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Renegade

Renegade

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I apologise in advance for the soppy crap that follows.

I just need to get it off my chest and i think just putting it on here will help me a little.
I've been with my g/f for a little over 3 years and we've had a nice steady relationship. Recently (last week) her parents have filed for a divorce after about 30 years of marriage. For about the last year and a half their relationship has been pretty rocky and that has upset my girlfriend which is quite understandable.
Earlier this week she told me she wants some time appart to think about things, this being because of the situation involving her folks and she's unsure if we can have a future together which has upset me quite a bit.

Her biggest concern is that she will turn out like her mother and our relationship will in turn end up similair to the way her parents did. I love my girlfriend deeply and would love nothing more than to have a strong future together, however i'm extremely concerned that she is going to want to drop everything and end our 3 years together.

I have tried talking to her (and tomorrow we'll meet up and talk some more) and i'm doing my best to convince her that we're completely different to her parents and the last thing i want is to ever hurt her. She says she loves me....but doesn't know if we can continue to have a relationship. I'm hoping and praying that this is something she needs to think about for a short time then can see we're not the same as her folks are.

Of course a huge concern for me is the possibility of being dumped and left with my world in tatters..... i know my self confidence will be smashed and my life thrown into a spin. I've been hurt in the past and i really believed this relationship would see me with the right woman to build my future with.

I don't know if i'm asking for advice or if i'm simply telling you so i can get it off my chest.

Again i apologise for making it into a soppy little story...but thanks for reading anyway.
 
If I were advising her, I'd tell her not to make any big decisions about her future with you while she's upset about her parents. Maybe you should do the same — might just work! All the best.
 

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Originally posted by EssJayW
Maybe she is using her parents situation to get out of her own. I hope not for your sake. Good Luck.
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That was my first thought.

Women very rarely come out and say "hey, we're not compatible, I don't see a future", there's always some other excuse.

If she felt as deeply as you did, then she wouldn't be ready to throw it all away no matter what else is going on in her life.
 
You sound a bit clingy and too emotionally attached to me. Perhaps you're scaring her off. Why don't you try giving her a bit of space and see how it goes.

If that doesn't work, you can always try the old adage "Treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen".

Good luck.
 
It would have to be a knee-jerk reaction. If she really felt that way she could never be in a long-term relationship.

Could quite possibly be a way of bringing up something she has been looking for a way to bring up for a while.

Be sure to have Delta Goodrem songs playing in the background when you talk to her.
 
from the female perpective - as you know we can be perverse

back off a bit - becasue she's asked for some time to think about stuff - but don't drop contact totaly in this time or she'll think you don;t care (that's the perverse bit - as a female if i ask my guy to do somthing but i'm kind of hoping he can read between the lines and not do it?)what i'd suggest is back off maintain contact by phone every couple of days "how you doing , do you want to meet up? i';m really missing you and i'd love to see you if you want to meet up (important to her to feel wanted by you even if she turns you down)

also most wimmin are a complete sucker for flowers - doesn't have to be expensive delivery service a bunch from coles dropped at the door with a funny note "missing ewe -with a little picture of a sheep is cute!
 
Send a PM to babycakes, I am sure she has been through this kind of thing before, maybe even with her boss.

If she is not available, then contact Becca.

They seem to be the leaders in human relationship analysis on this website, and the story you just spouted sounds right up their alley.

Just to remind you for future reference, this site is primarily a football site, if you are looking for relationship advice, do a search in google or something, you will find a far more accomodating crowd at a website/discussion forum which has that kind of thing as it's primrary focus.

In the meantime, go out and get smashed. Alcohol, can, and possbily will solve all your problems. Worst case scenario, it may encourage depression and suicidal tendencies.

Good luck.
 
I agree about women using any excuse.

I just broke up with my girlfriend and her excuse was "I can't see us getting married". Given we had only been going out 10 months I can't say the thought had crossed my mind either!

We had never had a fight and she had never said she was unhappy once up until the night she decided it was over.

No doubt there is more to the story, but she used some flimsy excuse as an easy way out. Instead it's just left me more disappointed than if she had given me a real reason.

And yeah, back off a bit but not too much. Sounds like she is going through a rough time, just be there for her and say something sucky like "I'm williing to wait forever" - that's sure to melt her heart. ;)
 
I appreciate the responses...
I know it sounds like i'm clingy from what i wrote there but i wouldn't say i'm really like that towards her at all. I'm not the kind of person who is up in here face every 5 minutes wanting to be there next to her and constantly preaching my love or anything like that.
I'm starting to understand more why she needs the time alone i think. It's gonna be difficult but thats the way it is sometimes.
 
Originally posted by Mr X
Send a PM to babycakes, I am sure she has been through this kind of thing before, maybe even with her boss.

If she is not available, then contact Becca.

They seem to be the leaders in human relationship analysis on this website, and the story you just spouted sounds right up their alley.

Just to remind you for future reference, this site is primarily a football site, if you are looking for relationship advice, do a search in google or something, you will find a far more accomodating crowd at a website/discussion forum which has that kind of thing as it's primrary focus.

In the meantime, go out and get smashed. Alcohol, can, and possbily will solve all your problems. Worst case scenario, it may encourage depression and suicidal tendencies.

Good luck.
Click to expand...

You forgot Spidergirl ;)
 

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If you really love her, let her go. If she really loves you, she'll come grovelling back to you within not very long. If that doesn't happen, you'll know she was just using her parents' situation as an excuse.
I can think of a way to accelerate that process, but I wouldn't be enough of a bastard to do it.
 
You don't know it, and neither does she probably, but she's testing you. She says back off, so if you don't you're a ********. But she's obviously going through a rough time, so if you're not there for her you're a ********. Try and find a happy medium.:)
 
Being surrounded by divorced women at work now and hearing it all i have come to the conclusion i will never get married.

MEN r BASTARDS!!!!

After hearing the heartache and seeing how it destroys these womens lives even years later i don't think it's worth it.

Also struggling to see how several on these boards keep getting away with cheap shots against a well known divorced woman on here. Not a funny thing when you hear in depth stories about how it can turn your life upside down and i don't know how the moderators can allow it.
 
Thanks again for the advice and such guys.... I'll see her tomorrow night at some stage and we're going to sit down and see what we come up with. I'm guessing she'll need some more time to think about what she wants and i'll just have to deal with that.
 

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Originally posted by Spidergirl~RiCkChiCk
Being surrounded by divorced women at work now and hearing it all i have come to the conclusion i will never get married.

MEN r BASTARDS!!!!

After hearing the heartache and seeing how it destroys these womens lives even years later i don't think it's worth it.

Also struggling to see how several on these boards keep getting away with cheap shots against a well known divorced woman on here. Not a funny thing when you hear in depth stories about how it can turn your life upside down and i don't know how the moderators can allow it.
Click to expand...

How beautifully put, how about you hear both sides of the story before making rash generalisations. But yes, lets pull out some emotional stuff to tug at the heartstrings of all and sundry.

As for the 'well known divorced woman' - surely she doesnt bring any of that on to herself? No, never. :rolleyes:

Two sides to a story.
 
Originally posted by Renegade
Thanks again for the advice and such guys.... I'll see her tomorrow night at some stage and we're going to sit down and see what we come up with. I'm guessing she'll need some more time to think about what she wants and i'll just have to deal with that.
Click to expand...

Tough situation to be in, but, hopefully it will sort itself out..best of luck
 
Originally posted by Spidergirl~RiCkChiCk
That's exactly what divorce does so why does your internet harrassment crew keep getting away with such personal attacks?
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Internet harrassment crew hey? I'm a one man band, sorry but you bombed out on that one.

Now, I'll repeat this again slowly, you have heard ONE side of the story. How do you know the men involved were not as hurt as the women? You hear one version of events, which are most likely highly emotive given the circumstances, and you take this as gospel.

As per usual, you can't actually answer the legitimate questions put forth (please direct me to so-called personal attacks), so you spurn more abuse. It only highlights your ignorance when you do that.
 
Originally posted by Nandrolone Stam
Internet harrassment crew hey? I'm a one man band, sorry but you bombed out on that one.

Now, I'll repeat this again slowly, you have heard ONE side of the story. How do you know the men involved were not as hurt as the women? You hear one version of events, which are most likely highly emotive given the circumstances, and you take this as gospel.

As per usual, you can't actually answer the legitimate questions put forth (please direct me to so-called personal attacks), so you spurn more abuse. It only highlights your ignorance when you do that.
Click to expand...

Nandrolene Stam i don't like you or really want to waste time with you however because i've been feeling stronly about this issue the last few days since sitting with these women i will say that since the 3 male involved have their little flings by their sides i really don't think they deserve their side of the story being told particularly when there are kids invloved who's lives are stuffed up and will probably end up like you patroling the internet for the rest of their lives to see who they can pick!
 
Originally posted by Spidergirl~RiCkChiCk
Nandrolene Stam i don't like you or really want to waste time with you however because i've been feeling stronly about this issue the last few days since sitting with these women i will say that since the 3 male involved have their little flings by their sides i really don't think they deserve their side of the story being told particularly when there are kids invloved who's lives are stuffed up and will probably end up like you patroling the internet for the rest of their lives to see who they can pick!
Click to expand...

Oh the irony, someone cries foul about a so-called 'personal attack' which doesnt exist, and yet delivers one of her own. Good on you.

Again, you have heard ONE side of the story. These men may well have cheated, but once again you have heard ONE version of events, and made a bunch of sweeping generalisations because of it. If you dug deeper you'd probably find the real version of events, but for you scratching the surface will probably suffice.

Funny that when you make ignorant comments, it becomes some sort of vendetta? Or maybe you don't like being pulled up when you make baseless, nieve statements like your original post?
 

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