Random Random Chat Thread XL

[Howard Moon]

Ok gang, have a turkey of a situation here that pertains to my wife's Beauty Therapy business. Essentially it's employee conflict related. So thinking hats on and I'll try to make it easy to follow.

My wife walks in the door last night at 10:30pm and she looks exhausted. I ask her 'how'd it go?' and she bursts into tears and collapses into my arms.
Turns out one of her employees (her 2IC essentially) came to her at the end of the night with issues surrounding the part time Receptionist who works the front counter two days a week.

He feels she is aggressive, that he cannot talk to her, is intimidated by her and that she doesn't pull her weight. None of this is helped by the fact that he is 21 years old, hugely anxious (possibly bi-polar) and hates confrontation. On the flip side, he is an amazing beauty therapist, clients rave about him, is hugely supported by my wife & I and given all possible training available. The guy does his job well.

So then we had the receptionist send my wife an text message last night also telling her that she knew something was wrong, didn't want to create tension and is happy to just step away if it means it's good for the business. FYI she is going through post natal depression also, doesn't do enough at work, is over-protective of the desk area, calls her job description on Facebook 'Front Desk Manager' (it's part time receptionist and nothing else), but most importantly is a friend of my wife's.

So after a chat with me I asked my wife if asking them both to sort out their issues is an option? Can they be adult enough to approach one another and talk through their issues? She didn't think so, but she had an idea. Recently my wife took our 2IC down to Melbourne for training where there was a discussion about working through problems and coming up with at least 2 solutions before approaching management. He told my wife he was so happy after that training and driven etc. So she texted him last night & put it back on him to come to her with 2 solutions as per their recent training. The text was emotionless and in no way negative or otherwise. His response was nothing short of unprofessional and thoroughly disrespectful to my wife. His first paragraph stated that the text was horribly worded, made him angry but he was going to ignore it. He then went on to say to her that he has no intention of confronting the receptionist and that my wife must put processes in place that fix everything. So in essence he has taken absolutely no responsibility regarding this matter at all and placed it all on my wife's shoulders. Needless to say his response made us both very angry.
So we have left it at that for now.

In regards to the Receptionist, this one won't be as difficult imo. Obviously she'll need to change that stupid facebook role but also be made aware that she need to do more around the work place when she's there sa we can give her instruction on that but also to be mindful that the front counter is not 'her desk' but the businesses & that's she to stay out of customer interaction with therapists unless requested. She'll be recepetive to our feedback I know however she also needs to rethink whether or not it's what she wants to do the role anymore as during her own time she's working at gaining a Personal Training qualification. So it's clear her passion lies elsewhere.

Back to the 2IC; I've dealt with numerous conflict management situations, had plenty of training in the subject over the course of my career however I've never seen such an extreme case of 'head in the sand.' He wants to be a manager one day and in order for him to be that he must deal in conflict management. Perhaps being so young (21) we are expecting too much of him. We understand everyone approaches scenarios differently, and again perhaps we need to take into more consideration his anxiety. Then again he also needs to be able to show us he can add value to the business and in order for him to reach his so called goal he must be forced to step out of his comfort zone and deal with people in difficult situations.

What's most concerning to me is his lack of respect shown to my wife considering what she done for him and his career. She has given this young man a chance no one here was willing to give him when he came knocking at our door. No one would take him on as he was a male. There are not many in the industry at all. She has thrown all her support and weight behind him to make him a valuable commodity. She is passionate about her work & sees it in him. We have celebrated his achievements & who he is as we took him and celebrated his achievements at a recent LGBTQI event. Perhaps we have shown him too much love? So much so he feels we are obligated to fight his battles for him.

What to do?

Before attempting to reply futher something caught my eye immediatly.

The use of text is so dangerous! very impersonal and can be misconstrude in so many different ways. The words on their own are emotionless - which i guess means its open to interpretation by the reciever how they want to interpret the tone or otherwise.

If he took it as rude or insulting even though your partner never inteded as such maybe its a sign texts are a no go and always call or f2f?

 

[Runk]

Before attempting to reply futher something caught my eye immediatly.

The use of text is so dangerous! very impersonal and can be misconstrude in so many different ways. The words on their own are emotionless - which i guess means its open to interpretation by the reciever how they want to interpret the tone or otherwise.

If he took it as rude or insulting even though your partner never inteded as such maybe its a sign texts are a no go and always call or f2f?

Yeah I said that to her last night.

 

[Howard Moon]

It's also easier to hold your guns or say no or be argumentative via text. Harder in person or on the phone, takes more guts

 

[Runk]

It's also easier to hold your guns or say no or be argumentative via text. Harder in person or on the phone, takes more guts

I think ultimately possibly my wife has dropped the ball in regards to leadership here. She'll cop it and be better for it to be sure.

 

[Howard Moon]

I think ultimately possibly my wife has dropped the ball in regards to leadership here. She'll cop it and be better for it to be sure.

sounds like the 2 day a weeker has to go, she has even intimiated it herself that shes happy to walk which may imply her heart isnt really in it?

id never suggest a walk unless i subconcilosy wanted it.

loads of mums out there who would kill for part time hours to work around their kids kinder or school times

 

[Pweter]

Does your wife agree with what the 2IC is saying, that the receptionist is more aggressive to him? You've already mentioned she needs to do more.

It sounds like the 2IC thinks he's on his own here which I imagine wouldn't be helping with his anxiety.

 

[Runk]

Does your wife agree with what the 2IC is saying, that the receptionist is more aggressive to him? You've already mentioned she needs to do more.

It sounds like the 2IC thinks he's on his own here which I imagine wouldn't be helping with his anxiety.

Yes. She is aware the receptionist comes across as that. The two seem to have a power struggle at times. The thing is too that his feedback's mildly tempered with the knowledge that he also doesn't do enough and needs to lift his game.

 

[Runk]

sounds like the 2 day a weeker has to go, she has even intimiated it herself that shes happy to walk which may imply her heart isnt really in it?

id never suggest a walk unless i subconcilosy wanted it.

loads of mums out there who would kill for part time hours to work around their kids kinder or school times

That's my thought.

How much value is she adding to the business if she's there 2 days a week, doesn't do enough and these scenario are being created?
The answer is 'not much.'

She needs to decide what she wants to do with her life and imo take the plunge and leave.

 

[Howard Moon]

That's my thought.

How much value is she adding to the business if she's there 2 days a week, doesn't do enough and these scenario are being created?
The answer is 'not much.'

She needs to decide what she wants to do with her life and imo take the plunge and leave.

Maybe go seek out a front office manager role, it's probably already on her resume...

 

[Beerfish]

That's my thought.

How much value is she adding to the business if she's there 2 days a week, doesn't do enough and these scenario are being created?
The answer is 'not much.'

She needs to decide what she wants to do with her life and imo take the plunge and leave.

But she's a Manager. A Front Desk Manager. How would the business survive without her 2 days a week of Front Desk Management expertise?

 

[Runk]

Maybe go seek out a front office manager role, it's probably already on her resume...

But she's a Manager. A Front Desk Manager. How would the business survive without her 2 days a week of Front Desk Management expertise?

Oh my god, LOL, guys, when my wife told me that last night I thought 'that right there is the problem.' Seriously wtaf?
Advised my wife to tell her to take it down. Unbelievable.

 

[Pweter]

Yeah, I'm inclined to agree with you all. Nip the problem in the bud by getting rid of the source of the problem, especially if she's already offered to leave and is pursuing a career as a physical trainer.

Could the issue also have grown due to your wife being friends with the front desk executive manager? It could've had the 2IC thinking your wife will side with her in any conflict scenario. Just a thought.

Should you let the front desk CIO go, replace her with someone neither of them know so they're all on a level footing relationship wise, it's only the company hierarchy that defines roles and authority. Go get one of those mums of primary school age kids who can give you 10 - 2:30, 3 days a week (half hour lunch )who wants to rejoin the work force.

In the process your wife can pull aside 2IC and speak to him about how best to deal with these situations in the future, not just at her work but anywhere he may go in the future. It's best to raise these things early than to let them fester.

 

[Doss]

Text messages should not be used to communicate negative or tricky stuff.

It would avert so many problems if people adhered to that maxim.

 

[Runk]

Text messages should not be used to communicate negative or tricky stuff.

It would avert so many problems if people adhered to that maxim.

Look, I agree. The kicker here is that the employee will not answer calls either due to anxiety & simply refuses to talk about or have challenging conversations.

Here's a snippet of today; We had a new staff member start last Friday. He texted my wife earlier today and said 'I've just taken lunch. I'm also taking an extra 45min. Take the time out of yesterday's time or I'll make it up somewhere else. I'm not in the right frame of mind to be at the salon.'

She replied back: That's fine but can you please ask me next time before you make that decision. You know I am fair, probably too much sometimes. My concern is Tam (the new staff member) and if she needs help. I'm doing my best to sort this all out and need your help.'

His reply: 'Right now I'm quite upset so if that's your main concern I'll be back before my lunch is over.'

So she tried to call him. Wouldn't answer.

Tonight my wife and all her staff are going to Melbourne in the one car for a training night in South Melbourne. I told her to say something before leaving in that she is a manager/business owner and friend to them all. That she too is a work in progress and won't always get stuff right. She wants them to not expect perfection from her as they'll always be disappointed, but know that she will always do her best for each and every member no matter the scenario. Team meetings are hard to have and there's nothing more I want than for my business to be a place where people feel good about coming to work. I apologize if I've let any of you down but know that I will always do what I can, I just ask that you give me time to get it right.

 

[Runk]

And he just texted her to say he's driving himself down and needs space......

I called my wife and told her to let him have his space. Focus on the new girl and get her excited instead tonight.

 

[Howard Moon]

And he just texted her to say he's driving himself down and needs space......

I called my wife and told her to let him have his space. Focus on the new girl and get her excited instead tonight.

High maintenance staff!

Forget a new secretary, just get a hard as nails HR manager

 

[Runk]

High maintenance staff!

Forget a new secretary, just get a hard as nails HR manager

He's a big girl's blouse. #Millennial

My wife's choice of words may have been somewhat different.

 

[Howard Moon]

Are employees any different to children?

What are we taught as parents? Stick to your guns, don't let them walk over you, kids will power game you and find the line just to stick their toe over it... Next minute they have run riot and rule the house... Parents are now being all please please can you eat 2 peas? Please? The Power has shifted from mum saying eat it or starve!

Just because employees are older and know they have rights can we still let them walk over us? How about work or go home?!

 

[Runk]

Are employees any different to children?

What are we taught as parents? Stick to your guns, don't let them walk over you, kids will power game you and find the line just to stick their toe over it... Next minute they have run riot and rule the house... Parents are now being all please please can you eat 2 peas? Please? The Power has shifted from mum saying eat it or starve!

Just because employees are older and know they have rights can we still let them walk over us? How about work or go home?!

I said to the wife we should take him out to dinner. Have a chat about where we want to go as a business, where we see him fitting into that, expectations of the role, get his input on what he likes and doesn't and how we can help him get to where he wants to go. Try to re-establish being on the same page.
Hell he might tell us he wants out. Fair play, but at least we'll get an understanding of what he wants. Ultimately we want to help him but at the moment he's shut us out. Up to him.

 

[Howard Moon]

I said to the wife we should take him out to dinner. Have a chat about where we want to go as a business, where we see him fitting into that, expectations of the role, get his input on what he likes and doesn't and how we can help him get to where he wants to go. Try to re-establish being on the same page.
Hell he might tell us he wants out. Fair play, but at least we'll get an understanding of what he wants. Ultimately we want to help him but at the moment he's shut us out. Up to him.

Look we all understand anxiety, we all probably have certain levels of it. Mine stops me doing certain things at work and I feel like an imposition and drag on the business because of it... But because of that I overcompensate in the areas I'm good at abd go double hard. Is he doing that or just playing on it?

 

[Runk]

Look we all understand anxiety, we all probably have certain levels of it. Mine stops me doing certain things at work and I feel like an imposition and drag on the business because of it... But because of that I overcompensate in the areas I'm good at abd go double hard. Is he doing that or just playing on it?

Good question; only my wife could answer that. For me He's a big anxious gay boy who has body issues, the worlds against him issues and sees things far too negatively for a 21yr old. He needs to understand that world is a big place and sometimes life's shit but it's what you do that defines you as opposed to want you don't. He has zero coping skills so I'm unsure how he's been diagnosed with anxiety yet given no tools to combat the noise.

I mean this grandiose reaction to not drive down with the entire team screams childish behaviour to me.

 

[Howard Moon]

Don't doubt it wouldn't be easy, everyone needs to find their place in the world. Maybe it isn't in a regional country type town?

Might be the inner city type

 

[Runk]

Don't doubt it wouldn't be easy, everyone needs to find their place in the world. Maybe it isn't in a regional country type town?

Might be the inner city type

Well he's from Hamilton and everyone knows everyone there. He was almost the only gay in the village. Small town mentality.

 

[Wahooti Fandango]

When did BigFooty become so helpful?

 

[eth-dog]

When did BigFooty become so helpful?

When you left