Don't Get Me Started... <FUNNY FORUM GAME>

[Duggy31]

The rules of the game is easy.
One person say a topic/subject and the other has to angrily (but still humorous) rant about it in a single post and then say a new topic/subject and the game move on, starting with the phrase "Don't get me started on..."

To keep it relevant, the topic must be Collingwood related.

First subject/topic:
Dane Swan's Tattoo's

 

[Duggy31]

Don't get me started on Dane Swan's tattoos. As if we don't have enough stereotypes to battle with as Collingwood supporters, without that gimp wandering around looking like he slipped and fell into da vinci's f*#%ing paint pallet.

If I had a dollar for every ridiculous pointless tattoo on Dane Swans body, I'd be able to end hunger in Sudan!

Next topic:
Anthony Rocca as ruck coach

 

[Magpie Girl]

Don't get me started on Rocca as ruck coach... He's not tall enough!
His instructions are not allowing for the extra tall young men of today's era

Next topic:
Kicking coach, whoever he is.
Do we in fact have one?

 

[JB1975]

Don't get me started on Rocca as ruck coach... He's not tall enough!
His instructions are not allowing for the extra tall young men of today's era

Next topic:
Kicking coach, whoever he is.
Do we in fact have one?

Don't get me started on the kicking coach. Do we have one? Yes, yes we do, but the kicking coach can't be named for legal reasons, because just to associate a name with our kicking performance is regarded as a slander. The other problem with our kicking coach is that they only turn up every once in a while, apparently because their sense of direction is so p*** poor that they can't find their way to training.

Next rant:
Neil Balme and Blackmores...

 

[Duggy31]

Don't get me started on Neil Balme and Blackmores. Ever since we started using his piss poor products we have had nothing but injuries.

Forget blaming the medical staff, maybe it's these Blackmores products turning our players muscle into mashed potatoes!!!

We need to give Denis Lillee a call with his glucosamine products, he's 96 and and can still lift more than Paul Seedsman on crack!!!

Next topic:
Scharenburg's Knee's


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[doodles98]

Don't get me started on Scharenbergs Knees. I mean seriously what kind of a start to an AFL career do you call that! If young people these days can't step out on the footy field without popping this, tearing that, then it just highlights the problems we are faced with this generation of physically inferior softees set to take over our future. No wonder they've had to increase the F#ckin retirement age.. we need people to look after all the 20 year old footballers clogging up the hospital system. It's selfish people like Scharenberg and his knees who have made my nan have to wait nearly two years for her hip replacement!

Next topic:
Four n twenty pies now as opposed to the 80's

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Next topic:
Four n twenty pies now as opposed to the 80's

Don't get me started....
On four n twenty pies now as opposed to the eighties.
Seriously in my day (the 80s) it was quality offal.
Ron Barassi did commercials with Dipper about these magnificent Aussies pies.
Today, what commercials.
The offal and grissel, the off cuts, the meat steamed off the carcass was quality junk.
Now it's processed junk. They don't give you the sauce of the past, manufactured off tomatoes, now it's rotten tomatoes from Africa or somewhere. In my day it was rotten Aussie tomatoes for the sauce.
In the eighties at the footy the pies cost a quarter of your pay for one pie with sauce.
Today it costs half your pay and the sauce is extra.
I'm my day no silly vegetarian options, now you can even get pasties with no meat bits, pffft.
Ripper Dipper.

Next topic:
Collingwood's Eddie Land is not as good as old Victoria Park.

 

[JB1975]

Don't get me started....
On four n twenty pies now as opposed to the eighties.
Seriously in my day (the 80s) it was quality offal.
Ron Barassi did commercials with Dipper about these magnificent Aussies pies.
Today, what commercials.
The offal and grissel, the off cuts, the meat steamed off the carcass was quality junk.
Now it's processed junk. They don't give you the sauce of the past, manufactured off tomatoes, now it's rotten tomatoes from Africa or somewhere. In my day it was rotten Aussie tomatoes for the sauce.
In the eighties at the footy the pies cost a quarter of your pay for one pie with sauce.
Today it costs half your pay and the sauce is extra.
I'm my day no silly vegetarian options, now you can even get pasties with no meat bits, pffft.
Ripper Dipper.

Next topic:
Collingwood's Eddie Land is not as good as old Victoria Park.

Liked for the pairing of 'quality' and 'offal'. Also liked for having the air of a genuine rant, which disturbed me at the same time. Value!

 

[Bad Horse]

Don't get me started on Eddies ****ing Magpieland.

I remember the days of Victoria Park, when we were a real club and not some megacorporate behemoth with an abacus for a soul and a balance sheet where our heart should be. Who needs a ****ing balance sheet? I'll ****ing tell you our balance, out of ****ing balance I tell you. The sacred ratio of 4n20's to VB cans is how you ****ing stay in balance, none of this amortised whatsit and depreciated that and ****ing whoopdi****ing line item something else. Just ****ing send everyone to the social club and put Rene Kink behind the bar and tell the ****er if he drinks more than his share he gets a glassing.

Where was I? Yeah, Vicky Park, where all you needed was your VB. A slab met all your needs, you could stand on it and see over the tosser in front of you who only had fifteen player buttons on his duffel, you could drink it by quarter time, then when the queue at the dunny was too long you could piss in them and hurl the ****ers at Carlscum maggots who were stupid enough to come and watch their mongrel mob get a flogging.

Instead I go to the "Holden Centre" and what do I find?

Craft beer. Gourmet burgers. ****ing Aioli. What are we, some sort of hipster ****ing wasteland full of guys called Kirk from ****ing Norhtcote? ****ing hell, I tell you I was not pleased. When my burger came, and I saw that ****ing Aioli, and it looked like the vomit from that Saints supporter I got in the balls with a knee back in 1987. I wept, I tell you.

You know what it was like? You know its Christmas, and your Gran has got you a present, and you know what it should be, because you asked Santa for that grouse authentic Spicers guernsey with Tony Shaw's number on it, and you open the present, and you realise she went to Dimmeys and its some ****ing awful Melbourne shit with like Robbie Flower or something on it, and your mum tells you you can't glass the old bird, and so you have to head down the creek bed to smoke your stash of grasses and ****ing cry somewhere none of your mates will see so you won't be called a pansy?

It was like that, but worse.


Right, next rant'

Umpires always screwing us over

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Don't get me started on Eddies ******* Magpieland.

I remember the days of Victoria Park, when we were a real club and not some megacorporate behemoth with an abacus for a soul and a balance sheet where our heart should be. Who needs a ******* balance sheet? I'll ******* tell you our balance, out of ******* balance I tell you. The sacred ratio of 4n20's to VB cans is how you ******* stay in balance, none of this amortised whatsit and depreciated that and ******* whoopdi******* line item something else. Just ******* send everyone to the social club and put Rene Kink behind the bar and tell the goose if he drinks more than his share he gets a glassing.

Where was I? Yeah, Vicky Park, where all you needed was your VB. A slab met all your needs, you could stand on it and see over the tosser in front of you who only had fifteen player buttons on his duffel, you could drink it by quarter time, then when the queue at the dunny was too long you could piss in them and hurl the gooses at Carlscum maggots who were stupid enough to come and watch their mongrel mob get a flogging.

Instead I go to the "Holden Centre" and what do I find?

Craft beer. Gourmet burgers. ******* Aioli. What are we, some sort of hipster ******* wasteland full of guys called Boris from ******* Norhtcote? ******* hell, I tell you I was not pleased. When my burger came, and I saw that ******* Aioli, and it looked like the vomit from that Saints supporter I got in the balls with a knee back in 1987. I wept, I tell you.

You know what it was like? You know its Christmas, and your Gran has got you a present, and you know what it should be, because you asked Santa for that grouse authentic Spicers guernsey with Tony Shaw's number on it, and you open the present, and you realise she went to Dimmeys and its some ******* awful Melbourne shit with like Robbie Flower or something on it, and your mum tells you you can't glass the old bird, and so you have to head down the creek bed to smoke your stash of grasses and ******* cry somewhere none of your mates will see so you won't be called a pansy?

It was like that, but worse.


Right, next rant'

Umpires

For introducing aioli alone, great post.

 

[Vicky Park]

Don't get me started on umpires screwing us over. They dont see us. They dont even know we are out there. Opposition players can rip our heads off, knee us in the kidneys, elbow us in the head, and we get frees paid against us. 15 metres? Opposition players only need to kick the pill 5 metres for a legal mark. Holding the ball? Is ten minutes long enough for the opposition? If Nick Riewoldt had one tenth of the interference suffered by Cloke, there'd be a Royal Commission. The umpires are a disgrace, and the whole umpiring system is a disgrace. Is Mick Malthouse on the umpiring panel?

Next topic:
Father son selections - we must have been ripped off somewhere.

 

[The Royal Sampler]

Don't get me started on father-son selections, the AFL is determined to screw us at every turn! It's bad enough that they've brought in this ridiculous bidding system to suck any value out of it, while deftly handing the expansion clubs the entire ****ing first round the last half-dozen drafts... we can't even jag a bargain when we have to give up pick #9 for Darcy Moore FFS! Talk about taking your pound of flesh! Without this stupid bidding nonsense, we could have slotted Jake Lever in beside Jordan De Goey, and then circled around for Darcy later in the the piece, but NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Now besides Darcy up forward if we want to add to our key position stocks we have to deal with Exxon-Mobil. What the ****?!?

And just for the symmetry of it all, when did the AFL decide to introduce this farcical bidding system? The year AFTER they gave Geelong Tom Hawkins for pick #41 in 2006! Pick ****ing #41! So what did Geelong do; they snapped up 2007 Rising Star winner and current captain Joel Selwood with the first-round pick they shouldn't have had, and waltzed out with the 2007, 2009 and 2011 flags! Where's the justice there?! God knows that not only would we have the 2011 flag in the bag with Selwood in our team, but after beating the Cats in the 2007 prelim we only would have had to ease past the Port Adelaide Turnstiles who gave up a 119-point obliteration in the Grand Final that year. We'd piss it in for our 16th and 17th premierships and lead the league! Thanks a bunch, AFL you bunch of pencil-necked hacks!

Next topic: Joel Selwood's free kick count.

 

[Duggy31]

Omg Do not get me started on Joel Selwoods free kick count!

We are talking about a guy who is part man part duck!

I went to the park the other day with a loaf of bread, 2 slices went to the pigeons the rest to Joel F***ING Selwood!!! He wouldn't even let the legitimate ducks have any. A lot like he won't share any of the F***ING free kicks to anyone else on the ground!!!

I'm glad Steven F***ING Bradbury was the one who represented us at the Winter Olympics, coz if it had've been Joel Selwood, he would've been the one of the morons falling over!!!

Daffy, Donald and Darkwing all need to get together and sue the arse off this phoney for identity theft!!!

Next Topic:
Heath Shaw not winning a rising star award to Danyl Pearce


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[jmac70]

Don't get me started on Eddies ******* Magpieland.

I remember the days of Victoria Park, when we were a real club and not some megacorporate behemoth with an abacus for a soul and a balance sheet where our heart should be. Who needs a ******* balance sheet? I'll ******* tell you our balance, out of ******* balance I tell you. The sacred ratio of 4n20's to VB cans is how you ******* stay in balance, none of this amortised whatsit and depreciated that and ******* whoopdi******* line item something else. Just ******* send everyone to the social club and put Rene Kink behind the bar and tell the goose if he drinks more than his share he gets a glassing.

Where was I? Yeah, Vicky Park, where all you needed was your VB. A slab met all your needs, you could stand on it and see over the tosser in front of you who only had fifteen player buttons on his duffel, you could drink it by quarter time, then when the queue at the dunny was too long you could piss in them and hurl the gooses at Carlscum maggots who were stupid enough to come and watch their mongrel mob get a flogging.

Instead I go to the "Holden Centre" and what do I find?

Craft beer. Gourmet burgers. ******* Aioli. What are we, some sort of hipster ******* wasteland full of guys called Kirk from ******* Norhtcote? ******* hell, I tell you I was not pleased. When my burger came, and I saw that ******* Aioli, and it looked like the vomit from that Saints supporter I got in the balls with a knee back in 1987. I wept, I tell you.

You know what it was like? You know its Christmas, and your Gran has got you a present, and you know what it should be, because you asked Santa for that grouse authentic Spicers guernsey with Tony Shaw's number on it, and you open the present, and you realise she went to Dimmeys and its some ******* awful Melbourne shit with like Robbie Flower or something on it, and your mum tells you you can't glass the old bird, and so you have to head down the creek bed to smoke your stash of grasses and ******* cry somewhere none of your mates will see so you won't be called a pansy?

It was like that, but worse.


Right, next rant'

Umpires always screwing us over

This is my favourite post of all time. Well played sir!