Proper Gander
Owl whisperer and secret agent
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- Feb 15, 2015
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CakeEater 300 games - let’s hear it for Cake-man!
This week brings us an all-time incredible event - it’s the 300th match of CakeEater!
Without a doubt, CakeEater is one of the most popular and cherished posters not just within the Royals but across the world of Sweet. Forget your danish pastries, your gelato, your wasabi-flavoured Harvest Snaps, cake is the only way to go.
This thread is a two-pronged affair, with the first prong being to share some things that few people know about CakeEater.
While a celebrity in Sweet, descended from royal lineage of the thrones of flour and baking soda, CakeEater is otherwise a modest individual which is why so few are aware of Cake’s extraordinary past - being one of very few to have successfully transitioned to the SFA from a career at the highest level in the lesser-known game of Australian Football. Let’s see what the historians can tell us about these times…
Truly a stunning career in the Sweet reserves comp (AFL), but what came next was perhaps even more astonishing.
Post-AFL saw many changes for CakeEater, most notably to their age and ethnicity. Upon retirement as a player, Cakeater was appointed coach of the Carlton Football Club, then captained by I don’t know who. After coaching the Blues to a premiership, CakeEater took the coaching role at the North Melbourne Football Club, captained by who even cares - to achieve a premiership for the Kangaroos in his second year.
Famous for their capability as a motivator, CakeEater was described by I don’t know who and who even cares as “a mad bastard” who often sought to get the most out of their team serving the players a cake at three-quarter time.
For other mortals a resume like this would be more than enough. But for CakeEater these achievements were a mere springboard into this century’s dominant performer in the Sweet Football Association. To get an idea of the esteem in which cake is held, let’s hear from long-term colleague GreyCrow:
Thank you Crow.
Now we reach the second prong of this occasion which is to, in the very best taste, exploit CakeEater’s milestone match to make lots of money.
Want something classy to commemorate this great week? Have I got something for you!
This limited edition framed print shows CakeEater in full flight! With only 300,000,000 available, each signed by Ricky Nixon, this gorgeous piece will make you the envy of your friends so get in quick before they are gobbled up! Valued at $2,500 of your earth dollars, the first 50 buyers will also receive a certificate of authenticity and a 5% discount.
While admiring the new art in your home/office/prison cell, why not rip the scab off one of these?
The CakeEater craft beer range has released its Dark Chocolate Gateau Stout, Jam Sponge XPA, Jaffa Pale Ale and Royal Cake Larger (Royal Cake Larger is Crown Larger repackaged at a higher price - which is Carlton Draft repackaged at a higher price).
Kick back with a few quiet ones to contemplate Cake in the SFA, or invite your friends for a night of Cake reminiscing and a bevy to set the tone of a great week.
Been working out a bit? Adorn your new, sexy cake-body with a stylish tattoo! This lovingly crafted design will win admirers for sure. Available from your local PG Victims of Their Own Stupidity, a few hours pain will definitely be your gain!
These and many more classy items are available at the Gold City Royals shop, so get in quick. The craze for cake won’t see stocks last long.
CakeEater - congratulations on your 300th match for the Royals and for the league. As one of my favourite posters, I’m honoured to be your teammate for this epic round and can’t wait to see what you bring over 300 more.
SFA - please join me in congratulating cake and share some of your favourite cake moments below (you can’t cheat and use the SFA + dashboard - it’s currently not available…)
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