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best Simpson lines

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Marge "do you ever drink to escape reality?"

Homer looking in mirror with ripped chest "do do do de do do..."

Marge " do you drink to fall asleep"

Homer "thanks Marge, that would be great"
starts walking towards the loo

Marge "do you ever hide beer around the house"

Homer "DO I EVER!!" :D


Homer "mmmmmmmm forbidden donut" :D

Ned gives Homer football from the Shelbyville Springfield game

Homer "i now have a forth child...i will call you stichface" :D

AND A THOUSAND MORE...
 
A couple of Wiggum classics.


Wiggum: "This is papa bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect driving a.......car of some sort in the direction of.......you know, that place that sells chilli. Suspect is hatless, repeat hatless"


Homer: "The old make-out place. Hey, a new weather station! I'll bash it good! Oh, it's just no fun without Marge"
Wiggum: "Ah, there's nothing like moonshine from your own still. Oh, Simpson! What are you doing here?"
Homer: "My wife's having a girls' night out"
Wiggum: "Aw, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it's a woman though because one time I...ah...."
 
When Ralph Wiggum is after Lisa and says "I'd do anything for Lisa" to Homer. Homer thinks and gets Ralph to wash the roof tiles. As Homer lays back in the hammock;

Ralph: "Mr Simpson, the tar fumes are making me dizzy"

Homer: "Yeah. They'll do that!"
 
One of my favourites ...

Homer: Moe I need your advice.
Moe: Yeah.
Homer: See I got this friend named Joey Joe Joe... Junior... Chabadoo.
Moe: That's the worst name I ever heard.
(A guy at the other side of the bar runs out crying.)
Barney: Joey Joe Joe!
 

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homer: One time a saw a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city keeping it's speed above 50 and if it's speed dropped below 50 it would explode I think it was called the bus that couldn't slow down
 
Homer:<watching free willy> Jump free willy jump with all your might

female voice from movie oh no willy didn't make it and he crushed our boy.

Male voice from the movie: ugh what a mess

Homer: <sitting on the bed> ah i dont like this directors cut


:D :D :D :D
 
Wiggum: "Please, if anybody has any information on this case, dial 0. That number again, 0."

Lenny: "Sure the Germans made a few mistakes, but that's why pencils have erasers"

Wiggum: <when Bart and Ralph open the closet covered in police tape>
"What is the fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?"

Homer: <At the end of the catburglar episode>
"And how ironic, that the catburglar was caught by the very person, that was trying to catch..him"

Homer's brain: "Food goes in here"
Homer:"It sure does....."
 
not sure how the wording actually went but this was in the episode when homer stole the venus de-milo from the candy show and then had a sexual harrassment suit against him

i think the first line went something like:
homer: oh god wont you help me now.
<phone rings>
homher: yeeeeeeelow
Person on other end: homer this is god.... <homer perks up>frey jones from the tv show rock bottom
 
Well i dont know the lines but its when he goes to chocolate land and he eats some of the chocolate or buildings etc then he see a shop and BAM! 50% off chocolate
 
Grandpa Simpson in the episode with all the weird tv shows (I've only seen it once I think, I can't remember exactly how it went)

lovematic grandpa

"I remember when they invented kissing. It was back in the war and they wanted a way to spread germs"

The Australian episode

"I'm gonna take this to the prime minister... (calls out window) Mr prime minister.... Ay Andy!"

I've got no idea what episode this is from but I think it's one of the newer ones, after Ned's wife dies.

Ned "I'm about as exciting as baked potatoes"
Marge "Darn right you are!"

(I love Marge's obsession with potatoes!)

There's a trillian more but not at the top of my mind right now.
 

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Season 12 episode 9:
HomR

Dr1: "Mr Simpson, I'm afraid you have a crayon lodged in your brian."

Homer: "There's a crayon in my brain." - Points to stomach, dr moves hand to head.

Later...

Dr2: "Mr Simpson, this could be responsible for your sub normal intelligance"

Homer: "Hey I came here to be drugged, electricuted and probed, not insulted"

Dr1: "We could remove the crayon for you. It could vastly increase your brain power or it could possible kill you."

Homer: "Hmmm, increase my killing power hey? Let's do it!"
 
"You're a credit to dementia" Lisa to Leon Kompowski/Michael Jackson

Quizmaster "Complete the Quotation, Duff is made with pure mountain........?"

Bimbo "Goat."

Homer (in crowd, drinking beer) "Hmmmm... you can really taste the goat."

Superintendent Chalmers "Arman Tamzarian's reign of terror is over."

Sideshow Bob "That was Edna Krabappel. You only get one chance with Edna Krabappel!"

Film of old 'Krusty' show:

Krusty "The script says I hit you on the head with this hammer."

Sideshow Rahkeem (Furiously) "I wouldn't."

Krusty in real life (ruefully) "Angry, angry young man."


Homer "It's OK son, you don't have to follow in my footsteps."

Bart "I don't even like using the bathroom after you."

Apu "Please do not give my God a peanut!"
 
My favourite Simpsons quotes are by Lionel Hutz, the sole proprietor of the "I Can't Believe Its a Law Firm" law firm:

"This is the greatest case of False Advertising I've seen since I sued the movie The Never Ending Story"

"Mr Simpson, don’t you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn’t on, but I think I got the gist of it."

"I’ve argued in front of every judge in this state. Often as a lawyer."

"Judge, I'll have those shoes ready by monday."

"Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement"

Hutz:"Uh oh,we drew Judge Schneider."
Marge:"Is that bad?"
Lionel Hutz:"Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog."
Marge:"Really?"
Lionel Hutz:"Well, replace 'kinda' with 'repeatedly' and 'dog' with 'son'."

Hutz: Well we lost, here's your free pizza.
Marge: But we won.
Hutz: That's okay. The box is empty

Hutz: Mr. Simpson I was just going through your garbage and I couldn't help but overhearing that you need a babysitter! Since I'm a highly trained lawyer I'll charge you $200/hour!
Homer: I'll give you six bucks and you can take 2 popsicles out of the fridge!
Hutz: THREE!
Homer: No, TWO!
Hutz: Deal! But I get to keep this old birdcage!
 
Lionel Hutz: *blah blah talking about a case - just the start though* "I rest my case"
Judge: "You rest your case?"
Lionel Hutz: "Oh! Sorry, I thought that was just a figure of speech! Case closed". ;)

Skinners brain: I know you can read my thoughts Bart. And when I find out you skipped school, your ass is mine. Yes, that's right. I think words I would never say. ;)
Homer's brain: I know you can read my thoughts Bart. Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum, yum yum yum yum yum

Marge (talking about dead aunt) : "Her legend will live on"
Homer's brain: "Yeah! The legend of the dog faced woman!"
Homer: "Hehehe! Legend of the dog faced woman! Oh man that's good!"

Mr Burns (forcing Smithers to conga for him): *in the conga-song* "Conga, conga, conga! We love Monty Burns more! Conga like you mean it! Please dont make me shock you!'

Marge: 'you know homer it's funny, both our parents seem pretty lonely...'
Homer: 'hehehe, yeah that is funny!'
 
Homer: "you couldn't fool your own mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine"

Homer, flicking through Kama Sutra: "hey look, they stole our idea"
Marge: ooooh-oooooooh


Bart: "Ma Pere...quel buffoon!" (sorry about spelling)
Homer: Hear that Marge? My boy speaks French!
 
*Sooo....you like...stuff? (Ralph to Lisa)

*Mr. Burns, I think we can trust the president of Cuba (Homer)

*(UN conference called over Homer stealing a submarine)
- Union?!? I thought you guys broke up? (American Member)
- Yess!!! That's what we wanted you to think! Ha ha Ha Ha Ha!! (Russian Member)
(Suddenly soviet tanks appear, the Berlin wall is raised and Lenin brakes out of glass cabinet saying "Must crush capitolism")

* Hurry up, Hurry up! Each Matlock could be our last! (Old people)

* Cane Toads??? I'd had called em chuzzwuzza's! (Aussie)
 

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Homer - "look at the blubber fly!!"

"the blue flame indicates that this was a particularly sweet donut"
homer - "nooooooooooooooooooooooooo"

Homer - "i hope he asks us to burn our pants"
 
Saw this one earlier tonight...

Context: Homer is playing hooky from work to sell sugar door-to-door. Mind you, the sugar came from the back of a jack-knifed rig, and the sugar has all kinds of weird goop in it, like chards of glass and the like...


Marge: By the way, Homey, the plant called and said that if you don't come in on Friday, don't bother coming in on Monday, either.

Homer: Woo-hoo!! Four-day weekend!!
:D


Cheers,
William
 
Can't remember which episode but Apu said something like - "Once I worked for 36 hours straight and by the end I felt like a humming bird...*eeeeeeee*"
That's probably totally wrong but I know someone who does it funny!
 
Lionel Hutz: That's why you're the judge and I'm the law ... talking ... guy ...

I could give hundreds ...

The funniest Simpsons moment? Has to be Worker and Parasite. Or when Monty Burns busts down the Simpson's door in a tank to the chilling strains of "Waterloo"
 

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