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Silent Alarm

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You excited? You curious? You scared shitless?

At 15 I was. Was absolutely obsessed and petrified. Now I understand I am as pretty, tall, cool as I'll ever be. So embrace it.

But is looking back on life a luxury?

Do you want a huge bit of iron to hit you and kill you randomly? Do you want to look back on it all?

There are bad sides to both... I'd love to say goodbye to a world I never really felt belonged to, with my close mates, after the pub, having a huge laugh like I can only have with them... and a bar hitting me on a sunny day in Carlton... but I'd also love to be nursing a beer and be able to every afternoon look at the ****in sun and go 'they came and went, they were okay dudes.' Who knows what'll happen.

At the same time people absolutely upset, disappoint, and depress me. Even my closest friends.

But then I think you get tired of being a kid by 16, you get tired of clubs by 24, you get tired of no money by 26, you want a kid at 30... you want kids to go out by 55... are you annoyed by life, seen it, wanna go out by 75? Are you curious of what death is? In a way I'm almost obsessed with what it's like.

But what do you want from it?
 
Cannot comprehend the idea of my consciousness not existing and that scares me immensely.
 
Death and the possibilities after it occurs fascinates me but the possible nothingness after it is meaningless as I wont exist to be disappointed.

I would prefer it involved as little pain as possible though, especially an extended bout. I'd rather live a healthy active lifestyle to age 75 and then get hit by a bus than struggle through the last 10 years unhealthy, struggling for breath and gradually deteriorate into palliative care, having someone wipe my arse, feed me, wipe drool from my face, and die at 85.

58 and healthy now so hopefully I have 17 good years left, I have plenty left to do.
 

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Most people want the "dying in my sleep in old age" ideally. In truth that's quite rare. People are usually awake and in pain as they die.
 
Interesting Silent Alarm, as most of your posts. Quite the deep thinker for a young dude.
The laws of physics, will tell you that you cannot kill energy. It can only be turned into some other from of energy.
Like a vibration into a voltage etc...
I dont believe death is the end, but of course we have no idea.
 
Doesn't scare me at all.

It will happen when it happens and no point worrying about it because that will just take away the enjoyment of the life I have now.
I think I look at death a lot differently now that I have attempted to take my own life before.
 
I try not to think about it because I go into existential meltdown when I do. Everything I believe points to there being nothing after death, but how can you be here minute and then not the next? All those experiences, memories, just wiped? I don't like the idea of being nothing.

Having a young son at the moment, dying now would be terrible for my wife and him. Not in an egotistical way, but just in the same way I'd be lost as hell without her.

That said, in terms of what I've done and experienced, and ignoring the whole leaving people behind thing, if I died tomorrow I'd be happy with what I've achieved.
 
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If I don't die on my motorbike or some other accident before "my time" I want to go out doing heroin as an old man (maybe 80ish). Once I can no longer get out of the house on my own, play golf and handle boozing daily I'll work my way up on some hillbilly heroin then have one good hit on the old H then smack those veins with a deadly does whilst holding a photo album of my loved ones in one hand and a diary of my life in the other.
 

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Most people want the "dying in my sleep in old age" ideally. In truth that's quite rare. People are usually awake and in pain as they die.
If it was a legal requirement to run a tox-screen on all recently deceased in hospital I think you'll find almost everyone who didn't die on the table had very high opiate levels.

Nobody knows where they are after a bolus or two for 'easing the pain'.

It's the worst best kept secret in medicine.
 
If it was a legal requirement to run a tox-screen on all recently deceased in hospital I think you'll find almost everyone who didn't die on the table had very high opiate levels.

Nobody knows where they are after a bolus or two for 'easing the pain'.

It's the worst best kept secret in medicine.
We will make them comfortable
 
Numerous studies suggest that a person's happiness will typically fall as they grow older, until about the fifties, when it begins to rise again (until they die).

Basically like a long u-curve with ~50 min the middle.

Why is this? I suggest that the idealism of youth takes a battering until around 50 (give or take), at which point the average person 'gives up'.

They give up on hopes of fame, fortune, lasting 'love'; they give up on being what they want others to think they are.

They give up on projecting what they never were onto a world which never really cared to begin with.

The hard part in the modern age is making it to one's fifties in the first place. Some end their own lives well before then, which is a shame.

Look up the stats. What kills young men? Car accidents, yes. But also suicide. Yes, suicide.

Well what is the point of that? Whatever ails you on this side will surely ail you on the other side, too.

If it makes you feel any better, there is absolutely zero evidence that you evolved from bacteria.

Unless you believe appeals to authority count as 'evidence'. Think I'm joking? Look into it for yourself.

The amazing thing is that 'educated' people tend to hold the 'scientific' authorities in the same deference which religious people hold their own authorities.

Two sides of the same coin, of course. But this is a tangential matter.

All you need to focus on now, SA, is whether or not you can go 8 weeks without alcohol.

If you are even half as 'smart' or 'tough' as you want others to think you are, then you can go eight weeks without the piss.

When, not if, you do, your entire life will be so much better, you will barely even be able to remember your current misery.

Then, of course, you can repeat the cycle, and go back to the demon drink.

Now watch the insecurities of people come to the fore as they attack me. Like clockwork.
 
Numerous studies suggest that a person's happiness will typically fall as they grow older, until about the fifties, when it begins to rise again (until they die).

Basically like a long u-curve with ~50 min the middle.

Why is this? I suggest that the idealism of youth takes a battering until around 50 (give or take), at which point the average person 'gives up'.
.

This is me.
49 next year, and if I'm not going through a mid life crisis then whaleoilbeefhooked. married, good job, great kids, own house etc but somehow, not really happy.
i'm at the stage where i think a lot about my late teens and 20's, reminiscing and playing old songs. wondering what the people i met and girls i went out with from back then are doing now.
i get pretty sentimental, almost teary. probably doesn't help having depression either.
i sure as hell hope there is an upside in the 50's 'cos at this point i'm not afraid of death at all
 
I still meet people to this day who believe that 'depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain'.

It was a long time ago that I realised not to bother asking them for their empirical evidence to support this hypothesis.

Most people haven't the faintest clue what 'empirical evidence' even means.

They simply have faith in their shamans psychiatrists like good little underlings.

Are people depressed out there? Of course. Look around at what is going on. Who wouldn't feel emptiness about the rapid rate of change?

We were promised something very different when we were young.
 

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The concept of suicide I find interesting in relation to death. The suicider assumes his pain will go once death occurs even though this cannot actually be known.
 
This is me.
49 next year, and if I'm not going through a mid life crisis then whaleoilbeefhooked. married, good job, great kids, own house etc but somehow, not really happy.
i'm at the stage where i think a lot about my late teens and 20's, reminiscing and playing old songs. wondering what the people i met and girls i went out with from back then are doing now.
i get pretty sentimental, almost teary. probably doesn't help having depression either.
i sure as hell hope there is an upside in the 50's 'cos at this point i'm not afraid of death at all
I'm 10 years older than you and your post rings very true for me, I separated from my wife of 34 years last year, I'm in a good place now.

Death? It doesn't scare me but who knows how you feel till you get nearer to it, love the lyrics of this song.
 
The laws of physics, will tell you that you cannot kill energy. It can only be turned into some other from of energy.

Sadly I don't think this equates to our consciousness, more to do with our bodies becoming energy to other organisms.
 
Sadly I don't think this equates to our consciousness, more to do with our bodies becoming energy to other organisms.
I believe our mental capacity,thoughts,feelings equates to energy. Real electrical energy if you look at brain function. I guess it’s one step away from all the spiritual souly type stuff.
I’m probably wrong.
 

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