Little things you do just to be a dick

[drviccles]

Our gym has a jukebox so sometimes I will put on all the 90's pop songs when working out. I'm sure 99% of them must hate my music choices LOL

 

[The Dice Man]

I ask questions that seem serious initially, but after a while the other person figures out I'm trolling them.

Exhibit A: *Young MC's Bust A Move is playing while an older mate and I are out (I'm 23, he's 33).

Me: This is a cool song.
Him: Yeah, it is.
Me: How old were you when it came out? Late twenties?
Him: No, I think I was a bit younge..... (notices me with a massive grin on my face) Oh, I get it; I'm old. Motherf*cker!".

Exhibit B: A mate of mine gets overly anayltical over text messages between him and this girl he's interested in and he has a habit of being very insecure about relationships.

He's explaining to me how she was being very "blunt" and not being overly nice to him and so he was getting really insecure.

Me: She was being blunt? F*ck man, time to cut her loose.
Him: Yeah, look at this shit! Yesterday she was giving me blow kisses and cheeky monkeys (emoticons), and today she isn't!.
Me: What a b*tch man. No blow kisses or cheeky monkeys? This is why the divorce rate is so high."
*he pauses suspiciously at my apparent outrage at no cutsey emoticons being given out, then sees me grinning*
Him: F*ck you.

You're really trolling yourself with that rubbish.

 

[PaddyO]

Dawdle.

 

[SwampCreature]

I think you mean DORDLE. champ

 

[Rough_Edges]

Wear earphones at my work and even though I know someone is trying to talk to me, I'll pretend I can't hear them.

 

[Dazb86]

Our gym has a jukebox so sometimes I will put on all the 90's pop songs when working out. I'm sure 99% of them must hate my music choices LOL

Used to do this at the local pool parlour. Would put Shania Twain - Man I Feel Like A Woman on repeat before I left.

 

[ioppolo]

Wear earphones at my work and even though I know someone is trying to talk to me, I'll pretend I can't hear them.

Earphones in = international symbol of 'leave me alone'. Hate it when I have them in and people are trying to talk to me.

 

[LANGFORDandSON]

Bradman>>>Tendulkar.

Funny you mention that, a few years back a couple of Indian cleaners working for me got into an altercation over that exact thing, the guy favoring Bradman was slapped by the Tendulkar fan for saying he was a better batsman. Rather than issue messy warnings, on my suggestion the slappee said he would be happy just to hear the other guy say Bradman was better, he did and the matter was closed without record to the satisfaction of the Bradman fan, for my own amusement I also made him say that the Aussie team was better than India before I let him leave my office.

 

[Jethro!]

My girlfriend's mum gets drunk at their family functions and always says something hurtful to my girlfriend. So as recompense I pee over the toilet floor and blame it on the incontinent grandfather in the knowledge that my girlfriend's mum has to clean it up.

 

[crownie]

i call people at work boss except for managers and the actual boss

 

[Registered User]

I cycle a lot around the south east of Melbourne, where there are quite a few golf courses. Every time I find a golf ball on the road, I lob it on one of the greens when no one's looking. Hee hee. How "original" and diaBOLICAL! Ha. The thought of some golfers being confused when they rock up to the green for their putt amuses me.

 

[revo333]

Wear earphones at my work and even though I know someone is trying to talk to me, I'll pretend I can't hear them.

A few people at my last job did this and got earphones banned for everyone because managers had to yell out their names 3 or 4 times to talk to them.

They were not very popular workers after that!

 

[dustysnecktattoo]

I ask questions that seem serious initially, but after a while the other person figures out I'm trolling them.

Exhibit A: *Young MC's Bust A Move is playing while an older mate and I are out (I'm 23, he's 33).

Me: This is a cool song.
Him: Yeah, it is.
Me: How old were you when it came out? Late twenties?
Him: No, I think I was a bit younge..... (notices me with a massive grin on my face) Oh, I get it; I'm old. Motherf*cker!".

Exhibit B: A mate of mine gets overly anayltical over text messages between him and this girl he's interested in and he has a habit of being very insecure about relationships.

He's explaining to me how she was being very "blunt" and not being overly nice to him and so he was getting really insecure.

Me: She was being blunt? F*ck man, time to cut her loose.
Him: Yeah, look at this shit! Yesterday she was giving me blow kisses and cheeky monkeys (emoticons), and today she isn't!.
Me: What a b*tch man. No blow kisses or cheeky monkeys? This is why the divorce rate is so high."
*he pauses suspiciously at my apparent outrage at no cutsey emoticons being given out, then sees me grinning*
Him: F*ck you.

exhibit B, sensational

 

[deanc]

When people leave there trolleys unattended I take out some of their items.

On the odd occasion that I'm reluctantly in the Supermarket with the wife, I like to accidentally/on purpose move unattended trolleys around into the next aisle - you should see the look on peoples faces and their reactions when they suddenly notice their trolley is missing...!!!

 

[the_interloper]

Saw a woman in ALDI last week rushing through the aisles, brushing past people etc to get whatever it was. I was nearly leaving so waited for her to rush to the register, at the last second stepped in front of her to queue for the register, oh she sighed.

 

[JG22]

The old hitting the crossing button when not at lights comes to mind doesn’t it

 

[akkaps]

Saw a woman in ALDI last week rushing through the aisles, brushing past people etc to get whatever it was. I was nearly leaving so waited for her to rush to the register, at the last second stepped in front of her to queue for the register, oh she sighed.

I do this on the road. If someone is tailgating me on the freeway I’ll drop my speed to 90, or I’ll do my best to box them in.

 

[Bostonian]

Tell Millennials I couldn't give a **** about climate change.

 

[Bomberboyokay]

 

[Syd]

I like to press all the buttons on an empty elevator sending it on a prolonged journey just to slow other people from getting the lift



20+ floors FTW!

 

[Bomberboyokay]

I like to press all the buttons on an empty elevator sending it on a prolonged journey just to slow other people from getting the lift

View attachment 802730

20+ floors FTW!

Good one Bart

 

[Macpotata]

Hand out bits of paper to random people inscribed on it '' you are a dirty campaigner ''


I have 100 on hand that I give out daily. I thought people would appreciate me treating them like an adult, as well as being honest. But I get rather hostile looks.


**** em.

 

[TubbsFarquhar]

Hand out bits of paper to random people inscribed on it '' you are a dirty campaigner ''


I have 100 on hand that I give out daily. I thought people would appreciate me treating them like an adult, as well as being honest. But I get rather hostile looks.


fu** em.

You're a weird unit.

 

[Quokka]

I do this on the road. If someone is tailgating me on the freeway I’ll drop my speed to 90, or I’ll do my best to box them in.

I've done the same but at the same time with someone in the right lane and doing less than the speed limit I have happily sat an inch off their bumper while we both did 80 and watched the freeway traffic stream by on the left.

* I never tailgate on single lane or left lanes, you've got the right to do whatever speed you want and it's just one of those things to get caught behind a slow driver... just maybe not in a far right lane.


Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, anyone going faster than you is a moron.

 

[akkaps]

I've done the same but at the save time with someone in the right lane and doing less than the speed limit I have happily sat an inch off their bumper while we both did 80 and watched the freeway traffic stream by on the left.

* I never tailgate on single lane or left lanes, you've got the right to do whatever speed you want and it's just one of those things to get caught behind a slow driver... just maybe not in a far right lane.


Anyone going slower than you is an idiot, anyone going faster than you is a moron.

I’ll be going 110 on the far right of the Eastern, and then a car will tailgate. I understand if I’m going 95. But I’m already 10 over.