Marriage proposal

[daddy_4_eyes]

What's the socially accepted courting period before one pops the question?

I just found out an ex-gf is engaged after knowing the guy for only 2 months. This girl isn't the brightest person I've met, seems to be under the impression that "sex and the city" is a true reflection of how women should behave.
If you pop the question after less than a year I find that people generally think its premature.

Last year, a girl I know got married after only 2 years with the guy, including a 12 month engagement period.

On the flip side, I have a friend who has been with his gf for 5 years, is mid-20's, but hasn't even contemplated popping the question.

So what's normal?
Anyone know of any successful marriages after abnormally short or long bf/gf relationships?

 

[cammo84]

I guess it depends, some people fall in love very quickly but I bet you that less than half of these type of marriages last very long. You just have to take a look at the celebrity world, these people get married after seemingly short courting periods and the marriages more often than not break up in a couple of years.

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, have been living together for half that and I have no plans on popping the question. To me, marriage is an out-dated tradition - an expensive peice of paper with a bullshit spend-a-thon of a day to go along with it. It's not for me, I don't need to go through all that to prove I'm committed to my girl.

 

[Underdog]

I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years, have been living together for half that and I have no plans on popping the question. To me, marriage is an out-dated tradition - an expensive peice of paper with a bullshit spend-a-thon of a day to go along with it. It's not for me, I don't need to go through all that to prove I'm committed to my girl.

I've been with my wife for about 6 years. Got engaged after about 4. Got married about a month ago.

I once thought weddings were silly and just a bit of paper but after having a big family wedding - it was the best experience of my life. Simply brilliant to share the day with so many that mean so much to you.

It may not sound terribly appealing but seriously, you can't beat it.

 

[Power King]

What's the socially accepted courting period before one pops the question?

I just found out an ex-gf is engaged after knowing the guy for only 2 months. This girl isn't the brightest person I've met, seems to be under the impression that "sex and the city" is a true reflection of how women should behave.
If you pop the question after less than a year I find that people generally think its premature.

Last year, a girl I know got married after only 2 years with the guy, including a 12 month engagement period.

On the flip side, I have a friend who has been with his gf for 5 years, is mid-20's, but hasn't even contemplated popping the question.

So what's normal?
Anyone know of any successful marriages after abnormally short or long bf/gf relationships?

50% of marriages fail.

To have a successful marriage requires a lot of maturity, intelligence, and experience with your partner.

Some or all of these aspects seem to be lacking with the girl in question, so it does seem premature in that case.

I speak using common sense rather than actual experience.

 

[scooterb]

I was at an engagement party on the weekend and they had only been going out for 3 months.

It feels strange meeting your friends fiancée for the first time at their engagement party....

 

[TigerCleavage]

I've been with my gf for around 6 years, we're both mid 20's. I obviously like to do the whole pop the question setup, but I want to do it when I know that I'm in a situation to support her, myself and in the future a family. So I don't feel any pressure to pop the question for a while yet.
In all honesty, I don't understand why if 2 people are happy together they feel the need to rush into marriage.

 

[Macca19]

My wife and I got engaged after 2 years then got married 18 months after that. Been together all up 6 years. I felt ready to ask after about 22 months.

I couldnt imagine getting engaged after 2 months nor even feeling the need to ask after two months. I guess usually in that time you're still in your honeymoon period rooting each other 5 times a day or whatever, but im a believer youve got to work through hard times before you can really tell if you are right for each other. No point rushing in and getting married without realising if you are actually compatable on a long term basis.

As for the wedding day...yeah it is expensive but I thought it was worth it. We had around 110 people for ours. No other time I can think that ill have all our family, all our friends and workmates etc in the one spot etc. Wouldnt have it another way.

 

[DeadlyAkkuret]

Each to their own, my girl and I have been together for 5 years but we would have married already if we were in a situation to do so. There's no rush, though, if you need to get married to stay together then there's something wrong.

 

[drew_j]

I'll give you the tip. It all depends on what all your/their friends are doing.

I'm in a group of mates which involves a lot of couples who have been together for a long time. One dude ruined it for everyone else (Yes I'm talking about you Magnum) when he asked the question and got married. Everyone else dropped like nine pins. 3 years on, now when I go to parties I got to deal with ****ing toddlers. Screw that.

 

[estibador]

In my experience every guy I know who has popped the question in under a year has ended up regretting it. They're either stuck in unhappy marriages because of babies or have split. And usually the younger they are the bigger mistake it ends up being.

My two longest relationships both ended after two years together, which makes me pretty happy I didn't make the mistake of proposing after 12 or 18 months no matter how good things were going at the time.

Considering marriage is supposed to be for life you'd have to be stupid to propose in less than a year. Where's the harm in waiting a few years to make sure your relationship is going to stand the test of time?

 

[Keys]

In my experience every guy I know who has popped the question in under a year has ended up regretting it. They're either stuck in unhappy marriages because of babies or have split. And usually the younger they are the bigger mistake it ends up being.

My two longest relationships both ended after two years together, which makes me pretty happy I didn't make the mistake of proposing after 12 or 18 months no matter how good things were going at the time.

Considering marriage is supposed to be for life you'd have to be stupid to propose in less than a year. Where's the harm in waiting a few years to make sure your relationship is going to stand the test of time?

Despite being stupid by your definition, I tend to agree with you.

I was engaged after aorund 9 to 10 months and was married another 9 months or so after that.

That was over 20 years ago and I'm still married.

However, that was probably more good luck than good management and if someone in the same situation asked me today, I'd suggest they wait a little while.

Reality is though, there is no right time - I know people who were together for years, then split up not long after getting married, so go figure.

 

[krusden]

I've been with my gf for around 6 years, we're both mid 20's. I obviously like to do the whole pop the question setup, but I want to do it when I know that I'm in a situation to support her, myself and in the future a family. So I don't feel any pressure to pop the question for a while yet.
In all honesty, I don't understand why if 2 people are happy together they feel the need to rush into marriage.

yessssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!

now why can't my damn girlfriend think like that.

My ex GF and i were together for 2 years, she hassled me for marriage, we broke up, she got married 6 months later.
my current gf and i have been together for 3 and she is hassling me for marriage. it may not end well.

If it ain't broke, why fix it?

 

[Magnum]

One dude ruined it for everyone else (Yes I'm talking about you Magnum) when he asked the question and got married. Everyone else dropped like nine pins. 3 years on, now when I go to parties I got to deal with ****ing toddlers. Screw that.

Suck shit, you're in for it now anyway

FWIW, I'd been with my missus 8 years before popping the Q. Lived together for 2. I really think you need to live together, share bills, house work etc before commitment. Go through all the little things that make up a relationship. The little things are what make and break relationships.

 

[JUBJUB]

I just found out an ex-gf is engaged after knowing the guy for only 2 months. This girl isn't the brightest person I've met

Well obviously,she went out with you

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

I like the idea of marriage and I disagree with TigerCleavage and Krusden. bf/gf & marriage isn't the same in my view, and marriage is more than just an expensive piece of paper. Though I generally have old fashioned views on a lot of subjects.

I've been with my current gf for only 6 months, and she definitely feels like the one for me right now. But I have enough intelligence to know that 6 months isn't enough time to gauge if that really is the case. We haven't had any issues to work through, any disagreements, any drama of any kind. Need amongst other things to know how we'd handle these things. We have very different opinions on some very fundamental things, so we'd have to compromise if it was to work out. For example, i don't want kids for probably another decade (i'm 25), she wants to have kids in her mid-late 20's.

The way I see it, if I feel about her after 2 years the way I do now, I'll start considering if we should take the next step. Right now, just enjoying the ride.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

Well obviously,she went out with you

Truth is, I only hooked up with her because I was going through a dry patch and she was a 7 on my rating scale, so worth a shag

 

[red+black]

I was engaged after aorund 9 to 10 months and was married another 9 months or so after that. That was over 20 years ago and I'm still married.

However, that was probably more good luck than good management and if someone in the same situation asked me today, I'd suggest they wait a little while.

As you said, that was over 20 years ago, and what was normally accepted back then may not apply these days.

Go back to my grandmother's era and there was something wrong with a woman if she hadn't married and had a kid by the age of 20.

 

[crackers57]

I proposed to this chick after knowing her for about 4 hours.......Man, I gotta give up drinking

 

[Strike Swiftly]

I waited six years to pop the question. Had a year and a half engagement before getting married a year ago.

 

[Hard Ball Get]

My misses' parents were engaged after 6 weeks and were married less than a year later. They are just about to celebrate their 21st wedding annaversary.

Been with my misses for a year. Will be looking to make the move in about a years time.

 

[crackers57]

Truth is, I only hooked up with her because I was going through a dry patch and she was a 7 on my rating scale, so worth a shag

She pretty much said the same thing........'cept she rated you about a 5

 

[Power King]

My misses' parents were engaged after 6 weeks and were married less than a year later. They are just about to celebrate their 21st wedding annaversary.

That couple would be in the minority I'd say.

 

[daddy_4_eyes]

She pretty much said the same thing........'cept she rated you about a 5

Women always overrate themselves and never accept anything less than their own perceived score.

If anything, I'm a 9

 

[Renegade]

Two months online and then 3 weeks in person = marriage.

 

[Smoooothy]

spose every couple is different, me and my missus were engaged after about 10 months, but took 4 years to get married (admittedly we had a baby in that time at around the time we had planned on getting hitched, so we delayed)