Universal Love Random Chat II – brought to you by Harvest Snaps

[PerfectFooty]

I’ve been visiting rental properties the past week. My current landlord is selling.

My key finding is that owners are taking the piss with prices these days.

I can share some learnings re advertising descriptions versus reality. There’s basically a code that becomes apparent quickly. Let’s take a 3bdr as an example:

“Dynamic lifestyle” - on corner block of main road, directly behind train lines or both.

“Cozy” - tiny.

“convenient” - next door to gas station.

“Vibrant” - plenty of local drug dealers.

“Suit professionals” - got recently trashed by children, four dogs and tenants stopped paying rent.

“Easy going lifestyle” - unrenovated, comes with complimentary wine stains, peeling Lino, deceased bicycle frames, mould etc.

“Lock up and leave” - no storage and surrounded in AirBNB.

“Tranquil” - random rural property misplaced by Domain.com

“Character” - don’t even bother.

“Functional kitchen” - two electric plug in hot plates and an old table

“Some furniture included” - previous tenants left the worst of their crap and owner can’t be arsed removing it

“Welcoming” - freakishly bad colour scheme.

A basic rule is the more exclamation marks in the ad, the more disappointing the property

I love how 'cozy = tiny' every time

 

[Bluelegs]

I love how 'cozy = Tiny' every time

'Cottage style' is another one.

 

[Proper Gander]

'Cottage style' is another one.

That one frequently comes with “functional kitchen and bathroom”. Laundry is a tap on the back porch

 

[Bluelegs]

I just found a place that boasted "Irresistable outdoor features" because the previous owner installed a basketball hoop in the middle of the backyard.

Most of the descriptions are AI generated too. What is the point of real estate agents?

 

[Proper Gander]

I just found a place that boasted "Irresistable outdoor features" because the previous owner installed a basketball hoop in the middle of the backyard.

Most of the descriptions are AI generated too. What is the point of real estate agents?

It’s not to ensure that properties are rental compliant, that’s for sure

 

[Dory_77]

"Established gardens" could be anything from an overgrown weed paddock to 16 microclimates across the plot needing hourly maintenance.

"Blank canvas" seems to have replaced "handyman's dream" as the descriptor for a potential death trap needing urgent repairs.

"Recently renovated" the joint has just been sloppily repainted with the cheapest beige and recarpeted with the cheapest charcoal options available. In the process all the curtains and fixings have been dumped, potentially some internal doors too.

 

[Proper Gander]

Oh yeah - cottage style paired with quaint means no wardrobes.

 

[Bluelegs]

A study is any empty nook of the house that a human can fit in but a bed can't.

 

[Crimson Azure]

Yeah I’m getting better at not settling with something where I have reservations. Whenever I’ve said “she’ll be right” she basically hasn’t become right.

Congrats on finding a home though! That’s really great

You ever thought of buying a place?

 

[Proper Gander]

A study is any empty nook of the house that a human can fit in but a bed can't.

lol.

Looked at a place that specified “study nook” in the ad a few days back.

I couldn’t find it - but did find a 4ft space for a dwarf under the stairs with a cunningly placed lamp.

 

[Proper Gander]

You ever thought of buying a place?

Yeah occasionally, but I’m old and cranky and not up to starting in the outer outer shoebox that it would take. I’ve got nowhere near the savings needed to have a deposit for my preferred areas. And that’s not because I’m snobby (though I probably am). But I don’t drive a car so living places where transport is difficult without a car can be really isolating.

I’m okay with it really. It is possible to be comfortable through life without ever being an owner/occupier. It’s just the moving I hate. That plus never being able to make decisions about improvements to the property that I would like without seeking permission

 

[Bluelegs]

lol.

Looked at a place that specified “study nook” in the ad a few days back.

I couldn’t find it - but did find a 4ft space for a dwarf under the stairs with a cunningly placed lamp.

My parents should have been real estate agents. When I was a kid for a couple of years I slept in a ladder accessible storage area above our study that they called a loft.

 

[Proper Gander]

My parents should have been real estate agents. When I was a kid for a couple of years I slept in a ladder accessible storage area above our study that they called a loft.

If you were a little enough kid that would have been cooler than a bedroom!

I spent 6 months voluntarily sleeping under my bed in my doona that I rolled up around me because I was pretending I was Sarah-Jane Smith caught by the giant spiders and trapped in a cocoon.

 

[Bluelegs]

If you were a little enough kid that would have been cooler than a bedroom!

I spent 6 months voluntarily sleeping under my bed in my doona that I rolled up around me because I was pretending I was Sarah-Jane Smith caught by the giant spiders and trapped in a cocoon.

Oh yeah, I loved it. It was like sleeping in a little cubby house. Climbing down an unfixed ladder in the middle of the night to go to the toilet was a bit how ya going though.

 

[Crimson Azure]

Just had to go to my local shopping centre for a work related thing, oh boy.

Public service announcement: Stay away from shopping centres people at all costs and unless it's unavoidable.

I'd rather not eat tomorrow than go back again.

 

[Proper Gander]

Just had to go to my local shopping centre for a work related thing, oh boy.

Are you a shopping mall Santa?

 

[Proper Gander]

Making seafood paella for 12 tomorrow.

Shits me a bit that I ordered well in advance but still got stuck in a 1 hour queue for collection that contained people who didn’t pre-order and were choosing on spec.

Just have two queues, guys. Doesn’t seem hard.

Mind you, the experience has brought me quickly to my traditional Christmas spirit of grouching so there’s that.

 

[Jordie_tackles]

Making seafood paella for 12 tomorrow.

Shits me a bit that I ordered well in advance but still got stuck in a 1 hour queue for collection that contained people who didn’t pre-order and were choosing on spec.

Just have two queues, guys. Doesn’t seem hard.

Mind you, the experience has brought me quickly to my traditional Christmas spirit of grouching so there’s that.

One place near me gives pre orders a half hour window to rock up all across the day, works really well.

 

[Proper Gander]

One place near me gives pre orders a half hour window to rock up all across the day, works really well.

I’ll use them next time

It doesn’t seem a wild strategy - I mean half the shops we use now have a click and collect counter

 

[Proper Gander]

Ha! Lease signed and bond paid. Also owner agreed to minimum 3 years which is rare, so we don’t have to get edgy every 12 months wondering if the lease will be renewed . Yay

 

[Crimson Azure]

Ha! Lease signed and bond paid. Also owner agreed to minimum 3 years which is rare, so we don’t have to get edgy every 12 months wondering if the lease will be renewed . Yay

If they're offering you 3 years off the bat they seem like they will want long term tenants.

I have an older friend who was in the same rental for 13 years and in another for 10 years before that. Since then he has had to move every 12 months.

 

[Toump Ass]

Happy Xmas everyone!

Young one was up at four am to open Chrimbo presents, very tough on the parents!

Didnt plan this one too well I don't think, hungry jacks is closed and my cupboard is empty. Looks like dinner is going to be the ferroro rocherre box my mum got me!!!!

Hope everyone has a more satisfying meal than me today!!

 

[Crimson Azure]

Young one was up at four am to open Chrimbo presents, very tough on the parents!

Chrimbo presents?

Sounds like Santa and Rambo had a lovechild.

 

[PerfectFooty]

JUST SAY CHRISTMAS!!!

This is just like the MCG

 

[PerfectFooty]

I have achieved **** all today, but boxing day is one of those allowed write off days