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Saw this article from Rod Morrow, and thought it was quite interesting, if a little silly.
After the Stevie Franchise/Amare slap fest the other day, he decided to put a list together of the best fighter on each NBA team.
Here goes:
San Antonio: Kevin Willis hands down. Have you seen this guys arms? No way you want it with K. Wills in the ring.
His arms are big, but he has no reach at all, which could be troublesome.
Indiana: I think you gotta go with Artest. He's the craziest and toughest guy on the team. He's playing with torn thumb ligaments right now. Think about that for a while. Think he wouldn't take a punch to the face and then laugh it off?
Lakers: Malone. He's got that old man craftiness, like he'd kick you the rocks and then knee you in the head. You don't perfect moves like that till you're 40. He'd probably lead the league in taking opponents down the fastest.
Denver: I gotta go with Nene. Dude is from Brazil and chances are he's seen some sh*t.
When I interviewed him for SLAM last summer, I asked him if he liked the NFL and he said, "I don't understand it very much, but I like the way they always look like they're beating each other up." He also loves hockey because of the fights. This guy might be the champ.
Washington: Etan Thomas. This dude looks like he eats creatine five times a day.
New Orleana: PJ Brown because PJ looks like he'd be down to whoop some ass at anytime. Just give him the word. He has that quiet reserved style of physical play that makes me think he'd be about his business in a fight.
Grizzlies: Bonzi Wells. He looks like an angry dude. He plays mad no matter what. He'll hit 35 points and have the same scowl on his face he has when he hits 2 points. Plus he lead the league in techs last year.
Sacramento: Vlade Divac. Yeah I know you thought I'd pick Brad Miller right? But Brad practically ran from Shaq when Shaq swung on him.
Utah: Greg Ostertag just cause it'd be fun to see him constantly get knocked the eff out.
Houston: Cuttino and Francis should be allowed to fight together. These guys just seem like they'd be hell in a tag team fight. You know they hang out enough to know each other's techniques.
Detroit: Ben Wallace, no explanation neccessary.
Chicago: I'd say Marcus Fizer, just because he has tattoos on his neck.
Cleveland: Eric Williams. The guy already looks like skeletor. So he must have some mystical powers or something.
Miami: I'd go with Caron Butler cause Brian Grant has played real sensitive since he got away from Portland. It seems like it's been an eternity since the day Grant got in Karl Malone's face and called him a "bytch" doesn't it? Butler's from the big east he could throw down with the best of them.
Plus, Caron actually did time when he was younger, which must toughen anyone up.
New York: I'd go with Othella Harrington cause he can't do nothing else anyway. Might as well get paid to fight.
New Jersey: Aaron Williams. Dude is a mountain of ace-whooping waiting to happen.
Phoenix Suns: Jahidi White. This dude looks like he served time with the guy from Green Mile. No way you want it with Jahidi. He was manhandling Shaq when they played the Lakers.
Portland: Dale Davis. Come on, man. You can tell from Dale's lack of a shape up that he's on some "six pack of whoop ass" type of shyt. Plus he looks like he works out nothing but upper body. One punch and you're out of there.
Warriors: Eric Dampier. Just look at his profile on NBA.com. Notice that scar on his face? Wonder how he got that, huh? I bet it wasn't knitting sweaters.
Magic: Steven Hunter, because this dude is a 7 foot softee with flashes of brilliance. A couple of fights and he'll be beastin' in the paint.
Minnesotta: Oliver Miller. Because who doesn't like to see fat people fight? After like 20 seconds he'd be breathing hard and asking the other dude did he want to stop. Just comedy.
Atlanta: I think you should have Jason Terry fight here cause he's got a lot of pent up rage. He doesn't want to be in ATL and has tried to leave or get traded several times. How can he get all the frustration out? By kicking some butt.
Milwaukee: Earvin Johnson. He's already steaming mad for always being the guy who's not the "real" Magic Johnson. Plus he's old, physical and has been in the league for years. Him, K Willis and Karl Malone could all pull out old guy moves in fights. Like punching you in the throat and then putting you in a head lock until you gasp for air.
Philly: Derrick Coleman is a trouble maker. And looks like he'd do some shady shyt in a fight. He'd probably pretend to go down and then when you ask him is he okay he's kick you in the stones.
Dallas: Danny Fortson - this dude just looks like he's served time or something. You know the kind of guy that would rather fight than play ball and is looking for any excuse to battle? That's him. Not to mention he has dreadlocks that are too short to cover his head.
Boston: Ricky Davis. Because you know he'd do some ghetto stuff and dance around and talk trash during the fight. And if he knocks you out he's gonna talk about it for years to come.
Except Ricky would probably do some ornate punch and then miss.
The Raptors: Donyell Marshall should fight for this team. Even thought he looks like Ludacris he's still a pretty big guy. And he looks like he don't play that.
Clippers: Melvin Ely. This dude doesn't get to play and his team sucks! You know he's thinking of punching someone in the face even when there's no good reason for it.
Seattle: Jerome James is a big stiff center who dunks with power. I think he'll have a puncher's chance in a fight. Plus he's long so he's go reach on most players. I think he'll lose a lot of fights but get at least one memorable knock out.
After the Stevie Franchise/Amare slap fest the other day, he decided to put a list together of the best fighter on each NBA team.
Here goes:
San Antonio: Kevin Willis hands down. Have you seen this guys arms? No way you want it with K. Wills in the ring.
His arms are big, but he has no reach at all, which could be troublesome.
Indiana: I think you gotta go with Artest. He's the craziest and toughest guy on the team. He's playing with torn thumb ligaments right now. Think about that for a while. Think he wouldn't take a punch to the face and then laugh it off?
Lakers: Malone. He's got that old man craftiness, like he'd kick you the rocks and then knee you in the head. You don't perfect moves like that till you're 40. He'd probably lead the league in taking opponents down the fastest.
Denver: I gotta go with Nene. Dude is from Brazil and chances are he's seen some sh*t.
When I interviewed him for SLAM last summer, I asked him if he liked the NFL and he said, "I don't understand it very much, but I like the way they always look like they're beating each other up." He also loves hockey because of the fights. This guy might be the champ.
Washington: Etan Thomas. This dude looks like he eats creatine five times a day.
New Orleana: PJ Brown because PJ looks like he'd be down to whoop some ass at anytime. Just give him the word. He has that quiet reserved style of physical play that makes me think he'd be about his business in a fight.
Grizzlies: Bonzi Wells. He looks like an angry dude. He plays mad no matter what. He'll hit 35 points and have the same scowl on his face he has when he hits 2 points. Plus he lead the league in techs last year.
Sacramento: Vlade Divac. Yeah I know you thought I'd pick Brad Miller right? But Brad practically ran from Shaq when Shaq swung on him.
Utah: Greg Ostertag just cause it'd be fun to see him constantly get knocked the eff out.
Houston: Cuttino and Francis should be allowed to fight together. These guys just seem like they'd be hell in a tag team fight. You know they hang out enough to know each other's techniques.
Detroit: Ben Wallace, no explanation neccessary.
Chicago: I'd say Marcus Fizer, just because he has tattoos on his neck.
Cleveland: Eric Williams. The guy already looks like skeletor. So he must have some mystical powers or something.
Miami: I'd go with Caron Butler cause Brian Grant has played real sensitive since he got away from Portland. It seems like it's been an eternity since the day Grant got in Karl Malone's face and called him a "bytch" doesn't it? Butler's from the big east he could throw down with the best of them.
Plus, Caron actually did time when he was younger, which must toughen anyone up.
New York: I'd go with Othella Harrington cause he can't do nothing else anyway. Might as well get paid to fight.
New Jersey: Aaron Williams. Dude is a mountain of ace-whooping waiting to happen.
Phoenix Suns: Jahidi White. This dude looks like he served time with the guy from Green Mile. No way you want it with Jahidi. He was manhandling Shaq when they played the Lakers.
Portland: Dale Davis. Come on, man. You can tell from Dale's lack of a shape up that he's on some "six pack of whoop ass" type of shyt. Plus he looks like he works out nothing but upper body. One punch and you're out of there.
Warriors: Eric Dampier. Just look at his profile on NBA.com. Notice that scar on his face? Wonder how he got that, huh? I bet it wasn't knitting sweaters.
Magic: Steven Hunter, because this dude is a 7 foot softee with flashes of brilliance. A couple of fights and he'll be beastin' in the paint.
Minnesotta: Oliver Miller. Because who doesn't like to see fat people fight? After like 20 seconds he'd be breathing hard and asking the other dude did he want to stop. Just comedy.
Atlanta: I think you should have Jason Terry fight here cause he's got a lot of pent up rage. He doesn't want to be in ATL and has tried to leave or get traded several times. How can he get all the frustration out? By kicking some butt.
Milwaukee: Earvin Johnson. He's already steaming mad for always being the guy who's not the "real" Magic Johnson. Plus he's old, physical and has been in the league for years. Him, K Willis and Karl Malone could all pull out old guy moves in fights. Like punching you in the throat and then putting you in a head lock until you gasp for air.
Philly: Derrick Coleman is a trouble maker. And looks like he'd do some shady shyt in a fight. He'd probably pretend to go down and then when you ask him is he okay he's kick you in the stones.
Dallas: Danny Fortson - this dude just looks like he's served time or something. You know the kind of guy that would rather fight than play ball and is looking for any excuse to battle? That's him. Not to mention he has dreadlocks that are too short to cover his head.
Boston: Ricky Davis. Because you know he'd do some ghetto stuff and dance around and talk trash during the fight. And if he knocks you out he's gonna talk about it for years to come.
Except Ricky would probably do some ornate punch and then miss.
The Raptors: Donyell Marshall should fight for this team. Even thought he looks like Ludacris he's still a pretty big guy. And he looks like he don't play that.
Clippers: Melvin Ely. This dude doesn't get to play and his team sucks! You know he's thinking of punching someone in the face even when there's no good reason for it.
Seattle: Jerome James is a big stiff center who dunks with power. I think he'll have a puncher's chance in a fight. Plus he's long so he's go reach on most players. I think he'll lose a lot of fights but get at least one memorable knock out.
