IllBeTheJudge
Premiership Player
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2008
- Posts
- 3,396
- Reaction score
- 1,587
- Location
- Insert witty location here
- AFL Club
- St Kilda
- Other Teams
- New Orleans Saints, Sth Dragons
Geelong v Bulldogs
It was Dogs v Cats. Johnsons v Johnson. Ranga v very ugly Ranga. And by very ugly I'm talking the now infamously face like a dropped pie ugly. You know who I mean. It was also Colonel Sanders' 300th match. One big d*ckhead, but one mighty talent at the same time. OK, most of his talent goes towards being a d*ckhead, but a fair whack of it goes towards the footy field as well.
Speaking of talent on the field, Gablett had returned from his holiday and returned with a slick head, which slid nicely into his chin, which in turn slid nicely into his neck. Raise a bit of a sweat and, who is probably the best player in the league right now, suddenly looks ... a lot like a slug. The best slug in the league mind you, and he slithered his way into the match early kicking it out to John Malkevich who got the Cats on the board and away. At the time I thought Malkevich might have received the ball from Malkevich, it was that quick and hard to tell. Probably wasn't the case but at any rate the Cats got off to a good start and booted a few goals in a row before the Dogs decided to play football and snag a couple back.
In the second quarter the Bullies managed to pile on the pressure and the points, 5 goals enabling them to snatch a slender lead albeit for only a short amount of time. The slug had managed to slime his way to 25 touches to this point, dominating in his return match whilst Aker was having a solid game himself. Stevie J was back to doing what he does best and after the long break the Cats kicked the first 3 or 4, the Dogs doing their best witch's hats impersonation. And doing it mighty well.
It had been an entertaining game to this point and the last quarter was certainly no disappointment. Malkevich went off with a sore finger and the Bulldogs came out of the blocks quickly, booting 6 goals with major contributions from the Smiling Assassin, some AkerMagic, and Griffen chiming in with a couple. When Varcoe kicked the Cats 9 points clear with two minutes to play, it probably should have been all over but Aker got his mob back within 3, and then a wobbly old attempt at goal from Mitch Hahn ended up in the arms of Johnson on a tight angle. Johnsons had already been prominent in this game, and here was the captain with his chance to snatch the victory. He missed.
Of course, Eade will say that there is a lot to learn from his side on this night and he's probably right. For one, we've learnt that Brad Johnson can't kick a winning goal on the siren.
Cats by a whisker
Editors note: Abbreviated, yet accurate, match reports coming out of the West these days. About as fine an effort as the two sides are putting in really
North Melbourne v Fremantle
Dockers suck
West Coast v Collingwood
Eagles suck
Adelaide v Carlton
For Carlton to be considered a genuine top 4 prospect, they simply had to win this match. At least we now know where they stand.
Unbelievably, the Blues didn’t kick a goal in the first half. We all know that the Crows don’t have a particularly strong attacking setup, but surely this was going too far. This isn’t Adelaide United. A few goals in the second half wasn’t going to cut it.
Fevola was everywhere and ultimately nowhere where he should be. With Jarred Waite now likely to miss the rest of the season, it’s time to plonk the big forward in the one and only spot he knows how to play. The game didn’t start well for the Blues when Gibbs speared a kick in directly to a Crows forward. You would think there are enough clangers in the City of Churches as it is.
For Adelaide, this was their first win at home and a fine way to celebrate Andy McLeod becoming the games record holder for the club. I’ll sip chardonnay to that. Chris Knights had a field day booting 5 and generally making a nuisance of himself.
Judd had a very quiet day, a superb job done on him by Doughnutty. I don’t know his first name. It’s nice to see that there could be a new whipping boy down Carlton way too with David Armfield. He hasn’t shown much just yet now, has he.
Ultimately the best thing to come out of this match is that the Blues are now outside the 8.
Crows by 44
Richmond v Essendum
This week was a tall task for the Tiges coming up against a rampant Essendon side that is so hot at the moment that the AFL is seriously considering a higher competition so that they can be promoted. This Bombers side makes the baby Bombers of 199whatever it was look like a pack of rank amateurs. Essendon all the way to the last weekend of September..... What the?? How the hell did Sheedy get onto my computer? Better get that edited out......
Now for some much needed sanity. Another week, another loss for Teffer and his merry band of clanger kings. At the rate they are going, it looks as though Richmond will even be able to conjure up a loss for their bye during the split round. Probably as a result of turning up on the wrong weekend. Teffers has almost exhausted all of his excuses and has now started borrowing from Denis Pagan's bag of witty anecdotes, lamenting during the week that he "doesn't have the cattle" for the Tigers to win. Not too sure about that because the amount of bull sh1t that comes out of Teffer's mouth would tend to indicate a very close relationship with a herd of bovines. Besides, it's not nice talking about Tichard Rambling in those terms, a cow he definitely isn't. Complete walnut perhaps but not a cow. Come to think of it, probably more useless than a walnut and starting to wander down legume territory. Am I tambling yet? Anyway, weak excuse considering Teffers has had 5 years to create a dynasty.
Tigers were apparently in this game up until 3/4 time when the Bummers managed to kick away. Couldn't be arsed watching this game and spent the evening watching Madagascar 2. Should have watched the footy as Madagascar 2 is seriously crap. I think I chuckled once. During the credits. About as lame as Richo with a hamstring tear. That's probably not funny. Particularly if you are Richo. Or his hamstring. Mind you, if you don't have a sense of humour, probably best not to follow Richmond. I'm sure that Bowden managed to rack up a whole heap of Bowden's and I will bet my left nipple (not the right one as I lost that during a bet on Jenson Button not winning another GP....damn it) that the team set a new record for Tivendales. Seems as though the Tigers struggle without Ben Cousins. Although that can't be true because they struggle with Ben Cousins. OK, so they just struggle. Poor buggers! Bummers by 40.
Ben Cousins injury update MkII
Ben suffered from some sort of crack in his right hand. Very lucky that it was caught by the club in time because last time that happened at the Eagles, he was banned from footy for a year. Coupled with the ice on the left and the grass in his boots, Ben was beset with a hallucinogenic episode where he imagined he was an underwater lemming with scuba gear. After the club fished him out of the Yarra, he was sent back home where he is apparently recovering well. Expect a return through the nightclub scene and a possible return to senior stupidity in a couple of weeks.
Sydney v Port Adelaide
The Swans astonished everyone and flew out of the blocks, booting 8 goals in the first quarter, and scoring more quickly than a rugby league team in a Kiwi hotel. Roos must have had some harsh words during the break, admonishing players for breaking team rules and slowed things right down for the rest of the match.
In a game that held little interest for me and apparently for the Sydney players alike, a solid team performance saw the Swans just toy with Port Adelaide for the rest of the match. The Power just couldn’t surge to any sort slick ball movement or cohesiveness, whilst Kirk, J Bolton and McVeigh the Younger but looks Older racked up possessions at will.
One highlight was Heath Grundy’s mark, which was pretty darn good. Some are saying Mark of the Year. Paul Roos described it as the best mark he’d seen in 15 years. I’m yet to be convinced it was even Mark of the Round. It was a fine mark, to be sure, but doesn’t beat … others that I can’t think of right now.
In an era of high possession football, the Swans kept the Power to under 300 touches. No idea what than means in the context of the match, but when you spread that across 22 players it doesn’t sound like much.
No magic from Daniel Moptop this week, a shame really considering his goal kicking antics for a Fox Sports interview earlier in the week.
Meanwhile, the Swans keep their hometown bullying ways about them. Good to see that some younger supporters have taken up the mantle of being “annoying old codger behind the goals signalling a goal every time the Swans kick a goal”.
Swans by 55? Really? By that much? Usually they’re lucky to score 55. Were they playing Carlton or something?
St Kilda v Brisbane
The Blions were expected to be a tough-ish assignment for the as yet unbeaten Saints, and that’s kinda how the match panned out. The Blions went into the match missing two key defenders and much has been said both pre and post match about the woes of this team and how well they performed considering this. Well boo hoo, St Kilda have been without two key defenders all season and pretty much for the last 2 years. Toughen up.
The youngsters down back did do a pretty good job but it has to be said that St Kilda didn’t take their chances in the first half missing quite a few easy-ish shots on goal, and this Brisbane side doesn’t know the meaning of the word surrender. Here’s a helping hand:
sur⋅ren⋅der [suh-ren-der]
–verb (used with object)
To yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the match because you aren’t good enough.
I’ve had some interesting conversations with Brisbane supporters in the last week about the merits or otherwise of Jarred Brennan. Many people out there don’t like the way he runs around holding it with one hand. To be honest I’m not sure whether they’re referring to the footy or to one of the Johnsons in the Dogs / Cats game, but he was up against it in this match, having to battle in the ruck against a couple of seasoned veterans. All arguments aside, glad he’s on your team and not mine.
That Josh Drummond can sure kick the ball, and accurately. 60 metre passes onto the chest of your teammate is something that becomes a real weapon. Brisbane’s twin Bs bagged 5, Simon Black showed good form in the middle, and debutant Cornelius Maximus snagged a couple of 6 pointers.
Yep, Brisbane brought fight to this game, and even had a 9 point lead about 10 minutes into the last. The Saints showed some equanimity though, and a burst from Milne put paid to the notion that the Lions might snatch this victory, and with Kosi and Roo snagging 8 between them, Montagna was terrific and Hayes in his 200th game was his usual consistently good self.
An entertaining match all round, and obviously the right team won.
Saints by 16
Hawthorn v Melbourne
Not a lot to look forward to in this match, with only diehard Demons supporters thinking they would be any hope in this game. Like Scarlett Johansson and Barry Hall on a blind date and somehow getting to second base. The Melbourne kids have shown some promising signs, but the Dawks weren’t going to let them get anywhere close and belted them in the middle for the most part.
Possibly the biggest clanger we are going to see this year goes to one Russell Robertson. Robbo, Robbo, Robbo. Take a pretty good mark right on the goal line, have the opportunity to go back and kick it from 5 metres dead in front. But no, stay lying on the ground, take an air swing at the ball, get called play on, the ball gets run out of defence. I mean, not even Milney would have tried that. BUWAHAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding.
The cue went into the rack at three quarter time for Hawthorn and to Melbourne’s credit they bridged the gap in the last, but struggle to kick goals, only 4 in the first half. Did they think they were playing Carlton or something?
Aaron Davey having a great year, but kept a little quiet this day, Colin Sylvia terrific. Beau Mustard having a superb debut after going through a couple of knee recos.
Dawks by 22 and in top 4 contention
It was Dogs v Cats. Johnsons v Johnson. Ranga v very ugly Ranga. And by very ugly I'm talking the now infamously face like a dropped pie ugly. You know who I mean. It was also Colonel Sanders' 300th match. One big d*ckhead, but one mighty talent at the same time. OK, most of his talent goes towards being a d*ckhead, but a fair whack of it goes towards the footy field as well.
Speaking of talent on the field, Gablett had returned from his holiday and returned with a slick head, which slid nicely into his chin, which in turn slid nicely into his neck. Raise a bit of a sweat and, who is probably the best player in the league right now, suddenly looks ... a lot like a slug. The best slug in the league mind you, and he slithered his way into the match early kicking it out to John Malkevich who got the Cats on the board and away. At the time I thought Malkevich might have received the ball from Malkevich, it was that quick and hard to tell. Probably wasn't the case but at any rate the Cats got off to a good start and booted a few goals in a row before the Dogs decided to play football and snag a couple back.
In the second quarter the Bullies managed to pile on the pressure and the points, 5 goals enabling them to snatch a slender lead albeit for only a short amount of time. The slug had managed to slime his way to 25 touches to this point, dominating in his return match whilst Aker was having a solid game himself. Stevie J was back to doing what he does best and after the long break the Cats kicked the first 3 or 4, the Dogs doing their best witch's hats impersonation. And doing it mighty well.
It had been an entertaining game to this point and the last quarter was certainly no disappointment. Malkevich went off with a sore finger and the Bulldogs came out of the blocks quickly, booting 6 goals with major contributions from the Smiling Assassin, some AkerMagic, and Griffen chiming in with a couple. When Varcoe kicked the Cats 9 points clear with two minutes to play, it probably should have been all over but Aker got his mob back within 3, and then a wobbly old attempt at goal from Mitch Hahn ended up in the arms of Johnson on a tight angle. Johnsons had already been prominent in this game, and here was the captain with his chance to snatch the victory. He missed.
Of course, Eade will say that there is a lot to learn from his side on this night and he's probably right. For one, we've learnt that Brad Johnson can't kick a winning goal on the siren.
Cats by a whisker
Editors note: Abbreviated, yet accurate, match reports coming out of the West these days. About as fine an effort as the two sides are putting in really
North Melbourne v Fremantle
Dockers suck
West Coast v Collingwood
Eagles suck
Adelaide v Carlton
For Carlton to be considered a genuine top 4 prospect, they simply had to win this match. At least we now know where they stand.
Unbelievably, the Blues didn’t kick a goal in the first half. We all know that the Crows don’t have a particularly strong attacking setup, but surely this was going too far. This isn’t Adelaide United. A few goals in the second half wasn’t going to cut it.
Fevola was everywhere and ultimately nowhere where he should be. With Jarred Waite now likely to miss the rest of the season, it’s time to plonk the big forward in the one and only spot he knows how to play. The game didn’t start well for the Blues when Gibbs speared a kick in directly to a Crows forward. You would think there are enough clangers in the City of Churches as it is.
For Adelaide, this was their first win at home and a fine way to celebrate Andy McLeod becoming the games record holder for the club. I’ll sip chardonnay to that. Chris Knights had a field day booting 5 and generally making a nuisance of himself.
Judd had a very quiet day, a superb job done on him by Doughnutty. I don’t know his first name. It’s nice to see that there could be a new whipping boy down Carlton way too with David Armfield. He hasn’t shown much just yet now, has he.
Ultimately the best thing to come out of this match is that the Blues are now outside the 8.
Crows by 44
Richmond v Essendum
This week was a tall task for the Tiges coming up against a rampant Essendon side that is so hot at the moment that the AFL is seriously considering a higher competition so that they can be promoted. This Bombers side makes the baby Bombers of 199whatever it was look like a pack of rank amateurs. Essendon all the way to the last weekend of September..... What the?? How the hell did Sheedy get onto my computer? Better get that edited out......
Now for some much needed sanity. Another week, another loss for Teffer and his merry band of clanger kings. At the rate they are going, it looks as though Richmond will even be able to conjure up a loss for their bye during the split round. Probably as a result of turning up on the wrong weekend. Teffers has almost exhausted all of his excuses and has now started borrowing from Denis Pagan's bag of witty anecdotes, lamenting during the week that he "doesn't have the cattle" for the Tigers to win. Not too sure about that because the amount of bull sh1t that comes out of Teffer's mouth would tend to indicate a very close relationship with a herd of bovines. Besides, it's not nice talking about Tichard Rambling in those terms, a cow he definitely isn't. Complete walnut perhaps but not a cow. Come to think of it, probably more useless than a walnut and starting to wander down legume territory. Am I tambling yet? Anyway, weak excuse considering Teffers has had 5 years to create a dynasty.
Tigers were apparently in this game up until 3/4 time when the Bummers managed to kick away. Couldn't be arsed watching this game and spent the evening watching Madagascar 2. Should have watched the footy as Madagascar 2 is seriously crap. I think I chuckled once. During the credits. About as lame as Richo with a hamstring tear. That's probably not funny. Particularly if you are Richo. Or his hamstring. Mind you, if you don't have a sense of humour, probably best not to follow Richmond. I'm sure that Bowden managed to rack up a whole heap of Bowden's and I will bet my left nipple (not the right one as I lost that during a bet on Jenson Button not winning another GP....damn it) that the team set a new record for Tivendales. Seems as though the Tigers struggle without Ben Cousins. Although that can't be true because they struggle with Ben Cousins. OK, so they just struggle. Poor buggers! Bummers by 40.
Ben Cousins injury update MkII
Ben suffered from some sort of crack in his right hand. Very lucky that it was caught by the club in time because last time that happened at the Eagles, he was banned from footy for a year. Coupled with the ice on the left and the grass in his boots, Ben was beset with a hallucinogenic episode where he imagined he was an underwater lemming with scuba gear. After the club fished him out of the Yarra, he was sent back home where he is apparently recovering well. Expect a return through the nightclub scene and a possible return to senior stupidity in a couple of weeks.
Sydney v Port Adelaide
The Swans astonished everyone and flew out of the blocks, booting 8 goals in the first quarter, and scoring more quickly than a rugby league team in a Kiwi hotel. Roos must have had some harsh words during the break, admonishing players for breaking team rules and slowed things right down for the rest of the match.
In a game that held little interest for me and apparently for the Sydney players alike, a solid team performance saw the Swans just toy with Port Adelaide for the rest of the match. The Power just couldn’t surge to any sort slick ball movement or cohesiveness, whilst Kirk, J Bolton and McVeigh the Younger but looks Older racked up possessions at will.
One highlight was Heath Grundy’s mark, which was pretty darn good. Some are saying Mark of the Year. Paul Roos described it as the best mark he’d seen in 15 years. I’m yet to be convinced it was even Mark of the Round. It was a fine mark, to be sure, but doesn’t beat … others that I can’t think of right now.
In an era of high possession football, the Swans kept the Power to under 300 touches. No idea what than means in the context of the match, but when you spread that across 22 players it doesn’t sound like much.
No magic from Daniel Moptop this week, a shame really considering his goal kicking antics for a Fox Sports interview earlier in the week.
Meanwhile, the Swans keep their hometown bullying ways about them. Good to see that some younger supporters have taken up the mantle of being “annoying old codger behind the goals signalling a goal every time the Swans kick a goal”.
Swans by 55? Really? By that much? Usually they’re lucky to score 55. Were they playing Carlton or something?
St Kilda v Brisbane
The Blions were expected to be a tough-ish assignment for the as yet unbeaten Saints, and that’s kinda how the match panned out. The Blions went into the match missing two key defenders and much has been said both pre and post match about the woes of this team and how well they performed considering this. Well boo hoo, St Kilda have been without two key defenders all season and pretty much for the last 2 years. Toughen up.
The youngsters down back did do a pretty good job but it has to be said that St Kilda didn’t take their chances in the first half missing quite a few easy-ish shots on goal, and this Brisbane side doesn’t know the meaning of the word surrender. Here’s a helping hand:
sur⋅ren⋅der [suh-ren-der]
–verb (used with object)
To yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the match because you aren’t good enough.
I’ve had some interesting conversations with Brisbane supporters in the last week about the merits or otherwise of Jarred Brennan. Many people out there don’t like the way he runs around holding it with one hand. To be honest I’m not sure whether they’re referring to the footy or to one of the Johnsons in the Dogs / Cats game, but he was up against it in this match, having to battle in the ruck against a couple of seasoned veterans. All arguments aside, glad he’s on your team and not mine.
That Josh Drummond can sure kick the ball, and accurately. 60 metre passes onto the chest of your teammate is something that becomes a real weapon. Brisbane’s twin Bs bagged 5, Simon Black showed good form in the middle, and debutant Cornelius Maximus snagged a couple of 6 pointers.
Yep, Brisbane brought fight to this game, and even had a 9 point lead about 10 minutes into the last. The Saints showed some equanimity though, and a burst from Milne put paid to the notion that the Lions might snatch this victory, and with Kosi and Roo snagging 8 between them, Montagna was terrific and Hayes in his 200th game was his usual consistently good self.
An entertaining match all round, and obviously the right team won.
Saints by 16
Hawthorn v Melbourne
Not a lot to look forward to in this match, with only diehard Demons supporters thinking they would be any hope in this game. Like Scarlett Johansson and Barry Hall on a blind date and somehow getting to second base. The Melbourne kids have shown some promising signs, but the Dawks weren’t going to let them get anywhere close and belted them in the middle for the most part.
Possibly the biggest clanger we are going to see this year goes to one Russell Robertson. Robbo, Robbo, Robbo. Take a pretty good mark right on the goal line, have the opportunity to go back and kick it from 5 metres dead in front. But no, stay lying on the ground, take an air swing at the ball, get called play on, the ball gets run out of defence. I mean, not even Milney would have tried that. BUWAHAHAHAHAHA! Who am I kidding.
The cue went into the rack at three quarter time for Hawthorn and to Melbourne’s credit they bridged the gap in the last, but struggle to kick goals, only 4 in the first half. Did they think they were playing Carlton or something?
Aaron Davey having a great year, but kept a little quiet this day, Colin Sylvia terrific. Beau Mustard having a superb debut after going through a couple of knee recos.
Dawks by 22 and in top 4 contention
