An englishman, and irishman, and frenchman walked into a bar...
The bartender looks up and says: "what is this; some kind of joke..."
The bartender looks up and says: "what is this; some kind of joke..."
Lame jokes
- Thread starter oaksy
- Start date
- Tagged users None
- Status
A girl walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
So the barman gives her one.
So the barman gives her one.
Q: What's a cat's favorite color?
A: PURRRRR-PLE!
A: PURRRRR-PLE!
Q: What did the vampire order at the restaurant?
A: Ice scream.
A: Ice scream.
Q: How can you tell the difference between an elephant and a banana?
A: I don't know, either, but you'd better figure it out, 'cause if you ever try to peel an elephant.....
A: I don't know, either, but you'd better figure it out, 'cause if you ever try to peel an elephant.....
Sunday Red
Club Legend
I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.
That was a trip down memory lane.
That was a trip down memory lane.
Fisherman says to his mate, "I'll meet you tommorow morning at the gate down near the river, I'll leave a rock on the gatepost so you'll know I'm alrady down on the riverbank.
If you get there before me, you knock it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you get there before me, you knock it off!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bombers own
Senior List
How many boring people does it take to change a lightbulb?
One
One
How do you catch a bear?
First dig a big hole.
Then in the hole pour some ashes . Around the hole put a pile of peas.
Now when the bear comes to take a PEA, you kick him in the ASH hole.
First dig a big hole.
Then in the hole pour some ashes . Around the hole put a pile of peas.
Now when the bear comes to take a PEA, you kick him in the ASH hole.
thomas_m18
Premiership Player
Lame jokes?
Some of the jokes I can remember from the Camp Quality joke books (for a good cause, though, and they do make you laugh, sometimes).
Where do people make jam?
Jam-maker!
Where do hire cars come from?
Hireland! (get it, like Ireland?)
Where do lollies come from?
Sweetzerland!
Some real crackers there
Some of the jokes I can remember from the Camp Quality joke books (for a good cause, though, and they do make you laugh, sometimes).
Where do people make jam?
Jam-maker!
Where do hire cars come from?
Hireland! (get it, like Ireland?)
Where do lollies come from?
Sweetzerland!
Some real crackers there
Someone red card him
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
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An Arabic family were considering putting their grandfather Abdullah into a nursing home.
But as all the Arabic facilities were completely full they had to put him in an Australian home.
After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit grandpa Abdullah ...
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.
"It's Great! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful" says grandpa .....
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone else ..."
" Oh no! Let me tell you about how respectful they treat the residents ....."
says Abdullah with a big smile ...
"There's a musician in here .....
he's 85 years old.
He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him .....
'The Maestro'
There is a judge in here .....
he's 95 years old.
He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him .....
'Your Honor'
There's a dentist here ......
he's 90 years old who hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him .....
'The Doctor'
As for me ...
I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me ...
'The F@cking Arab' "
But as all the Arabic facilities were completely full they had to put him in an Australian home.
After a few weeks in the Australian facility, they came to visit grandpa Abdullah ...
"How do you like it here?" asks the grandson.
"It's Great! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful" says grandpa .....
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone else ..."
" Oh no! Let me tell you about how respectful they treat the residents ....."
says Abdullah with a big smile ...
"There's a musician in here .....
he's 85 years old.
He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him .....
'The Maestro'
There is a judge in here .....
he's 95 years old.
He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him .....
'Your Honor'
There's a dentist here ......
he's 90 years old who hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him .....
'The Doctor'
As for me ...
I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me ...
'The F@cking Arab' "
- Banned
- #1,515
Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Trydixagain.
- Dec 21, 2005
- 23,638
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Whats the difference between a jew and a canoe?
One tips.
One tips.
Bomber Bears
Cancelled
What do you call a lesbian duck?
A Stickybeak
A Stickybeak
You wouldn't happen to be a shortish bloke who lives in the Northern suburbs, would you?
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater Bunny.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder eater bunny:[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car who go beep beep and Knock over the eater bunny:[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boo:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boo who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Don’t cry there will be a nudder eater bunny next year.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Eater Bunny.[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Nudder eater bunny:[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Car who go beep beep and Knock over the eater bunny:[/FONT]
[FONT="] [/FONT]
[FONT="]Knock Knock:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Who’s there?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boo:[/FONT]
[FONT="]Boo who?[/FONT]
[FONT="]Don’t cry there will be a nudder eater bunny next year.[/FONT]
Quadzilla
Brownlow Medallist
- May 21, 2005
- 17,792
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- Power, Magpies, Swamprats, Whales
Q What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit burrow?
A Hot Cross Bunnies
A Hot Cross Bunnies
Q: Who is the Easter Bunny's favourite actor?
A: Rabbit De Niro!
**********************************
Q: What do you call an Easter Bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
******************************************
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them.
A: Rabbit De Niro!
**********************************
Q: What do you call an Easter Bunny with a large brain?
A: An egghead.
******************************************
Q: Why do we paint Easter eggs?
A: Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them.
- May 9, 2002
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What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar bill and a crazy rabbit?
One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny!
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain
How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent!
How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!
this is a lame joke thread after all
One is bad money, the other is a mad bunny!
What do you call a dumb bunny?
A hare brain
How did the Easter Bunny rate the Easter parade?
He said it was eggs-cellent!
How do you catch the Easter Bunny?
Hide in a bush and make a noise like a carrot!
this is a lame joke thread after all
- May 9, 2002
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips toTarget. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm bells in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'M 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you have any questions or queires please contact Target on xxxxxxxxxx
Yours Sincerly
Target Management
Dear Mrs. Samuel,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm bells in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were..
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'M 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least:
15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
If you have any questions or queires please contact Target on xxxxxxxxxx
Yours Sincerly
Target Management
Q: What do you call a black pilot?
A: A Pilot you racist bastard.
A: A Pilot you racist bastard.
- May 9, 2002
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