Favourite Comic Book Guy Quotes

[GFC MAD!]

Comic Book Guy: Yes, finally. I would like to return your quote-unquote ultimate belt.

Salesman: I see, do you have a receipt, quote-unquote sir?

Comic Book Guy: No, I do not have a receipt. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention, although I find their choice of prize highly illogical, as the average trekker has no use for a medium size belt.

Salesman: Whoa, whoa! A fat, sarcastic Star Trek fan! You must be a devil with the ladies.

Comic Book Guy: Hey, I, uh, de---oh...

Salesman: Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but no receipt, no return.

Bart: I'll give you four bucks for it!

Comic Book Guy: Huuuuh. Very well. I must hurry back to my Comic Book Store, where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them.

 

[Grendel]

"Please do not lean on the display case. It contains a very rare 'Mary Worth', in which she advises a friend to commit suicide."

 

[Deestroy]

"No Groening in my store"

 

[riccardo]

When he bumps into Agnes Skinner -
"Excuse me, Oldie Hawn!

 

[TheBloods]

"The Internet King? I wonder if he could provide faster nudity..."

"Worst episode ever!"

"But Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You're from two different worlds... Oh, I've wasted my life"

"Inspired by the most logical race in the galaxy, the Vulcans, breeding will be permitted once every seven years. For many of you this will mean much less breeding; for me, much much more."

"Okay, here we are, alt dot nerd dot obsessive"

"Ooh, your powers of deduction are exceptional. I can't allow you to waste them here when there are so many crimes going unsolved at this very moment. Go, go, for the good of the city."

"Oh, pardon me Santos, if that is your real name, Bart Simpson, but your phoney credit card is no good here. Now make like my pants and split."

"Ohh... Err... Tell me, how do you feel about 45 year old virgins who still live with their parents?"

"Come back! Those are prescription pants!"

 

[Leon]

Comic Book Guy: "Question, is your name Ridley Scott or James Cameron?"

Homer: "No, it's Homer."

Comic Book Guy: "Then I would thank you to stop peering at me screenplay, Homer. And if I see a movie about robots stealing personal liberites, I will know you stole my idea."

Homer: "i'm just waiting for my kid."

Homer's brain: "Mental note: steal his idea."

 

[GoalsFrom50Out]

CBG: "This is a job for the Green Lantern, Fundra, or possiblyyyyy, Ghost Rider!"

Otto: "What about Superman?"

CBG: "Please."

 

[Braddock]

Bart: I want to buy a copy of Bonestorm, here's 99 cents.
CBG: Huh. Allow me to summarise the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents, net profit to me, negative 59 dollars.
(CBG opens the till)
CBG: Oh, oh, please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it, it's yours.

Rex Banner: Are you the Beer Baron?
CBG: Yes, but only by night. By day, I am a mild-mannered reporter for a major metropolitan newspaper.

 

[Fall Out Boy]

Milhouse: I need a mask to hide my face. What have you got for five dollars?
Comic Book Guy: For a paltry five dollars all I can offer you is a mask from the discount bin. You have your choice of Richard Nixon or Bart Simpson.
Milhouse: Why do you have masks of Bart?
Comic Book Guy: One came free with every box of Bart Simpson action figures.
Milhouse: Why does Bart have his own action figures?
Comic Book Guy: They were a marketing tie-in with the comic book.
Milhouse: Why does Bart have a comic book?
Comic Book Guy: Your questions have become more redundant and annoying then the last three "Highlander" movies.

 

[Fall Out Boy]

This one reminds me of some Bigfooty users after the servers have been down

CBG: Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the
worst episode ever. Rest assured I was on the internet
within minutes registering my disgust throughout the
world.
Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you
have to complain?
CBG: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.
Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of
entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe
you? I mean, if anything, you owe them.
CBG: Worst episode ever.

--------------------------------------------

{CBG and Otto are racing slot-cars}

Bart: Have you seen Milhouse?
CBG: No. Now go away, we are racing for the title of Champion
of the Universe.

--------------------------------------

Bart: How come I've never seen that Itchy and Scratchy
before?
CBG: Perhaps because you are a pre-pubescent ignoramus.
This is a bootleg copy of Itchy and Scratchy meet
Fritz the Cat. Because of it's frank depiction of
sex and narcotic consumption, it is not for infantile
intellect, such as yours, now toodle-oo.

-------------------------------------------


CBG: Let's see here. X-rated girls, already bookmarked, dial extra sex.
Mr. X? Hmm, shall I cross the final frontier? What's this?
Stolen funds? Pothole money used for swimming pool? [Angered]
There's no emoticon for what I'm feeling!

 

[PeteLX]

I heard his name is Louis Lane.

 

[Squeak]

Originally posted by phatandphreaky
This one reminds me of some Bigfooty users after the servers have been down

Join our moderation team. Free brainwashing with every appointment!

 

[RogerMellie]

Walking with a wheelbarrow containing 100 tacos..."Yes, this should provide adequate sustenance for the Dr. Who marathon."

 

[Squeak]

"Loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix."

 

[lenny&carl]

CBG in his landspeeder bed and Chewbacka pajamas, holding his Jar Jar Binks doll.

"Oh jar jar, everyone hates you but me."