Collingwood jokes

[Murphinator]

Please feel free to post more!!

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.


Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.


Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.


Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
5. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
6. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

 

[The Cranium]

 

[thegreenmachine]

Actually, it's not a joke I made up, it's one of the hundreds that Trevor Marmalaide said when Eddie was host of TFS. If I can track it down (And it's a big IF), would anyone be able to tell me how to put it onto this site? I want to show it because it's quite funny and Ed's reaction is piss funny!

 

[thegreenmachine]

The fact that only .1% of the population in Australia who think that Dale Thomas is a better player than Marc Murphy aren't Collingwood supporters. Get over it guys, Murphy is better.

 

[thylacine60]

Damn you, Skullman. I had Thomas in the gun ready to roll.

 

[donnie5]

Please feel free to post more!!

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.


Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.


Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.


Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
5. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
6. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

seriously these are the worst jokes i have ever read in my life. good stuff

 

[Murphinator]

seriously these are the worst jokes i have ever read in my life. good stuff

Probably because they are aimed at you? why bother commenting, no one will listen to your opinion on these jokes.

 

[HBF]

Collingwood

 

[walshy93]

Post Whore! Whats that, HBF: 28,309?

 

[hong_kong_bond]

This might be a bit "blue" - but if its appropriate for anywhere...surely it is in the Blue Room?


A lady went to see her gynaecologist after experiencing some "issues" in the downstairs department. Upon her arrival at the surgery, the doctor asked the lady why she thought she needed to see a doctor...

The woman says to the doctor, "Doctor my fanny keeps singing good old collingwood forever!"

The doctor quickly replies: "Dont worry madam a lot of c**ts do that"

 

[Murphinator]

This might be a bit "blue" - but if its appropriate for anywhere...surely it is in the Blue Room?


A lady went to see her gynaecologist after experiencing some "issues" in the downstairs department. Upon her arrival at the surgery, the doctor asked the lady why she thought she needed to see a doctor...

The woman says to the doctor, "Doctor my fanny keeps singing good old collingwood forever!"

The doctor quickly replies: "Dont worry madam a lot of c**ts do that"

ABSOLUTELY ____ING GOLD!

 

[thegreenmachine]

Collingwood

Gold, gold, gold!

 

[celtic_pride]

 

[Team Mo']

Please feel free to post more!!

Q. Two Collingwood supporters jump off a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society.

Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as protection during sex?
A. Bus shelter.


Q. What does a Collingwood supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality.


Q. What do you call a Collingwood supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant.


Q. What do you say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
A. Big Mac please.

Q. If you are driving and you see a Collingwood supporter on a bike, why should you try not to hit him?
A. It might be your bike.

You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
5. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
6. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

haha lol

Loved em all except these jokes are probably redneck jokes with Collingwood inserted in instead, but it doesn't matter because the scum are the same if not worse!

 

[Bee]

Three Collingwood supporters were killed in a car accident.
When they reached Heaven they rang the bell on the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter answered and asked who they were.
“We are the Collingwood supporters. We’ve been killed in an accident”

St Peter replied, “But you are not meant to be here until tomorrow, there must be some mistake”

The Collingwood supporters insist, “We are the Collingwood supporters we have been killed in an accident. Let us in!”

“Look”, says St Peter, “You are not meant to be here until tomorrow, wait there and I’ll go and see God.”

God tells St. Peter to go back and tell them they are a day early and come back tomorrow.

St. Peter returns to God a few minutes later and says, “God, they’ve gone!”

“What, the Collingwood supporters”, says God.

“No, the Pearly Gates!”




On the way home from a football match three supporters are walking together.

Two Crows fans and one Collingwood fan.

On the way back to their cars they come across a naked dead woman.

In the name of dignity the first Crow supporter places his beanie over her left breast.
The second Crow supporter places his scarf over her right breast.
The Collingwood fan then places his Collingwood beanie over the woman’s pubic region.

They then call, and wait, for the police to arrive.

Eventually a policeman arrives and begins to inspect the body.

Firstly he removes the beanie and examines the left breast.

Secondly he removes the scarf and examines the right breast.

Thirdly he removes the Collingwood beanie and then puts it back down with a puzzled look on his face.
He again picks up the Collingwood beanie and again looks puzzled.

He repeats this process two more times before the first Crow supporter shouts at him:
"What the hell are you doing!? Are you some kind of pervert!?"

The policeman replies. "No, it’s just that usually when I look under a Collingwood beanie I find an arseh*le."

 

[Bee]

...and my all time favourite.........



A mortician had a new apprentice who was learning the embalming ropes.

He walked into the embalming room where a corpse was lying on the table. Thinking he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his boss, he began examining the body. He rolled it over and to his amazement there was a cork in its arse.
Mystified, he pulled it out, and immediately heard; "good old Collingwood forever”

Startled by what had happened, he shoved the cork back into the corpse and ran up the stairs to find his mentor.
"Sir, you've got to come down and help me, I've just seen something I can't believe."

Annoyed by the naivety of his assistant, he said OK and followed him downstairs.
"There, look at the cork in the arse of that body, I couldn't imagine what it was doing there so I pulled it out. Please you do it."

The mortician was a bit surprised to see the cork, too, so he walked to the table and removed the cork, and sure enough - “Good old Collingwood forever....” began to play.
Exasperated, he replaced the cork in its appointed position, turned to his assistant and said.
"What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of arseholes sing that song."

 

[blues2010]

Two boys are kicking the footy around outside the MCG. One of the boys gets attacked by a dog and the other boy grabs a rock and kills it.
A reporter saw everything and said to the boy who through the rock.
"That was very brave, I am going to write about it in the paper, "Carlton supporter saves mate from certain death" will be the headline. The boy says, but I don't barrack for Carlton. So the reporter says, ok "Essendon supporter saves mate from certain death. The boy replies, I don't barrack for Essendon, I barrack for Collingwood. Next day the paper comes out with the headline. "lowlife scum kills family pet"

 

[CarltonFan]

Ben Reid's goalkicking routine.

ROFL!!!!!!!!

 

[thegreenmachine]

You know how we call Collingwood supporters feral, crims to name a few? This was a thread I found in the "General Discussion" forum. No joke. I shouldn't have taken it seriously in the 1st place, I should have figured to myself that this was started by a Collingwood supporter after all. And this is what he wants to teach his kid.
http://www.bigfooty.com/forum/showthread.php?t=455746
The kid doesn't have much of a future when his dad's only got half a brain. Hopefully his mother has 1 and a half and the genes don't spread.