Grand Uncle Horace
Shake down the thunder
The following are the circumstances leading to and Part 1 of the Qooty Record's interview with JoshWoodenSpoon . In the interview Josh sets the record straight on the move to the Bombers and dispels ruours about strange bets and division in Las Vegas. The interview covers a wide range of topics and Josh's deep reflections.
________________________________________________________________________
Ok, ok. I admit to being a little nervous. U2tigers had roared me out for apparent slights I made to both Ant Bear and BRAB in my Qooty Record interview of the duo (see Allies thread).
Several hours ago Bono, the towering genius editor of your Qooty Record pulled me aside and instructed me thus. "Today you are going to venture to the wild west of Sweetville. Against my better judgement you will go to this address and put on a blindfold. A contact will pick you up and take you to an undisclosed location. There you will meet living Sweet FA legend JoshWoodenSpoon . You will interview him about the strange turn of events that sees him lining up with the Bombers in S.29."
I trundled off and headed due West. On my way I passed through the badlands of South West Sweet, including Snowville where a motley crew of players in fill fitting lurid licorice jumpers were intoning 2peat, 2peat, 2peat around a barrel. On its outskirts and heading further west a gang of crows stole my corned beef and beetroot sandwich.
Lunchless and thirsty, I headed on. I found the first address and placed the filthy blindfold on. I found a small patch of shade on the verandah of the house, which actually looked like a cave. Eventually I heard very loud steps approaching.
In a low deep growl a voice intoned, "Grab mypaw hand, you skinny lump of old man's smell. You are to say nothing until we get there and we will be listening in on your interview. Stop shaking and sweating and FFS put your dentures back in." After an hour of being dragged through the dust, we arrived at the destination.
A cool mellifluous voice then said, "You can take off the blindfold B52. I am not sure it was necessary. KohPhi and AuntyBlindEye are a little paranoid about security. Come in."
I was in a desert but there in front of me was a house that could have been designed by Frank Lloyd Wright or Boyd. It was built of stone and wood and fitted into the landscape like a hand in glove. Josh is of indeterminate age, tall and slim with a handsome face creased with world schooled lines. Josh wore a cream linen suit, white shirt and a yellow silk tie with dancing black swans.
I shook the dust off my toga, walked up the stone steps and entered the cool of the house.
" Hello, I am JoshWoodenSpoon and I guess you are B52? Would you like a lemonade, a frosty lager or gin and tonic or maybe all three. I gather you are here for an interview. My old friend Bono reached out to me and said you might pop by for a chat."
All three please Josh.
We sat in a low slung room with two leather chairs and a small inlaid timber table in between. Despite the absence of air conditioning hum, the room was cool and the air was pure. A crystal tray appeared on the table and had lemonade, a frosted tall glass of beer and a bucket of gin and tonic. There was a large silver plate with shortbread biscuits shaped as teddy bears.
Thank you for your time. Your career as a leader, player and media presenter is renowned. You are also known as a rare good person famed for helping disadvantaged and young players like Test Tickle and AuntyBlindEye achieve solid reputations in their own right. Your reputation is one of impeccable reliability. So it came as something of a shock that you have left the Bears to ply your trade at the Bombers.
Firstly can you confirm that you have left the Bears and signed with the Bombers?
I can.
Can you explain how this shock transfer came about? The ruour mill is in overdrive and there are multiple far fetched reasons being put forward in team pubs and even the Evangelical Drag-ins Tabernacle.
Certainly. I and those of my agency were approach by acolytes of Ant Bear. I don't know who they were; you'd pardon me for not thinking such existed. Anyhow, they told me about the plights of a club in turmoil. Not one impoverished when speaking of culture or vibrancy or any such qualia, but those whose games fall flat, spark riot, or are over by quarter time. This was a matter of absolute substance. This was a matter of qootball.
His cronies detailed to me the proposed scheme, now subscribed to and recognised by the masses: the Wooden Spoon recipient receive the 5th-placed poster in the beez Trophy in the corresponding season. We know it well, even if we are unsure how to feel about it- Another shortbread??
I was aghast at the thought of defecting from my treasured team in Vegas, and yet I couldn't distract from the fundamental merit of the orchestration. This wasn't about my trajectory in isolation, it was a measure for posterity. While fanfare and metonymy are at this stage rife, I have no doubt these will subside into the dull, tholed, and uninteresting machinations of League bureaucracy in due time. For now, I just take to the duty at hand with aspiration and good will.
Is it true you lost a bet with Otto Harvey Manfrenjensenden and this led to the transfer? If true, what was the bet and why on earth did you risk it?
Fooling around with that fellow can often be quite worthwhile. On many occasions he has helped me see things in a fashion I mightn't have otherwise and so I thank him for that. We each share a fascination with the theatre of the league, seeking to amplify the oddities and round chicanes at full speed. I'm not sure why he moved to the Demons though?? Perhaps you could also visit his pretend virtual parlour and query that. From here it almost seemed like a concession.
In any case, you've already heard the particulars of my move. The trifling with YotR was subsequent to my commitment and hence there was no risk of which to speak.
Thanks for the tip about Otto. Were you consulted by Ant Bear on his arbitrary rule change?
We've touched on this, but one point should be stressed. Throughout proceedings never was I dispossessed of my liberty. Ant Bear posed these manipulations to me candidly and without rigour. I wasn't pushed so much as lead. As to your describing of the case as arbitrary, well I won't wade into the murky waters of conspiracy.
Is it true you tired of the Vegan Bears? Was MWPP efforts to run the club according to an arcane spreadsheet which rendered facts invisible the final straw?
I have nothing but affection for the Las Vegas Bears.
The raw honesty of JoshWoodenSpoon was almost unbearable to listen to. Grabbing a fold of my toga I wiped away a tear. I had swallowed a whole shortbread Teddy Bear and used my coughing as cover to collect my thoughts for more questions.
Thank you Josh. This series of events must be a terrible wrench for you. Qooty Record readers are very interested in how you feel and what you want for the Bears. Could you expound on how you think the Bears will go in S.29?
Marvellously one would think. Every season folk are tryna blow up the Bears and claim they're on the brink. Then they just pluck another EKA medalist, chime in with two posters in the top 5 of the beez, shitcan sides in posting every week and have a bloody fantastic time.
People are quick to forget this is a club born of humble beginnings. What was once a lowly if spirited farming community has burgeoned into a financial and media juggernaut.
What stood out to me about the Bears in my time was the heart and dedication they have for their teammates and for the jumper. That kind of thing doesn't just evaporate, not even from players taking to other fields. Play what games you might, the house will always win.
Your departure has left a massive leadership sink hole in the Vegans. Who do you see stepping up as landfill for the hole ... erm sorry ... as leaders for your Bears?
I think there's a challenge there, and also some exciting opportunities. Young leaders like Test Tickle, AuntyBlindEye and MWPP have all got what it takes to keep the club prospering. On my part, I won't be withholding any guidance therein.
There seems to be shortages of players at the Bears. Ahead of S.28, you recruited the incomparable EKA winner, AuntyBlindEye. In these desperate times, what advice can you provide your old Club on recruitment of Rookies?
Selling the strong connection that the club can offer, along with the natural perks of being a megastar in Vegas. Once a player is on board, just being genuine and accommodating; trying to cater for what inquiries arise, and judging what sort of contributor they appear to be and how they'll likely best enjoy the league. It's a messy and convoluted process. A player and poster like Lemon Boi already appears to have some stand-out characteristics and an independent, creativezest flair, so it's just a matter of celebrating that and having a good time with it all.
This concludes Part 1 of the interview. Part 2 to be published in a couple of days covers Josh's hopes and aspirations and aspirations for the Bombers.
________________________________________________________________________
Ok, ok. I admit to being a little nervous. U2tigers had roared me out for apparent slights I made to both Ant Bear and BRAB in my Qooty Record interview of the duo (see Allies thread).
Several hours ago Bono, the towering genius editor of your Qooty Record pulled me aside and instructed me thus. "Today you are going to venture to the wild west of Sweetville. Against my better judgement you will go to this address and put on a blindfold. A contact will pick you up and take you to an undisclosed location. There you will meet living Sweet FA legend JoshWoodenSpoon . You will interview him about the strange turn of events that sees him lining up with the Bombers in S.29."
I trundled off and headed due West. On my way I passed through the badlands of South West Sweet, including Snowville where a motley crew of players in fill fitting lurid licorice jumpers were intoning 2peat, 2peat, 2peat around a barrel. On its outskirts and heading further west a gang of crows stole my corned beef and beetroot sandwich.
Lunchless and thirsty, I headed on. I found the first address and placed the filthy blindfold on. I found a small patch of shade on the verandah of the house, which actually looked like a cave. Eventually I heard very loud steps approaching.
In a low deep growl a voice intoned, "Grab my
A cool mellifluous voice then said, "You can take off the blindfold B52. I am not sure it was necessary. KohPhi and AuntyBlindEye are a little paranoid about security. Come in."
I was in a desert but there in front of me was a house that could have been designed by Frank Lloyd Wright or Boyd. It was built of stone and wood and fitted into the landscape like a hand in glove. Josh is of indeterminate age, tall and slim with a handsome face creased with world schooled lines. Josh wore a cream linen suit, white shirt and a yellow silk tie with dancing black swans.
I shook the dust off my toga, walked up the stone steps and entered the cool of the house.
" Hello, I am JoshWoodenSpoon and I guess you are B52? Would you like a lemonade, a frosty lager or gin and tonic or maybe all three. I gather you are here for an interview. My old friend Bono reached out to me and said you might pop by for a chat."
All three please Josh.
We sat in a low slung room with two leather chairs and a small inlaid timber table in between. Despite the absence of air conditioning hum, the room was cool and the air was pure. A crystal tray appeared on the table and had lemonade, a frosted tall glass of beer and a bucket of gin and tonic. There was a large silver plate with shortbread biscuits shaped as teddy bears.
Thank you for your time. Your career as a leader, player and media presenter is renowned. You are also known as a rare good person famed for helping disadvantaged and young players like Test Tickle and AuntyBlindEye achieve solid reputations in their own right. Your reputation is one of impeccable reliability. So it came as something of a shock that you have left the Bears to ply your trade at the Bombers.
Firstly can you confirm that you have left the Bears and signed with the Bombers?
I can.
Can you explain how this shock transfer came about? The ruour mill is in overdrive and there are multiple far fetched reasons being put forward in team pubs and even the Evangelical Drag-ins Tabernacle.
Certainly. I and those of my agency were approach by acolytes of Ant Bear. I don't know who they were; you'd pardon me for not thinking such existed. Anyhow, they told me about the plights of a club in turmoil. Not one impoverished when speaking of culture or vibrancy or any such qualia, but those whose games fall flat, spark riot, or are over by quarter time. This was a matter of absolute substance. This was a matter of qootball.
His cronies detailed to me the proposed scheme, now subscribed to and recognised by the masses: the Wooden Spoon recipient receive the 5th-placed poster in the beez Trophy in the corresponding season. We know it well, even if we are unsure how to feel about it- Another shortbread??
I was aghast at the thought of defecting from my treasured team in Vegas, and yet I couldn't distract from the fundamental merit of the orchestration. This wasn't about my trajectory in isolation, it was a measure for posterity. While fanfare and metonymy are at this stage rife, I have no doubt these will subside into the dull, tholed, and uninteresting machinations of League bureaucracy in due time. For now, I just take to the duty at hand with aspiration and good will.
Is it true you lost a bet with Otto Harvey Manfrenjensenden and this led to the transfer? If true, what was the bet and why on earth did you risk it?
Fooling around with that fellow can often be quite worthwhile. On many occasions he has helped me see things in a fashion I mightn't have otherwise and so I thank him for that. We each share a fascination with the theatre of the league, seeking to amplify the oddities and round chicanes at full speed. I'm not sure why he moved to the Demons though?? Perhaps you could also visit his pretend virtual parlour and query that. From here it almost seemed like a concession.
In any case, you've already heard the particulars of my move. The trifling with YotR was subsequent to my commitment and hence there was no risk of which to speak.
Thanks for the tip about Otto. Were you consulted by Ant Bear on his arbitrary rule change?
We've touched on this, but one point should be stressed. Throughout proceedings never was I dispossessed of my liberty. Ant Bear posed these manipulations to me candidly and without rigour. I wasn't pushed so much as lead. As to your describing of the case as arbitrary, well I won't wade into the murky waters of conspiracy.
Is it true you tired of the Vegan Bears? Was MWPP efforts to run the club according to an arcane spreadsheet which rendered facts invisible the final straw?
I have nothing but affection for the Las Vegas Bears.
The raw honesty of JoshWoodenSpoon was almost unbearable to listen to. Grabbing a fold of my toga I wiped away a tear. I had swallowed a whole shortbread Teddy Bear and used my coughing as cover to collect my thoughts for more questions.
Thank you Josh. This series of events must be a terrible wrench for you. Qooty Record readers are very interested in how you feel and what you want for the Bears. Could you expound on how you think the Bears will go in S.29?
Marvellously one would think. Every season folk are tryna blow up the Bears and claim they're on the brink. Then they just pluck another EKA medalist, chime in with two posters in the top 5 of the beez, shitcan sides in posting every week and have a bloody fantastic time.
People are quick to forget this is a club born of humble beginnings. What was once a lowly if spirited farming community has burgeoned into a financial and media juggernaut.
What stood out to me about the Bears in my time was the heart and dedication they have for their teammates and for the jumper. That kind of thing doesn't just evaporate, not even from players taking to other fields. Play what games you might, the house will always win.
Your departure has left a massive leadership sink hole in the Vegans. Who do you see stepping up as landfill for the hole ... erm sorry ... as leaders for your Bears?
I think there's a challenge there, and also some exciting opportunities. Young leaders like Test Tickle, AuntyBlindEye and MWPP have all got what it takes to keep the club prospering. On my part, I won't be withholding any guidance therein.
There seems to be shortages of players at the Bears. Ahead of S.28, you recruited the incomparable EKA winner, AuntyBlindEye. In these desperate times, what advice can you provide your old Club on recruitment of Rookies?
Selling the strong connection that the club can offer, along with the natural perks of being a megastar in Vegas. Once a player is on board, just being genuine and accommodating; trying to cater for what inquiries arise, and judging what sort of contributor they appear to be and how they'll likely best enjoy the league. It's a messy and convoluted process. A player and poster like Lemon Boi already appears to have some stand-out characteristics and an independent, creative
This concludes Part 1 of the interview. Part 2 to be published in a couple of days covers Josh's hopes and aspirations and aspirations for the Bombers.
Ophidian Old Boys
