Top Ten Chuck Norris Jokes

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MightyMark

MightyMark

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Jun 18, 2010
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I dont know about you guys, but I love Chuck Norris jokes. here are my top ten but add yours cos there always good for a laugh.

1. Chuck Norris doesn't acknowledge the Periodic table because he only believes in the elemant of suprise!
2. Chuck Norris is the only man to win a game on connect four in 3 turns
3. It was the Bermuda Square before Chuck Norris round house kicked it into a triangle.
4. There is no such thing as evolution, just animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
5. There is not a chin behind Chuck Norris's beard, just another fist.
6. Chuck Norris Lost his virginity before his father.
7. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, thats why there are no signs of life there.
8. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
9. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
10. A long time ago Chuck Norris played Mr. T in a game of Poker and Mr. T won. That was the day racism was born.
 

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1. Chuck Norris once round house kick a Shark in the face, that is how the Hammerhead Shark came to be.
2. Chuck Norris eat's Burnt Marshmellows whilst there still on fire.
3. Chuck Norris is the reason Wally is hiding
4. Chuck Norris know's where in the world Carmen Sandiago is.
5. The original Mount Rushmoore was meant to have the face of Chuck Norris, but they couldn't find a tool strong enough to carve out Chuck Norris's beard.
6. Chuck Norris can Slam a revolving door
7. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter, he round house kicks the cow and the butter comes straight out.
8. Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he Decides what time it is.
9. Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris
10. Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris
11. Chuck Norris doesn't need to mow his lawn, he dares the grass to grow.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't turn his shower on, he just stares at it until it cry's.
13. Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting because hunting infers the possibility of failure, Chuck Norris goes killing
14. Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with 1 bird
15. Chuck Norris once gave blood. It was put into can's and labelled 'red bull'
 
When Chuck Norris jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
 
1. If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
2. Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
3. When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down
4. Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer; too bad he has never cried.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares them down until he gets the information he wants out of them.
6. Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
7. Some kids piss their names in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name in concrete.
8. Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
9. Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
10. Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
 
1. Chuck Norris woke up one day and decided he should share his knowledge with the world... Thus Google was born.
2. chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
3. Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
4. Chuck Norris's dog picks up its own s**t because Chuck Norris doesn't take s**t from anybody
5. Chuck Norris counted to infinity-twice
6. Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
7. Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
8. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
9. Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter pilot by pointing his finger at it and saying "bang."
10. Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
 
Most of the good ones have been said but here's a couple-

-Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking 'bout
-Chuck Norris doesn't mow his grass. He dares it to grow
-If Superman and Ironman raced to the moon who would win? Chuck Norris
 

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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the shin. It's descendants are known today as giraffes.

Chuck Norris committed suicide, and lived.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't foolish enough to attack him

Some people wear Superman pyjamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pyjamas.
 
Bomber32 said:
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are known today as giraffes.
Click to expand...

fixed.



annnnnd adding: Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris
 
Its not really a joke and its as old as the hills, but just in case there is a Chuck Norris fan out that that hasn't seen this before.

Go to Google, type in "find Chuck Norris" and make sure you select "I am feeling lucky"

Lulz
 
Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the s**t out of it.

Chuck Norris just returned from a vacation in Pakistan.

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds that is.
 
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