Remove this Banner Ad

Beauty & Style Defecating oneself

  • Thread starter Thread starter cats81
  • Start date Start date
  • Tagged users Tagged users None

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Jeez this thread has me in stitches....

I have a story to share. A few years ago I had bowel surgery and had to have a temporary stoma put in for three months. Anyway whilst not the best time of my life it did make for some great poo stories.

So the story goes, one day just out of hospital, probably two weeks after surgery, I'm at home just walking around when I feel bubbles coming out of my arse. At first I though it was just air but low and behold, there is shit dribbling onto the floor. I mean everywhere just running out. I quickly race to the toilet and I still couldn't squeeze anything out, it just kept dribbling. I then had to clean up the dribble patches that seemed to be everywhere in my apartment.

This was just the start of my problems... I lost all control of my bowel and because my operation was emergency they hadn't cleaned out my bowel beforehand. Meaning I still had a lot of crap up there that I couldn't get out. The doc said that it would just keep dribbling out for a week until it was all gone. So every 10-15 minutes a bit of shit would dribble out. I couldn't tell when it would happen and had no control to stop it as it would hurt too much and eventually come out anyway.

So of to the chemist to buy some old man nappies and for the next week, shat myself at all times of the day in all situations. Including work meetings, dinner with friends, on the train. Not much I could do about it though it was quite weird eating a meal with people whilst I'm dribbling shit in my pants. I showered about 10 times a day and went through a truckload of nappies and deoderant as I was paranoid.

Actually the nappies worked quite well and hid the smell... although the smell wasn't that bad anyway. THe Doc was right and this lasted about a week and then went away...

I'm glad that part of my life is over.
 
cats81 said:
Hey guys back here because after years of no accidents I have managed to shit my pants 3 times in the past 6 months. Nothing special with these stories but though I should share.

First was in Dublin Airport about to board a flight to Prague, had been in Morocco about 2 weeks earlier and being the genius I am I brushed my teeth with the tap water and ate street food all the time, subsequently suffered from a bit of weebum for the whole time I was visiting the grandparents in Ireland. My colon had began to solidify everything fairly well by the end of the 2 weeks so I was feeling fairly safe when I farted as I stood out of my chair at the airport lounge. Then I feel the wet trickle of bum juice roll down my guch and have to rush to the toilet to get the rest out, nice shit stain on white and grey stripped undies, commando for the flight to Prague.

Second was only 2 weeks ago, went to help my old man lift a heavy picnic table outside as I tensed to lift I also pushed a fart out and proceeded to leave a sizable wet log in my shorts as well, had to quickly chuck the undies in the bin and get changed as a mate was picking me up...dad was none the wiser.

Then today I was in the shower and once again farted (this seems to be the common theme of my most recent misfortunes) and instead of air an explosion of diarrhea went out against the wall and floor that I had to mush/wash down the drain...the stink was unbelievable.

This happens way to much for a 23 year old I feel
Click to expand...
Ahh dude you need a doctor!
 

Log in to remove this Banner Ad

U5VfK.png


Worthy of mention. Stolen from whoopsman
 
Jack Package said:
got one, but it's an eyewitness account, not first person.

So at my high school in year 8 the school started becoming really tough on kids leaving class (we'd leave and never come back) in retrospect I don't blame them. So anyway, to get out of class, even for a toilet break, you needed to get an attendance slip signed by the teacher. Remember that, it is relevant.

So there I was in year 8 science class with Mr Arnold, when a classmate, lets call him Dave, puts his hand up and asks to go to the loo. Denied.
So he asks again, Denied again. And a 3rd time.
Finally the kid gets out of his seat and pleads with the teacher to let him go, which got him moved to the teachers desk (a big deal back then).

About 5 minutes passed and suddenly I hear Mr. Arnold go 'ahhh jesus', and look to the floor, and sure enough, Dave had shit himself, and it had trickled down the back of the chair, and puddled right at old Arnie's feet.

'Dave!?!?, what the hell happened?'
'I told you I needed to go'
'Well why didn't you tell me it was urgent?'
'I really thought I could make it' *puts head in hands*

I'm assuming the clean up wasn't pleasant, however the rest of class was cancelled, which made for a nice little game of jack in the pack.

Being the creative little tackers we were, we gave Dave a new nickname, He was now 'Shatdacks'.

Not only did that nickname stick for all eternity, but we came up with a song as well. (sung to the tune of 'smack that' by Akon)

'Shatdacks, all on the floor
Shatdacks, give me some more
Shatdacks, in C24 (the room number)
Shatdacks, ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh'

kids can be so cruel
Click to expand...
This song almost wins the Internet. Gold.
 
I lived on a farm, was driving home on a Sunday morning with a copy of the paper. Only got 20 min from home had to pull over, hardly made it off the road, didn't quite get the pants down.
So ended up driving home pantless with a pair of shitstained pants in back of ute and a paper missing the Body and Soul section.
 
cats81 said:
I have shat myself/been gross for the laughs before....anyone else done it for a joke?

Probably one of my best nights out at a club involved shitting myself

The club was almost full and I blended with the crowd easily. Deep house blasted out of several large speakers suspended above the dancefloor. It was hot with body heat and the sex was almost tangible.

My first impulse was to pull my dick out, slap it around, maybe give a jerk or two – I refrained. If everyone was a bit more honest that’s what they would do too.

I walked up to the bar and bought a bottle of beer. Its coldness was nice. I relaxed and looked around. The girls looked good dressed in little mini-dresses and too-small T-shirts. But as the saying goes, beauty is only skin deep and under the skin most of these girls were pus-oozing harpies with ***** like bear traps. Out on the dancefloor, the action was hectic. An inner-sanctum of shirtless boys stood their ground squarely in the middle of the dancefloor and pumped their legs up and down to the beat. I noticed also that most of them had pissy little Celtic arm-band tattoos and nipple rings. Sometimes a girl would come pumping up beside one of them and they would both simulate ****ing.

The time seemed right. I finished off my beer and made for the toilets. Inside, two young effeminate boys were snorting lines off the basin table. I marched up to the nearest one and gave him a mighty shove.

“YOU ****ED MY WIFE DIDN’T YOU ****!?” I yelled.

He backed away and his friend wrapped up the speed.

“What?…What-Who are you?” he said.

“YOU ****ED HER UP THE ARSE DIDN’T YA!?”

“No! I don’t even know your wife!”

I punched him in the face and opened up his nose. He fell back.

“Jesus Christ!” his friend said. I right hooked him in the head. He too fell down. Then I walked into a cubicle, locked the door and sat down on the toilet.

Before going into the club, I had had an enormous dinner. Two shepherds pies, four large backed potatoes, a can of beans and several chocolate bars. I reached into my top pocket and pulled out a packet of laxatives. The packet claimed that they were extra strong. I hoped that they were. I stuffed them all in my mouth and made up some spit to swallow them with. Next, I took off all my clothes and lay them on the ground. In my coat pocket I had a 1ml syringe with a capsule of distilled water. In my other pocket was a bent spoon and a small plastic packet with four clearlight trips in it. I popped the four clearlights into the spoon, squirted in 80 lines of water then applied my lighter flame to the bottom of the spoon.

Soon, the clearlights were spinning around as they dissolved. The needle slipped into my arm effortlessly and before I even had time to withdraw it, my head felt like it had imploded.

When I was sure the laxatives had started to take effect, I placed my head on my clothes and did a headstand against the wall. The diahhorea wasn’t long in coming. It started off as small spurts that would trickle down my back, then turned into an obscene brown volcano that shot up and then rained back down over my body. Soon, I was pretty well covered in my own rich brown faeces. I hopped back onto my feet and wiped a little shit on my face like warpaint. Then I opened the door to the cubicle and walked out.

I was surprised that no-one noticed me in the club for a good minute or so. A couple of people were pointing at me as I walked towards a good-looking girl on the dancefloor. She was doing a little dance and I was mesmerized by her which was clad in a tight pair of shorts with no visible panty line – I assumed she was wearing a g-string and the thought of her hairy, sweaty **** grinding away in there almost drove me insane. She didn’t notice me until I stood next to her with a huge shit stained grin on my face.

“DO YOU WANT TO DANCE WITH ME BABY!?” I screamed in her face like an errant Errol Flynn. She stumbled as she ran. I was quickly drawing more attention to myself, yet the pretty-boys in the middle of the dancefloor were still pumping away oblivious to anything but themselves. I pumped up next to them, parodying their slight dance and punctuating it with little spurts of diarrhea. When they finally opened their eyes and realized that the moisture they were getting splattered with wasn’t sweat, they cleared the dancefloor in a flash. Before I knew it, the floor was mine.

The patrons all formed a large berth around the dancefloor and would back off en-mass when I approached. No doubt the ecstasy in their heads would be savagely turning against them as they tried to comprehend my little show. I had an audience, I felt good.

The diarrhea came effortlessly as I squirmed around the floor in a pool of my own wastage. Every once in a while, I would get on my hands, spread open my cheeks and give a mighty thrust. I was genuinely amazed at the distance I could achieve using this method. Unfortunately, most of it would spatter inches from the crowd’s feet. The bouncers were powerless over the situation as I sloshed around trying my darnedest to emulate little Lolita, they didn’t get paid enough to man-handle a shit-smeared maniac. Several people had started to throw up and gave me a magnificent idea. I scooped up some brown slop in my hands and took a drink. The gag reflex kicked in immediately, and before I knew it, I had fountains of waste shooting out of both ends.

As in every audience, there was a heckler in this one. He looked like one to the pretty-boys who had been on the dancefloor and stood screaming abuse at me.

“YOU SICK ****! YOU SICK BASTARD! YOU ****ING MENTAL CASE!”

I threw several handfuls of sick and shit at him in an attempt to quiet him down, but he dodged every time, leaving his neighbors to get splattered. Then I had another great idea. I bent my leg around and with a bit of effort, managed to pop my big toe into my mouth. The flesh was easy to bite through, but the bone took a bit of incisor action until it popped off in my mouth. To be quite honest, it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realized I had my big toe in my mouth. The fountain of blood spurting from the stump quickly brought me back to reality though. I took a deep breath, and with a mighty heave, spat it at the now silent heckler..

Got tasered after all that, but it was a ****ing good night out. The toe was sewed back on too so as they say - alls well that ends well.
Click to expand...
I just about shit myself laughing at that! Brilliant!
 
spent today at California Adventure - Disneyland.
Rode a rollercoaster called the Screamin California. Id had a corn dog prior and was feeling anxious in my stomach. Not wanting to let down the 9 year old niece i was showing around, i strapped in. As we completed the complete upside down loop, i felt the corn dog start to force its way out. Vomit flew in horrific chunks all over me, and every other poor bastard on the ride. As it did, i felt myself panic and my sphincter momentarily relax. At this point, brown paste sprayed inside my diesel jeans. the next 45 seconds were gruelling. Americans wailing about my spew, kids crying and my niece pissing herself yet also judging me as a complete loser. And that was without knowing my underwear now resembled a fecking Chocolate thickshake that had been splattered everywhere. The coaster pulls back in and vomit covered people pile off, glaring at me. i wait, and finally get off, quickly tieing my jacket around my waist and power walking to the bathroom. I send my brother (nieces dad) to the gift shop to buy ANY pants he can, and as i wait in a stall, smile at the horror of it all, particularly the "oh thats fecking disgusting" comment i heard as the next passengers aborted their ride when confronted with the vomit and shit stain sitting in my seat.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Catsmaninamerica said:
spent today at California Adventure - Disneyland.
Rode a rollercoaster called the Screamin California. Id had a corn dog prior and was feeling anxious in my stomach. Not wanting to let down the 9 year old niece i was showing around, i strapped in. As we completed the complete upside down loop, i felt the corn dog start to force its way out. Vomit flew in horrific chunks all over me, and every other poor bastard on the ride. As it did, i felt myself panic and my sphincter momentarily relax. At this point, brown paste sprayed inside my diesel jeans. the next 45 seconds were gruelling. Americans wailing about my spew, kids crying and my niece pissing herself yet also judging me as a complete loser. And that was without knowing my underwear now resembled a fecking Chocolate thickshake that had been splattered everywhere. The coaster pulls back in and vomit covered people pile off, glaring at me. i wait, and finally get off, quickly tieing my jacket around my waist and power walking to the bathroom. I send my brother (nieces dad) to the gift shop to buy ANY pants he can, and as i wait in a stall, smile at the horror of it all, particularly the "oh thats fecking disgusting" comment i heard as the next passengers aborted their ride when confronted with the vomit and shit stain sitting in my seat.
Click to expand...
I'd hate to see how you handle some of the rides at Magic Mountain.
 
I'll keep this short- as much as i can.

Happened several years back (before i had my licence) me and a group of mates where at the park having a hit of cricket... everything's all good, everyone's having a good time. Fast forward few years we decided to have maccas for lunch (for those playing at home) i had a McChicken meal. Well needless to say after consumption of food, i felt a sharp pain in my stomach. Doing everything i possibly could to hold it back. Holding it back was giving me such pains i was going pale, i couldn't keep it back. Well i had to excuse myself from my mates telling them i had to run home to do a few things. Walking home... well it was a challenge it was like i had a pole up there...well a block away from home i though fkt it... i lost control and a pile of mud poo came outta my ass and right into my pants... had to balance my walk home so shit wouldnt fall on either side of ass cheek
 
This is one thread i was hoping I would never post in but unfortunately I had a little accident a couple of weeks back.

I am currently living with my mother in law while our house is having major renovations.

It was sunday morning and I had been to the Carlton v West Coast the night before and had a couple of beers and was feeling a little rough. My wife and I thought we would get out the house and go for a walk to our local park, so my 3yo son can have a play on the swings plus my wife had recently given birth to our daughter we thought it would be a nice little family outing.

We got to the park which also houses a number of soccer fields which is jam packed on sunday mornings with junior soccer games. As we walked past the club rooms I let a fart rip and thought to myself that I might need to use the toilets shortly if this continues. After pushing my son on the swings for ages we decided to go to the canteen and grab a sausage sizzle and a drink for the walk home which is probably about 800m.

After knocking off the sausage sizzle my guts started playing up and I knew that trouble could be brewing, do I head back to the club rooms or take the punt and hope I make it home in time. I took the gamble and when finally made it to our street, now our street is a in a U shape and about 300m long with our house towards the start of the street. I got to about the 150m mark and said to my wife that I don't think I can make it and that I am going to run home.

I took off and was running at a decent pace and hit the corner and could see the house about 80m in front of me, I felt like I was moving like Cathy Freeman in the 400m in the Sydney Olympics. I made it to the front door which was locked and I didn't have a key so I rang the door bell (that doesn't always work) and knocked on the front like a man possessed but the mother in law was not answering. Where the hell was the old bat, I couldn't hold on any longer, so I headed to the side gate which was held together with a piece of rope as it sometimes blows open in heady winds. I opened the gate in record time and was just wanted to make it to the back of the yard, behind the shed where I would drop my trousers and relieve myself.

Unfortunately I didn't make it that far and filled my shorts, which also happened to be the type of sports shorts which have built in jocks. At this stage my mother in law opened the side door to find out what all the commotion was about, I had to grab a old sheet that was covering a set of old outdoor chairs that only get used at parties or at Christmas time to wrap around me. I then had to head inside to the shower to 'clean' myself up.

My wife and mother in law thought it was the funniest thing ever but luckily decided to keep it our little secret.
 
A few years ago at school footy i was the goal umpire so before the game started i got a couple fried dimmies. i started off fine, feeling good and annoyed i actually had not got a game. It came about quarter time when i started to feel my stomach churning but i had felt these churns so many times before so just thought i'd hold it in and wait the 2 and a half hours till i got home. As the 2nd quarter went on i started to feel worse and worse, i had broken out in a cold sweat and had my ass cheeks clenched so tight that i wasn't even paying attention to the game anymore. I knew half time was close and there was no way i'd make it to the change rooms as i was on the opposite end of the ground so i looked around me for the best spot i could go and behind the goals about 50m away was a tennis club. It had medium sized trees and little bushes around it so i thought to myself bingo. Half time siren went and i got up a brisk pace no doubt looking like i had a pole stuck up my ass, thinking back now i probably looked like the tin man as i definatly wasn't going to risk bending my legs as i walked. I got to a couple of the bushes and as soon as i squatted over shit sprayed everywhere, i could not believe what i was smelling, normally the smell of your own brew is somewhat enjoyable (think dutch ovens) but this was plain disgusting, after the original shit storm i was able to push out a decent sized log. I tried to wipe with leaves but it just hurt way to much so i took of my undies and tried to clean myself up but as i was doing this i saw what i assume to be a couple walking there big dog, they were walking into a clear view where they would see me as i was next to the walking track so i pulled up my pants with shit still stuck in my ass hairs and ran around the corner behind the tennis club house wall where i could see them but they couldn't see me. I watched there dog sniffing around and going in the direction of the 2 bushes id juts defecated behind and being the good owners i assume they were the lady took the dog over for a better sniff when i hear 'WHAT THE **** IS THAT!' She literally bent over and started dry retching right there and then, the husband rushed over and as soon as he got there he just gave the 'errrrr ! what stinks !' A little bit more tame then his wife but hilarious none the less. This is when i took my chance to sprint back up to the footy oval and blend in with other school kids up there. I turned around back to the scene of the crime and saw the couple and there dog walking back the way they came
 

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Geelong_Sicko said:
Bear in the net? I always knew it as the turtle's head!
Click to expand...
Turtle head or touching cloth are the one's I hear quite a bit.

A few months back a mate of mine described a close encounter, as 'the big brown dog barking at the back door'.
 

Remove this Banner Ad

Remove this Banner Ad

🥰 Love BigFooty? Join now for free.

Back
Top Bottom