing market and how the majority of my fellow countrymen are less then one month away from homelessness if they lose their current job
4. All political parties being useless - not giving a heck about us - only giving a s**t about lining their own pockets
5. No legal weed
6. My lotto tickets are never lucky
7. 7-11 coffee being my only option on my shift at work
8. Gentrification of the area I grew up in from a beautiful working class suburb into somewhere I cannot even remotely think of buying a house due the yuppies who have priced out anyone who doesn't make half a million a year
9. Unprecedented levels of migration to prop up the ponzi scheme that is our economy not giving a second thought into the social cohesion, infrastructure, housing, job market, and all the other things that this effects
10. Dogs board members in 2024 still thinking that Luke Beveridge deserves his job

 

[Next Waiting]

I've given up worrying about the grammar, spelling, lack of paragraphs, etc in posts.

I still enjoy this though (malapropisms get a good workout on BF too!):

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony.

Thanks for posting that btw. I'm using some of those.....

 

[Jen Geoffings]

View attachment 1976363

Perfect example! Every time I see dh memes and gifs I don’t think ‘witty guy’, I think…

 

[grassman75]

And you young 'uns out there. Shopping is not a leisure activity!

Word of advice (boys). Build into your marriage (is that still a thing) vows .... get it in writing ... that you are not required to accompany your other half shopping. That under no circumstances are you required to "check out" Ikea and that all children will be born between November and February. You can thank me later.

Make the kid thing December an February - can’t mess up the Spring Carnival

 

[grassman75]

Don’t press the close door button before everyone alights the lift.
Don’t enter the lift diagonally - keep your line.
Don’t let your kid press the floor button

Dont fart in the lift