Health Depression

[Engimal]

You want to talk about it mate? You can always pm me and a lot of others in this thread will all be here for you. Sometimes it helps to just rant at some guy you don't know.


A word of advice and I'm speaking from experience, on both sides of the coin.

Never say that to anyone who has depression or is in a down period. All it does is make them feel worse, and does nothing to pick them up or help them out at all.

I honestly don't even remember posting that and the funny thing is, I feel great today.

 

[timtamWB]

Hey guys

I'm not sure where to begin I don't know if I suffer from depression but I do suffer from anxiety. I'm 20 and have almost finished a degree at uni but I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what to do. I've still got no idea what I want to do in the future nothing seems to interest.

I see everyone out there living their life but I'm just sitting here watching it go by, the only friends I've got are those who I've made on a couple of forums who I speak to on facebook/ps4 but it appears I've isolated myself from everyone else. (I don't know how or why) When I do try to catch up with the people I was friends with at school they take an eternity to respond and if they do agree on going to the footy,movies, etc they end up cancelling a day or so before we're meant to meet. It seems I'm the only one bothered to try and keep these friendships alive. I think I've come to realize that these people aren't friends and will just use me whenever its convenient for them.

Everything in my life seems to be falling apart, I no longer have any motivation to do anything I just feel pretty low and can't remember the last time I was happy.

I could go into a few other things but I won't as I feel like I'm rambling now, I'm just not liking how my life is at the moment and I've got not idea how to fix it.

Trust me mate, rambling is fine. I do it way too much, sometimes it helps to just get those thoughts out there.

With school friends, it's a bit hard. It's not the greatest thing to hear, but sometimes you realise that the only reason you were friends with them is because you saw them every day. Myself, and a lot of other people, have just stopped being friends with them, even best friends, because there's no real reason to. But it wouldn't be a bad idea to bring up the fact that they end up cancelling and you're the only one who's putting in any effort. But don't attack them, just discuss it with them.

I would advise going to see a psychologist. It's just good to discuss this with someone who can actually help you and can help to set you on the right track.

I honestly don't even remember posting that and the funny thing is, I feel great today.

The wonders of alcohol?

It doesn't really matter what happened, it only matters how you feel right now.

 

[Shane Hird]

A word of advice and I'm speaking from experience, on both sides of the coin.

Never say that to anyone who has depression or is in a down period. All it does is make them feel worse, and does nothing to pick them up or help them out at all.

Yeah, obviously there are different levels of depression and some people need prescription drugs and professional help to work through things.

But there a lot of posts here from young people who are wondering where their lives are headed, why they can't attract a decent girl and why their so called friends don't go out with them often.

That sort of negative thinking can lead to darker places in the mind imo and really, most of their 'problems' can be improved by a good dose of consistent positive thinking and looking at the world a bit differently.

So what if you don't know what career you want at 22 years of age. That's pretty normal stuff. No need to get worked up about it and let it bring you down. Most people go through it.

So what if 'friends' don't respond to you on FB..get out there and discover new friends that have more things in common with yourself.

Life is too short to let trivial things get you down. It's not easy trying to change things, but that road towards happiness is better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.

 

[timtamWB]

Yeah, obviously there are different levels of depression and some people need prescription drugs and professional help to work through things.

But there a lot of posts here from young people who are wondering where their lives are headed, why they can't attract a decent girl and why their so called friends don't go out with them often.

That sort of negative thinking can lead to darker places in the mind imo and really, most of their 'problems' can be improved by a good dose of consistent positive thinking and looking at the world a bit differently.

So what if you don't know what career you want at 22 years of age. That's pretty normal stuff. No need to get worked up about it and let it bring you down. Most people go through it.

So what if 'friends' don't respond to you on FB..get out there and discover new friends that have more things in common with yourself.

Life is too short to let trivial things get you down. It's not easy trying to change things, but that road towards happiness is better than sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.

It's not exactly that easy though.

The people that have anxiety, how are they supposed to go out and just discover new friends? Or try and find a girlfriend/boyfriend? In fact it's literally impossible for some people to do that, and just telling them to think differently isn't going to help at all, especially if they don't know you at all.

 

[TheFreshBanana]

It's sound advice, it's just fruitless for someone who is in a bad way atm.

Nothing wrong with saying it imo.

 

[timtamWB]

It's sound advice, it's just fruitless for someone who is in a bad way atm.

Nothing wrong with saying it imo.

I can only speak from personal experience, but if someone came up to me and said that when I was suicidal and extremely depressed, it wouldn't have gone over well at all.

 

[Shane Hird]

It's not exactly that easy though.

The people that have anxiety, how are they supposed to go out and just discover new friends? Or try and find a girlfriend/boyfriend? In fact it's literally impossible for some people to do that, and just telling them to think differently isn't going to help at all, especially if they don't know you at all.

It's a tough one for sure. All I can say is that every human experiences anxiety and self doubt on a regular basis.

Even blokes who seem confident and happy about who they are get down on themselves sometimes. It's normal.

You see, I'm one of those blokes who could walk into a room filled with 100 people and strike up a conversation within no time at all. I can talk to anyone from any background and crap on with friendy conversation for hours on end.

But I realise not everyone is like that. That's not to say I never have moments of doubt and question my personality sometimes. I do. I just don't make a habit of thinking negative thoughts.

The trick is to not take things too seriously in life and just accept the way you are and not compare yourself too much to other humans.

 

[TheFreshBanana]

I can only speak from personal experience, but if someone came up to me and said that when I was suicidal and extremely depressed, it wouldn't have gone over well at all.

Yes but this thread isn't just for those who are suicidal and extremely depressed.

It's sound advice. It's simple advice. It's advice I try to follow so I never go back.

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

I can only speak from personal experience, but if someone came up to me and said that when I was suicidal and extremely depressed, it wouldn't have gone over well at all.

Me either, I would just think something along the lines of "i'm feeling like shit, everything seems shit, and now you're telling that will just result in more shit".
That would not be the case for everyone, however. And that's the problem with giving advice. What works for one will often not work for the next person

 

[Shane Hird]

Keep busy. The worried person must lose himself in action, lest he wither in despair.

Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.

When fate hands us a lemon, lets try and make a lemonade.

Forget yourself by becoming interested in others. Every day do a good deed that will put a smile of joy on someone's face.

Two men looked out from prison bars,
One saw the mud, the other saw the stars.

Count your blessings- not your troubles.

Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of a Heaven.

Dale Carnegie- How to Stop Worrying and Start Living


http://www.ebay.com/bhp/dale-carnegie

 

[timtamWB]

Yes but this thread isn't just for those who are suicidal and extremely depressed.

It's sound advice. It's simple advice. It's advice I try to follow so I never go back.

It is.

But when you're saying things like that in reply to someone whose post said "Life ****ing sucks" I take issue with that, because it's going to be counter-productive.

 

[TheFreshBanana]

Me either, I would just think something along the lines of "i'm feeling like shit, everything seems shit, and now you're telling that will just result in more shit".
That would not be the case for everyone, however. And that's the problem with giving advice. What works for one will often not work for the next person

I don't think it's always a case of what will work for one, won't work for another.

I think it depends on when you realise it.

Also, simple advice doesn't mean it is easy to do.

 

[Shane Hird]

It is.

But when you're saying things like that in reply to someone whose post said "Life ******* sucks" I take issue with that, because it's going to be counter-productive.

Jesus it's only a bf thread. We're not here to save lives. Just offer friendly advice...not be an online counselling service. That's dangerous territory.

 

[_Christoh_]

I've almost gone the other way. Everything I do that I find myself regretting, I blame on my depression. I've go to the point of using depression as a crutch for my character flaws and unsociability.
That way I don't have to do anything to fix myself, its all because I have an illness. And it is, of course, all bullshit.

But, so I'm told, depression is more likely in people with certain traits. Introspection and introversion among those. I was told those ones because they are my most obvious traits that feed the cycle. With you it will no doubt be different.
Then the depression drives those further, which is why referred to it as a cycle. So it is quite possible you are partially correct that the traits in your normal thoughts and demeanour would exist even without any depressive feature. The depression may make those traits stronger, or perhaps add news ones.



That's not my reason for jumping on to this thread though. And now I can't even bring myself on a (hopefully) anonymous forum to explain why I now have a resignation letter sitting in my drafts folder ready to send. I've been sitting here crying on and off through the cricket how I may have inadvertantly hurt people through smething I knew to be a breach oif trust at the time. I meant no pain to anyone, it was just a stupid blabbermouth moment. Made worse by the fact that some other things may have been invovled, not least jealousy (something that by my age shoud have disappeared decades ago).
In essence, I failed in everything I believe in - and people I like might get hurt as a result.

I said something stupid which may blow back like this, and feel I have little choice but to leave before anything occurs along those lines (it would - quite rightly - be everyone v 1 anyway, just like high school - and I cannot face that).
Resigning will mean spending the rest of my life unemployed, as my limited skill set is all done from India these days and there are thousands of better qualified unemployed in the field in Australia.

But I am not sure that life will be much longer anyway, so that doesn't matter too much. After having suicidal thoughts a few months back, for the first time since high school 25 years ago, I'm a bit concerned about the return of those whether I resign or not. Its sitting there ready to be sent. About the only wise thing I've done is give myself time to decide whether to send or not.

Everybody makes mistakes in life. It's okay to make them because we all do and those who reign fire on us who make a mistake are sanctimonious, self-righteous dicks. But as a person who has made a mistake that we regret we have to ask ourselves, what CAN we do? Firstly we can do nothing and hope it goes away or we can put our hand up and admit our mistake. There is a freedom that comes from being honest and open. It allows us to unburden our feeling of regret. It allows us an opportunity for forgiveness.

But then there is the emotions that come with causing harm or suffering as a result of our mistake. How do we deal with that? The first thing to understand is there is no 'emotional police'. There isn't any moral social entity that says 'because you messed up and made a mistake, you must make your self feel like shit for all the rest of your days'. There is no need to attach emotions of regret, sadness or guilt to situations where we had no intent to harm another person. Even if our actions or words were said or done recklessly or without thought, it is whether we intended to harm that person that matters. Most conscientious humans sometimes cause hurt to others without ever intending to do so. It is a part of life. We all make mistakes. But what is far more important than feeling bad about any mistake we make is to learn from it. Beating yourself up doesn't change anything. Learning from it ensures you change the right way as a result.

Don't beat yourself up over something you didn't intend to do. Just put your hand up, express your regret to the person wronged and learn from the situation. It is the only way to deal with mistakes. If others want to make you feel bad about it then that says more about them than it does you. One mistake doesn't add up to the total sum of a persons character.

Be kind to yourself everyday.

 

[Run n Spread]

The wonders of alcohol?

It doesn't really matter what happened, it only matters how you feel right now.

Damm straight. Sure alcohol will/or at least makes me go off half cocked or any Joe Hobo on the street ramble but that doesn't necessarily negate the validity of what they are saying.

Everyone at some point has a crutch alcohol works for many people as has done for millennia so unless you can come up with a better alternative who can really disagree?

 

[Run n Spread]

Hey guys

I'm not sure where to begin I don't know if I suffer from depression but I do suffer from anxiety. I'm 20 and have almost finished a degree at uni but I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what to do. I've still got no idea what I want to do in the future nothing seems to interest.

I see everyone out there living their life but I'm just sitting here watching it go by, the only friends I've got are those who I've made on a couple of forums who I speak to on facebook/ps4 but it appears I've isolated myself from everyone else. (I don't know how or why) When I do try to catch up with the people I was friends with at school they take an eternity to respond and if they do agree on going to the footy,movies, etc they end up cancelling a day or so before we're meant to meet. It seems I'm the only one bothered to try and keep these friendships alive. I think I've come to realize that these people aren't friends and will just use me whenever its convenient for them.

Everything in my life seems to be falling apart, I no longer have any motivation to do anything I just feel pretty low and can't remember the last time I was happy.

I could go into a few other things but I won't as I feel like I'm rambling now, I'm just not liking how my life is at the moment and I've got not idea how to fix it.

If your're only 20 the best advice I can offer you is right here right now think of what you want to do go and do it. If you want to learn a new skill, take a hobby etc just do it. You have time on your side and can take up a hobby/learn a skill you want to and just do it. Fu&* what everyone else thinks and their judgements as you are responsible for your life and have to live your choices. Maybe that way you learn a new skill and approach.

 

[Run n Spread]

Hey guys

I'm not sure where to begin I don't know if I suffer from depression but I do suffer from anxiety. I'm 20 and have almost finished a degree at uni but I'm at a point in my life where I just don't know what to do. I've still got no idea what I want to do in the future nothing seems to interest.

I could go into a few other things but I won't as I feel like I'm rambling now, I'm just not liking how my life is at the moment and I've got not idea how to fix it.

As crazy as it sounds don't panic.............yet. I used to think it was a load of crap but lately I've noticed a bunch of anxiety developing myself. The best you can do is assess what is the core triggers and remove yourself from thus/or deal with it. At 20 this is unbelievably hard granted and you will cop short term pain, no agony intially but this is far better then letting it fester and watching your life spin rapidly out of control.

On the positive having suffered that and nearly finishing a degree and assuming from the way you write you have a fair degree of intelligence, you are well placed to deal with any idiots you come across in day to day life.

 

[timtamWB]

Damm straight. Sure alcohol will/or at least makes me go off half cocked or any Joe Hobo on the street say but that doesn't necessarily negate the validity of what they are saying.

Everyone at some point has a crutch alcohol works for many people as has done for millennia so unless you can come up with a better alternative who can really disagree?

I get why people use it. I don't think it's the greatest crutch out there at all, and can lead down some very dangerous roads. I know personally that if I drink, I'm going to become suicidal, so I choose not to drink. If alcohol doesn't make you feel depressed and you don't get violent tendencies and it helps you through life, well then even though it's not the best for you it's a hell of a lot better than a lot of other things.

My personal crutch is music. That doesn't work for everyone though.

 

[_Christoh_]

Part of beating depression and anxiety is understanding how it occurs.

Great video that simply shows that we don't look after our psychological well being as much as we do our bodies.

 

[Jcpdragonx]

Over the past 18 months, my mental stability has improved dramatically and I am a heck of a lot healthier physically, yet the more I improve myself, the more depressed I get. Realizing more about life every day is probably doing this. I'm 20.

 

[Run n Spread]

It's not exactly that easy though.

The people that have anxiety, how are they supposed to go out and just discover new friends? Or try and find a girlfriend/boyfriend? In fact it's literally impossible for some people to do that, and just telling them to think differently isn't going to help at all, especially if they don't know you at all.

Agree can defiantly see where you are coming from. You can see all the psycholgoists counsellors in the world (they can be beneficial) but you do what they see you for an hour a week or 2 and get a snap shot and a chat. They are hardly there when it's 3am on a Wednesday morning and you're wondering how the fu*& to get through a week then the weekend never mind go and impress a chick.

Sometimes you have to just take ownership find strength and just survive. I don't think talking and emoting does much good either as
a) Other people don't understand it isn't about them but you have a life of your own and for whatever reason the ship's off course irrespective of them.
b) Even if it is a relationship conflict at times you can't expect people to change their life and world view just to suit you. BUT this very much cuts vice versa.

Sometimes you just need to simplify and do what's right for you, regardless of what others think. Sure maybe unconventional to most (in my case lately it can involve booze/slack days at work) but you have to do what it takes to punch on.

 

[Shane Hird]

 

[Harris Specter]

Hey guys

You know what's weird, I am in the exact same position as you. I am on the cusp of finishing my degree, and it's stupid, but I don't think I have one close friend in uni who I can always rely on. There will always be friends who you see in lectures/tutorials or whatnot, but you keep a good conversation with them, and that's pretty much the end of it. Even if I end up meeting someone new, I"m sick of being the one to try and bother to keep the friendships alive. This exists for both new, and current 'friends' who I've know for the past 3-4 years. High school friends is long gone now, and I don't even speak to the ones I hung out, it just happens that we float apart due to different life goals, career paths and new groups of friends. But it's getting to the point where I have to repeatedly go out of my way to make time to meet the friends I have. Be it skipping a lunch break so I can go and hang out with him in his lecture, or asking the group of friends if they want to do something, and they all just ignore you, the sense of loneliness gets to you especially when you see everyone else surrounded by mates they hang out with on weekends, and here I am, just playing video games and working most of the time.

I guess, the bottom line is, I am extremely loyal to my family and friends, but have never had the same going the other way. I would travel over 3 hours to play cricket in the nets at my mate's place, but he wouldn't do the same. It's stupid and I'm sick of it. Maybe it's the drunk me, talking after a few drinks at the uni bar tonight, but it's high time I stopped trying to make it happen, and just start treating others the same way I'm being treated. I haven't spoken to anyone about this before, but I'm nearing the end of my university studies, and people say this is where you meet your best friends for life or what not, but so far, I've got zilch.

I want to rant more but I'll leave it at that for now.

 

[Dan Moody]

Lifes like that, I catch up more now with high school friends over facebook than I ever had in the last 20 years since high school finished. You find you drift apart from some people, but the ones you were meant to remain friends with, you can just pick up a conversation with after months like nothing's changed.
Depression is a bitch and you can feel like your on your own with no one to talk to because unless you have it, you don't really understand. Had a great chat with a mate of 25 years the other day who is also going through depression, a lot worse than what I have (he has self harmed) and I think he really appreciated being able to talk with someone who understands.

 

[Run n Spread]

Lifes like that, I catch up more now with high school friends over facebook than I ever had in the last 20 years since high school finished. You find you drift apart from some people, but the ones you were meant to remain friends with, you can just pick up a conversation with after months like nothing's changed.
Depression is a bitch and you can feel like your on your own with no one to talk to because unless you have it, you don't really understand. Had a great chat with a mate of 25 years the other day who is also going through depression, a lot worse than what I have (he has self harmed) and I think he really appreciated being able to talk with someone who understands.

Get where you are coming from but ultimately you have to find a way through yourself. Everyone has their battles I guess you just have to figure what works for you. While yeah it would be great to talk to someone you are right in the sense the level of understanding is not there and after a while people get sick of hearing about it. (Even some health professionals after a week of hearing it can't wait to get you the hell out of their office).

While you do drift apart from people as a natural part of life I understand where the younger people are coming from as they are at a point in life where they want to put down roots and establish friendship. Hard to know what to say except to say life doesn't always move in a linear upward trajectory you can easily go backward. Just be aware of and take opportunity when it presents.