Dear Santos

[Chris_23]

Dear Santos,
Who is more attractive?

Adrian Cox

Or

Simon Cox

I'll understand if you can't decide. Thanks in advance.

Christina

 

[jod23]

Originally posted by Shinboners
Dear Santos

After realising that Oasis are a pile of steaming sh*te and that the Beatles were really overrated, I'm now getting into that new leading edge sound called "punk". I hope you have heard of that type of music. On the advice of my good friend Shinboners, I went to my very first punk gig. However, I got beaten up something shocking. I don't understand why because I was wearing an Offspring t-shirt, a Blink 1-8-2 baseball cap, and I wrote Green Day RULZ on the back of my brand new leather jacket. Can you please help me and let me know what I'm doing wrong?

Jod23
(anarchy man!)

Not bad, not bad, but Santos is no idiot...well thats debatable but he would know i would never say Oasis are ****e or the Beatles are overated!

I liked it though Shinners...ill give you 2 and half stars.

 

[jod23]

Dear Santos...

Is it true that you cant be a good band if your commercial?

Darky

 

[Shinboners]

Dear Santos

My friend Meg has this big fluffy pink ball that I really liked, so me and my friends ganged up on her and I took her big fluffy pink ball. I like playing with it, but Meg keeps on teasing me saying that I can't do the same tricks with the big fluffy pink ball that she could do. She says that she doesn't want her big fluffy pink ball back, but I'm sure she wants it back. It's mine! mine! mine! She is jealous of me because I'm pretty and blonde and I wear much nicer dresses than she does and all the boys like me. She is so mean to me too! She called me frigid because I wouldn't talk to Head Prefect John. How do I get rid of Meg?

Your friend
Natasha Stott-Despoja

 

[Jars458]

Originally posted by mantis
Dear Santos

I am a member of this really great bulletin board on the inernet, trouble is I have been having a go at people for back slapping milestone threads & calling them the peanut gallery.

Unfortunately this seems to have backfired on me, as last week I got to 3000 posts & really wanted people to congratulate me on my fine effort, so I sneakily mentioned it in a topic I started, hoping people would take the hint, but unfortunately no one did.

Have you got any suggestions what I should do for announcing my 4000th post so I can get the accolades I deserve, without looking like a member of the peanut gallery.

Jaws 458

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - ROFLMAO

It was all for Jason and you know it.

ps - Mantis - where can I get my applciation for the PG

Thanks Queen Peanut

 

[Santos L Helper]

Well, after spending the night on a large pile of cash with many beautiful ladies, I'm back to make the world right again.

So, onto the questions from the adoring (w)hordes.

 

[PeteLX]

Dear Santos:

What's the crunchy bit in my hotdog? Beak, bone or shell?

Pete

 

[mantis]

Originally posted by Jars458


ha ha ha ha ha ha ha - ROFLMAO

It was all for Jason and you know it.

Of course it was, I believe you.

Oh & your application is in the mail.

 

[mantis]

Originally posted by Chris_23
Dear Santos,
Who is more attractive?

Adrian Cox

Or

Simon Cox

GGGRRRRHHH thanks for nothing Chris, I just lost my breakfast after seeing those pics.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by teddy3
Dear Santos,

I hope you can help me. I can't sleep at night, pondering this question. You are my last chance so can you please tell me

Why are carrots orange??????

Dear teddy3,

What a boring life you must lead. Whjere I come from carrot's are the colours of the rainbow........wheeee

Oh wait, maybe that's just my medication kicking in?

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Richmondfan#1
Dear Santos,

What should I be when I'm older? Someone on here once told me to be a psychologist but what is your opinion oh wise one?

Your sincerely,
Pee Nut.

Dear Pee Nut,

A psychologist? The world can never have enough of them, and my suggestion to you is to apply to this number 1 800 psych me.
This is my own psych college and is affiliated with the association of Barber and Clown Colleges of Aust.

good luck.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by gPhonque
Dear Santos,

I think i've taken too many drugs.

Regards,

Santos

Dear Santos,

Let me say, you sound like an intelligent chap and my answer to you is........are you sure that the problem is that you haven't taken enough drugs?

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Rex Hunt
Dear Mr Santo Clausos,
After I've dropped my rod into the H2O and pulled out a magnificent bit of poisson or some shissenhausen anorexic finned creature I'm known to pucker my lips onto them. It's a sign of love for the wonder of water creation, but people think I'm strange. How can I convince my fellow members of the human race that to transvestite the high-diddle-diddle of our acquatic waterways is purely natural?
If you could post an answer I would be ever so appreciative, as I have to tell our flaming Pakistani friends to get behind their national cricket team.

I'm Rex Hunt and you're not. Yibbidee Yibbida, that's all folks.

Dear Rex,

I have witnessed your 'wham bam' method of wooing these fish and am not impressed. A fish needs to be treated with respect, not just used and abused by aquatic lothario's such as yourself.
Have you ever thought of discussing the merits of the current AFL finals system? it's a sure fire winner with the chicks.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Vindaloo Mat
Dear Mr Helper

I hit the "Refresh" button once every 3.5 seconds waiting to see if Jod23 has updated his thread with all the pictures of women in it.

Am I normal ?

Meat and 2 Veg Mat

Dear Meat,

Only if your pants are down when you refresh. Hope this helps, happy viewing.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Finnigan
Dear Santos,
I am a pimply, scaly faced teenager. The problem is I am in love with an old lady. She's 31 and sleeps with anyone, except me. Please help.

Macedonian fan.

Dear Macedonian Fan,

You must be really ugly.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Chris_23
Dear Santos,
Who is more attractive?

Adrian Cox

Or

Simon Cox

I'll understand if you can't decide. Thanks in advance.

Christina

Dear Christina,

If I was you, I would be tempted to get them both in the sack. To have to choose between two such hunks of man beef would be too difficult. Maybe you could hold a test to pick the winner. I would suggest discovering which player can name the most characters from 'Lord of the Rings' then bonk him senseless.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by jod23
Dear Santos...

Is it true that you cant be a good band if your commercial?

Darky

Dear Jod...oops I mean Darky,

Yes it is true, only sissies would think otherwise. I hope you manged to fix your problems with those tough BMX'ers?

 

[Chris_23]

Originally posted by mantis


GGGRRRRHHH thanks for nothing Chris, I just lost my breakfast after seeing those pics.

Because your jaw dropped at the sight of two Cox's?

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Shinboners
Dear Santos

My friend Meg has this big fluffy pink ball that I really liked, so me and my friends ganged up on her and I took her big fluffy pink ball. I like playing with it, but Meg keeps on teasing me saying that I can't do the same tricks with the big fluffy pink ball that she could do. She says that she doesn't want her big fluffy pink ball back, but I'm sure she wants it back. It's mine! mine! mine! She is jealous of me because I'm pretty and blonde and I wear much nicer dresses than she does and all the boys like me. She is so mean to me too! She called me frigid because I wouldn't talk to Head Prefect John. How do I get rid of Meg?

Your friend
Natasha Stott-Despoja

Dear NSD,

What a tangled web we weave. My suggestion would be to introduce Meg to Cheryl Kernot and Simon Crean, they'll take her off your hands.

ps. it's ok to be frigid, perhaps you'd like me to program a session at my offices for you?

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by PeteLX
Dear Santos:

What's the crunchy bit in my hotdog? Beak, bone or shell?

Pete

Dear Pete,

It's the crunchy bits that add flavour. I believe these particular crunchy bits are your teeth.

 

[Joffaboy]

Dear Santos,

Are any of the goods you sell out of the back of your panel van at Alberton Oval nicked? If not could i please pick up one of those pleasant looking DVD players you were selling last time I came over?

 

[Sly77]

Dear Aunty Santos

My friend has a problem, she is hopelessly in love with a certain Star Wars fan, his recall of stats just drives me - errrrr I mean her wild. The prob is that he only rates my friend a 6 out of 10....she is now distraught. What should she do to gain the love of the one who has captured her heart??????

Thanking you in anticipation
Sly77

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Joffaboy
Dear Santos,

Are any of the goods you sell out of the back of your panel van at Alberton Oval nicked? If not could i please pick up one of those pleasant looking DVD players you were selling last time I came over?

Dear Joffaboy,

None of the goods that I'm selling are 'nicked'. They are of the highest quality and are all reliable products, just remember to stand well back and wear safety goggles when you switch it on. I feel blighted by such an accusation.
Having said that, I do have three DVD's going for $50 a piece. Just drop me a PM and I'll hook up with you down the pub.

 

[Santos L Helper]

Originally posted by Sly77
Dear Aunty Santos

My friend has a problem, she is hopelessly in love with a certain Star Wars fan, his recall of stats just drives me - errrrr I mean her wild. The prob is that he only rates my friend a 6 out of 10....she is now distraught. What should she do to gain the love of the one who has captured her heart??????

Thanking you in anticipation
Sly77

Dear Sly77,

Your 'friend' has been smitten by the mating call of the nerd. My suggestion is to get drunk and never interrupt this geek. Her best bet is to ask him continuously 'why the minor premier is disadvantaged by the current AFL finals system' and smile and nod a lot. Then stand back and watch the sexual hunger grow as this nerd loses all self control and sweeps your 'friend' up in a crescendo of stat filled passion.
She may also wish to spray herself with large amounts of 'Princess Leia' Eu de Toilet. This should drive the little dork nuts.

Nerds love drunk chicks who listen to their crap and smell nice.

 

[Shinboners]

Dear Santos

There is a problem with Adelaide water and I believe that it is a Melbourne conspiracy to stop the Crows from winning the premiership. How are the players going to be performing at 100% if they can't get their shampoo to mix in with the water properly so that all that grit and grime can be removed? They're going to be on national television, so it must play on their minds that their hair doesn't look 100% - anyone would be so self conscious of a national audience laughing at greasy hair. Those bastards in Melbourne have good water so they can wash up properly, so they don't have the same problem as our heroic and underrated Crows do. How is Andrew McLeod (who is underrated by Victorians) supposed to win the ball (in a way that is underrated by those Victorians), set up the play (in an underrated way by those Victorians), score brilliant (and underrated by those Victorians) goals when he has an itchy scalp to contend with? I think it's unfair. What do you think can be done about it?


ok.crows