Should I care?

[Boultzboi]

Quick background. In January I discovered that my wife became pregnant to another man, I'm all prepared for the inevitable comments, anyway long story short, she got rid of it we are still together.

But today would of been the 'due date' so as stated in topic heading, should I really care??

 

[DrVanNostrand]

 

[raskolnikov]

Just say something along the lines of, "Well what a bastard of a day hey?"

 

[theboxmike]

Perfect response

Sorry dude i'm out.

 

[checkraiseulite]

How old are you? Are you supporting her?
How important is it to you to be in a relationship? If it's important, how easy could you find a new partner?

The answers to these questions will determine what you should do. But you should definitely care. If you can't respect yourself (allowing this to happen with no real change in your relationship) how do you expect your wife (and kids) to respect you? If they don't this will happen again and again.

 

[Messenger]

But today would of been the 'due date' so as stated in topic heading, should I really care??

No.

 

[Bluelegs]

If it's been nine months surely you would've even gotten over it or left her by now. If you didn't care then why would you care now?

 

[bartel magic]

Quick background. In January I discovered that my wife became pregnant to another man, I'm all prepared for the inevitable comments, anyway long story short, she got rid of it we are still together.

But today would of been the 'due date' so as stated in topic heading, should I really care??

I dont know whether to admire your humility, or slap you for being such an idiot. Either way, no judgements, just best wishes mate. Thats a tough one

 

[Boultzboi]

How old are you? Are you supporting her?
How important is it to you to be in a relationship? If it's important, how easy could you find a new partner?

The answers to these questions will determine what you should do. But you should definitely care. If you can't respect yourself (allowing this to happen with no real change in your relationship) how do you expect your wife (and kids) to respect you? If they don't this will happen again and again.

I'm 34 we've been together for 17 years we have 4 kids together. It's not the be all and end all for me to be in a relationship.

 

[Boultzboi]

Let me clarify, I understand that this is a hard time for her, but its been pretty hard for me as well, just not sure what to 'feel' I know I shouldn't be happy about it but........ Words can't describe how I'm feeling its more of a 'meh' about the day I guess

 

[Boultzboi]

Thanx BM I honestly don't know whether to feel like an idiot or not either haha

 

[Boultzboi]

If it's been nine months surely you would've even gotten over it or left her by now. If you didn't care then why would you care now?

I'm over so to speak, but being 'the day' I know that my wife is hurting

 

[Northworth]

That is fairly understandable to be feeling meh about it
no doubt counselling would be a worthwhile use of time but it is not for anyone else to judge decisions/actions inside your own marriage

stay strong... not really an ideal environment for you to be offering sympathy or experiencing your wife grieving. Definitely worth keeping the lines of communication open though.

 

[liam_13]

Everyone's different, so I'm just going to say good luck with whatever you do.

Me; if I were in that situation my decision as how to feel and what to do would rest on a few things:
1) How would your other 4 kids be affected if you split up, and would I expect it to be a civil split up? If you were able to arrange to live within the region and be comfortable seeing here every now and then, possibly with another man, and the kids were strong enough to cope, then I'd have split up with her then.
If some of the kids are in their teen years, and so more than likely be able to cope not as well, then I'd try to make things work. Teens already have enough emotion and hormones running through them, and their own life is always the hardest thing in the world, (there are obviously exceptions) but mostly in my experience teenagers who have their parents split up resent both, and do not deal well, and are usually against counselling.

So as you chose to stay with her, how would I feel on the day of the babies expected birth day?

Your wife would obviously be upset, and you are still with her so must love her, so I would put my efforts into being there for her and being a helping hand. Not just on the day, everyday, as I have in my personal experience learnt women often think about lost children everyday. My great nan lost a child through a miscarriage, about midway through her pregnancy. My pop asked her towards the end of her days if she ever thought about that child (his sister). My great nan replied with "everyday, whenever I'm silent I'm remembering her". My pop was taken aback by this, never realising how much it affected her. Was the first born as well. (Men might also think about lost children everyday, I've just never heard a father speak about a lost child, but it doesn't apply to you anyway so it is irrelevant).

You should also take some time to yourself and reflect on your marriage and your family. Are you able to trust her? How do you feel about the baby, how do you expect you would have felt towards the child had it been born? Would you love it like you love one of your own?
I'm not sure what the answers to these questions would mean, but you might figure it out. An overall answer could come to you.

So basically, be there and support your wife, she probably has guilt over cheating + devastation over a lost child on her mind, but don't neglect yourself. Doing this should probably keep you from thinking about your meh feelings or whether you care, and something constructive is done.

Sounds like a difficult situation, so again, good luck and hope all ends well.

edit: I also am not 100% sure how I would react/feel in this situation, as it is relatively unique and I've never been in it. But this is just my thoughts and advice.

 

[Natho]

Tough decision. But yeah I would care to a certain degree.

 

[checkraiseulite]

Are you 100% sure your other kids are yours?

 

[Boultzboi]

Liam_13 thank you for the understanding and advice. My eldest will be 13 in December and I sorta kinda know what the wife is going thru both ways ( cheating and loss) we did split for a while but found ourselves back together again. As for the trust issue, I'm probably being naive here but I still trust her wholeheartedly. I'm just a bit confused about it all, I did tell her to keep it thinking I could love it as my own, but 1) she couldn't have anymore children due to health issues and 2) she kept telling me it was for the best not o have it

 

[Boultzboi]

Are you 100% sure your other kids are yours?

More than 100% sure if that's possible. They all look like me more than their mum

 

[Simple Jack]

I've never seen a better response to an OP. Ever.

 

[I bleed Blue]

Well your decision to terminate the baby is an absolute tragedy.

If you had manned you would have either ditched the wife or raised the child. Your actions made a phat statement, resulting in the loss of a human life who today would have been a beautiful newborn child. Stop thinking about yourself and your relationship and learn to appreciate the value of human life.

Piss off. If you look a few posts up he says he did tell his wife to keep it and he could raise it as his own, so read the whole tread before you come in here sprouting that shit.

His actions made a "phat" statment? OP is not in the wrong at all. It was his wifes actions that led to the whole situation by the sounds of it. He has done a courageous thing to stay with her (alot for his childrens sake I imagine.

OP it would be natural for this to be an emotional day for you and for your wife. Sounds like you are a great husband and she is lucky to have such an understanding man. Alot of men would have left her. This is going to sound bad because as horrible as she must feel today, hopefully any pain she feels for the loss of the child reminds her it was caused by her un-faitfulnes and she realises she never wants to make those mistakes again.

You sound like a good bloke so I hope things work out the way you want.

 

[matt_897]

Well your decision to terminate the baby is an absolute tragedy.

If you had manned you would have either ditched the wife or raised the child. Your actions made a phat statement, resulting in the loss of a human life who today would have been a beautiful newborn child. Stop thinking about yourself and your relationship and learn to appreciate the value of human life.

 

[Dont be a lemon]

If you want to stay with her I suppose you have to care for her feelings toward it at least.

Well your decision to terminate the baby is an absolute tragedy.

Get ****ed.

 

[Unstable]

Seriously, are you a man? Do you have an ounce of self respect, honour, dignity and self worth? How do you sleep at night next to the woman who betrayed your trust and deflowered her body with another man? How can you stay with a vile immoral woman who broke the sacred vows of marriage?

Be a man and respect yourself. Ditch this woman, so you can look at the man without shying away like a coward. Not only are you married to a questionable tacky woman but a murderer who soul has been blacken by her actions which reeks of dishonestly and cruelty. You didn’t marry a woman but Lucifer himself

 

[HugeJohnson]

Well your decision to terminate the baby is an absolute tragedy.

If you had manned you would have either ditched the wife or raised the child. Your actions made a phat statement, resulting in the loss of a human life who today would have been a beautiful newborn child. Stop thinking about yourself and your relationship and learn to appreciate the value of human life.

Says the bloke with an abortion pill as his screen name?

 

[Boultzboi]

Thanx I bleed blue. After the initial shock and anger, things are getting back to somewhat normal. I was expecting the reaction i got from some people so they don't really bother me.

I just didn't want to throw away 17 years over some stupid mistake, and I was fully prepared for the outcome either way, I do care about my wife and her feelings but I couldn't really figure out how much I should care about the day that's all