Just Kitten

[Teriyakicat]

Being a bit of a joker myself, I thought I'd start up a place where we can all post funny video clips and jokes.

Here's a joke to kick off with:

Alice and Frank are Bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, you know, we could make a lot of money running our own Bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

Frank thinks this is a great idea, so they pool their money and buy everything they'll need; a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.

They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square.

As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.

Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. When they had finished, there was such a crowd they thought it would be a good idea to give a demonstration. So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding. Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up -- she's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the Bungee cord was fine...........It was the crowd. What the hell is a PIÑATA?!"

Joke of the week (round 21), supplied by manboob

 

[Teriyakicat]

Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling. Take celibacy. This can be a choice in life or a condition imposed by environmental factors.

While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Bill and Mary listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other." He addressed the men. "Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite flower?"

Bill leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered, "Self Raising, isn't it?"

Thus began Bill's life of celibacy.

 

[winty]

A magician gets a job on a cruise ship. He performs the same tricks at every show. The ship's captain has a parrot who watched every show, and after a period of time he started to work out how the magician did every trick, and started to yell out stuff like "It's up his sleeve", "That's a different hat" or stuff like that. The magician hated it, but since the bird belonged to the captain, he couldn't do anything about it.

One night, the ship was hit by a massive storm, and smashed into some rocks and sunk. Three days later, the magician was clinging onto a piece of floating wood when the captain's parrot landed on the piece of wood, and says to the magician "I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

 

[winty]

These are a few of my favourite David Strassman segments:

 

[Teriyakicat]

winty
How am I ever going to listen to Bohemian Rhapsody again???

haven't seen this bloke before- thanks for putting them up

 

[Teriyakicat]

Here's Achmed, the Dead Terrorist

 

[Teriyakicat]

And Walter, the Grumpy old man

 

[winty]

Here's Achmed, the Dead Terrorist

Ah, gotta love Achmed! How do you spell your name? A, C, Phlegm! lol

 

[Teriyakicat]

Ah, gotta love Achmed! How do you spell your name? A, C, Phlegm! lol

While I was waiting for that to load, I started to watch Achmed as Santa Mwahahahaaaa Merry Christmas! I kill you!! Happy Holiday.... NOT!!!!

 

[winty]

 

[Teriyakicat]

That was SO bloody hilarious, winty!!! I had to sit on the floor to watch it so I couldn't fall off, I was laughing so hard!!!! Almost fell over!

 

[winty]

That was SO bloody hilarious, winty!!! I had to sit on the floor to watch it so I couldn't fall off, I was laughing so hard!!!! Almost fell over!

It's a shame the entire episode isn't on Youtube (at least I couldn't find it all in one clip). Poor Wayne Brady!

 

[darren forssman]

since i wouldnt get away with posting the opening of the south park movie will have to go with the my favourite ensemble of south park songs:

 

[Teriyakicat]

Haha! All in good fun He was a good sport about it all.
I noticed the two actors kept trying to avoid the little fuzzy headed fellow (Simmons) and kept offering him to each other
The smoking was a deft touch

 

[winty]

Haha! All in good fun He was a good sport about it all.
I noticed the two actors kept trying to avoid the little fuzzy headed fellow (Simmons) and kept offering him to each other
The smoking was a deft touch

Found some more of that episode!

 

[Teriyakicat]

Found some more of that episode!

You know now I'm going to have to look for all that stuff, don't you???
Thanks winty!

 

[JUBJUB]

The best ever Whose Line segment

 

[JUBJUB]

 

[Teriyakicat]

Well THAT was unexpected!

 

[winty]

At least that guy has evidence of the one that got away.

 

[Teriyakicat]

If he's claiming a big 'un, he'd want to have evidence

 

[BotsMaster]

 

[Shai]

Thanks winty loved the dinos & Whose line is it, think the 2nd prop is scarred for life..

T-cat, I gotta know, what color does a smurf turn..?

I like the more risque jokes but keeping in mind we may have younger readers I'll try to keep em light -

The Preacher's Ass

A preacher wanted to raise money for his church & having been told that there was a fortune to be made in horse racing,
he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races

At the local auction however, the going price for a horse was so steep that he ended up buying an ass instead

The preacher decided that he might as well go ahead & enter it in the races, and to his surprise the ass came in third

The next day the racing sheets carried the following headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS

The preacher was so pleased with the ass that he entered it in another race, and this time it won

The headlines blared:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the ass in any more races

The newspaper printed this headline:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS

This was just too much for the bishop and he ordered the preacher to get rid of the animal

The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a neighbouring village

The next day the headlines announced:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted, as soon as he was able, he informed the nun that she would have to dispose of the ass

She finally found a farmer willing to buy it for ten dollars

The paper announced the transaction as:
NUN PEDDLES ASS FOR TEN BUCKS

They buried the bishop the next day

 

[Teriyakicat]

BotsMaster do you have Tinder?
I bet you do

 

[JUBJUB]

Another couple of Whose Line classics.These are sound effects ones