Single parents

[Glacier]

Hi all
With Father’s Day just over I thought it would be helpful to begin a discussion on single parenthood
I’m a single dad, separated 15 months now and it’s hard
I have two little ones who I see as much as I can, but an ex who makes it very difficult at times
For a single dad in country Vic I’ve also found the level of support for guys like me to be next to nothing
So how do others fare?
Is understanding child support a complete and utter mystery, particularly with an ex who always has their hand out?
Do you grieve and miss your kids 24/7 when not there with them ?
How have you found moving on in life?
I think this thread could be good for all the dads and mums out there who struggle at times, come hear to chat or vent or share experiences and give helpful tips if need be

 

[Adzam]

Hi all
With Father’s Day just over I thought it would be helpful to begin a discussion on single parenthood
I’m a single dad, separated 15 months now and it’s hard
I have two little ones who I see as much as I can, but an ex who makes it very difficult at times
For a single dad in country Vic I’ve also found the level of support for guys like me to be next to nothing
So how do others fare?
Is understanding child support a complete and utter mystery, particularly with an ex who always has their hand out?
Do you grieve and miss your kids 24/7 when not there with them ?
How have you found moving on in life?
I think this thread could be good for all the dads and mums out there who struggle at times, come hear to chat or vent or share experiences and give helpful tips if need be

I’m a single dad to a 9 year old boy who got diagnosed with autism a couple of years back. It’s hard because he lives about 3 hours away from me and my ex is also really difficult as well as her new partner. Basically they are massive bogans. My kids school has put in docs report because her new partner is abusive. I’ve had to go to lawyers to find out what my options are in taking my kid full time but also had to weigh up how I would make that work seeing as I work full time and live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a friend. I have him every second weekend and school holidays.

I definitely emphasise with you. Single parenting is tough especially when your ex is making your life hell. Great idea for a thread. Thanks for making this

 

[Perth gal]

I'm a single mum, have been for 17 years now. My sons father doesn't see him or voluntarily pay child support. Changes jobs often so I often go years without a payment. It's been really hard but I do get a lot of compliments about how well I've raised him so it makes it all worthwhile. I feel very sad when I hear of exes being difficult. The kids do work things out eventually for themselves as they get older and parents that aren't nice to people generally end up with nothing. Keep your chin up guys.

 

[manureid]

Single Dad about 5 years. Had my daughter full time once she was able to 'legally' make a decision herself (high school) and Son 50/50. Toughest part initially was not seeing them every day. Son is 2 years away from probably making the same choice. She still goes to her mothers occasionally, but they have a testy relationship for the most part. Lots of difficult shit goes on, hardly ever amicable this stuff. Very rarely converse with the ex as she always tries to start a fight of some sort, so I generally don't reply and just get on with life/new partner etc. Not sure why she cannot move on sometimes as she was the initiator of the split. Just make your kids number 1 priority as they are the ones who can suffer the most from splits.

 

[Glacier]

Had my time with my kids today
I really am starting to think my ex is unraveling
It’s concerning t

 

[HARKER]

Had my time with my kids today
I really am starting to think my ex is unraveling
It’s concerning t

How do you mean Glacier ?
What do you see and what worries you?

I found it somewhat helpful to remind my ex-wife through the toughest of times that it wasn't the childs fault that they're here.
I know that won't work for everyone all of the time, but when the default position is accepted, things somehow become more manageable.
Easier said than done of course, but it is possible if dealing with reasonable people.

 

[Doss]

I was brought up in a single parent household; my parents were never really together per se. They met at uni, went on a few dates, clearly things escalated one night, and I was the result.

It was extremely hard for my mother, who has her own pretty severe mental health issues, and for all my differences with her now (we just have very different outlooks on the world basically), I can only applaud how much she worked her arse off to provide for me as best as she could, all the while feeling pretty shit about the world and about herself.

It was very hard for my father too, who wanted to be a part of my life but was limited because his relationship with my mother was so toxic. I didn't see him at all between the ages of five and seven and a half, as he felt for his own sake that he had to remove himself for a while. I've never resented dad for that though, as I can only imagine how difficult dealing with my mother would have been at times.

The thing is, in some ways I think I'm actually lucky that they were never together; I've never known any different because in my life, they've simply never been together. I feel like I'm much better off in that regard than children who see their parents' relationship crumble before their eyes; it must be a very confusing and upsetting thing for children to witness.

 

[The Dice Man]

I was brought up in a single parent household; my parents were never really together per se. They met at uni, went on a few dates, clearly things escalated one night, and I was the result.

It was pretty hard for my mother, who has her own pretty severe mental health issues, and for all my differences with her now (we just have very different outlooks on the world basically), I can only applaud how much she worked her arse off to provide for me as best as she could, all the while feeling pretty shit about the world and about herself.

It was very hard for my father too, who wanted to be a part of my life but was limited because his relationship with my mother was so toxic. I didn't see him at all between the ages of five and seven and a half, as he felt for his own sake that he had to remove himself for a while. I've never resented dad for that though, as I can only imagine how difficult dealing with my mother would have been at times.

Similar situation for me. I met my father for the first time when I was 40 years old. My mum worked all her life and never got a cent from him. It's funny now how I look back and didnt understand her struggles, the tragic loss of her mum when she was 27, and me banging on and on about wanting a pair of Okanuies or the lastest Nikes.

I pay it back now by paying her monthly mortgage payments(she's been out of work for 10 years), and flying her out to France every 2 years.

 

[HARKER]

I was brought up in a single parent household; my parents were never really together per se. They met at uni, went on a few dates, clearly things escalated one night, and I was the result.

It was extremely hard for my mother, who has her own pretty severe mental health issues, and for all my differences with her now (we just have very different outlooks on the world basically), I can only applaud how much she worked her arse off to provide for me as best as she could, all the while feeling pretty shit about the world and about herself.

It was very hard for my father too, who wanted to be a part of my life but was limited because his relationship with my mother was so toxic. I didn't see him at all between the ages of five and seven and a half, as he felt for his own sake that he had to remove himself for a while. I've never resented dad for that though, as I can only imagine how difficult dealing with my mother would have been at times.

The thing is, in some ways I think I'm actually lucky that they were never together; I've never known any different because in my life, they've simply never been together. I feel like I'm much better off in that regard than children who see their parents' relationship crumble before their eyes; it must be a very confusing and upsetting things for children to witness.

Wonderful stuff Doss

There is no prefect way other than for the net result. You seem to have been the result of a good net result. Good on your mum, and dad....and you.

 

[ioppolo]

Yeah I've never known my dad either. Was just my mum and I all those years. The result, my mum and I have a better relationship than most parents and their kids

 

[Glacier]

How do you mean Glacier ?
What do you see and what worries you?

I found it somewhat helpful to remind my ex-wife through the toughest of times that it wasn't the childs fault that they're here.
I know that won't work for everyone all of the time, but when the default position is accepted, things somehow become more manageable.
Easier said than done of course, but it is possible if dealing with reasonable people.

Hello HARKER my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again

I mean it’s concerning when the kids are continually telling me mummy is growling at them
The problem with my ex is that she needs help, but from a controlling social stigma standpoint that help will never be forthcoming due to the controlling narcissistic behaviour of her parents, a narcissistic pattern which she in turn projects on to others
Such as me
The idealistic upbringing that she portrays she had is actually a fabrication, I just wish she would be honest and get the help she needs to break away from their control and therefore break her own ingrained behaviour toward myself and her ex before me
But I doubt she ever will, her parents own her and she will grow old alone with a string of broken relationships to show for it

 

[MC Extra Dollop]

I married a single mum and now have another girl with her. The ex husband pays so little child support that you've seriously got to wonder how he can afford to look after her with the time he does have (I think it works out to about three days per week).

He also cheated on her while she was pregnant with their daughter, had another kid with the partner whom he now has nothing to do with and did a bunch of other stuff that my wife doesn't go into much detail about.

After we'd been going out for a few months, the DHHS started to getting a few calls to our place when my now stepdaughter would show up for her visits with him with a couple of bruises on her legs, otherwise known as 'part and parcel of being a three year old and falling over on a daily basis'.

Not going to lie, it irks me that I pretty much pay for everything and yet I officially have no say on things like where she goes to school and (although these aren't an issue in our situation) I presume things like religion/no religion and whether she's vaccinated.

On the other hand, I've learnt that we're one example of countless cases and that everyone's situation is different. Just because you feel you're getting the rough end of the stick, it doesn't mean every single dad/mum is the same.