Family & Relationships Wedding Etiquette

[Scotland]

Following on from:

This deserves its own thread.

I have told 5 pple this story today.

They are all gobsmacked.

So let me get this right, $100 plus gift?

Do we know exactly where the reception is being held?

A $100 'charge' to attend a wedding is one of the more ridiculous things I have heard.

What are the unwritten laws of wedding etiquette? What are the new trends good and bad?

Share your good / bad / cringeworthy experiences...

 

[CLUBMEDhurst]

Don't shag the best man's girlfriend. Doesn't end well

 

[Bunk Moreland]

If you want to pretend you’re in The Hangover and have your buck’s party in Vegas, don’t crack the shits when some people don’t come.

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

- Include groomsmen's suits in your budget (as they are hired). Bridesmaids expected to pay or chip in for their dresses (as they are usually kept afterwards).
- Guests should be expected to pay a minimum of $50 for a gift (I got $40 from my cousin... thrown in the extra 10 you tight bastard).
- Ceremony/reception MUST be on a Saturday if you expect people to hang around and party (in lieu of a public holiday the following day). Sunday/weekday weddings... urgh (again, tight arses).
- Make the reception venue easily accessible. Got invited to one where we had to wait in a dingy pub for a couple of hours with a 6 month old baby AND then had to go up the narrowest of bending staircases to get to the actual venue... with our pram (which basically doubles as an off-road vehicle) and the venue was incredibly tiny.
- Have food. Went to one with finger foods and finger foods only. After spending the afternoon at a long wedding and then going to an evening reception, you expect to get fed.
- Adequate consideration of guests between ceremony and reception. While the wedding party is off getting photos, give the guests something to do and not have a major amount of travelling. For example, we got wed at a Vic Park church and had the reception at Perth Zoo. 10-15 minute drive max. Also provided finger foods and music so guests could arrive and mingle, instead of wait around.

Basically, if you want a lot of people to attend, then fork out for it appropriately. The big kickback is to request cash rather than bought items as a gift (wife and I did this and romped in the winnings... generous uncles FTW). Otherwise, have a small ceremony and a barbecue.

And if you have to have an hour and a half Catholic wedding... don't invite me.

 

[Catsmaninamerica]

Don't shag the best man's girlfriend. Doesn't end well

or the bride. Found that out the hard way...

 

[Cap]

or the bride. Found that out the hard way...

you shagged the brides best friend or the bride?

 

[checkraiseulite]

Don't like the idea being told 'no gifts, just cash'.

Also I think you should pay for the bridesmaids dresses. Generally the bride chooses/designs them to match what she's wearing/the scheme she wants.

You might get to keep them but are most women going to wea a bridesmaids dress they ddidn't choose and may not even like again.

Ideally you get married once. Don't scrimp on money or expect people to pay for your wedding . Anyone you wwouldn't be happy spending a couple of hundred dollars on for your wedding, you probably shouldn't be inviting anyway.

 

[Catsmaninamerica]

ok honestly. If you feel the need to be married. there is one thing you should do. And again, Im not even joking.

elope.

tell your best 3 mates each a week before. And your parents. Dont tell your siblings. Just get a flight to Vegas and get it done. you will save SO much money. time. energy. effort. stress. you'll eliminate arguing with families. Bridesmaid stress. Just get on www.vaustralia.com and get a $1100 ticket to LAX, then visit www.hotwire.com and get yourself a Mustang convertable. should come in at about $40.00 a day. Get a travel insurance policy with someone like Columbus that covers your rental car so you dont get stung with Hertz insurance prices. Then get on www.expedia.com and book a room at circus circus - you can usually get the delux room (nice ive stayed there many times) for about $35.00 a night. Then when you land, head over to a store called Burlington ( http://www.burlingtoncoatfactory.com/StoreLocator.aspx?q=Las Vegas, Clark County, NV US ) Cheap cool suits. Tell your mrs to head over to Nordstrom Rack. Not Nordstrom. Nordstrom Rack. She'll get a ripper dress for not much coin.

Should be able to get it all done for about $5000

Just get it done.

 

[Poseidon]

If you have to make a speech then
a) be relatively sober, and
b) WRITE SOMETHING DOWN. Do not 'wing it'

I found this out the painfully embarassing way

 

[Quivorir]

If you have to make a speech then
a) be relatively sober, and
b) WRITE SOMETHING DOWN. Do not 'wing it'

I found this out the painfully embarassing way

Lol im winging my speech tomorrow. Stuff writing one down, let it come naturally.

 

[Tadpole]

Don't schedule the wedding on AFL Grand Final day.

 

[Quivorir]

Don't schedule the wedding on AFL Grand Final day.

Work mate did that this year, thankfully I wasn't invited. He's also lucky Collingwood didn't make it or a lot of people weren't going.

 

[Bunk Moreland]

I don’t mind a winged speech. They’re inevitably shorter, which is good. Just say what needs to be said, and get off. There’s no such thing as wedding speech that’s too brief.

 

[Bosun]

Should always have your wedding at Moes on a Monday, there are fewer drunks.

The only one I have an issue with is the cover charge + gift, rude and bizarre. The whole wedding on a Friday, cash instead of gifts, overseas wedding has never bothered me, after all its their day, if you can't make it so be it, I doubt the bride and groom care anyway.

 

[Scotland]

- Include groomsmen's suits in your budget (as they are hired). Bridesmaids expected to pay or chip in for their dresses (as they are usually kept afterwards).

Agreed. Went to a wedding once of a guy who married very young (still a uni student and therefore poor) and expected everyone to pay for their own suits. Here's a tip, if you can't afford to pay for the suits you picked for people to wear then you probably shouldn't be having a wedding yet.

- Guests should be expected to pay a minimum of $50 for a gift (I got $40 from my cousin... thrown in the extra 10 you tight bastard).

I figure as the guest there is a degree of 'value for money'. If I was going out for a nice 3 course meal with beer and wine etc. it'd probably cost me $100, so it's reasonable to expect to give $100 for a gift. I think it's unreasonable for the bride and groom to expect to turn a huge profit on proceedings (especially if the wedding is done on the cheap), and likewise if the bride and groom go totally over the top it's unreasonable to expect each guest to fork out hundreds.

- Ceremony/reception MUST be on a Saturday if you expect people to hang around and party (in lieu of a public holiday the following day). Sunday/weekday weddings... urgh (again, tight arses).

Agreed, but I don't mind Friday weddings, particularly if they are afternoon/evening affairs.

- Make the reception venue easily accessible. Got invited to one where we had to wait in a dingy pub for a couple of hours with a 6 month old baby AND then had to go up the narrowest of bending staircases to get to the actual venue... with our pram (which basically doubles as an off-road vehicle) and the venue was incredibly tiny.

I agree about accessibility but weddings are for adults. Newborns and invited kids of family & close friends are OK, but if a kid is old enough to be away from its Mother then a wedding is the sort of occasion when it should be. If someone is paying tens of thousands of dollars to put on a nice night for friends and family surely it isn't too much to ask for people to get babysitters? If your friend invited Mr & Mrs Jorel6669 + kids and made it difficult for you to get there with kids then they are a silly.

- Have food. Went to one with finger foods and finger foods only. After spending the afternoon at a long wedding and then going to an evening reception, you expect to get fed.

Agreed. I don't think a formal sit down meal is a necessity, but enough food to feed the guests is. People need to learn the distinction between 'cocktail style' and a few trays of finger food.

- Adequate consideration of guests between ceremony and reception. While the wedding party is off getting photos, give the guests something to do and not have a major amount of travelling. For example, we got wed at a Vic Park church and had the reception at Perth Zoo. 10-15 minute drive max. Also provided finger foods and music so guests could arrive and mingle, instead of wait around.

I haven't experienced a wedding where the reception has been that far away from the ceremony, but I think consideration extends to the gap between the two. You want enough to time to have a drink, take your time getting there etc. but you don't want to be sitting around filling in time for hours on end either.

 

[bunsen burner]

Don't like the idea being told 'no gifts, just cash'.

I have no issue with this or a gift register. Means they can get what they want.

Also I think you should pay for the bridesmaids dresses. Generally the bride chooses/designs them to match what she's wearing/the scheme she wants.

There's nothing worse than your partner being on a bridal party and having to fork out up to $1000 to go to someone else's wedding. srs. wtf?

The bride needs to pay.[/quote]

 

[bunsen burner]

Rule #1

Do not under any circumstances hold the wedding on AFL/NRL grand final day depending on which state you live in.

If I was invited to a wedding on AFL GF day I wouldn't show up.

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

I agree about accessibility but weddings are for adults. Newborns and invited kids of family & close friends are OK, but if a kid is old enough to be away from its Mother then a wedding is the sort of occasion when it should be. If someone is paying tens of thousands of dollars to put on a nice night for friends and family surely it isn't too much to ask for people to get babysitters? If your friend invited Mr & Mrs Jorel6669 + kids and made it difficult for you to get there with kids then they are a silly.

I haven't experienced a wedding where the reception has been that far away from the ceremony, but I think consideration extends to the gap between the two. You want enough to time to have a drink, take your time getting there etc. but you don't want to be sitting around filling in time for hours on end either.

- Agree on that. Using pram as my personal example, but also need to consider the elderly, those who may have difficulties getting around, etc. Was one of the key criteria when we decided on our venue. Of the reception of friends' we attended, we were specifically asked to bring our boy, not knowing in advance the difficulty of access (should have outlined this more ).

- I think a 15 minute commute between venues is what you want. Have had experiences of quite long distances between ceremony and reception. Examples such as wedding in Murdoch (south of Perth)/reception in Mt. Lawley (just north of Perth). Probably just outside the desired commute distance. Although did have one where wedding was in Gosnells, reception in Scarborough. Bit of a hike.

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

Rule #1

Do not under any circumstances hold the wedding on AFL/NRL grand final day depending on which state you live in.

If I was invited to a wedding on AFL GF day I wouldn't show up.

Lol, I can't believe the amount of people who do this. Serious case of being whipped.

I wonder if venues are cheaper on those particular days?

I know a mad Swans fan who missed last year's GF because he had to attend a wedding... madness!

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

I don’t mind a winged speech. They’re inevitably shorter, which is good. Just say what needs to be said, and get off. There’s no such thing as wedding speech that’s too brief.

Only by those who are capable though. I learnt the hard way that I can't wing a speech (not at a wedding though, thankfully).

 

[13_Stitches]

I was best man at a mates wedding, the reception was held at a Chinese restaurant amongst general public and we all had to pay for our own meal, which was from the buffet... There was about 100 guests and a lot didn't eat Chinese and just sat there. There was two speeches before i was due to make one, the crowd was not engaged at all and i doubt some of them even knew there was speeches happening. After the first speech and no reactions at all from anyone, i offered the other groomsman the chance to do it, which he did and despite his speech actually being really good for something off the cuff, it also go no reaction. terrible night. I took $200 in with a card to put in the 'wishing well' but it ended up staying in my pocket.

Learning from this I had my wedding 6 months later at the Registry in Melbourne and had the reception at the Hotel Windsor across the road. We invited immediate family only, 15 people, no mates at all and didn't tell anyone that wasn't invited. We had our own private room at the Windsor, everyone stayed there too (we're not from Melbourne so it was convenient.) and everything was perfect. My aunty is a photographer, so we got that for free, which was a bonus. Despite both our family's being skeptical at first they all agreed that it was perfect. No loans, no fuss, no ********s, no worries. I highly recommend this.

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

Don't like the idea being told 'no gifts, just cash'.

Each to their own but as a receiver and a giver, I prefer it. In my own case, what are people going to buy? Stuff I don't want/need/whatever. Far too much is spent on crap these days (don't get me started on Christmas). Unless I can nail a gift perfectly, I'd rather give someone cash for what they want/need. Basically, unless some thought goes into a gift, what's the point? Specifiying cash makes it easier on everyone (if they know the etiquette ).

Also I think you should pay for the bridesmaids dresses. Generally the bride chooses/designs them to match what she's wearing/the scheme she wants.

Agreed, but only if the bride is choosing exclusively. You'll find those who allow the bridesmaids to give some input, and in that case the bridesmaid can chip in/pay themselves. Seen plenty of bridesmaids dresses used again.

I had to pay to rent my suit at my friend's wedding... got no input either. I considered that my wedding present to them.

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

Learning from this I had my wedding 6 months later at the Registry in Melbourne and had the reception at the Hotel Windsor across the road. We invited immediate family only, 15 people, no mates at all and didn't tell anyone that wasn't invited. We had our own private room at the Windsor, everyone stayed there too (we're not from Melbourne so it was convenient.) and everything was perfect. My aunty is a photographer, so we got that for free, which was a bonus. Despite both our family's being skeptical at first they all agreed that it was perfect. No loans, no fuss, no ********s, no worries. I highly recommend this.

Excellent advice. Speaking as someone who invited more than they wanted to (and if I could do it again, it would be much more low key, even though it was a great day I do admit), I can't stress this enough - invite only those you need to be there. Who seriously wants to go to a wedding if they don't have to?

 

[TheGhostOfJohnBelushi]

the reception was held at a Chinese restaurant amongst general public

Also, lol. WTF?

 

[PunyHumans!!!]

If you have to make a speech then
a) be relatively sober, and
b) WRITE SOMETHING DOWN. Do not 'wing it'

I found this out the painfully embarassing way

I'd also like to add that you don't add in long winded, boring and rather irrelevant descriptions about the grooms family's early history or anything else when making your speech, in the case of my Uncle who made what would have been a half decent speech into a mind numbing exercise. Sheer torture.