Family & Relationships Do you ever feel lonely?

[Perth gal]

This thread is what's wrong with our society these days.

You feel lonely? Awwwww.

It's a bit like people saying they have depression when they don't realise, you know, you can't always be happy. Some people do have imbalances and issues with feeling low. And that exists, it really does. But it's not as common and ubiquitous as it's expressed to be. Humans have a spectrum of emotions and the modern world – with ads and TV and our entitlement to be a rock star – says that we should only ever feel good. As soon as sadness, loneliness, angst comes in, we see them as a profound sign that we are broken.

Sometimes you are nervous. Sometimes you don't feel like you belong. And then sometimes you're excited and elated, it's just the way shit is.

**** me. Loneliness. Jesus.

You do realise that the 8 billion other people in this world are not clones of you?

 

[Perth gal]

You can intellectualise depression as much you want but until you've experienced it first-hand it's just a petty, trivial issue.

You've correctly identified some of the sources of depression, namely our desire to be an a constant state of happiness, our need to feel like we're on an upward trajectory and our innate sense of comfort but these just feed back into poor mental health.

Our brains haven't evolved from the thousand year old crocodilian fight or flight limbic dominated system and unfortunately this means a lot of people in society are encountering mental health issues, including feelings of loneliness. These aren't petty issues to people with these conditions. Haven't a broken arm isn't a big deal - having a constantly agitated mind is.

Exactly. But for a lot of people including this poster ignorance is bliss.

 

[Gralin]

I've been lonely as a single person I've been lonely in a relationship.
These days I'm married with a kid and pretty content, the main issue has been that none of my close friends have kids and that puts me on the outer, they don't get it and it's made the last few years different.
One of them is finally having a kid and another is moving overseas so the dynamic in the group is going to change again.

 

[Stevi_Tigers]

i have before but getting a dog helped

 

[Shupe]

This thread is what's wrong with our society these days.

You feel lonely? Awwwww.

It's a bit like people saying they have depression when they don't realise, you know, you can't always be happy. Some people do have imbalances and issues with feeling low. And that exists, it really does. But it's not as common and ubiquitous as it's expressed to be. Humans have a spectrum of emotions and the modern world – with ads and TV and our entitlement to be a rock star – says that we should only ever feel good. As soon as sadness, loneliness, angst comes in, we see them as a profound sign that we are broken.

Sometimes you are nervous. Sometimes you don't feel like you belong. And then sometimes you're excited and elated, it's just the way shit is.

**** me. Loneliness. Jesus.

The ****. I can feel lonely at times, but I'm certainly not depressed. I don't think this thread is claiming loneliness = depression.

 

[Procrastinator35]

This thread is what's wrong with our society these days.

You feel lonely? Awwwww.

It's a bit like people saying they have depression when they don't realise, you know, you can't always be happy. Some people do have imbalances and issues with feeling low. And that exists, it really does. But it's not as common and ubiquitous as it's expressed to be. Humans have a spectrum of emotions and the modern world – with ads and TV and our entitlement to be a rock star – says that we should only ever feel good. As soon as sadness, loneliness, angst comes in, we see them as a profound sign that we are broken.

Sometimes you are nervous. Sometimes you don't feel like you belong. And then sometimes you're excited and elated, it's just the way shit is.

**** me. Loneliness. Jesus.

Denial post of the year.

 

[Hawk Dork]

I like being alone most of the time,I live in the middle of nowhere to be alone.
I like my own company,Ive worked alone for years ,Ive travelled OS alone,I like to day dream,tinker and run things on my schedule.
I also like to be with people sometimes

 

[imadodgyumpire]

Literally one of the reasons I'm on forums. Never been a big socialiser which has probably cost me but then again when I've made an effort people have pissed off too so i guess i haven't got there yet

I've said this on another there'd on GD. People like doing things on their own terms. Including having a conversation. If it's not on their terms, they're not interested and either withdraw or possibly lash out. It's obviously safer to withdraw.

Entering a social venue. It's way too big for a lot of people. Nothing will be done on one's terms. It's easier to avoid getting involved in it. Only he people who sub/consciously compromise succeed in socialising. Fwiw, you have to accept that socialising won't be done on your terms and wing it, or go and find people whee socialising is done on your terms.

 

[ioppolo]

Depression =/= loneliness

 

[IKnowtheDog]

The voices in my head keep me company

 

[DennisMarshall]

Yep
Been lonely for a couple of months now, more lonely that I ever have been in my life.

My wife (of 11 years, couple for 16 years) and I have recently separated. We share the kids 50-50 so the nights I have them are great as are the weekends (every second weekend). But the nights/weekends I do not have them are very lonely. She (and kids for last 9 years) have just always been around since my mid 20s.

And its become very apparent over the past few months that I don't have any real mates/friends over here where I live on the Gold Coast, they are mostly partners of my wife's friends - Probably not very healthy!!

The family moved over to the Coast about 4 years ago from Perth and basically started afresh - which (to her credit), my separated wife did a lot of work to make friends etc as she was at first a stay at home mum with young kids but now with kids at school she is back working (and now has even more friends from work!)

I am 41 but don't feel a day over 39.. nah seriously, I feel mid 30s still. I look young for my age and neighbours and people I do know always are surprised when they find out my age. Im naturally an introvert by nature, and enjoyed my family life, doing stuff with the wife and kids and never really had to do any socialising (other than family stuff with other families and their kids, or going out /staying in with friends) for over a decade now.

Its not something I am comfortable doing. I hate small talk. I would rather stand in front of 50 people I don't know on a stage and speak to them about 'whatever' then having to speak to 50 individual people - and I don't like even like public speaking but that shows the issues I have with small talk!

I have no chance of meeting people at work - I work from a home office and so all my work colleagues are actually still in Perth, as are all my mates I grew up with/met at school/uni etc. Some do live in Melb and Syd however. So I don't have any work friends/colleagues here on the coast to socialise with. I cannot however leave the Coast as that's where my kids are. So that's where I will be.

I don't drink alcohol and this does make it hard to get out there and socialise at like pubs etc. But in saying that, Im happy to go to pubs for short periods of time as I understand its such a ritual for many people.
To be honest, I don't even know what my interests are anymore as the last 4 years on the coast (and previous 5 years in Perth) have all been spending time with my kids watching them grow up and other family stuff/get togethers with other families.

I've looked into meetups, and there are a handful I will make an effort to go to and hopefully make some friends, but not as many as there are in big cities like Melb, Sydney or Brisbane. And even the ones on the Gold Coast can be quite far away - the Coast is quite a large place and I am right at the bottom near NSW border and lots of meetups seem to be well over an hour away.

So yeh, lonely.

Can I ask why you separated? Was it your wife's decision? Having my own relationship issues currently...

 

[DennisMarshall]

This thread is what's wrong with our society these days.

You feel lonely? Awwwww.

It's a bit like people saying they have depression when they don't realise, you know, you can't always be happy. Some people do have imbalances and issues with feeling low. And that exists, it really does. But it's not as common and ubiquitous as it's expressed to be. Humans have a spectrum of emotions and the modern world – with ads and TV and our entitlement to be a rock star – says that we should only ever feel good. As soon as sadness, loneliness, angst comes in, we see them as a profound sign that we are broken.

Sometimes you are nervous. Sometimes you don't feel like you belong. And then sometimes you're excited and elated, it's just the way shit is.

**** me. Loneliness. Jesus.

If this is a serious post, you are a genuinely shit bloke.

 

[Silent Alarm]

If this is a serious post, you are a genuinely shit bloke.

The phrasing of the question is what's wrong.

It might as well be 'do you ever feel like spewing bile until 11pm because you've drank too much?' Or 'do you ever feel like Vegemite on bread, but not toast?' It's talking about a normal, common human feeling occurring sometimes.

There's a difference between sometimes feeling low and being genuinely lonely for a year or onwards. Of course everyone sometimes feels lonely! But how many people genuinely always feel alone, isolated, and at the outer for a long period of time (six months or so plus?)? Not as many who think they are.

 

[Billy ray]

Can I ask why you separated? Was it your wife's decision? Having my own relationship issues currently...

I will pm you

 

[BALKAN]

The phrasing of the question is what's wrong.

It might as well be 'do you ever feel like spewing bile until 11pm because you've drank too much?' Or 'do you ever feel like Vegemite on bread, but not toast?' It's talking about a normal, common human feeling occurring sometimes.

There's a difference between sometimes feeling low and being genuinely lonely for a year or onwards. Of course everyone sometimes feels lonely! But how many people genuinely always feel alone, isolated, and at the outer for a long period of time (six months or so plus?)? Not as many who think they are.

I'd assume that that's what the thread implies. That 'feeling lonely' is different for everyone. Some people can be alone for ages and not feel lonely, other people sink into despair if they have to go an afternoon without human contact.

 

[Perth gal]

The phrasing of the question is what's wrong.

It might as well be 'do you ever feel like spewing bile until 11pm because you've drank too much?' Or 'do you ever feel like Vegemite on bread, but not toast?' It's talking about a normal, common human feeling occurring sometimes.

There's a difference between sometimes feeling low and being genuinely lonely for a year or onwards. Of course everyone sometimes feels lonely! But how many people genuinely always feel alone, isolated, and at the outer for a long period of time (six months or so plus?)? Not as many who think they are.

I don't think I've ever met a poster who claims to know as much as other people as you do...

And for a poster who thinks the topic is shit, the phrasing of it is shit and it's utterly unacceptable for most of us to claim lonliness is an emotion that for some of is very real you certainly are in this thread a bit.

The lady does protest too much.....

 

[La Dispute]

i have before but getting a dog helped

You and 90% of Tinder it seems.