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Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

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Re: Where is the worst place you, or someone you know, has taken a sh*t?

On the front yard of an this guys house who owns a dog that occasionally takes a bog on my front yard.
 
Can't believe I didn't remember this story when I inadvertently bumped this thread. One of the funniest things to happen in 6 years at high school.

We were at a party, about 16. There was an old but serviceable go-kart sitting at the top of a wet hill. I decided it was a good idea to commandeer the vehicle down the hill as fast as I could. I was halfway down, attempting to change my direction as I was heading straight for a brick wall, when I tore the steering wheel clean off. My mates all obviously lost it, and I slammed into the wall just as I bailed, and got up wet and grazed, but laughing nonetheless.
Fast forward an hour.
I walk inside the house and smelt this horrid stench, complained loudly about it, but of course no one owned up. I thought nothing of it and continued drinking and what not. Not long after this we were getting picked up, I asked where Jimmy was, only to be told by the hostess he was in the shower. Fairly confused, I asked why, to which she didn't know the answer. He came out, got in the car and we left. On the way home someone realized Jimmy was in trackies, not the jeans he'd arrived in. He confessed to laughing so hard he shat himself when I crashed the go-kart, and so he stole some of the hostess' older brother's track pants. Not only this, but he left his shit-filled jeans in this poor bloke's room, with his wallet and everything still in the pockets.
Safe to say he will never live that down.
 
I have a mate who has taken a dump in so many places

Me and the boys actually have a running joke that he has "clocked" shitting.

This has to be one of his finer moments- about 3 years ago now we had been out clubbing and he was legless, he could barely speak.

Anyway a mate is driving us home and he starts saying "purrlll over I needaa take a shitt"

We try telling him to wait untill he gets home.

"Im going to shit right now in your car unless you pull over"

So we pull over into a side street just off Princes Hwy. He drops his pants and starts taking a massive bog in the middle of the nature strip. We are all pissing ourselves lauging in the car watching him squat and take this crap. He could barely stand up so I dont know how he managed to keep his balance while he was squatting... I was just waiting for him to loose ballance and fall into it.

Being the great mate that I am I filmed this all on my phone so I could show him the next day.

When he was done he starts asking for toilet paper.
"we dont have toilet paper mate"

"you do you dogs give it to me

"We dont have any you fool.... here use this Hungry Jacks bag"

So he is using the hungry jacks bag while my mate is high beaming him with his car. I start walking back to the car, turn back to have a glance and then loose my shit.

He has his pants around his ankles and is rubbing his ass up and down this barky tree like a bear.

He pulled up his pants, jumped back in the car and passed out.

Next day he has a coy passing comment that his ass is really sore.
 

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Jcpdragonx said:
Re: Where is the worst place you, or someone you know, has taken a sh*t?

Someone from my school (way back in year 8) took a shit in a McDonalds fries packet and left it on the table. They watched the woman pick it up through the window and ran off.
Click to expand...

The look on her face would have been absoloute gold i bet she dry heaved lol
 
riteo said:
Re: Where is the worst place you, or someone you know, has taken a sh*t?

Place in Thailand, similar to the clip below but a hole in the ground rather than an actual toilet. Nightmarish.

[youtube]IJrWlHRT-18[/youtube]
Click to expand...

In the middle of the firsts cricket ground of a certain private school.

Twice.

The day before the match.
 
ThePuppetMaster said:
In the middle of the firsts cricket ground of a certain private school.

Twice.

The day before the match.
Click to expand...

Imagine no on noticed it and the ball hit the turd fair and square and then it left a big sh it stain on the batsmens white top and the batsmen would have to smell that all day
 
gareth36 said:
Imagine no on noticed it and the ball hit the turd fair and square and then it left a big sh it stain on the batsmens white top and the batsmen would have to smell that all day
Click to expand...

Would have been amazing.

One time I did it in a bin with holes at the bottom and we all pissed in there ... and it mixed and, er... liquified.

I felt sorry for the groundsmen.. but that didn't stop our hate.
 
ThePuppetMaster said:
Would have been amazing.

One time I did it in a bin with holes at the bottom and we all pissed in there ... and it mixed and, er... liquified.

I felt sorry for the groundsmen.. but that didn't stop our hate.
Click to expand...

Oh dude that gross lol i once when i was younger pissed on some plasterboard sheeting on a house that had just been built and i could only imagine the smell if they didnt notice it would reek on a hot day.

And another of my mates shat in the leterbox of a house that had just been finished i reckon it sat in there for a month before the house was sold i feel sorry if someone put there hand in there and broke the seal on that monster.
 
had some close calls since i found out about my mild lactose intolerance, but still clean.

when i was a kid my friend and i were climbing a tree, he needed to shit. so he did it right up in the tree, some fell to the ground, some stayed on the branches. i don't know whether it was just his shit or the light (cyprus trees) but it was an amazing green color.
 

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Thank god this thread didn't get deleted in the update. A true piece of literary gold. :D

Done it twice, both when drunk. One of the worst feelings you can have, when you know there's nothing you can do to stop it. :oops:
 
Only two people know this story, and now you lucky lot can hear it too. Apologies in advance for length, my brevity seems to have gone the same way as my bowel control.

Now this was around the time of my birthday a couple of years ago. I'd been off work most of the week with a condition which had me backed up pretty badly. I was spending my time lying in bed, watching Family Guy DVDs, eating ice cream and wanking whenever I felt too sorry for myself. On my girlfriends insistence I went to see the doctor and she prescribed me a senna-based product to ease things along. Not being familiar with the wonderful world of laxatives I imagined that on my gridlocked digestive system the effect would be to induce normal bowel movements once again. Oh how wrong I was. We'd planned to go for a meal with friends in the evening to celebrate my birthday, but I wasn't really feeling up to it. However, the missus insisted I come out. Not for the last time in that relationship, I really should have stood my ground.

So we're in Soho enjoying a curry (why?). After the big meal and a few beers I'm really not feeling too hot. Everyone else wants to go elsewhere and carry on drinking, but I make my excuses and leave, thinking I can get home and watch some more Family Guy. And maybe have another wank.

As I'm walking back to Charing Cross I feel a rumbling omen in my gut and a small *FFFRRRP* escapes my butt cheeks. Alright thinks I, I'll just stop into the crapper at the station and release this long overdue load.

A couple of minutes later and I realise the situation is rather more urgent than I'd previously anticipated when a sharp cramp hits me, causing me to stop and do that cross-legged, doubled-over pose as I try to rearrange the contents of my rectum into a less explosive configuration using my buttocks.

By the time I reach the station entrance I'm in serious trouble. Sweating like a paedo in a playground, I inch forward painfully slowly, as every movement of my lower body threatens to unleash the fury within with a comical *PARP*. Just a hundred yards further and I'll be ok. Other people arriving at the station are shooting me puzzled and pitiful glances as I struggle forwards, looking to all the world like a parkinson's sufferer attempting the tightrope. But I can make it, I know I can.

Just as I reach the main concourse, barely 20 yards from the toilet entrance, it happens. With an almighty bubbling roar from my lower intenstines--it felt like the depth-charge scene from U-571 was being replayed in my gut--I momentarily lose sphincter control and I feel my pants fill with a gritty warmth. There's no other option now, I have to make a dash for the toilet before this gets worse!

Bad idea. As soon as I start to run, the full force of the faecal flood smashes through my puny anus. Within seconds it's too much for my underpants as several days worth of shit makes its sloppy break for freedom. It's steaming in a raging torrent down my leg and as I run I can feel it flicking off my shoes. I think I hear a scream of disgust from behind me, but all I can concentrate on is the toilet steps ahead. Down the step and through the turnstile, I secure myself in the closest free cubicle, barely landing on the seat in time to expel the last remnants safely and I pebble-dash the bowl so violently it sprays back onto my buttocks. My groans and the *PRRRAAP-PRAAARRAP-PRRAAAAAARRRRP* trumpeting from my burning arseh*le combine to make a terrible symphony for anyone unfortunate enough to be listening.

Exhausted, I clean myself off using an entire roll of paper. My underpants are filled and will have to be discarded. The legs of my jeans are completely soaked in runny, stinking shit. It's coated the backs of my shoes and even managed to find its way inside my socks. I am essentially a huge, walking shit stain. I start to rub at my clothes with the cheap, scratchy paper. It's not absorbing anything, so, dignity in shreds, I resort to scooping the crap out of my jeans with my bare hands.

It took me a full half hour to clean myself up, but you'd hardly notice the difference. I'd managed to get the worst off my shoes, but my jeans are still heavy with shit. My hands are stained a muddy brown colour. Then I realise I have no change of clothes, and still have to take a 25-minute train ride home. I feel utterly wretched, ashamed and alone and I sit back on the toilet seat and begin to cry.

The journey home is one I never, ever want to repeat. As I leave the toilet I take a furtive glance back the way I came and see a brown trail leading back towards the station entrance. Luckily (well I bloody well deserved some luck at some point in this story), my train is waiting on the platform and I am able to put my head down and quickly get on board. I'm terrified someone I know will get on the train and discover my shame, so slide down in my seat as low as possible to try and avoid being seen. The stench is awful and hangs in my nose, almost making me sick. Every time I move my jeans squelch and stick to my clothes. My spirit broken, I pray for the ground to open and swallow me whole, but then realise it would probably spit me straight back out again.

If you were the poor girl who sat on the seat in front of me for that entire journey, covering your nose and mouth with your scarf and periodically making retching noises, I am so, so sorry.

My girlfriend returned home somewhat later to find me (post-shower) in bed, shellshocked and hugging my pillow, the washing machine putting my dirty clothes through their second cycle of the night. "What happened?" she asks. All I can manage is to look straight ahead at the wall, still clutching my pillow for comfort. "I told you I didn't want to go out", I whimper.



---------------


b3ta.com. can get stuck reading their qotw for hours, although they try a bit hard with their prose sometimes.
 

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Holy shit! :p What a crap situation to be in! ;):eek:
 
dumb, your story story reminds me of this scene from the movie "I hope they serve beer in hell" (sorry about the shit quality, best I could find)

 
I was in a public toilet
I went into the end cubicle and sat down to do my business when from the adjacent cubicle came "Hello mate".

Not one to be ignorant I replied, "erm.. Hi"

"What are you doing?" Came the voice.

"Just Taking a crap, you?" I replied.

Then I heard:
"Yeah sorry mate Ill call you back, the idiot next to me keeps replying"
Click to expand...
:D:D
 
Went away for a rather large alcohol fuelled tirade last week with a few thousand others. One couldn't handle the pre-drinks starting with breakfast and by 6pm was found passing large quantities of Bristol Stool Chart Type 7 onto the carpeted floor of his hotel living room.

When two other males tried to stop him he started to vomit causing a fine liquid mist to spray out both ends and lightly layer the floor.

Quite disturbing really. Hilariously disturbing.
 

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