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Dear Santos

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Originally posted by daicos4ever
Dear Santos

I am a fan of umpires. I also know all the Hawthorn, Fremantle and Kangaroos players. People say I am weird. Why?

Ms Olsen
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Dear Ms Olsen,

Another repeat offender today. People refer to you as weird because they completely misunderstand a superior intellect. I suggest that you drink copious amounts of alcohol and lower your IQ to that of a monkey and then you'll be able to communicate with them better.........
 
Originally posted by happy_in_hell
Dear Unca Santos,

What nationality is Les Murray?
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Dear HiH,

These things are best left alone. I am convinced that Les is the future of humankind, a type of 'conglomerate nationality' if you please. That's all I can really say on this...........the walls have ears.
 

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Dear Mr Santos

Why do people not beleive my sister when she tells them she knows all the Hawks guys, and is good friends with Chris Connolly. I want to know too if Jnr MONSTAAA!! will be an AFL star?

Thankyou
Timmy Olsen
 
Originally posted by madboy
Dear Mr Helper,

In a similar vein to happy's question, who exactly are those men behind the TISM masks?
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Dear Madboy,

I like the Mr Helper, it's about time you lot gave me that respect.

I have it on good authoritry that four members of the band TISM are;
1. Craig McClauchlin (sp?)
2. Denise Drysdale
3. Doug Walters
4. Rob Brough (family feud host)

I'll work on the others for you.
 
Originally posted by timmy_olsen
Dear Mr Santos

Why do people not beleive my sister when she tells them she knows all the Hawks guys, and is good friends with Chris Connolly. I want to know too if Jnr MONSTAAA!! will be an AFL star?

Thankyou
Timmy Olsen
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Dear Timmy,

Good question. Another good question would be, 'How many kilo's of meat would it take to shore up the hole in the ozone layer?'
 
Dear Santos

I am a member of this really great bulletin board on the inernet, trouble is I have been having a go at people for back slapping milestone threads & calling them the peanut gallery.

Unfortunately this seems to have backfired on me, as last week I got to 3000 posts & really wanted people to congratulate me on my fine effort, so I sneakily mentioned it in a topic I started, hoping people would take the hint, but unfortunately no one did.

Have you got any suggestions what I should do for announcing my 4000th post so I can get the accolades I deserve, without looking like a member of the peanut gallery.

Jaws 458
 
Originally posted by Fat Red
Dear Santos

I do not like to laugh. Does that mean I'm not allowed to read Seindude's joke thread?

Daniel
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Dear Fat Red,

Laughter makes the world go round. I suggest you start a conversation with a complete stranger about the fact that the minor premier is disadvantaged by the current finals system...................and learn to live again!!

ps. Yes.
 
Originally posted by mantis
Dear Santos

I am a member of this really great bulletin board on the inernet, trouble is I have been having a go at people for back slapping milestone threads & calling them the peanut gallery.

Unfortunately this seems to have backfired on me, as last week I got to 3000 posts & really wanted people to congratulate me on my fine effort, so I sneakily mentioned it in a topic I started, hoping people would take the hint, but unfortunately no one did.

Have you got any suggestions what I should do for announcing my 4000th post so I can get the accolades I deserve, without looking like a member of the peanut gallery.

Jaws 458
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Dear Jaws458,

I demand you stop using peanut gallery unless it is accompanied by these " things.
I suggest that you eat lots of pies to celebrate your 4000th post. The peanut gallery could feed them to you through a funnel.
 
Dear Santos,

I'm obsessed with picking up chicks on the net that I have never met before, and sending false photos claiming them to be me, which are in fact photos from a model site. In reality I am extremely overweight. I have no life so I depend on the internet to talk to chicks. Please help me.

From, McLee5
 

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Dear Santos,

I have a problem. Underage, yet I have the urge, and occasionally indulge in the act of alcohol consumption. I am a Melbournian, yet in Adelaide the barmen allow me to drink, even tequila! Why? Also, was that barman at the Watergate trying to pick me up?

Another thing. I have this really annoying irritation on my scalp. It's gnawing at me and it just won't go away. In the mirror it appears to be black and white, and the doctor syas it is called Rohanitis. What can I do?

Thanks in advance,

Hungry Hitman
 
Originally posted by BrotherBill
Dear Santos,

I'm obsessed with picking up chicks on the net that I have never met before, and sending false photos claiming them to be me, which are in fact photos from a model site. In reality I am extremely overweight. I have no life so I depend on the internet to talk to chicks. Please help me.

From, McLee5
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Dear McLee5,

I say to you, there's nothing wrong with pretending to be someone you aren't. I'm also glad that you found out what a great device the internet is for lying and cheating, so keep up the good work. Have you been successful with this subterfuge? If so then, well done, you've proved everyone who believed in you correct.

ps. could I have the URL for that model's site?
 
Originally posted by The Hitman
Dear Santos,

I have a problem. Underage, yet I have the urge, and occasionally indulge in the act of alcohol consumption. I am a Melbournian, yet in Adelaide the barmen allow me to drink, even tequila! Why? Also, was that barman at the Watergate trying to pick me up?

Another thing. I have this really annoying irritation on my scalp. It's gnawing at me and it just won't go away. In the mirror it appears to be black and white, and the doctor syas it is called Rohanitis. What can I do?

Thanks in advance,

Hungry Hitman
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Dear Minor,

I believe that particular barman at 'The Watermark' would be way out of your league, but I am pleased to hear that you are imbibing of the alcoholic fluid........chicks love cheap drunks.

I believe a god dose of 'private schoolboy spanking' should clear up your other problem.
 
The 'Santos L Helper' therapy session is closed for the day. Feel free to leave your questions here and they will be answered tomorrow.
Remember, if in doubt ask the expert.
 
Originally posted by Docker_Brat
Dear Santos,

I recently received an invite from Joh Bjeikle Petersen and co for me and my sidekick to move to his old farm in Kingaroy. I don't get it! Why would they request this?

Signed
The Mase (and Sideshow Hawkfan5)
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Do you people ever grow up?

I have a question for you Santos, why do people like this come on the net?

Answer?

Because they have their own problems in their lives, and they can come on here and belittle people, without having to face them. They can say what they like, and make themselves feel good, while belittling others.

Grow the **** up.
 

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Dear Santos,

I hope you can help me. I can't sleep at night, pondering this question. You are my last chance so can you please tell me

Why are carrots orange??????
 
Dear Santos,

What should I be when I'm older? Someone on here once told me to be a psychologist but what is your opinion oh wise one?

Your sincerely,
Pee Nut.
 
Dear Mr Santo Clausos,
After I've dropped my rod into the H2O and pulled out a magnificent bit of poisson or some shissenhausen anorexic finned creature I'm known to pucker my lips onto them. It's a sign of love for the wonder of water creation, but people think I'm strange. How can I convince my fellow members of the human race that to transvestite the high-diddle-diddle of our acquatic waterways is purely natural?
If you could post an answer I would be ever so appreciative, as I have to tell our flaming Pakistani friends to get behind their national cricket team.

I'm Rex Hunt and you're not. Yibbidee Yibbida, that's all folks.
 
Dear Santos,
I am a pimply, scaly faced teenager. The problem is I am in love with an old lady. She's 31 and sleeps with anyone, except me. Please help.

Macedonian fan.
 

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