Arts & Humanities Bad Blokery

[PAUR]

Last Monday I missed indoor soccer game for the first time because it was a long weekend and I 'forgot' that we were playing soccer that night because it felt like a Sunday. ******ed I know.

After getting told how you never not rock up for a game, I mentally locked in our game of indoor tonight. After work I lazed around the house, cooked, ate, watched Game of Thrones, read bigfooty etc, started to watch Angry Boys and realised the game started 20 minutes ago... I rocked up as the final whistle blew and got the dirtiest looks (deserved) and basically asked if I wanted to play anymore. All fair I think. Did pay the match fee but still not close to even-Stevens.

Anyway I know that I ****ed up but what are fellow GD's tales of shit blokeness that they can tell. An easier one is what acts of shit blokeness have your mates done?

 

[Mooster7]

Soccer isn't blokey. The Man Laws in no way require you to take any obligatory participatory action - whether as a player or a spectator. None. It may be a different story for the girls, but not for us. Not soccer. If you like soccer, have at it. It's not banned (yet) under the Man Laws, but considered, prayerful reading of the law has you clear on this one. This is a fact as to your innocence and not an interpretation.

You owe no man an apology for your actions in this matter. If one of your guy friends tries to guilt you into apologizing, he's way out of bounds and is speaking without scriptural authority vis a vis the Man Laws. Borderlline heresy, actually. Be careful, my friend, which monkeys you swing with. They'll have you climbing straight up the gay sensitivity tree and sucking the bananas thereof.

Anyway, one summer back when I was a teeny, I was trying to talk a reluctant friend of mine into sneaking off late at night and having a bunch of beers and bourbon. He was "afraid" he would get caught. I gave him the man-to-man guarantee he wouldn't get caught. We snuck him out his bedroom window (ground floor) and went off to the forest to meet up with some other dudes for some serious teenage irresponsibility - which is by rite and right.

My friend got so hammered he could barely walk. True to my word, I half carried him back home, jimmied his window open with ninja-like stealth and we got him plopped through. I said, "Good night, sleep in, I'll call you tomorrow." Everything was thumbs up.

The next day (late) I called him up and asked if he wanted to hang out again. He said, "No, dude. My folks totally busted me." I said, "How the **** did you get busted? You were snuck in fair and reasonable!" He says, "I went to bed and fell asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night I got up, went into my parent's bedroom, turned on their light, opened their clothes hamper, pissed into it and climbed into bed with them." Well, I call that busted.

I failed in my man-to-man promise, but seriously, what a *******.

 

[BarneyBent]

Cockblocked a mate for my own benefit at a party, albeit unwittingly. I was talking to a girl, wasn't that into her. My mate later asked me if there was anybody I had my eye on, I said not really, not realising (stupidly) he was implicitly asking about the girl. Couple (i.e. many) drinks later, I decide I'm into the girl after all, and seek her out. She and my mate are talking. Still hasn't clicked that he's into her, despite the fact that he's clearly tuning her. I rock up, take control, actually physically move him out of the way to get back to talking to her. End up hooking up (this was high school, so nothing more than kissing, unfortuntely ).

It wasn't until the next day that it occured to me that he was in to her. He gave me shit about it, only half jokingly. Fair to say he was pretty pissed off, but I tend to be pretty out of it at the best of times, so he had no problem believing I was just drunk and not thinking. I apologised, no harm done. Felt like an absolute toss-bag though.

Worst part was, a few weeks later this mate also gave me a heads up that she'd been going out and "enjoying herself" a fair bit, after we'd gone on a couple of dates and were going to each other's formals (ah, high school). I wasn't actually that into her at the time, so I didn't mind or expect any different. I was just socially awkward and wanted a reliable date, but he was looking out for me in case I wanted it to go further. He was a good guy, really. Haven't seen him since I left school.

Also, I've dogged on nights out far too many times.

 

[Mooster7]

Cockblocked a mate for my own benefit at a party, albeit unwittingly.

Also, I've dogged on nights out far too many times.

I don't see any crime in this either, BSA.

The only time(s) you have to refrain from cockblocking is when you're going out with another dude and the evening's parameters have already been set that his getting laid is the priority, and you have the clearly defined and agreed to role as wingman. This should be so strongly clarified and agreed to betwixt, that it practically requires the drawing up of a contract and signed mutually in blood to be legally binding.

I prefer to go out by myself unless someone begs to be my designated driver. By one's self or with a crowd, I always view these situations as being on a sinking ship and all us boys rats. Get your own skin even if that means standing on the partially sunken body of another rat and letting him drown.

Other than the wingman scenario (again previously and totally mutually agreed to) absolutely no man ever has priority to score over you. Let me say that again so that it is perfectly clear: Absolutely no man EVER has priority to score over you. Fact of life.

I'll back that up by saying you should also never get pissed off when you yourself are cockblocked. It happens. Those instances are almost as fun as being the blocker. It's all life. Enjoy it.

Peace,

 

[BarneyBent]

I don't see any crime in this either, BSA.

The only time(s) you have to refrain from cockblocking is when you're going out with another dude and the evening's parameters have already been set that his getting laid is the priority, and you have the clearly defined and agreed to role as wingman. This should be so strongly clarified and agreed to betwixt, that it practically requires the drawing up of a contract and signed mutually in blood to be legally binding.

I prefer to go out by myself unless someone begs to be my designated driver. By one's self or with a crowd, I always view these situations as being on a sinking ship and all us boys rats. Get your own skin even if that means standing on the partially sunken body of another rat and letting him drown.

Other than the wingman scenario (again previously and totally mutually agreed to) absolutely no man ever has priority to score over you. Let me say that again so that it is perfectly clear: Absolutely no man EVER has priority to score over you. Fact of life.

I'll back that up by saying you should also never get pissed off when you yourself are cockblocked. It happens. Those instances are almost as fun as being the blocker. It's all life. Enjoy it.

Peace,

By all means, competition is fine. But I actually physically shifted him away from the girl. If we'd both been talking and I just had more game, then fair enough, but I physically prevented him from talking to her. In my books, that's not fair game. Never done it since.

 

[Mooster7]

By all means, competition is fine. But I actually physically shifted him away from the girl. If we'd both been talking and I just had more game, then fair enough, but I physically prevented him from talking to her. In my books, that's not fair game. Never done it since.

That's a self imposed rule, BSA. Of course it's perfectly fine to have that rule, but it's not one which exists outside your own imposed asceticism. It's a bit like being a monk. I don't have a problem with monks. Let them be monks, but their self imposition has nothing to do with what's going on outside the monastery and I would imagine a monk's ideas about picking up differ greatly from accepted practiced reality.

At worse, breaking your own rule is like cheating on a diet. Feel guilty about it for a couple of hours and then move on I say.

Peace,

 

[carn tigez]

By all means, competition is fine. But I actually physically shifted him away from the girl. If we'd both been talking and I just had more game, then fair enough, but I physically prevented him from talking to her. In my books, that's not fair game. Never done it since.

Depends IMO, if it's a girl he is genuinely keen on it's a dog act. If it's just a chick you both met that night and he is chatting her up, you give him maybe 15 minutes then it's fair game after that.

 

[Lazarus]

15 minutes? Geez...

 

[woopedazz]

Mooster would you deem ripping off another man's genitals, pulling out his eyeballs and replacing them with the contents of his scrotum while eating laxatives like candy. Only to then shit into a condom, put it in the freezer and when it solidifies removing the condom and penetrating him with the faecal matter an act of bad blokery?

What exactly counts in your books?

 

[neng]

If the bloke never blatantly stated he was interested in the girl to you, then it is fair game. Different if he tells you he is keen on the girl to your face. His own fault, you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

 

[carn tigez]

15 minutes? Geez...

Maybe half an hour. Definitely no more than that. Nothing worse than blokes who shotgun a girl then spend the whole night talking to her without getting anywhere.

 

[Lazarus]

Fair call. I've been on both sides of that situation before.

 

[cats81]

Mooster you are a wanna be Barney Stinson and its coming off fairly boring and shit, no offence.

Back on topic...im sleeping with one of my best mates wives and I also ****ed his sister a couple of years ago at his 30th birthday party

 

[Lazarus]

"It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married" - Barney Stinson

 

[CakeEater]

Back on topic...im sleeping with one of my best mates wives and I also ****ed his sister a couple of years ago at his 30th birthday party

Yep cant argue this is Bad Blokery.
I dented my mates car whilst driving it and never paid him back for the repair, he has ragged me mercilessly

 

[And_ROOS]

Bad blokery clarification needed:
A few years back was on 9 goals in a footy match, went for number 10, kicked the ball from about 50 out and it was going to roll though for a goal but our forward pocket intercepted it and hit the post with his kick from about 7m out.

Is that bad blokery, or sh*t c**tery?

 

[carn tigez]

Bad blokery clarification needed:
A few years back was on 9 goals in a footy match, went for number 10, kicked the ball from about 50 out and it was going to roll though for a goal but our forward pocket intercepted it and hit the post with his kick from about 7m out.

Is that bad blokery, or sh*t c**tery?

Depends...score?

 

[Ch3wy]

Oh this thread was seriously made for me

Too many stories to go through, but first one that catches my mind was me being the worst wingman to one of my best mates.

We organized with a bunch of friends to go out for drinks to a pub in the city after the Anzac day match (we watched the match at a mates place). Long story short couple of my friends got a lift, and I had to take the train with with one of my mates friends who I only met like once before. Was a cool guy, but was pissed I had to train it. Things turned up though when he spotted his cousin (a 20 year old bird who was a good 8/10), and 2 of her friends who were also pretty good. Chatted with them all the way to the pub and was really keen on his cousin. They agreed to come with us to the pub.

Got to the pub and we all met up with our friends. Me and my best mate decided to go get some drinks. Had my eye on that guys cousin the whole time, and suddenly out of no where I see my mate talking to this crazy hot english bird who seemed to have come out of nowhere. They start hitting it off straight away, and I feel like paying for the beers and walking away seemed like the best strategy. Incomes her fat ugly friend (every hot chick has one). Not only was she fat and ugly, she was rude as hell for some apparent reason. She came in and started chatting to us, and my mate gave the 'wingman look', which basically meant take this bitch to KFC, buy her a bucket, and just get her out of the vicinity.

All seems good and well, I had duties as a wingman to do this, and I promised early in the night I would wingman him. The plot thickens though, as that guys and his cousin and her hot friends come up to me and say they are going to a club around the corner, and asked if I want to come. I firstly say nah im good here, and they go on their way. My mate gives me an impressive look, but then suddenly, all the blood from my head rushed back down to my penis, and i freak. Hell no am I taking don vito's sister to KFC when I could be getting some fine poon tang. So I out of nowhere fake that my phone is ringing (I guess it was on silent?), and I piss bolt out of the building, and catch up to that guy and the chicks.

Now this doesn't seem to bad, but here are the facts that arouse after the night had fully ended.
- I didn't hook up with that chick
- We ended up walking around for literally 2 hours in the cold looking for a club which didn't exist.
- We all ended up taking a cab home after a quiet night, I had to pay for most of the journey
- My mate didn't hook up, the fat chick ended up dragging her friend away literally seconds after I left
- I missed out on a possible good KFC feed
- My mate still is on a dry spell since that night
- I'm officially the worst wingman ever

tl;dr I'm a dog

 

[Mooster7]

Mooster would you deem ripping off another man's genitals, pulling out his eyeballs and replacing them with the contents of his scrotum while eating laxatives like candy. Only to then shit into a condom, put it in the freezer and when it solidifies removing the condom and penetrating him with the faecal matter an act of bad blokery?

What exactly counts in your books?

That's very creative, Wood. And I would stop short of that. Most of my friends are married and in total hell. I was once married. I even put in a galant and chivalrous effort. All for not. Haven't been interested in a permanent relationship since.

In this thread, I've been talking about going to a meat market and grabbing a girl. The friends of mine who are still single (or married and cheat) understand the same general rules as I've outlined them here. I've been a helpful wingman many times. There's no bad blood between myself and any friends I've blocked or been blocked by.

It's not evil. It's not a dog act. Not any more than if you were playing an impromptu game of footy on the weekend, were on a team opposite of most of your friends and you scored on them or they scored on you. Afterward you all have some beers and anyone who has a cry about the game is being ridiculous, dont ya think?

 

[Mooster7]

Mooster you are a wanna be Barney Stinson and its coming off fairly boring and shit, no offence.

Back on topic...im sleeping with one of my best mates wives and I also ****ed his sister a couple of years ago at his 30th birthday party

I had to google that. Shame on you for knowing who Barney Stinson is. I was Mooster back when that little shit was still Doogie Howser. On top of that, the dude is gay. Not that there's any.....well, whatever.

 

[Power King]

If the bloke never blatantly stated he was interested in the girl to you, then it is fair game. Different if he tells you he is keen on the girl to your face. His own fault, you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

What if you know he's really into her and you just don't give a shit but pretend like you know none the better? You can technically get off scott-free but in your own mind you know you've committed bad blokery.

 

[ClarkeM]

I jizzed on a chick's body when she was really drunk and I wasn't one night. Things are still awkward between us.

 

[neng]

What if you know he's really into her and you just don't give a shit but pretend like you know none the better? You can technically get off scott-free but in your own mind you know you've committed bad blokery.

To know that would mean he has told you or you have seen or noticed his obvious interest. The OP wasn't to know until later so he is fine, but yes I also agree with what you have said, technically you could, but you would have to live with that. Some blokes could, some couldn't. I have done something similar in the past, but in my mind I was just as keen on the chick as he was, so fair game he should have been quicker.

 

[Vecto]

Engineered a mate getting cockblocked by his Grandma at his 18th. Bad blokery to him, hilarious blokery to everyone else.

hahahahhahahahahaha mate thats a classic.

there is nothing funnier than when a bloke gets **** blocked by his grandma.

i remember my bud he was saying "im going to get in with my gran so hard tonight". And he did it was classic!!! lol he got his gran so hard she was wrinkly and about 65 but ohwell whatever floats gopowers boat.

 

[ThePuppetMaster]

Back on topic...im sleeping with one of my best mates wives and I also ****ed his sister a couple of years ago at his 30th birthday party

Epic bad blokery...

The sister not so much, but it definitely will aggravate the wife situation if he found out. A LOT.

You better hope he isn't a big bloke, because let's be honest you deserve anything that comes your way if he finds out.