Mr Photogenic

[bigkev bleeds purple]

Ain't it beautiful?

Anyway, I stumbled upon this article and I suddenly became conscious of something which, in all honesty I should've picked up earlier because it's been going on ever since there was a murmur he wanted to head over our way. This is not a usual occurence and while we've been doing it subconsciously until now, the time has come to wake up and smell the roses. Read on, if I haven't already lost you, captive audience...

Kepler Bradley will make his debut for Fremantle on Sunday against the Western Bulldogs in what will also be his 50th AFL match.

Kepler has been named on the bench along with the returning Heath Black, Byron Schammer and Andrew Foster.

Kepler joined Fremantle after being selected by the club in the 2007 NAB AFL Draft. The big man is capable of playing at either ends of the ground and in the ruck, and has tremendous agility and pace for a man of 199cm, which will come into play on Sunday to help arrest the Western Bulldogs’ running game.

Kepler’s call up comes following solid form for West Perth in the WAFL in recent weeks. Playing mostly across the half forward line, the 22 year old has averaged two goals, 19 possessions and nine marks over the past five weeks for the Falcons.

NOBODY, except nobody, refers to Mr Photogenic as Bradley. The media will first refer to him as Kepler Bradley to set the context, thereafter it's only ever Kepler. Calling a footballer by only their first name is indeed a rare occurance and I can only remember one Fremantle player who was ever treated with such dignity. As it turns out, that player was the only player to ever wear the number 26, the number that Kepler is going to stride out with tomorrow. Coincidence? I think not! In fact, I know not. It was meant to be people. Kepler is going to be our new cult hero. The sooner everyone gets used to it, the less people will get hurt.

I recommend that everyone going to the game tomorrow wears safety glasses, staring directly at his awesomeness is known to have detrimental side effects. Make sure you have a leak at every break, or else Kepler's ability to induce involuntary bowel movements may have rather embarrassing consequences. Go out and stock up on sleeping pills as well, the excitement he induces may cause your adrenaline to linger and result in temporary insomnia.

Now I must stress that I don't anticipate Mr Photogenic performing Clive-esque feats of sheer brilliance/stupidity (depending on which side the coin lands on) at the whims of the voices inside his head in his first game, but the potential is there. It's better to be safe than sorry people, be prepared.

Thankyou for reading, captive audience. Please continue with your normal pre match routine and be alert, but not alarmed.

 

[Stronzo]

Ha ha ha...

Very good pick up big kev, I never realise that he is mostly referred to as Kepler and on the rare occasions he is called 'Bradley' I have to think "who they are talking about?"

We have been looking for a new cult hero, I don't mean to challenge the Brockinator, but I think Kep might have it over him for sheer awkwardness.

 

[pinkus maximus]

kepler>brock

*runs*

 

[PAVnTAZ]

Great call, but for sheer awkwardness Kingsley Hunter surely takes the cake. If you've ever been to Perth Zoo and seen a newborn giraffe in the first 5 minutes of it's life you'll know what I mean.

 

[Slacker]

Awesome thread bigkev. From those photos you can see he is a player of unique natural grace.

I'd agree that there is a good chance that The Kepler will provide much entertainment this year.

 

[Bluto]

The Fremantle website refers to pretty much everyone by their first name in those type of news articles.

http://www.fremantlefc.com.au/News/NewsArticle/tabid/7009/Default.aspx?newsId=58892

http://www.fremantlefc.com.au/News/NewsArticle/tabid/7009/Default.aspx?newsId=59118

 

[Ripper]

Good pickup , Kev.

He certainly has the ganglyness of youth in those pictures but someone pointed out the other day that He is looking far less un co now.

He may be a late bloomer . It can't be easy coming to grips with all those arms and legs when you suddenly shoot up to 2 metres tall.

 

[Stronzo]

The Fremantle website refers to pretty much everyone by their first name in those type of news articles.

http://www.fremantlefc.com.au/News/NewsArticle/tabid/7009/Default.aspx?newsId=58892

http://www.fremantlefc.com.au/News/NewsArticle/tabid/7009/Default.aspx?newsId=59118

Spoilsport

 

[estibador]

Never a good sign when the ball is heading in the opposite direction to where you're looking.

 

[E Shed]

If you took the ball out of that photo and made it an article about morris dancing or something it would be really scary.

Go Keps! Remember the amazing armless marking attempt!

 

[ImperialPurple]

Never a good sign when the ball is heading in the opposite direction to where you're looking.

He's channelling Beckham - the ball is going to curve back wickedly and hit an unsuspecting team-mate right on the chest.