Opinion The joys and madnesses of relationships...

[WakeUpPies]

My girlfriend stopped her dad from trying to tell me a dad joke over Skype. I think I'm in love.

 

[Bad Horse]

sirlothie doesn't venture in this thread

It would be like Charles Manson making a guest appearance on the Gilmore Girls


Edit: sirlothie is welcome though

Thats actually an episode of Gilmore Girls id enjoy.

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Festivus Season brings contemplation of gifts for loved ones. My main focus is on my wife's present: firstly, because she organises every other present, and secondly, because she is very thoughtful about presents for me.

A few years ago, she was in Melbourne for the week, so I decided to clean out the cupboards while I listened to the cricket. She has hoarding instincts whereas my approach is more Minimalist-OCD-Virgo.

Wife was a bit shocked when she returned but didn't say much until she couldn't find the food processor (I gave it to the Foxtel guy for his kid who was moving out of home). I assumed the food processor was rarely used because it had too many parts to clean. Anyway, wife accused me of throwing out her beloved processor so naturally I denied any recollection of doing this.

At my next birthday, kids brought me a procession of presents: book, CD, hand-drawn-sledge cards etc. Wife then says to kids, 'go get your Dad his big present.' Big box, beautifully wrapped and ribboned, was placed in my greedy outstretched arms.

Inside was a magnificent, state-of-the-art, food processor.

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Spent a lot of time on the weekend in the car with my father. We reminisced about the many Friday nights when 5 or 6 families came to our house for fish and chips (and a flotilla of cask wine).

One family only lasted for a couple of years, which was very disappointing to fourteen-year-old me because the daughter was extraordinarily pretty (was too shy to ask her out). This family was much wealthier than the other families eg big house, sports car, winter flights to the Gold Coast and were flashy.

Thirty years on, I asked Dad why this couple (and their daughter) had stopped attending Friday dinners. He said that they made everyone uncomfortable so he asked them not to come around anymore. I asked if it was because they were pretentious.

Dad said that didn't worry him. It was because this couple were swingers.

Maybe if the daughter followed the family "business" you should have asked her out you'd be a sure thing.....

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Festivus Season brings contemplation of gifts for loved ones. My main focus is on my wife's present: firstly, because she organises every other present, and secondly, because she is very thoughtful about presents for me.

A few years ago, she was in Melbourne for the week, so I decided to clean out the cupboards while I listened to the cricket. She has hoarding instincts whereas my approach is more Minimalist-OCD-Virgo.

Wife was a bit shocked when she returned but didn't say much until she couldn't find the food processor (I gave it to the Foxtel guy for his kid who was moving out of home). Assumed the food processor was rarely used because it had too many parts to clean. Anyway, wife accused me of throwing out her beloved processor so naturally I denied any recollection of doing this.

At my next birthday, kids brought me a procession of presents: book, CD, hand-drawn-sledge cards etc. Wife then says to kids, 'go get your Dad his big present.' Big box, beautifully wrapped and ribboned, was placed in my greedy outstretched arms.

Inside was a magnificent, state-of-the-art, food processor.

This time:

Scoreboard

Mr Walter 0 Mrs Walter 1


All Time Scoreboard

Mr Walter 0 Mrs Walter 8,776,453,907,342,917,004,883,010

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Maybe if the daughter followed the family "business" you should have asked her out you'd be a sure thing.....

Nah, she loved bad boys: older guys in bands with tatts. Teenage me was gangly and geeky. Unrequited love hey?!

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Nah, she loved bad boys: older guys in bands with tatts. Teenage me was gangly and geeky. Unrequited love hey?!

Then you were better off without her.
Bad girls? Who wants one of those?


What am I saying

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Mr Walter 0 Mrs Walter 8,776,453,907,342,917,004,883,010

Was at a North fundraising dinner/auction (I know... ) with wife before we were married. Her stepfather, who is a champ, was on North's board so we attended to show support for him.

Anyway, I needed a new laptop, so she asked if she could bid on one for me. Told her I was happy to pay $2,400, but no more (retail was $3,000). Bidding started by some guy at $1,600. Wife, who likes a champagne, yells out the next bid of '$2,350!'. Ballroom roars with approval at strong bid from pretty girl in low-cut dress.

Unsurprisingly, it was a knockout bid, and wife was overjoyed and proud that she had secured me the computer.

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Was at a North fundraising dinner/auction (I know... ) with wife before we were married. Her stepfather, who is a champ, was on North's board so we attended to show support for him.

Anyway, I needed a new laptop, so she asked if she could bid on one for me. Told her I was happy to pay $2,400, but no more (retail was $3,000). Bidding started by some guy at $1,600. Wife, who likes a champagne, yells out the next bid of '$2,350!'. Ballroom roars with approval at strong bid from pretty girl in low-cut dress.

Unsurprisingly, it was a knockout bid, and wife was overjoyed and proud that she had secured me the computer.

You were likely few hundred dollars lighter but a pretty dress, well you still win.

north generally are good people. Support for family is always good, ok not Carlton but you have to draw the line somewhere

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

north generally are good people. Support for family is always good, ok not Carlton but you have to draw the line somewhere

Got a call from step-father-in-law at about 3am the night North won '99 GF. He and his buddy, who was also on North's board, were stuck at Crown because they couldn't get a taxi. I collected them and, to my surprise, the premiership cup.

We then woke up my 3 month-old daughter to put her in the cup. Got a great photo but the commotion woke my wife who yelled at us for being idiots and confiscated the baby.

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Got a call from step-father-in-law at about 3am the night North won '99 GF. He and his buddy, who was also on North's board, were stuck at Crown because they couldn't get a taxi. I collected them and, to my surprise, the premiership cup.

We then woke up my 3 month-old daughter to put her in the cup. Got a great photo but the commotion woke my wife who yelled at us for being idiots and confiscated the baby.

She was absolutely right.
It's not a Collingwood premiership cup!!!!

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Praise Buddha that my daughter's boyfriend has just returned from his surfing safari!

He has a positive impact on the whole family: daughter is obviously happier, he acts as an older brother to my son, gardens, and cooks a mean barbecue. Even the pets are calmer.

Hope the relationship works out for them. IF it doesn't, I'm adopting him and daughter will be sent to boarding school.

 

[Magpie Girl]

Have you solved the problem of your wife's Christmas present yet WalterBlaknWhte?

Perhaps the boyfriend can help with this too

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Have you solved the problem of your wife's Christmas present yet. Perhaps the boyfriend can help with this too

Yes, will ask him. Need a small gift to supplement the friand tray.

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Yes, will ask him. Need a small gift to supplement the friand tray.

Tell her you truly love her, that's her present.
Because it's the thought that counts.

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

Tell her you truly love her, that's her present. Because it's the thought that counts.

Wise words.

IF you want to condemn me to celibacy until April.

 

[Saintly Viewed]

Wise words.

IF you want to condemn me to celibacy until April.

Bless you Father, the lord giveth and the wife taketh away

 

[Magpie Girl]

It's all very well to be talking about the joys and madnesses of relationships but my joy and madness is not actually being in one.
I figure this could be a good project for you all for the off season - to find me a worthy companion.

Reading through this thread again I've decided I'm a fairly easy person to live with; I don't care what milk he buys (cos I never buy it), or which frozen peas he brings home (cos I never buy them) and I don't have a food processor hidden in the back of the cupboard, so no danger of throwing it out by mistake.
And I don't have teenage children creating havoc

So, I'll settle for tall dark and handsome, slim, healthy, and mature, and barracks for Collingwood.
Easy peasy!

I can expand on this, and fine tune it of course, when you present me with a few candidates
What do you think?

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

...I can expand on this, and fine tune it of course, when you present me with a few candidates
What do you think?

Fine summer project, MG. Can't promise much wisdom from me but we can always enlist BBB, who is now working as a love coach on community radio.

Preliminary Question 1: Which first date would you prefer?

a) fighting in padded sumo suits

b) watching a 3-hour Icelandic movie about crop rotation

c) lunch at a buzzy cafe with good food and wine

 

[Saintly Viewed]

It's all very well to be talking about the joys and madnesses of relationships but my joy and madness is not actually being in one.
I figure this could be a good project for you all for the off season - to find me a worthy companion.

Reading through this thread again I've decided I'm a fairly easy person to live with; I don't care what milk he buys (cos I never buy it), or which frozen peas he brings home (cos I never buy them) and I don't have a food processor hidden in the back of the cupboard, so no danger of throwing it out by mistake.
And I don't have teenage children creating havoc

So, I'll settle for tall dark and handsome, slim, healthy, and mature, and barracks for Collingwood.
Easy peasy!

I can expand on this, and fine tune it of course, when you present me with a few candidates
What do you think?

Gubby is he single?
If he is....
His profile reads:

Looking for someone to hold hands with.....
Walks On the beach
Prefer Collingwood ladies, no longer like GWS girls....
Must love hide and seek....

 

[Magpie Girl]

Fine summer project, MG. Can't promise much wisdom from me but we can always enlist BBB, who is now working as a love coach on community radio.

Preliminary Question 1: Which first date would you prefer?

a) fighting in padded sumo suits

b) watching a 3-hour Icelandic movie about crop rotation

c) lunch at a buzzy cafe with good food and wine

You're presenting me with an extremely difficult choice for question 1 Walter
Hmmm
As much as I love fighting in a padded sumo suit before watching a 3 hr Icelandic movie about crop rotation (and falling asleep on the couch) I think I'll have to choose option c) and have good food and wine for lunch at a buzzy cafe

 

[Magpie Girl]

Gubby is he single?
If he is....
His profile reads:

Looking for someone to hold hands with.....
Walks On the beach
Prefer Collingwood ladies, no longer like GWS girls....
Must love hide and seek....

This is good Saintly
I like holding hands, and walking on the beach

 

[Saintly Viewed]

This is good Saintly
I like holding hands, and walking on the beach

And whispering sweet nothings ..l.

 

[WalterBlaknWhte]

So, I'll settle for tall dark and handsome, slim, healthy, and mature, and barracks for Collingwood.... What do you think?

The only person I have met from BF who meets this description is 76woodenspooners. Although, 'slim' does not do justice to the beast of a rig that he carries. Pretty sure that marlin has been hooked so we will need to consider others.

Must the candidates for your affection be Collingwood supporters? IF you are ecumenical, which other fans would you consider? Please find below a summary drawn from my years of training and prejudice:

Adelaide: No. We want you back alive.
Brisbane: Too stupid.
Carlton: Some handsome Italian and Greek supporters? Just testing. No.
Essendon: Performance-enhanced. No.
Fremantle: Too feral.
Geelong: Possible. May own acreage to have autumnal strolls.
Gold Coast: Too blonde for you.
GWS: Only 6 fans to choose from. Unlikely.
Hawthorn. Excellent personal hygiene but insufferable.
Melbourne: Dandruff.
North: Believe Todd Goldstein is free.
Port: Same as Adelaide. But worse.
Richmond: Choose your own adventure but they're all bad.
StKilda: Once had a great post-game disco. No.
Sydney: You could chat about fennel recipes.
Weagles: Coke and bikies. Not my poison but I pass no judgment.
Western Bulldogs: Your choice but I think they have become a bit lippy.

Thoughts MG?

 

[Magpie Girl]

The only person I have met from BF who meets this description is 76woodenspooners. Although, 'slim' does not do justice to the beast of a rig that he carries. Pretty sure that marlin has been hooked so we will need to consider others.

Must the candidates for your affection be Collingwood supporters? IF you are ecumenical, which other fans would you consider? Please find below a summary drawn from my years of training and prejudice:

Adelaide: No. We want you back alive.
Brisbane: Too stupid.
Carlton: Some handsome Italian and Greek supporters? Just testing. No.
Essendon: Performance-enhanced. No.
Fremantle: Too feral.
Geelong: Possible. May own acreage to have autumnal strolls.
Gold Coast: Too blonde for you.
GWS: Only 6 fans to choose from. Unlikely.
Hawthorn. Excellent personal hygiene but insufferable.
Melbourne: Dandruff.
North: Believe Todd Goldstein is free.
Port: Same as Adelaide. But worse.
Richmond: Choose your own adventure but they're all bad.
StKilda: Once had a great post-game disco. No.
Sydney: You could chat about fennel recipes.
Weagles: Coke and bikies. Not my poison but I pass no judgment.
Western Bulldogs: Your choice but I think they have become a bit lippy.

Thoughts MG?

I think you've ruled everyone out except Pies guys!