Health Depression

[_Christoh_]

Ahhhh, the wonder of the interwebs....

I posted a poem to Facebook a few hours ago. It was a stream of consciousness piece, certainly dark and, evidently, easily misunderstood. Because within 10 minutes of posting it, I had 2 police cars full of cops, sirens blaring, screeching to a halt in my driveway. I was at the back of the house, in my computer room. I heard the sirens, but thought nothing of it - until 3 police charged around the back of the house, asking my name and demanding to be let inside. Somewhat shocked, I complied, wondering wtf was going on. It seems that one of my friends on Facebook interpreted my post as a suicide note and called 000. The police performed their jobs admirably and I have nothing but the highest regard for their actions. Nor indeed do I find fault with my friend, who felt the situation warranted such a response. (Interestingly, one of the officers was attending my situation for a second time, after being in attendance last year at the bridge when I very nearly leapt into the abyss, but for the timely intervention of members of the constabulary).

The terrible reality here is this - I know people care. It isn't in any way, shape or form meaningless to me. But neither does it provide comfort. It simply IS. I have a small circle of friends. I keep my cycle of depression and mania largely hidden from them. For the simple reason that it is MY problem. I don't wish to burden them with something they can do nothing about. I mean this in the most positive way imaginable. They cannot help me, so why burden them? If I NEED them, I can reach out. But needing comfort, support, reassurance and the like does precisely zero for my condition. And I'll tell you why, dear reader....

Because I create this reality. It is horrible and it depresses me. It is a source of constant pain with deathly lows and maddening highs. And turning to friends or what little family I have for support seems like throwing one's food on the ground and then complaining that you are hungry. To me, it sets one on the path of victim. I feel terrible, it's true. And I have seriously contemplated suicide. I have been hospitalised and taken into protective custody. But I create all these things. It is the WHY which challenges me. Why do I do it? What purpose does it serve? If I were 15, you'd suggest it's a cry for attention. But when I was 15, I was happy as Larry. At 41, I had a good job, a great relationship, a nice house. But, progressively over the last 2 years I have torched it all. I have been on the cycle of stability into destruction since the mid 90's. Finally, I am really destroying it. No job, no partner, no house. I am now 43, and life is bleak. Not without hope although I despise the word. But, yes, it is bleak.

And the why eludes me....I wrestle with the question constantly. It is both the source of my depressive frustration and, I feel, my salvation. Because so long as the question remains unanswered, I will endure. It is when I find an answer that things will REALLY get messy.

Okay, Ive been depressed, lost my job, my missus and our house too.

I was already a confused, angry, habitual pot smoking depressive in a job i hated, with a missus that was a bitch before we split. And then everything got to me and sent me over the edge in to thoughts of self determination.

I, like you was selfishly involved in a constant battle to figure why i was the way i was. Why everything went wrong. Why did i always blame myself and then beat myself up for it. What has happened along my journey that made me turn out to be a puddle of infinite sadness? I was asking questions i didnt know the answer to and if i didnt know the answer, no one else was going to know it either. But knowing the answers was never going to help me. I had to accept that despite all my best intentions i have ended up where i am because I dropped the ball. I wasnt doing jack shit to make any difference in my life. I was seduced by medication i didnt need and spewing up horror stories from my past to mental health workers who didnt get me or my plight and perpetuating my depression by making me go over it time and time again bringing the same old shit feelings that came along with it.

I stopped asking why and started thinking how. How do i stop being the person i hate. How do i make positive changes. How do i understand myself better. How do i learn to appreciate myself better. How do I begin my path to happiness. How do I commit to a journey that puts me front and centre and doesnt waiver, doesnt resort to reduntant thinking and depressive state of mind.

The medication i took didnt work, the psychologists/counsellors didnt relate to me. Only I could make a difference for the better. What did i have control over that could make my life better for me?

I then stopped asking questions and started doing. Holy shit i was already a few steps removed from where i was, but i hadnt done anything yet...this shit was working.

I did many small but extremely significant things to me. Im happy to go through them with you on a PM if you want as many will be relevant to you too.

Slowly, slowly, i cant stress enough how slowly but i will again say slowly started emerging from my depressive state of mind. But i was only aware of it upon reflection. It wasnt something i thought about anymore. I was focussed on what i was doing, not on how i was feeling.

I did some psychological courses, counselling courses, learnt instruments, focused on being the best part time Dad i could be, re-engaged old friends. Stopped smoking pot, started getting drunk in social settings. Started saying why the **** not? Act the fool and sing some kariokie like wounded bull. Play dress ups with my daughter. Run around on the beach with my fat guts hangin out not giving one single **** cos i realised for the first time ever I didnt give a shit what anyone thought. They dont know me, dont know how i repressed myself and they sure as shit wouldnt know what a big deal putting myself out there like that was to me.

I chose to stop having emotional responses to problems and issues I faced. When something went wrong I chose not to react emotionally and instead asked myself 2 simple questions. What can I do about this? Should I give this problem any more of my energy if I cant do anything about it? If I could do something about a problem, I did it. Cos the thought of stewing and allowing a problem wash around in my mind was scary to me. I didnt want that type of thinking in my life any more.

Then someone said something very profound to me. Not sure if it would resonate or have the same impact with others here. He said 'Happiness is a choice'. It was only profound to me because i was in a frame of mind to understand it and accept a truth to it. I probably would have punched him in the face at the deepest depths of my depression for being a walking motivational picture. I got it because i was able to look back and know i accepted my depression for a period of time. I didnt even flirt with the idea of being content with myself. I didnt for a long time make the choice to making changes that would eventually lead to a frame of mind I call hapiness.

Salvation for me now is assisting others make positive change in their lives. I give to get and that was the single biggest piece i was missing. I focussed on what i needed to feel better not what i could do to make others and myself feel better.

Its upto you, only you. First step is commiting to yourself, you're worth the effort. Stop asking why, start asking how and commit to doing. Then choose how you want to feel. Sounds extremely simple we both know it isnt but i cant not share what i know and how i did it.

I wish you all the strength you can muster, i offer you anything you need and i know complete strangers, loved ones and everyone in this thread hope your journey is filled with what you want it to be. Good luck.

 

[Sausages]

Many thanks Christoh.

Today I am struggling. Writing is immensely therapeutic for me.

I am frightened of leaving the house - just went down to my local Coles and vomited, had to leave without getting any groceries. The false, plastic pristine irrelevance of it provoked my senses.

But, I'm ok - as in, I'm not about to do anything drastic.

I have to attend 2 more days of work before my termination takes effect. Monday and Tuesday. At the moment, my focus is upon getting through those 2 days. After that? Who can say.....I shall endure.

 

[HARKER]

Many thanks Christoh.

Today I am struggling. Writing is immensely therapeutic for me.

I am frightened of leaving the house - just went down to my local Coles and vomited, had to leave without getting any groceries. The false, plastic pristine irrelevance of it provoked my senses.

But, I'm ok - as in, I'm not about to do anything drastic.

I have to attend 2 more days of work before my termination takes effect. Monday and Tuesday. At the moment, my focus is upon getting through those 2 days. After that? Who can say.....I shall endure.

Keep writing Sausages and we'll keep listening.

Who knows, you may well be helping others here and isn't that somewhat worthwhile on its own?

 

[Sausages]

Indeed Harker, it is.

I'm still on a relatively low dose of Seroquel (200mg/day) and Prozac. I've spent a fair chunk of the last week in varying states of depression. The weekend was largely without incident. I will finish up at work tomorrow. The next 3 months will see the house sold, my car sold and the funds remaining after debts cleared split 50/50 with my ex. Crazy.

At the time of writing, I'm planning to divorce myself of all my crap - everything. White goods, furniture, electricals, the lot. Anything sold is a 50/50 with my ex. A VERY SMALL box of stuff will be retained and held at my parents' place. Clothes, books etc will be donated. I'm hoping this entire process will take 3 months, starting from tomorrow.

All the funds I have left (defined by business as "profit") will be totalled....and then I'm splitting. Being single, unemployed and childless....I plan to just travel. I've always hated "stuff". The connection I feel is to the Universe, not to my career or my house or even my partner. I've come to understand that some (not all!) of my depression stems simply from the fact of not listening to my inner voice. I suppose a critic or a cynic would suggest I'm going away to find myself...possibly that's accurate, up to a point. I'm going to find my people. Over the last week, I've felt very keenly that my life is at a crossroads. Not a small one either. A gigantic one - do I keep doing the "normal" thing or do I just follow my instinct. It's taken a week to filter through the word instinct, to reduce it to a course of action. And clarity arrived today. Instinct, for me, is letting go of all the things which have failed to satisfy me. House, job, partner, status....all of it added to my stress, not relieved it. I am made less happy by these things, not more.

Unless things change dramatically in the next 48 hours and then over the following weeks, this is my direction. It's astonishing how free I feel. I'm not really excited...to be honest, I'm a little frightened But, it feels....right. Clarity.

 

[HARKER]

Indeed Harker, it is.

I'm still on a relatively low dose of Seroquel (200mg/day) and Prozac. I've spent a fair chunk of the last week in varying states of depression. The weekend was largely without incident. I will finish up at work tomorrow. The next 3 months will see the house sold, my car sold and the funds remaining after debts cleared split 50/50 with my ex. Crazy.

At the time of writing, I'm planning to divorce myself of all my crap - everything. White goods, furniture, electricals, the lot. Anything sold is a 50/50 with my ex. A VERY SMALL box of stuff will be retained and held at my parents' place. Clothes, books etc will be donated. I'm hoping this entire process will take 3 months, starting from tomorrow.

All the funds I have left (defined by business as "profit") will be totalled....and then I'm splitting. Being single, unemployed and childless....I plan to just travel. I've always hated "stuff". The connection I feel is to the Universe, not to my career or my house or even my partner. I've come to understand that some (not all!) of my depression stems simply from the fact of not listening to my inner voice. I suppose a critic or a cynic would suggest I'm going away to find myself...possibly that's accurate, up to a point. I'm going to find my people. Over the last week, I've felt very keenly that my life is at a crossroads. Not a small one either. A gigantic one - do I keep doing the "normal" thing or do I just follow my instinct. It's taken a week to filter through the word instinct, to reduce it to a course of action. And clarity arrived today. Instinct, for me, is letting go of all the things which have failed to satisfy me. House, job, partner, status....all of it added to my stress, not relieved it. I am made less happy by these things, not more.

Unless things change dramatically in the next 48 hours and then over the following weeks, this is my direction. It's astonishing how free I feel. I'm not really excited...to be honest, I'm a little frightened But, it feels....right. Clarity.

I envy you Sausages
Travelling on your own sounds absolutely brilliant. Great idea and at the end of the day you really have only one person to please.......yourself.

I used to have heaps. Spent anywhere between $500 - $1000 every Sunday buying stuff. Computer stuff, Hardware stuff, Lots of stuff I didn't use after opening up.........CD's I didn't listen to......DVD's I haven't watched.........Lots of them.
I just didn't have the courage to admit to myself that I was just trying to fill a hole. Took me a while but I get it now...or at least I get it for me.

It's so easy to get down about not having what everyone (?) else has got.
Everyone says it and knows it but only a few will actually do something about it..........Good for them.........Good for you......Have a great trip

 

[Sausages]

Thanks mate - I haven't gone anywhere yet though lol

Alot of work to do over the next 3 months and there will be setbacks, assuredly. But, in making this decision, the veil of darkness has parted. And I can see a path.

And that's all anyone should ever seek. Just a path.

 

[HARKER]

Thanks mate - I haven't gone anywhere yet though lol

Alot of work to do over the next 3 months and there will be setbacks, assuredly. But, in making this decision, the veil of darkness has parted. And I can see a path.
And that's all anyone should ever seek. Just a path.

Yes you have.............you've gone a long way...........You've made a decision.

Good for you.

 

[Jamurp]

As a sufferer of anxiety, the competitive and cut throat nature of life scares the crap out of me. I am relatively happy, I just don't want anxiety to stop me from achieving the things I want to achieve, and reach the goals I want to reach. It's just another thing to contend with on top of everyday life.

 

[_Christoh_]

Sausages I am really heartened to read your last few posts. You're on your way. In time I think you will come back to this thread and notice, like I have, there was a change in your perspective and outlook in your last few posts. Keep moving down your path, if that is where your direction is heading, go follow it. You might find speed humps or dead ends but you just may find self awareness and contentment.

Good luck, hope to hear more from you and how you're going.

 

[timtamWB]

So after a while promising myself that I wouldn't sink back into the depths of depression,of course what happened? I ended up sinking back down. My two best friends who I love more than anything in the world just had enough of me, and hardly talk to me anymore. If it wasn't for my music, a couple of my other friends, and my family, I don't think I would be here. I've gone to see a psychologist again, and back on medication, and I feel like a failure. I just cause pain to those I love, because I can't be happy around them. I don't get any physical contact with people, I haven't hugged anyone for about a month, and it feels like nobody apart from my family really cares about me. And I can't talk about anything in depth with anybody, because the people I did that with I already pushed away. Because that's what I do, I always push people away. I rely on them too much, get too close to them, and then I push them away because I feel they're better off without me, and I keep going until they prove me right. I don't know how to make new friends because of my anxiety and depression, and I feel like I can't be honest with them, and that's not even touching any romantic relationships, which I haven't had in over 2 years.

I really don't think I would've survived if it wasn't for this forum. I feel accepted, people like me, find some things I write funny, appreciate and actually ASK for my advice on things. I feel like I belong here, which isn't something I usually feel. I know it might seem a bit strange, seeing as this is all online, but I feel comfortable when I get to post things on here. The guys in the wrestling forum, bulldogs forum, and particularly the supercoach forum are all awesome and I am really happy I found this place, because it lets me talk about things with people that are interested in the same things I am, that don't judge me, and just accept me for me.

 

[Jamurp]

So after a while promising myself that I wouldn't sink back into the depths of depression,of course what happened? I ended up sinking back down. My two best friends who I love more than anything in the world just had enough of me, and hardly talk to me anymore. If it wasn't for my music, a couple of my other friends, and my family, I don't think I would be here. I've gone to see a psychologist again, and back on medication, and I feel like a failure. I just cause pain to those I love, because I can't be happy around them. I don't get any physical contact with people, I haven't hugged anyone for about a month, and it feels like nobody apart from my family really cares about me. And I can't talk about anything in depth with anybody, because the people I did that with I already pushed away. Because that's what I do, I always push people away. I rely on them too much, get too close to them, and then I push them away because I feel they're better off without me, and I keep going until they prove me right. I don't know how to make new friends because of my anxiety and depression, and I feel like I can't be honest with them, and that's not even touching any romantic relationships, which I haven't had in over 2 years.

I really don't think I would've survived if it wasn't for this forum. I feel accepted, people like me, find some things I write funny, appreciate and actually ASK for my advice on things. I feel like I belong here, which isn't something I usually feel. I know it might seem a bit strange, seeing as this is all online, but I feel comfortable when I get to post things on here. The guys in the wrestling forum, bulldogs forum, and particularly the supercoach forum are all awesome and I am really happy I found this place, because it lets me talk about things with people that are interested in the same things I am, that don't judge me, and just accept me for me.

Nothing wrong with seeking help for mental illness, it's a positive step in the right direction. Try to take things one day at a time, focus on the week ahead, rather than the long term future, which can be daunting. Hang in there buddy, there is light at the end of the tunnel, just keep walking forward.

 

[nicky]

i really liked this blog post

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-come-home-to-yourself/

 

[_Christoh_]

I've been meaning to post these series of TED talks as I think they have some really good info and latest thinking on depression, anxiety, grief, shame and guilt.

 

[timtamWB]

I should really watch those TED talks, but honestly, I can't be ****ed right now.

My "best" friends don't care about what happens to me, and don't want to let me in. I was trying to talk to both of them about serious things, about firstly things going on in their life, then how I feel, and they kept changing the subject. I feel like I'm just part of the furniture now and they only talk to me or hang out with me because they have to. And all of them are getting new jobs, new relationships and lots of friends, and I'm stuck at the same shit old job despite applying everywhere, no interest in any girls and can't go up and talk to them, and have nowhere to meet them because mutual friends just isn't a possibility due to other circumstances.

I know people are going to say that I don't need a girlfriend to feel better about myself, I need to find that happiness withing myself. But you know what? I need physical contact, and the sad thing is that I can't remember the last time that any of my friends hugged me. I mean today I was hanging out with my best friend that I haven't seen in like a month after we had a fight, she was texting her boyfriend almost the whole time, didn't hug me when she saw me, was distant, and when she got out of my car she didn't hug me, she leaned over as if to say "hug me". It might not sound like much, but this was the same girl that I used to cuddle with and hug all the time, grab my arm or play with my hair for no reason, and yes I asked her out and she said she wasn't interested, so obviously she was just lonely and just using me, now she doesn't need that so doesn't touch me. And a girlfriend, whoever she is, would actually provide that physical and emotional connection that I need, as well as having someone that actually likes me for me, which is something I really only have with one person right now. And I've been told, time and time again, that I'd make a great boyfriend, and I've been friends with girls so it's not like I'm scared to talk to girls or can't connect with them, in fact I connect with females better than males. And I'm just sick of having no love life to speak of whatsoever.

And maybe I'm a bit different. When I say physical contact, I don't mean sex, or even making out, I literally just mean touching, not in a sexual way, but in an intimate way. Stroking someone's arm, playing with their hair, holding their hand, cuddling, not anything crazy or something unreasonable. But honestly, I get the feeling I'm not meant to be with someone, and just not meant to be happy.

Honestly if it wasn't for my mate, I guess best mate now, Nick, and hanging out, recording with him and his brother, I don't think I'd be getting through. So even though he'll never read this and probably never know, he's honestly what's kept me sane these past few weeks, and I love the guy. I'm pretty sure he knows I've been bad, but we don't talk about that stuff, and when I'm hanging out with him I can just be myself and that's something I haven't had in a while, and I'm so thankful for it.

The worst part about it is, I feel so horrible practically all the time, but I know I can't kill myself. I can't bring myself to change or get motivated to try and change myself for the better, or to talk to anyone about this. I always try to protect others and lash out at myself, and close off if something happens that I don't like. I'm aware of absolutely everything that's happening to me, I'm aware of what I need to change. I'm aware of what I need to say in order to please people, I'm aware of absolutely everything. I can't get motivated to do it and I feel like I just can't do it.

Venting always helps though, so at least I've got that going for me.

 

[_Christoh_]

I should really watch those TED talks, but honestly, I can't be ****** right now.

Watch the first 2 videos. The answer to how your feeling comes from the same place as why your feeling it. Putting yourself out there can be scary. But if you cant or wont do that then you are responsible for how you are feeling. Only you can change your circumstance. Worrying or beating yourself up over something you have control over is like standing in front of a charging bull and then complaining you're getting charged by it. You either move or you keep taking the hits knowing you chose to stand there. You can do something about it or you can accept that you arent able to fulfil the need for hugging, touch or intimacy and forego the beating yourself up.

Never ever let go of the fact that you are worthy of love and affection. Everyone seeks it as it is a basic human need. Go out and find it if it isnt knocking your door down.

There are hundreds of ways to meet women but there is only one way to meet them and that is talking to them, by being yourself, being honest and opening yourself up. Being vulnerable isnt being weak, it is being honest. If you do that and you're turned down, that it isnt a reflection on you, it is proof that the girl you're trying to meet isnt right for you.

I choose to be brutally honest with women, warts and all. I don't do that for their benefit either. That way I know that if I lay it all out there and she doesnt run and I in turn accept her for who she is then she is truly the right woman for me. Sometimes I do that anyway as I tend to meet people that are more like me as a result.

 

[timtamWB]

Watch the first 2 videos. The answer to how your feeling comes from the same place as why your feeling it. Putting yourself out there can be scary. But if you cant or wont do that then you are responsible for how you are feeling. Only you can change your circumstance. Worrying or beating yourself up over something you have control over is like standing in front of a charging bull and then complaining you're getting charged by it. You either move or you keep taking the hits knowing you chose to stand there. You can do something about it or you can accept that you arent able to fulfil the need for hugging, touch or intimacy and forego the beating yourself up.

Never ever let go of the fact that you are worthy of love and affection. Everyone seeks it as it is a basic human need. Go out and find it if it isnt knocking your door down.

There are hundreds of ways to meet women but there is only one way to meet them and that is talking to them, by being yourself, being honest and opening yourself up. Being vulnerable isnt being weak, it is being honest. If you do that and you're turned down, that it isnt a reflection on you, it is proof that the girl you're trying to meet isnt right for you.

I choose to be brutally honest with women, warts and all. I don't do that for their benefit either. That way I know that if I lay it all out there and she doesnt run and I in turn accept her for who she is then she is truly the right woman for me. Sometimes I do that anyway as I tend to meet people that are more like me as a result.

I will get around to watching the first 2 videos. But what you've said, I completely understand all that. I know I'm completely responsible for how I'm feeling. Like I said, I'm able to see exactly what I do, I know exactly what I'm doing, and I know it's bad and I only have myself to blame. But I can't stop it, I can't do something about it. My brain is programmed due to all these past experiences, and I can't reprogram it. I'm not the most social guy as is, so I can't approach people. And that's people, not just women, but people in general. Sometimes someone will approach me first and then I can sometimes become friends with them, but it's rare. But at the same time, I can't actually accept that I can't get these basic needs because, well, I've had them before, so obviously I can get them. Logically there's no reason why I should feel like this, but if you start approaching depression with logic, well you're pretty much on Mt Dandenong Rd, and the guy who's depressed is on the Hume Highway.

The thing is, being honest and opening myself up, being myself? That's a depressed person, someone who's pretty much given up on life. I can't be that sort of person around people, I just make things awkward at best, make them frustrated and angry til they're shouting at me at worst.

I can say all these things, you can say all these things. I can imagine the scenarios in my head, know exactly what I'm going to do, what I'm going to say, how it's going to happen. But as soon as I actually try to put it into action, if it's going to talk to someone for example, it's like there's an invisible hand literally pushing me down into my seat, and making it physically impossible to go over and talk. And then I always start a negative cycle, which usually starts with a thought along the lines of "They won't want to talk to you" or something very similar.

 

[_Christoh_]

Sometimes someone will approach me first and then I can sometimes become friends with them, but it's rare.

I always start a negative cycle, which usually starts with a thought along the lines of "They won't want to talk to you" or something very similar.

So you are capable of talking with people and making friends. You just talk yourself out of it. I guess that is a form of anxiety but putting labels on things doesnt help fix it. But the pertinent fact is you CAN participate in conversations.

That is not usual. I have had that described to me many times before. Someone who is unable to initiate a conversation is perfectly able to participate in one if it is initiated by someone else.

 

[TheFreshBanana]

I am the same in regards to being able to converse with someone fine but struggle to intitiate.

But the way I reason it in my head, is that wouldn't that be the same for the other bloke? I mean, it takes two to tango, so how come the other bloke isn't initiating?

 

[nicky]

Hey _Christoh_

Those brene brown TED talks are excellent i think - i've actually posted them before on other threads.

The vulnerability one gave me very specific insight into the importance of vulnerability as something to allow rather than try and numb or avoid. The reason being that you can't numb the bad without numbing the good.... No wonder so many peoples lives feel empty.

That talk has had a profound impact on my life. For example, i've faced my biggest fear around public speaking and it's enhanced all areas of my life, including giving me the power to easily handle other situations that make me feel vulnerable (eg. talking to ex about new loves etc) where previously i would have typically avoided.

 

[_Christoh_]

Hey _Christoh_

Those brene brown TED talks are excellent i think - i've actually posted them before on other threads.

The vulnerability one gave me very specific insight into the importance of vulnerability as something to allow rather than try and numb or avoid. The reason being that you can't numb the bad without numbing the good.... No wonder so many peoples lives feel empty.

That talk has had a profound impact on my life. For example, i've faced my biggest fear around public speaking and it's enhanced all areas of my life, including giving me the power to easily handle other situations that make me feel vulnerable (eg. talking to ex about new loves etc) where previously i would have typically avoided.

I watch those videos every couple of months just to re-centre myself and remember that its okay to be myself, its okay to put yourself out there and its okay if not everyone gets me. It says to me that its better to be vulnerable and open yourself up to rejection than to close down and avoid it and all the good that comes with it too. The shame aspect is also so true. Shame doesnt come from others, we do it to ourselves. It took me a long time to close that inner voice that told me I couldnt, Im not good enough, I dont deserve this. Now I just go with the mantra of why the **** not? Whats the worse that can happen? Id rather try and fail than beat myself up for not having a go in the first place. And trust me I used to do plenty of that.

There is another TED talk video I saw once and have tried a hundred times to find again that focused on choosing how you feel. The person broke emotions down so well and explained that if we just take over the manual control of our emotions and override our default setting by saying 'You know what, Im not going to be upset by this' 'I will choose how I react to problems and situations' 'I am in control of how I feel' 'I will choose happiness because I deserve it' 'I dont need to have emotional reactions to negative situations' 'I WILL show my joy and elation and I WILL show my love to those who matter to me, if they like it or not'. The person also said that there isnt an emotional police that come and make sure you are feeling bad when you make a mistake. You dont have to feel bad if something bad happens. Before you react to a situation choose what emotion is going to best help you deal with it. Being negative, sad or angry very rarely helps any situation. Choose peace, choose calmness, choose happiness, choose being silly, choose friendly, choose caring. There are hundreds of different emotions we can access and we all have complete control over them if we commit to taking over and keep reminding ourselves we are in control and will not revert to useless thinking that just brings us down and depressed.

 

[vonn]

My psychologist said something very straightforward, but so simple it's often missed. It's the 'ABC' theory.
A - event occurs
B - your reaction to it
C - depression
She noted that 'B' was the only time you have to control it, as the event and the illness is beyond your reach. However how you react at 'B' is very important to not falling in to 'C.' Just thought it illustrated how much control we have for our own future. For those who believe it's easier to give up the fight - know that you cannot chance A or C - but you CAN and you DO have the power to either go back to B - or deal with a situation before it becomes worse.

 

[Glacier]

Having taken the time to read this very moving thread I can but offer one piece of advice to those who would listen
Life has a way of moving you in the right direction, all you have to do is trust it enough to lead you on the journey
Some would know my story of many years ago when I found my wife who I had been with since school having multiple affairs
It shattered me
I also felt that I had no interest in continuing on, and I came very close to taking my own life
But I came to the conclusion that life itself can lead you, it doesn't matter where it just matters that you let it
It's a big world and chances are if you feel rock bottom then there are a multitude if others just like you
But you know what ?
If you are prepared to change and let life take you anyway, it does have a way of leading you into a better place, with the knowledge that it is you who can change just by being alive
I am now a dad of two little girls who run down the hall and cuddle me when I get home at night, one who's first ( and currently only !!) word is dadda
We have a third due in August
Give living a chance and have the courage to let it take you along, trust me, it's worth it

 

[Run n Spread]

My psychologist said something very straightforward, but so simple it's often missed. It's the 'ABC' theory.
A - event occurs
B - your reaction to it
C - depression
She noted that 'B' was the only time you have to control it, as the event and the illness is beyond your reach. However how you react at 'B' is very important to not falling in to 'C.' Just thought it illustrated how much control we have for our own future. For those who believe it's easier to give up the fight - know that you cannot chance A or C - but you CAN and you DO have the power to either go back to B - or deal with a situation before it becomes worse.

That's assuming B is easily controlled. Reactions depend a lot on circumstance, personality, experience and disposition. To change a reaction requires a whole new perspective on life and growth, something some people don't achieve. Sure you can pretend and suppress but an instinctive reaction isn't always controllable.

 

[vonn]

That's assuming B is easily controlled. Reactions depend a lot on circumstance, personality, experience and disposition. To change a reaction requires a whole new perspective on life and growth, something some people don't achieve. Sure you can pretend and suppress but an instinctive reaction isn't always controllable.

Well yes, of course there is a unique degree of difficulty involved with each scenario and person but regardless of that it is always technically within your control.

 

[Run n Spread]

Having taken the time to read this very moving thread I can but offer one piece of advice to those who would listen
Life has a way of moving you in the right direction, all you have to do is trust it enough to lead you on the journey
Some would know my story of many years ago when I found my wife who I had been with since school having multiple affairs
It shattered me
I also felt that I had no interest in continuing on, and I came very close to taking my own life
But I came to the conclusion that life itself can lead you, it doesn't matter where it just matters that you let it
It's a big world and chances are if you feel rock bottom then there are a multitude if others just like you
But you know what ?
If you are prepared to change and let life take you anyway, it does have a way of leading you into a better place, with the knowledge that it is you who can change just by being alive
I am now a dad of two little girls who run down the hall and cuddle me when I get home at night, one who's first ( and currently only !!) word is dadda
We have a third due in August
Give living a chance and have the courage to let it take you along, trust me, it's worth it

No and yes. Life and decisions, circumstance etc can very easily move against you. May as well thou give life a chance and say fu*& it just try, not everyone succeeds, many fail but may as well play the game and try and adapt so to speak.