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long_live_alstey

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Not sure if this topic has come up before... but I found these quite funny. Add to them!!

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

---------------------

Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes

After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired:

"Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?"

"Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.

--------------------------

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards

During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries. "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just bowl."

Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say f**k off."

----------------------------

Ian Healy

And of course you can't forget Ian Healy's legendary comment which was picked up by the Channel Nine microphones when Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one dayer in Sydney... "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

-------------------------------

Mark Waugh

Can't remember the player or the exact details but went something like Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were sh*t then; you're f**king useless now".

Kiwi Player to Mark Waugh

Kiwi - (Turning around) - "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c**t".

-------------------------------

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham

When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the
wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"
 
Stafford678 said:
the kiwi come back to mark waugh is pure gold, unbeatable
Click to expand...
Yep absolute classic, and so, so true. He's not with her anymore though.
 
long_live_alstey said:
Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne

As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

---------------------

Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes

After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler politely enquired:

"Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?"

"Cos every time I f**k your wife she gives me a biscuit," Brandes replied.
Click to expand...
i found these's 2 in particular to be the funniest. :p
 

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The Kiwi was former keeper Adam Pararoe. This is my personal fave though:

Glenn McGrath is bowling to West Indies, Sarwan and Lara are batting. Sarwan knicks a few through the slips for 4 and Lara congratulates him.
McGrath then says: "Hey mate what does Brian Lara's ******** taste like?"
Sarwan: "Ask your wife."
Gold :D .
Also I was talking to a guy who played for NZ in the 60's and is still involved in cricket he said that Chris Cairns' sister was hit and killed by a train and that when Cairns came out to bat against Aussies, Mark Waugh made the noise of a train (chaga chaga chaga choo choo) then SPLAT. What a ********ar... :mad:
 
otis_david said:
Also I was talking to a guy who played for NZ in the 60's and is still involved in cricket he said that Chris Cairns' sister was hit and killed by a train and that when Cairns came out to bat against Aussies, Mark Waugh made the noise of a train (chaga chaga chaga choo choo) then SPLAT. What a ********ar... :mad:
Click to expand...

That story went around quite a while ago, but was involving Steve Waugh.
If I remember correctly it was denied by Cairns.
 
And another one: Viv Richards county cricket against some Aussie (I think?).
Aussie bowls to Viv three in a row swings and misses.
Bowler: Hey Viv, its red, round wieghs 5"9 and comes at you at 100 miles per hour!
Next ball is hit for six.
Viv: Hey mate, you know what it looks like, go find it!
 
Warne bowling to some big pom and healy says: "If u put a mars bar at good length, he'll come out of his crease".

Pom says: "Nah, boonie will get it before me"
 
Javed Miandad calling Merv Hughes a fat bus conductor

then when Merv takes his wicket he runs past and says "Tickets please!"
 
Merv Hughes to English batsman after the batsman played and missed a few times -
"How about I bowl you a ********en piano and you play that, ya ********en Pommy bastard!"


Jamie Siddons (considered one of the best players never to have played Test Cricket for Australia) was fielding at first slip and the batsman was fidgeting around and basically taking his sweet time to face up.

Siddons : "For ********s sake, It's not a ********ing Test Match"
Batsman turning round : "Obviously - You're here !"


Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim.

Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive.

Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."

James Ormond (England) had just come out to bat on an ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh.......

MW : "******** me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here, there's no way you're good enough to play for England"

JO : "Maybe not, but at least i'm the best player in my family"
 
And people say Aussies are the best sledgers...

LOL they got r*ped :D
 
Most of these are sportsman night faves... I doubt many are true. The "hows your wife and my kids" line I first heard as being from a baseball catcher to a batter... it ended up as a all-in bench clearing brawl!
 

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Stafford678 said:
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim.

Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive.

Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, "Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."
Click to expand...


Sid said:
Warne bowling to some big pom and healy says: "If u put a mars bar at good length, he'll come out of his crease".

Pom says: "Nah, boonie will get it before me"
Click to expand...

:) :)
 
Ian Healy and Shane Warne trying to wind up Nassar Hussain in the 97 Ashes series:

They were comtemplating field placings, Nassar was batting well, but they try to get under his skin and his well known short-fuse.

So Heals points to a fieldsman and shouts, "Go right under Nassar's nose!"

The fieldsman went to long off
 
Was that Adam Parore who made that comeback to Mark Waugh? sounds like him anyway, cheeky bugger and not a bad player either.
 
Longy413 said:
That story went around quite a while ago, but was involving Steve Waugh.
If I remember correctly it was denied by Cairns.
Click to expand...
Yeah Steve Waugh sorry, according to this guy it happened but Cairns denied it because he didnt want any trouble with the Aussies. He also reckons that Cairns is bloody soft and thats why hell never play test cricket again.
 

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From a club game



" What are you appealing for mate, the only thing you can hear is that peanut rattling round in your head"
 
jagx00 said:
"Can't bat, can't bowl..."

Or maybe that was a cameraman.
Click to expand...
'Can't throw, can't bowl' S Warne about S Muller.
 

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