Lame Jokes Part 2

[Quadzilla]

A store had 24 beers stolen from their cooler. Police have put their cold case unit on it.

Ale bet they find the thief. Teenagers are suspected - They're sure to be older Budweiser.

 

[Quadzilla]

There's hardly any space left here at the organ donor clinic, I don't know what to do...been racking my brains. I'll liver it with them.

 

[Quadzilla]

So Roy Rogers gets a new pair of Tony Lamas. But as he's leaving the store in Nashville a cougar comes running along, knocks Roy to the ground, and rips the Lamas off his feet. Roy hails a cop car to go look for the offending feline and after driving around for a while they see a cougar that looks pretty guilty.

The cop to Mr. Rogers: "Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"

 

[roscreasl98]

There's hardly any space left here at the organ donor clinic, I don't know what to do...been racking my brains. I'll liver it with them.

Your kidneying aren't you?
I can't stomach that response......

 

[Quadzilla]

Your kidneying aren't you?
I can't stomach that response......

I don't understand, could you spleen it more clearly?

 

[roscreasl98]

I don't understand, could you spleen it more clearly?

Work it out yourself. Use some intestinal fortitude.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I'm tired of lethargy jokes.

I'm sick of pneumonia jokes.

I can't stand being bipedal.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I do, however, like torch and lamp jokes.

They instantly brighten my mood.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I fought the Laws but Jude won.

 

[Quadzilla]

In Iran, they have fear of spiders...
In Iraq no phobias...

 

[Quadzilla]

My internet bride arrived today. She was the WiFi I always wanted

 

[RedmanWasHere]

My internet bride arrived today. She was the WiFi I always wanted

I hear there was a connection.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw an absolutely drunk Adelaide player the other day.

Well stoned the Crow.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I can't stand upright stances.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

How much will it cost me to visit a South Australian suburb?

A Millicent.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do you call a woman with a foggy mind?
Misty.


What about her friend who appears after fires?
Ash.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

What do Jack Russell's and Labrador's have in common?
Dogged determination.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

I want to make sure I'm fit enough to go on P&O.

I need to be ship-shape ASAP.

 

[RedmanWasHere]

Some may think the above joke's a crap one but whatever floats your boat.

 

[Quadzilla]

Last night I dreamt I was writing 'Lord of the Rings'. Turns out I was only Tolkien in my sleep.

 

[Quadzilla]

I heard that if you go to an arcade in Middle Earth all the machines take tolkiens

 

[Quadzilla]

Once upon a time, there were two Skunk brothers named In and Out. Whenever In was in, then Out was out. But whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, In was out and Out was in, and their Skunk mother asked "Out, will you go out and bring back In?" Out obeyed, and 5 minutes later came back with In.

Mother was amazed. She asked "Out, how did you find In so fast?!"

Out replied "Simple. Instinct."

 

[roscreasl98]

Once upon a time, there were two Skunk brothers named In and Out. Whenever In was in, then Out was out. But whenever In was out, Out was in.

One day, In was out and Out was in, and their Skunk mother asked "Out, will you go out and bring back In?" Out obeyed, and 5 minutes later came back with In.

Mother was amazed. She asked "Out, how did you find In so fast?!"

Out replied "Simple. Instinct."

Why does Irelands population get bigger each day?

Because the capital's always Dublin.....

 

[Quadzilla]

It was a hard upbringing when I was a kid.
I used to get covered in cream and chocolate and then other kids would put a cherry on my head.

Yes, life was tough in the gateau.

 

[Quadzilla]

Just reading a book about the manufacturing of adhesives. I'm still stuck on page 20.

#lamejokes