Family & Relationships Breakups suck

[I Lost My Keays]

She was in a relationship before the breakup Daniel.

Week before we broke up, we were fighting and she just went out to nightclubs with mates. Then I get told; that guys were talking to her and flirting with her and I questioned about what happened and never told me.

To be honest, It f**king hurt for a while dealing with all that crap. However, I realise how unhappy I actually was and she didn't like the idea of me watching sport as I was apparently 'obsessed' and tried to control everything about me.

 

[Rooz90]

I was with a girl who i thought i was going to spend a very, very long time with about 5-6 years ago. We had been going out for over a year, totally inseparable and would do a lot of things together. She was a very good looking girl, not to blow my own trumpet here but for a guy average looking i was always paranoid she would eventually leave me for a much more 'appealing' guy.

This always sparked by anxiety she was eventually going to leave me, because a lot of guys would still message her, call her and even ask to catch up and this didn't sit well with me.

It got to the point where i ended it, purely because i didn't want to wait for the inevitable. She didn't take it too well, and insisted i was overreacting and what not. But we still split. I ended up going overseas a few weeks a couple of months after we split and she messaged me well etc.

Fast forward 6 months later (from when i returned) BANG shes pregnant living somewhere else.

Never dared to ask WTF happened or when congratulate her.

Huh

 

[radiojake]

I was with a girl who i thought i was going to spend a very, very long time with about 5-6 years ago. We had been going out for over a year, totally inseparable and would do a lot of things together. She was a very good looking girl, not to blow my own trumpet here but for a guy average looking i was always paranoid she would eventually leave me for a much more 'appealing' guy.

This always sparked by anxiety she was eventually going to leave me, because a lot of guys would still message her, call her and even ask to catch up and this didn't sit well with me.

It got to the point where i ended it, purely because i didn't want to wait for the inevitable. She didn't take it too well, and insisted i was overreacting and what not. But we still split. I ended up going overseas a few weeks a couple of months after we split and she messaged me well etc.

Fast forward 6 months later (from when i returned) BANG shes pregnant living somewhere else.

Never dared to ask WTF happened or when congratulate her.

Huh

I don't quite get your anxiety -

My housemate hooked up with one of my mates at our house party - a week or so later they organised a date, but she started getting paranoid and anxious about it - She started asking me 'Why doesn't he have a girlfriend? What's wrong with him? He's really hot and I'm not, what's the deal?' etc etc

I didn't know how to answer her - She nearly cancelled their date because he was 'too hot' and he should have had a girlfriend therefore there must be something wrong with him

What a ridiculously low self esteem - it's quite tragic

I'm sorry to hear you had similar feelings?

 

[Rooz90]

I don't quite get your anxiety -

My housemate hooked up with one of my mates at our house party - a week or so later they organised a date, but she started getting paranoid and anxious about it - She started asking me 'Why doesn't he have a girlfriend? What's wrong with him? He's really hot and I'm not, what's the deal?' etc etc

I didn't know how to answer her - She nearly cancelled their date because he was 'too hot' and he should have had a girlfriend therefore there must be something wrong with him

What a ridiculously low self esteem - it's quite tragic

I'm sorry to hear you had similar feelings?

I have anxiety in general, but in this case i always felt like i wasn't ever good enough for her physically etc so i was thought she'd leave once a better looking person came along (stupid really, but that anxiety)

I just don't understand how someone can move on so quickly afterwards too, especially to the point where she's having a kid. (accident or not)

 

[Coolangatta]

Yeah, I don't get it either. I look good, and I don't have a girlfriend. There's nothing wrong with me; I just hate everyone. I mean, um, interesting thread, guys. That sort of thinking is understandable, though. By a certain age, people expect you to be this and that because that's the norm, and generally, people on a similar level of looks get together but that, "Will they leave me for someone better?" is never a good sign. Wouldn't cross your mind if you trusted your partner and knew they were into you. The looks aren't everything is cliche but actually true, too. Attraction can happen with all sorts of people and have little to do with looks, and it doesn't always click between two good-looking people either, despite outsiders saying, "Aw, wouldn't you flogs make a cute couple."

 

[CheapCharlie]

I have anxiety in general, but in this case i always felt like i wasn't ever good enough for her physically etc so i was thought she'd leave once a better looking person came along (stupid really, but that anxiety)

I just don't understand how someone can move on so quickly afterwards too, especially to the point where she's having a kid. (accident or not)

Jesus...
You said you guys were inseparable...

Then you callously dump her because of your insecurities.
Then u expect her to have a grieving period over you?

Maybe it was your poor treatment of her that led to her rebound quickly and find solace in the arms of another

 

[Rooz90]

Jesus...
You said you guys were inseparable...

Then you callously dump her because of your insecurities.
Then u expect her to have a grieving period over you?

Maybe it was your poor treatment of her that led to her rebound quickly and find solace in the arms of another

I wouldn’t call it callous, but yeah I do understand the treatment might of gone better.

Enough time as gone, and I was only 22 at the time. I think from that point till now one can mature a lot which I think I have.

It was a lesson learnt


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[CheapCharlie]

I wouldn’t call it callous, but yeah I do understand the treatment might of gone better.

Enough time as gone, and I was only 22 at the time. I think from that point till now one can mature a lot which I think I have.

It was a lesson learnt


On iPhone using BigFooty.com mobile app

What was the lesson you learnt?

 

[RelaxMax]

The balding bit might be a worry.

Nah...

 

[BACCS]

My recent breakup was the worst, I found out two days later she was in a relationship again

I'm doing much better; I'm studying at uni, had two interviews and hanging out with mates often.

Sorry to hear mate, that's bloody harsh, how did you find out?

 

[I Lost My Keays]

Sorry to hear mate, that's bloody harsh, how did you find out?

She had my cousin on her facebook :/

The worst thing was a few weeks ago, when I saw her and that played on my mind for abit ?/

 

[BACCS]

She had my cousin on her facebook :/

The worst thing was a few weeks ago, when I saw her and that played on my mind for abit ?/

It gets easier with time mate, that’s all I can say. It’s shit, but it gets easier.

 

[I Lost My Keays]

It gets easier with time mate, that’s all I can say. It’s shit, but it gets easier.

Exactly, it's getting better. In a way, I feel more freedom and less pressure since we've split.

 

[Feraligatr]

I broke up with my ex about 4 months ago - hardest thing I've had to do. He was my best friend and we were living together, we'd been together for 3 years, but he never wanted to get married and was 100% against having children - I'm not sure that I want kids, but I'd like the option to reach a decision together in time and I'd certainly like to get married. It took me many months to come to that decision, but we had become more friends than partners and even after he started working in Melbourne (like myself) he didn't want to leave Geelong and I was 100% sick of the commute.

I know it was the right decision and have no regrets, but moving back in with my parents again at age 26 (now 27) while I save up a healthier house deposit makes me feel like I've failed massively.

You've 100 percent done the right thing, relationships might be about compromise but you need to also have your needs met or there is no point. And moving back to save up isn't a failure, you just have to do what is right for you now and future you won't regret it.

I'm like you, I'd liked to get married one day so I couldn't be with someone who doesn't want that.

 

[Caesar]

Break-ups don't suck if you're emotionally closed-off and unavailable to all your partners because of a lurking suspicion that you are innately unlovable.

Part of being in an adult relationship is having the maturity and courage to be genuinely vulnerable within it, so the fact that it hurts like a sonofabitch when it's over is a mark of it being (on some level) a successful exercise. Grief is growth, as long as you manage it constructively. That's a lesson I learned a lot later than I should have.

 

[CheapCharlie]

but he never wanted to get married and was 100% against having children - I'm not sure that I want kids, but I'd like the option to reach a decision together in time and I'd certainly like to get married.

I'm like you, I'd liked to get married one day so I couldn't be with someone who doesn't want that.

This is becoming a big disconnect between men and women

More and more guys are seeing marriage as a raw one sided deal. Those who have been through a marriage and don't want to rick assets later in life, and those in their twenties who have seen the bad deal it can be for guys

 

[Scotland]

Same sex marriage should in theory be good for 'traditional' marriage down the line. If two men get married then divorce 5 or 10 years later then how do you decide who gets what? There's no default position that the woman deserves XYZ because she's the woman. The default position for divorce should be that assets acquired prior to the marriage are not up for grabs then it's up to the two parties/courts to work out an equitable distribution of the rest.

 

[Smoooothy]

More and more guys are seeing marriage as a raw one sided deal

wait? we do??

if I get married again, it'll be in a drive through wedding chapel in vegas (me and loz have discussed this, we both don't want to spend $20k on a party, rather do something cool for that sort of cash). never thought my marriage was one sided, just married a complete campaigner

 

[CheapCharlie]

wait? we do??

if I get married again, it'll be in a drive through wedding chapel in vegas (me and loz have discussed this, we both don't want to spend $20k on a party, rather do something cool for that sort of cash). never thought my marriage was one sided, just married a complete campaigner

I said 'more and more', not 'all'

Did you think you married a campaigner on your wedding day and before?

I guess the next time will be completely different

 

[SHAKESPEARE]

just married a complete campaigner

You married my wife?

 

[Smoooothy]

Did you think you married a campaigner on your wedding day and before?

I didn't, but going through a breakup after being together for a long time you go back an analyse things. I should have never married her

 

[SHAKESPEARE]

I should have never married her

Why not?

 

[craigos]

I'm no expert at this as I have always been the breaker-off not the breaker-ee(?) but stay the hell away from social media, delete every message, text or photo you have on your phone or anything that is easily accessible that you can torment yourself with when you're vulnerable. Do not try to be friends, do not try and keep being friends with their friends and just return to the way things were before you met them.

Learn and move on and most of all don't go grovelling, have some self respect.

 

[craigos]

I didn't, but going through a breakup after being together for a long time you go back an analyse things. I should have never married her

Why not?

+1 for why? If you were honest with yourself did you have thoughts at the time or were you oblivious whilst in the relationship?

 

[Smoooothy]

+1 for why? If you were honest with yourself did you have thoughts at the time or were you oblivious whilst in the relationship?

I ignored a lot of warning signs

she didn't want to work, she wanted kids before she turned 21, she had no friends, she hated other women (I worked for a jeweller at the time, I got lectured on a regular basis about how I must perve on these girls all day, and then in turn she wouldn't talk to me like it was my fault), she'd mock me relentlessly especially around friends, my family was evil but hers were saints

just shit like that