Think Tank Mofra's Lazy Bottom 40 for 2025

[Dubai Quacker]

Player #16 - Elijah Hollands
View attachment 2500959
Pictured: I can't believe people have questioned this guy's temperament

Elijah Hollands is a supremely talented former pick #7 from an expansion club who hasn't developed well in the AFL system, so of course he ended up being traded to Carlton.

Elijah first played for Carlton in 2023. He was also suspended from the AFL for drug possession in 2023. After only 45 more chances, he was told to "explore his options" at the end of 2025 despite Carlton being perfectly happy with his brother Ollie. After meeting with Gold Coast's Melbourne talent scout (who has an office in the second stall of Rev's between the hours of 2am and 3.30am Sunday mornings) no other club wanted to touch him.
He's currently a 'train on' player at the Blues which also describes how his Eshay mates get around Melbourne.

Unlike his Sunday mornings, Elijah just hasn't kicked-on in the AFL system. Rumours of partying and a lack of professionalism have really curtailed his career. This isn't an touring English test team Elijah, this is the AFL, and even clubs in a perpetual rebuilding phase expect you to have some decorum.

This year he still managed to roll out for 5 games including a 25 disposal effort in a Carlton win against Geelong so off trend that Jamarra turned up to training that week out of pure shock. Elijah's last game was a match against the Swans in which Sydney won the game, and Charlie Curtnow's heart.

Despite all of these speed humps, Carlton have given Hollands one last chance to ressurect his AFL career in a move so loyal we can rule out Lachie Neale ever playing for Carlton.

Fun fact: Track watchers at Carlton said Elijah had a really good session last week. He's also been training well.

Good luck wherever you end up next year Elijah, and welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

Got me thinking:

Is “Elijah” history’s least successful AFL name?

Highly touted Elijah’s in recent years:

• Hollands
• Taylor
• Tsatas (perhaps unfair, but he’s at Essendon hence doomed to mediocrity)
• Hewett

Not a good strike rate.

For what its worth, “Dustin” is likely no.1.

 

[T2B_]

Yeah, bloody Elijah.

In some ways he and his brother are a perfect example of the frustrating dichotomy you get with some players.

Elijah - hugely naturally talented, who knows how high his ceiling is, but so far just squandered it away

Ollie - no where near the natural talent, has deficiencies in his game (mainly kicking), but works his absolute clacker off all day, every day and is the consummate professional.

 

[Pistol Night]

Got me thinking:

Is “Elijah” history’s least successful AFL name?

Highly touted Elijah’s in recent years:

• Hollands
• Taylor
• Tsatas (perhaps unfair, but he’s at Essendon hence doomed to mediocrity)
• Hewett

Not a good strike rate.

For what its worth, “Dustin” is likely no.1.

What about Oleg?

 

[weltschmerz]

• Tsatas (perhaps unfair, but he’s at Essendon hence doomed to mediocrity)

I think it’s his mediocrity that dooms him to mediocrity

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Lachie Neale

9

Lachie Neale

Age

32

Ht

177cm

Wt

84kg

Pos.

Mid

Career

Season

Last 5

D

27.0

5star

K

11.5

4star

HB

15.5

5star

M

4.0

4star

T

3.7

5star

CL

5.9

5star

D

28.3

5star

K

13.9

5star

HB

14.4

5star

M

4.6

4star

T

4.0

5star

CL

5.9

5star

D

12.0

3star

K

4.6

2star

HB

7.4

5star

M

2.0

3star

T

1.0

3star

CL

0.4

3star

has unexpectedly firmed into a top 3 placing.

 

[T2B_]

Lachie Neale has unexpectedly firmed into a top 3 placing.

Be interesting to see odds on how many of the wives of the fellow bottom 40s he slept with

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Be interesting to see odds on how many of the wives of the fellow bottom 40s he slept with

He is an ugly rodent looking midget too.

 

[Pistol Night]

Be interesting to see odds on how many of the wives of the fellow bottom 40s he slept with

Might need a hottest 100

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

Might need a hottest 100

Hottest or Thottest ?

 

[Pistol Night]

Hottest or Thottest ?

He’s knocked up more centuries than Virat Kohli the campaigner by the sounds of it

 

[Elmer_Hauser]

He’s knocked up more centuries than Virat Kohli the campaigner by the sounds of it

So has Ron Jeremy ...

Hmm

 

[Pistol Night]

So has Ron Jeremy ...

Hmm

He’s got a bigger bat than Virat though

 

[spenze]

He’s got a bigger bat than Virat though

Has a double grip on it by all accounts

 

[n4sir]

Player #16 - Elijah Hollands
View attachment 2500959
Pictured: I can't believe people have questioned this guy's temperament

Elijah Hollands is a supremely talented former pick #7 from an expansion club who hasn't developed well in the AFL system, so of course he ended up being traded to Carlton.

Elijah first played for Carlton in 2023. He was also suspended from the AFL for drug possession in 2023. After only 45 more chances, he was told to "explore his options" at the end of 2025 despite Carlton being perfectly happy with his brother Ollie. After meeting with Gold Coast's Melbourne talent scout (who has an office in the second stall of Rev's between the hours of 2am and 3.30am Sunday mornings) no other club wanted to touch him.
He's currently a 'train on' player at the Blues which also describes how his Eshay mates get around Melbourne.

Unlike his Sunday mornings, Elijah just hasn't kicked-on in the AFL system. Rumours of partying and a lack of professionalism have really curtailed his career. This isn't an touring English test team Elijah, this is the AFL, and even clubs in a perpetual rebuilding phase expect you to have some decorum.

This year he still managed to roll out for 5 games including a 25 disposal effort in a Carlton win against Geelong so off trend that Jamarra turned up to training that week out of pure shock. Elijah's last game was a match against the Swans in which Sydney won the game, and Charlie Curtnow's heart.

Despite all of these speed humps, Carlton have given Hollands one last chance to ressurect his AFL career in a move so loyal we can rule out Lachie Neale ever playing for Carlton.

Fun fact: Track watchers at Carlton said Elijah had a really good session last week. He's also been training well.

Good luck wherever you end up next year Elijah, and welcome to the Bottom 40 for 2025.

This had the "Michael Holding run-up" leading up to the delivery... and it likewise hit the mark.

 

[Braklet]

He is an ugly rodent looking midget too.

 

[Braklet]

Happy After Krampus Day, all you lovely heathens.

I bet he's almost as popular with his friends' wives as Lachie!

 

[The Sultan]

What about Oleg?

Clive ?

 

[AlecDuncan]

My dad has lived in Yarraville for almost 70 years.
It's certainly different to when he moved in...

Early 80s it seemed like every murder in Melbourne was in Yarraville.

 

[AlecDuncan]

Player #16 - Elijah Hollands

Richly warranted.

 

[WillHayward]

I like how Hollands has a good name to country of origin drug liberalisation policy thing going on.

 

[Pistol Night]

Another tall handsome bigfooty Lothario I see.

Also no doubt a financial wizard and if the highest moral standing.

Careful dude, you’re talking to Bigfooty’s Pablo Escobar there

 

[Pavlovs Cat]

Dangerfield may challenge him for his GF performance although he is missing the ex-Bulldog factor

Didn't the old boy fully whip your arse?

 

[hawkman]

Didn't the old boy fully whip your arse?

Yes and then produced one of the worst grand finals ever seen while also injuring his team's best player

 

[WillHayward]

Early 80s it seemed like every murder in Melbourne was in Yarraville.

Come to think if it.
Mofra's dad did have seem to be out a lot in the 80s.