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- Jan 30, 2006
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- AFL Club
- Adelaide
This was sent to me from a Port supporter. No offence Port fans. Just a bit of fun. You may have already seen this one anyway.
Port Adelaide Maths Exam
1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*sehole, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
2. If Mark Williams has gained 25kg in the last year, and he has eaten 450 pies in that time, how much weight has put on per pie?
(Bonus point) How many pies are left over for Darren Jarman?
3. If there are 30,000 Power fans at AAMI stadium, and 10,000 cars are stolen, how many are Commodores?
4. If a Power fan drinks 15 cans of Woodstock during a match and Port lose, how many times will he hit his wife?
5. If Daniel Motlop has a set shot 15m out after the siren to win the game, which shop in West Lakes Mall will he hit?
6. If Alberton was to burn to ground completely, killing everyone in the surrounding area, how much would the average IQ
of South Australia rise by?
7. If Byron Pickett rolled his car at a speed of 120km/h, and his blood alcohol level was .134, how much did he win on the
pokies that night?
8. If Peter Burgoyne has slept with 5 women, and 2 were consensual, how many lawsuits will he face?
9. If 10,000 Port fans walk down a muddy path, how many different ugg boot imprints will be seen?
10. An inanimate carbon rod is lined up against Matthew Bishop.
How many goals will the rod kick?
11. If Dean Brogan punches 8 people at the airport, how many policemen will it take to subdue his chin?
12. If Warren Tredrea loses 8000 hairs on his head per year, how many years until he looks like Nigel Smart?
13. If a Port fan has 7 kids to 5 different fathers, work out the combined total she will get from
a) child support;
b) baby bonus;
c) dole cheque;
d) Centrelink fraud, and
e) car theft.
14. If two season tickets cost $350, how many dodgy Workcover claims will you have to file to get them?
15. How many stolen TV's will you have to trade in at Cash Converters to buy enough teal paint to hot up your Gemini?
16. If 2000 Port fans travel to Elizabeth for a Centrals game and Port lose by 1 point, how long will the ensuing race riots
last for?
17. If the Power have 50,000 fans and only 1500 turn up to Port Magpies games, how many are pathetic bandwagoners?
18. If Kane Cornes fell to the ground like a girl 0.3 seconds after Barry Hall threatened to punch him, how many times did he
******** himself in those 0.3 seconds?
19.Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended
Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order?
Port Adelaide Maths Exam
1. If Chad Cornes head is 20cm up his a*sehole, and he wedges it a further 5cm, how much of his neck can you see?
2. If Mark Williams has gained 25kg in the last year, and he has eaten 450 pies in that time, how much weight has put on per pie?
(Bonus point) How many pies are left over for Darren Jarman?
3. If there are 30,000 Power fans at AAMI stadium, and 10,000 cars are stolen, how many are Commodores?
4. If a Power fan drinks 15 cans of Woodstock during a match and Port lose, how many times will he hit his wife?
5. If Daniel Motlop has a set shot 15m out after the siren to win the game, which shop in West Lakes Mall will he hit?
6. If Alberton was to burn to ground completely, killing everyone in the surrounding area, how much would the average IQ
of South Australia rise by?
7. If Byron Pickett rolled his car at a speed of 120km/h, and his blood alcohol level was .134, how much did he win on the
pokies that night?
8. If Peter Burgoyne has slept with 5 women, and 2 were consensual, how many lawsuits will he face?
9. If 10,000 Port fans walk down a muddy path, how many different ugg boot imprints will be seen?
10. An inanimate carbon rod is lined up against Matthew Bishop.
How many goals will the rod kick?
11. If Dean Brogan punches 8 people at the airport, how many policemen will it take to subdue his chin?
12. If Warren Tredrea loses 8000 hairs on his head per year, how many years until he looks like Nigel Smart?
13. If a Port fan has 7 kids to 5 different fathers, work out the combined total she will get from
a) child support;
b) baby bonus;
c) dole cheque;
d) Centrelink fraud, and
e) car theft.
14. If two season tickets cost $350, how many dodgy Workcover claims will you have to file to get them?
15. How many stolen TV's will you have to trade in at Cash Converters to buy enough teal paint to hot up your Gemini?
16. If 2000 Port fans travel to Elizabeth for a Centrals game and Port lose by 1 point, how long will the ensuing race riots
last for?
17. If the Power have 50,000 fans and only 1500 turn up to Port Magpies games, how many are pathetic bandwagoners?
18. If Kane Cornes fell to the ground like a girl 0.3 seconds after Barry Hall threatened to punch him, how many times did he
******** himself in those 0.3 seconds?
19.Sharon, a lifelong Port supporter, sits with the Power cheersquad behind the goals. If she has taken out an Apprehended
Violence Order against Darryl, her second husband, how far down the wing will he have to sit so as to not breach the restraining order?
