- Oct 12, 2015
- 1,645
- 6,115
- AFL Club
- Richmond
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE
I finally after exhaustive investigations have discovered why we can't win interstate. It would appear that due to us being impossible to defeat interstate clubs have pooled their resources and hired Ethan Hunt and his team. I know this because after a lucky discovery of a half burnt laptop which didnt self destruct in 5 seconds i managed to extract the following data:
1. A system of pulleys under the goalposts were installed at all interstate grounds so that their position could be changed via remote control making kicking for goal almost impossible.
2. The umpires were to be face cloned and imposters take their place and make decisions in favour of the opposition to alter the course of the game (since my original investigation I now have further evidence to suggest that most other clubs have now managed to source the team for this exact same mission).
3. Sticky finger paste was to be replaced with silicon paste so that the Richmond players couldn't hold , mark or pick up the ball. Their boots were to be polished with the same material to ensure the ball would slew off in various directions other than where it was intended to go.
4. Richmond players were to be drugged and newly developed colour switching contact lenses applied to their retinas so that the playing strip of the opposition appeared the same colour as their own so they would willingly provide opposition players with possession at seemingly critical stages of the game.
At least now all Tigers supporters can rest easy with the knowledge that these interstate results were an abomination and totally out of our players control.
I finally after exhaustive investigations have discovered why we can't win interstate. It would appear that due to us being impossible to defeat interstate clubs have pooled their resources and hired Ethan Hunt and his team. I know this because after a lucky discovery of a half burnt laptop which didnt self destruct in 5 seconds i managed to extract the following data:
1. A system of pulleys under the goalposts were installed at all interstate grounds so that their position could be changed via remote control making kicking for goal almost impossible.
2. The umpires were to be face cloned and imposters take their place and make decisions in favour of the opposition to alter the course of the game (since my original investigation I now have further evidence to suggest that most other clubs have now managed to source the team for this exact same mission).
3. Sticky finger paste was to be replaced with silicon paste so that the Richmond players couldn't hold , mark or pick up the ball. Their boots were to be polished with the same material to ensure the ball would slew off in various directions other than where it was intended to go.
4. Richmond players were to be drugged and newly developed colour switching contact lenses applied to their retinas so that the playing strip of the opposition appeared the same colour as their own so they would willingly provide opposition players with possession at seemingly critical stages of the game.
At least now all Tigers supporters can rest easy with the knowledge that these interstate results were an abomination and totally out of our players control.
