Deaneus!
We Await Silent Tristero's Empire
I have some grave concerns about this club. Grave concerns. The last ten years we’ve lurched from crisis to crisis to crisis.
We’ve had 7 senior coaches in 10 years – Craig, Bickley, Sanderson, Walsh, Camporeale, Pyke, Nicks. Some forced, some sacked. We’ve had Tippettgate, where for a $300k fine and a bunch of valuable draft picks we were told we’d get the whole story and we didn’t, to Collective Minds and the Camp, the most traumatic weekend getaway since Wolf Creek, Kangatech where we just flat out didn’t read the instruction book, and players running around like they work for Pablo Escobar.
List-wise, we can’t use a first round pick to save our lives; and we’ve forced/lost players like Jarryd Lyons, Ed Curnow, Patrick Dangerfield, Hugh Greenwood, Jack Gunston. What do those guys have in common?
Also, Alex Keath, Phil Davis, Jake Lever, Ricky Henderson, Josh Jenkins, Mitch McGovern, Eddie Betts, Kurt Tippett, Charlie Cameron, Sam Jacobs, Matthew Wright, Shaun McKernan, Cam Ellis-Yolmen, Kyle Hartigan, Rory Atkins, Brad Crouch. Brad Crouch! Our posturing over Brad Crouch was embarrassing, we folded faster than those nice seats in the grandstand that automatically flip up. We just lost 16 matches in a row, and in the last three years since the GF we’ve come 12th, 11th and stone motherless last.
In the last three years especially, the big names we’ve lost or forced out? Don Pyke, Andrew Fagan, Scott Camporeale & Brett Burton. And Brett Burton, wow, David Noble goes to Brisbane in 2014, now they are good, we got Burton in 2016, we sacked him three years later after an external review. Ben Keays looks like our fittest player and he’s a delistee from Brisbane! We must have the worst footy department in the league. We call a review, it’s football only. August 2019 has Andrew Fagan saying we’re in the last year of our five-year plan. Now I can’t get a copy of the old plan, I can’t get a copy of the new plan. I don’t see any evidence of a plan. Not sure I trust any plan that says come last.
But it’s okay. Whenever there’s a problem, the board and senior management goes missing, and a shiny new propaganda hostage video featuring Tom Doedee comes out, so we know our media department is working fantastic, except when it’s time to spell the name “Malcolm” at an awards night.
We did two things right this decade – we got to a GF, and our Women’s team, and I’m inclined to think on all this evidence we did this by accident, and at the very least we should all go home and pray to Erin Phillips.
So, in this most critical recent period, the chairman who oversaw all of these embarrassments has the board member who was going to replace him leave, so he picks a replacement, and that replacement hired the last CEO we had who oversaw lots of those very embarrassments himself. I mean, there’s insular, and there’s Adelaide Crows insular.
And please delete Twitter from your phones. For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we’ve got thankfully ex-employees trying to pick up teenagers. We’ve got board members fighting with ex-players. We’ve got board members saying “Players who don’t want to enter hubs are risking their jobs”. You know who’s not risking their job? The board, it turns out!
We have this illusion of democracy with two elected board members. I recall votes don’t get released because the members will know how much of a stitch-up it is when players nominate? What a revolving door that must be. Greg Griffin said the board was “inherently weak because they’re not playing with your own money”. Does that mean it’s a junket? Is it just for show? Results don’t seem to matter. I guess we’ll have to wait to buy back our license… again… before we can change anything. Bring on 2028!
So, after successfully leading us to our very first wooden spoon, after the last decade and especially the last three years of clown college our club has been, how is it possible that no-one on the board resigned? I mean, I congratulate their ability to turn up for free food and drinks and receive applause like the spoon is a proud achievement, but none of them felt the need to be accountable?
Also, is it just called a spoon, or will the AFL send us an actual spoon, and will it go in the trophy cabinet?
We’ve had 7 senior coaches in 10 years – Craig, Bickley, Sanderson, Walsh, Camporeale, Pyke, Nicks. Some forced, some sacked. We’ve had Tippettgate, where for a $300k fine and a bunch of valuable draft picks we were told we’d get the whole story and we didn’t, to Collective Minds and the Camp, the most traumatic weekend getaway since Wolf Creek, Kangatech where we just flat out didn’t read the instruction book, and players running around like they work for Pablo Escobar.
List-wise, we can’t use a first round pick to save our lives; and we’ve forced/lost players like Jarryd Lyons, Ed Curnow, Patrick Dangerfield, Hugh Greenwood, Jack Gunston. What do those guys have in common?
they all got more Brownlow votes than a Crows player last year. Even Ed ******* Curnow!
Also, Alex Keath, Phil Davis, Jake Lever, Ricky Henderson, Josh Jenkins, Mitch McGovern, Eddie Betts, Kurt Tippett, Charlie Cameron, Sam Jacobs, Matthew Wright, Shaun McKernan, Cam Ellis-Yolmen, Kyle Hartigan, Rory Atkins, Brad Crouch. Brad Crouch! Our posturing over Brad Crouch was embarrassing, we folded faster than those nice seats in the grandstand that automatically flip up. We just lost 16 matches in a row, and in the last three years since the GF we’ve come 12th, 11th and stone motherless last.
In the last three years especially, the big names we’ve lost or forced out? Don Pyke, Andrew Fagan, Scott Camporeale & Brett Burton. And Brett Burton, wow, David Noble goes to Brisbane in 2014, now they are good, we got Burton in 2016, we sacked him three years later after an external review. Ben Keays looks like our fittest player and he’s a delistee from Brisbane! We must have the worst footy department in the league. We call a review, it’s football only. August 2019 has Andrew Fagan saying we’re in the last year of our five-year plan. Now I can’t get a copy of the old plan, I can’t get a copy of the new plan. I don’t see any evidence of a plan. Not sure I trust any plan that says come last.
But it’s okay. Whenever there’s a problem, the board and senior management goes missing, and a shiny new propaganda hostage video featuring Tom Doedee comes out, so we know our media department is working fantastic, except when it’s time to spell the name “Malcolm” at an awards night.
We did two things right this decade – we got to a GF, and our Women’s team, and I’m inclined to think on all this evidence we did this by accident, and at the very least we should all go home and pray to Erin Phillips.
So, in this most critical recent period, the chairman who oversaw all of these embarrassments has the board member who was going to replace him leave, so he picks a replacement, and that replacement hired the last CEO we had who oversaw lots of those very embarrassments himself. I mean, there’s insular, and there’s Adelaide Crows insular.
And please delete Twitter from your phones. For the love of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we’ve got thankfully ex-employees trying to pick up teenagers. We’ve got board members fighting with ex-players. We’ve got board members saying “Players who don’t want to enter hubs are risking their jobs”. You know who’s not risking their job? The board, it turns out!
We have this illusion of democracy with two elected board members. I recall votes don’t get released because the members will know how much of a stitch-up it is when players nominate? What a revolving door that must be. Greg Griffin said the board was “inherently weak because they’re not playing with your own money”. Does that mean it’s a junket? Is it just for show? Results don’t seem to matter. I guess we’ll have to wait to buy back our license… again… before we can change anything. Bring on 2028!
So, after successfully leading us to our very first wooden spoon, after the last decade and especially the last three years of clown college our club has been, how is it possible that no-one on the board resigned? I mean, I congratulate their ability to turn up for free food and drinks and receive applause like the spoon is a proud achievement, but none of them felt the need to be accountable?
Also, is it just called a spoon, or will the AFL send us an actual spoon, and will it go in the trophy cabinet?
