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- Thread starter Damp Squarie
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- May 19, 2019
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- Adelaide
A man goes to his doctor and says ‘Doctor, I have a terrible problem… Every time I urinate, the pee goes everywhere, I can’t control it’.
The doctor says ‘Right, drop your trousers and lets have a look’…
After a quick examination he says ‘Ah, I see your problem, your penis has holes all along its length… I’m going to refer you to a chap I know’.
That’s great says the man, is he an expert on this sort of thing?
‘No’, says the doctor, ‘he’s a flute player, he’ll show you how to hold it’….
The doctor says ‘Right, drop your trousers and lets have a look’…
After a quick examination he says ‘Ah, I see your problem, your penis has holes all along its length… I’m going to refer you to a chap I know’.
That’s great says the man, is he an expert on this sort of thing?
‘No’, says the doctor, ‘he’s a flute player, he’ll show you how to hold it’….
Another man goes to the same doctor, and says 'Look Doc, I've got a rather embarassing problem with my willy - if I show it to you, do you promise not to laugh'?
The doctor says 'Of course, I'm a professional, I've seen everything and I'm here to help you'.
The man says 'Okay', and drops his strides to reveal a penis the size of a AAA battery. The doctor can't control himself and immediately collapses into a heap, laughing and giggling. Eventually he gets himself under control and says: 'I apologise, That was terrible of me. So what exactly is the problem?'.
The man say 'It's all swollen'.
The doctor says 'Of course, I'm a professional, I've seen everything and I'm here to help you'.
The man says 'Okay', and drops his strides to reveal a penis the size of a AAA battery. The doctor can't control himself and immediately collapses into a heap, laughing and giggling. Eventually he gets himself under control and says: 'I apologise, That was terrible of me. So what exactly is the problem?'.
The man say 'It's all swollen'.
- May 19, 2019
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- Adelaide
I don't know if you've heard, but Russia is considering unifying their time zones because they have a nine-hour difference between one side of the country and the other.
Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama, during a meeting in Bled, Slovenia decided to make a joke. His hero was Vladimir Putin.
— I sent my family on vacation and called to wish them good night, but it was already morning and they were on the beach.
— I called Olaf Scholz to wish him a happy birthday, but he said it was tomorrow.
— I called Xi Jinping to wish him a happy new year and he said it's still the old year.
Putin replied: Yes, it happened to me too. I called Prigozhin's family to express my condolences, and his plane hadn't even taken off yet.
And there was loud laughter in the hall.
Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama, during a meeting in Bled, Slovenia decided to make a joke. His hero was Vladimir Putin.
— I sent my family on vacation and called to wish them good night, but it was already morning and they were on the beach.
— I called Olaf Scholz to wish him a happy birthday, but he said it was tomorrow.
— I called Xi Jinping to wish him a happy new year and he said it's still the old year.
Putin replied: Yes, it happened to me too. I called Prigozhin's family to express my condolences, and his plane hadn't even taken off yet.
And there was loud laughter in the hall.
joke is better when delivered out loud
I got in trouble for sneaking over to my neighbours house and bouncing on their trampoline every night.
Now Arlene doesn’t want to see me anymore
I got in trouble for sneaking over to my neighbours house and bouncing on their trampoline every night.
Now Arlene doesn’t want to see me anymore
- May 19, 2019
- 692
- 1,387
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
Husband and wife having a discussion on what’s more painful, child birth or being kicked in the balls.
The husband says, being kicked in the balls. The wife says, how do you figure? Husband says, well after about a year the wife will usually say “you know I think I’d like to have another baby”. I have yet to hear a guy say “you know I think I’d like to be kicked in the balls again.”
The husband says, being kicked in the balls. The wife says, how do you figure? Husband says, well after about a year the wife will usually say “you know I think I’d like to have another baby”. I have yet to hear a guy say “you know I think I’d like to be kicked in the balls again.”
What’s the difference between iron man and iron woman?
Ones a superhero and the other is a command
Ones a superhero and the other is a command
- Apr 11, 2015
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- Cill Chainnigh
A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally , it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
A decade later, at the age of 60, the group once more deliberated on the dinner venue. Ultimately, they reached a consensus to gather at the ocean-view restaurant, drawn to the prospect of enjoying their meal in serene surroundings and relishing the beautiful ocean view.
10 years later, at 70 years of age ,the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because they had never been there before.
10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
A decade later, at the age of 60, the group once more deliberated on the dinner venue. Ultimately, they reached a consensus to gather at the ocean-view restaurant, drawn to the prospect of enjoying their meal in serene surroundings and relishing the beautiful ocean view.
10 years later, at 70 years of age ,the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the ocean view restaurant because they had never been there before.
- Oct 16, 2011
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I went on a blind date last night, it didn't start that way.
But she had pepper spray
But she had pepper spray
Ive been away a long time Prince. But I always remembered you. I've told your jokes time and time again.
Just giving you the props you deserve, This one is a belter, like normal.
You just keep on being a legend!
- Apr 11, 2015
- 4,153
- 5,016
- AFL Club
- Hawthorn
- Other Teams
- Cill Chainnigh
- Apr 11, 2015
- 4,153
- 5,016
- AFL Club
- Hawthorn
- Other Teams
- Cill Chainnigh
- Oct 16, 2011
- 15,378
- 38,241
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?
She starts fitting into your wives clothes
She starts fitting into your wives clothes
Did you mean to write "wives" instead of "wifes"? Wives means you have more than one wife, which I think could still make the joke work. (And you missed your apostrophe).
- Oct 16, 2011
- 15,378
- 38,241
- AFL Club
- Adelaide
Ohhh, Sunday, yep drinking, all day drinking too, wifes would have been the actual joke...
