Qantas 747

[0497]

I kinda fancy myself as an aviation buff so every now and then I check out airliner.net (great site). Here's what I recently found, it's great.

 

[rfctigerarmy]

Mad?!

 

[StefanoRoccoWhite]

o k ah ha

 

[Glenno23]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school

diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our

jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,"

which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics

correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots

review the gripe sheets before the next flight.



Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some

actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)

and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an

accident.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.



P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last..................



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like

a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget !

 

[raikkonen]

Nice work Glenno

 

[rfctigerarmy]

Very nice Glenno.

 

[USAEagle]

Funny. I read those same things 18 years ago in Airman Magazine as "Actual defects from US Air Force Maintenance forms." Funny how often things come around and quoted as "Actual (fill in the blanks)" That said, they are very funny.

 

[HBF]

Funny Thread!

 

[bradrowe#32]

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

Classic

 

[footyfreak]

doesn't matter where they are from and even if they were ever real.

bloody funny!!!!!!!

 

[guess_who]

excellent! I leave for Europe on Wed!!!

Funny stuff.



'P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.'


Makes you wonder!!!