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From The Book of Woosha: Round 15, Chapter 2
And so it was that after their great victory the disciples were full of pride and they went forth to the stadium which is named for a girl. And because they were prideful, they fell into sin, and were vanquished. And as they left the field,they went to Woosha, and sought to explain themselves. ‘Woosha,’ said one. ‘They smote us. But we never play well in Adelaide. If we had have been at blessed subi, surely we would have triumphed.’
‘Yea’, said Gardie. ‘And surely we were afflicted grievously by injury. Were we at full strength, surely we would hath matched them.” Disciple #46 nodded.
“Gardie speaks truth, bless his big boofy head. For they did not play fair. They smite us and scrag us without cause.’
‘Too ****ing right,’ Spake Jako. ‘And were it not for those ****ing umpires-‘ Woosha heard the disciples complaints, and he became vengeful, but in his eternal goodness and mercy, he spake unto them with a soft voice. ‘Jako, dost thou know my name?’ At this, disciple #27 looked confused.
‘Yea, you are Woosha the almighty, are you not?’
‘It is so.’ Spake Woosha. ‘Is that all people call me?’ The disciples fell silent.
‘Art thou not John Worsfold?’ suggested Brauny.
‘Coach?’ spake Gardie.
‘Smiling Assassin.’ Spake Jonesy. ‘Or Silent. I forget. My head aches.’
'My hanky spanky love machine?' called Georgina Worsfold from afar.
‘Yea,’, I am known by all these names.’ Said Woosha. ‘But tell me, is my name Spud Frawley?’
‘Surely not.’ said the disciples.
‘And is it Malthouse or Choco Williams? Dost thou mistake me for Connolly or Thomas?’ The disciples shook their heads. ‘Then, why,’ said Woosha mildly, his face but an inch from big Jako, ‘-DO-YOU-THINK-I-WANT-TO-HEAR-EXCUSES?!!!!! Know this, poor fools, I am Woosha, and Woosha alone! I speak no excuses, and I do not expect nor will I accept any from thee. If thou win, thou winneth, and if thou do not, then thou was not good enough. For can you make a maggot change his spots, or force the opposition to play fair? No- Then perhaps thou had best worry about thine own selves? Remember these words. For if I repeat them again this season, I will trade the lot of you to the Dockers and coach the Geraldton u/18s. ARE-YOU-LISTENING-TO-ME?!"
'Yea' Said Cuz. 'It is time for a change.' Jako nodded.
'****n oath. First off, I think I need to change my underwear.'
The Good
It’s rather fitting that we played a game and a half last week, because this time around we just about managed half a game. Without our doubt our soundest beating for the year, you had to look hard to find winners for us.
In the midfield, Cousins tried hard all day to some effect, although his poor kicking on goal let him down. Rowan Jones got better as the day went on, stringing together some good disposals and kicking a couple of goals until he was KOed. Wooden, Kerr and Braun also had a fair amount of the ball, whilst Cox did a workmanlike job after Gardiner went down.
Up forward we really didn't have many winners. Embley did an adequate job from the amount of opportunities he got, and was one of the few players who looked comfortable with the amount of physical pressure being applied. Haynes took a few good marks (but squandered the possessions), and Wirrpunda provided a late focal point.
In defence, Banfield got better as the game went on. Glass had a mixed day- he had difficulty with Tredrea early, but also set up a decent amount of play of the half back line. Hunter went some way towards limiting Tredrea after he went onto him.
Around the ground, though, we lacked any player who could really be said to have clearly beaten his man.
The Bad
If last week showcased all of the best qualities of our side, this week highlighted the weaknesses. When you lose in this sort of manner, there’s always a tendency to wheel out the ‘we played crap’ line and leave it that. However, I don’t think its fair to cheapen Port’s win in that way. We didn’t play great, and a number of factors hurt our chances, but even if we had have gone in at our physical and mental peak with the best list available, I still think Port would have beaten us by a fair margin- they were simply outstanding, and played one of the best games I’ve seen of any team this year.
As is the case with most of our games this year, the game was predominately won and lost in the midfield. From the onset, our midfield was bustled out of the contest. We were still getting numbers to the contests in the centre, but Port’s ferocious pressure meant that we were not getting the clean takes out of the centre, the result of which was that we couldn’t move the ball quickly and set up the running game our onballers excel at. Placed under enormous pressure, our disposal suffered, and we started to cough up the ball and give Port opportunities. By the time Gardiner and Fletcher went down the writing was well and truly on the wall, and then Port started to thrash our undermanned midfield in earnest. I don’t have the heart to single out any midfielders. They all tried hard, but none, except perhaps Embley really came to terms with the amount of pressure applied to them. Given that we rely on midfield dominance to win games, when Port started to thrash us out of the centre, the game was more or less open. All I can say is that I would have sold my soul for Daniel Chick in an onball role yesterday- the sort of game that was played would have suited him perfectly.
Our forward line has never been so opportunity starved, and it showed. Matera was held goalless, and on the rare occasions the ball went anywhere near him, was clearly beaten by Wanganeen. Sampi had his poorest game of the year, barely touching the ball all day. Our HF line was perhaps our biggest woe, however. The general rule of our forward line has been that when a lot of the ball goes in their quickly, we’re unbeatable. When this doesn’t happen, we simply do not have a CHF capable of taking consistent marks all the time, and more often than not, the result is us getting burnt on the rebound. Neither Jakovich nor McDougall were even getting to the contests, and consequently our crumbers weren’t getting the opportunities they needed.
I have to admit to feeling a great deal of frustration with our decision not to play McIntosh this week. About the only flaw in Worsfold this year has been his almost touching belief that Trent Carroll is anything other than a complete hack. Every single West Coast fan in existence knew what was going to happen if we went in with a Carroll/Glass as our only real defensive options on Tredrea, and our key defenders simply could not come to terms with the strength and pace of Port Adelaide’s forwards. Glass at least shows some promise, but it seems as though Carroll has nothing going for him. The way I see it, we could be playing either the talented old head in McIntosh, or the promising young bloods in Staker or Lynch. Instead, we’re doing neither, and just marking time with Carroll, who simply never will be up to AFL standard. If we must play a CHB who will be beaten, the least we could do is make it a youngster who might get some good experience out of it. Carroll, on the other and, is as good as he ever will be, and his best simply isn’t adequate. (Cue for Carroll to stage an Embley-esque rebirth next year, and make me look like an idiot again)
Whilst Milli was off consorting with Dockers in the WAFL, we were getting murdered for lack of a player capable of out bodying Tredrea in the one-on-ones. I’ll cop a CHF leading out past 50m and taking a mark, but when he’s planting his feet 30m from goal, and waiting for the ball because nobody has the strength to displace him, there is something seriously wrong. This game confirmed what we already knew- if we win it out of the centre, we’ll beat teams. But if we get beaten in the midfield, we can’t expect our defense to pick up the slack.
The Ugly
Not the prettiest game, and Port did little to dispel their appearance as a thoroughly dirty side. Primus cleaning up Judd behind play looked to be a premeditated strike, which rather makes a mockery of Mark Williams’ bleating last week. Add to that Jones copping an elbow in the face, Carr punching Cousins in the head before the bounce, Fletch collecting the classic knee in the kidneys, and Brogan appearing to boot Gardiner in the knee cap, and Burgoyne executing a spear tackle which could have literally broken Kerr’s neck, and its fair to say there was a certain amount of dirt on display. We’re probably going to lose Gardiner for two weeks and Jones for a week as a result of Port’s thuggery, so I sincerely hope they get absolutely r*ped by the tribunal.
The umpiring was of the hometown variety (as was the commentary) , but I guess we can hardly complain about that. What did **** me no end was the two decisions in the first quarter, when the umpire incorrectly signaled our way, waited 20 seconds until all our players had lost their men and streamed forward, then reversed the decision and gave it to Port. When an umpire does that warning, the result is an almost guaranteed goal, because all of our players were about 10m away from their opponents, and sprinting forward to make options. In both instances, Port got easy goals, and my coffee table got a few more head shaped dents.
Well, that’s it. The reality is we went up against far more physical even side and were found wanting. I don’t have any truck with looking for an excuse for this loss. We got well and truly pantsed by a team which was much better than us, simple as that.
The odd thing is that I don’t really feel that bad about this loss. I suppose it’s better that it we have our comeuppance now rather than September, and if we meet Port in the finals, it’s fair to say that we’ll have some axes to grind. The loss of Gardiner will most likely give Seaby his first opportunity and if we had to be without the big fella for a couple of weeks, there are worse games for him to miss other than v St Kilda and an injury depleted Hawthorn, neither side being particularly noted for their ruck. Our season now enters its critical phase, and if we’re serious about a top 4 spot, we need to show some character and get two wins on the board without Gardie. Time to see what this team is made of.
And so it was that after their great victory the disciples were full of pride and they went forth to the stadium which is named for a girl. And because they were prideful, they fell into sin, and were vanquished. And as they left the field,they went to Woosha, and sought to explain themselves. ‘Woosha,’ said one. ‘They smote us. But we never play well in Adelaide. If we had have been at blessed subi, surely we would have triumphed.’
‘Yea’, said Gardie. ‘And surely we were afflicted grievously by injury. Were we at full strength, surely we would hath matched them.” Disciple #46 nodded.
“Gardie speaks truth, bless his big boofy head. For they did not play fair. They smite us and scrag us without cause.’
‘Too ****ing right,’ Spake Jako. ‘And were it not for those ****ing umpires-‘ Woosha heard the disciples complaints, and he became vengeful, but in his eternal goodness and mercy, he spake unto them with a soft voice. ‘Jako, dost thou know my name?’ At this, disciple #27 looked confused.
‘Yea, you are Woosha the almighty, are you not?’
‘It is so.’ Spake Woosha. ‘Is that all people call me?’ The disciples fell silent.
‘Art thou not John Worsfold?’ suggested Brauny.
‘Coach?’ spake Gardie.
‘Smiling Assassin.’ Spake Jonesy. ‘Or Silent. I forget. My head aches.’
'My hanky spanky love machine?' called Georgina Worsfold from afar.
‘Yea,’, I am known by all these names.’ Said Woosha. ‘But tell me, is my name Spud Frawley?’
‘Surely not.’ said the disciples.
‘And is it Malthouse or Choco Williams? Dost thou mistake me for Connolly or Thomas?’ The disciples shook their heads. ‘Then, why,’ said Woosha mildly, his face but an inch from big Jako, ‘-DO-YOU-THINK-I-WANT-TO-HEAR-EXCUSES?!!!!! Know this, poor fools, I am Woosha, and Woosha alone! I speak no excuses, and I do not expect nor will I accept any from thee. If thou win, thou winneth, and if thou do not, then thou was not good enough. For can you make a maggot change his spots, or force the opposition to play fair? No- Then perhaps thou had best worry about thine own selves? Remember these words. For if I repeat them again this season, I will trade the lot of you to the Dockers and coach the Geraldton u/18s. ARE-YOU-LISTENING-TO-ME?!"
'Yea' Said Cuz. 'It is time for a change.' Jako nodded.
'****n oath. First off, I think I need to change my underwear.'
The Good
It’s rather fitting that we played a game and a half last week, because this time around we just about managed half a game. Without our doubt our soundest beating for the year, you had to look hard to find winners for us.
In the midfield, Cousins tried hard all day to some effect, although his poor kicking on goal let him down. Rowan Jones got better as the day went on, stringing together some good disposals and kicking a couple of goals until he was KOed. Wooden, Kerr and Braun also had a fair amount of the ball, whilst Cox did a workmanlike job after Gardiner went down.
Up forward we really didn't have many winners. Embley did an adequate job from the amount of opportunities he got, and was one of the few players who looked comfortable with the amount of physical pressure being applied. Haynes took a few good marks (but squandered the possessions), and Wirrpunda provided a late focal point.
In defence, Banfield got better as the game went on. Glass had a mixed day- he had difficulty with Tredrea early, but also set up a decent amount of play of the half back line. Hunter went some way towards limiting Tredrea after he went onto him.
Around the ground, though, we lacked any player who could really be said to have clearly beaten his man.
The Bad
If last week showcased all of the best qualities of our side, this week highlighted the weaknesses. When you lose in this sort of manner, there’s always a tendency to wheel out the ‘we played crap’ line and leave it that. However, I don’t think its fair to cheapen Port’s win in that way. We didn’t play great, and a number of factors hurt our chances, but even if we had have gone in at our physical and mental peak with the best list available, I still think Port would have beaten us by a fair margin- they were simply outstanding, and played one of the best games I’ve seen of any team this year.
As is the case with most of our games this year, the game was predominately won and lost in the midfield. From the onset, our midfield was bustled out of the contest. We were still getting numbers to the contests in the centre, but Port’s ferocious pressure meant that we were not getting the clean takes out of the centre, the result of which was that we couldn’t move the ball quickly and set up the running game our onballers excel at. Placed under enormous pressure, our disposal suffered, and we started to cough up the ball and give Port opportunities. By the time Gardiner and Fletcher went down the writing was well and truly on the wall, and then Port started to thrash our undermanned midfield in earnest. I don’t have the heart to single out any midfielders. They all tried hard, but none, except perhaps Embley really came to terms with the amount of pressure applied to them. Given that we rely on midfield dominance to win games, when Port started to thrash us out of the centre, the game was more or less open. All I can say is that I would have sold my soul for Daniel Chick in an onball role yesterday- the sort of game that was played would have suited him perfectly.
Our forward line has never been so opportunity starved, and it showed. Matera was held goalless, and on the rare occasions the ball went anywhere near him, was clearly beaten by Wanganeen. Sampi had his poorest game of the year, barely touching the ball all day. Our HF line was perhaps our biggest woe, however. The general rule of our forward line has been that when a lot of the ball goes in their quickly, we’re unbeatable. When this doesn’t happen, we simply do not have a CHF capable of taking consistent marks all the time, and more often than not, the result is us getting burnt on the rebound. Neither Jakovich nor McDougall were even getting to the contests, and consequently our crumbers weren’t getting the opportunities they needed.
I have to admit to feeling a great deal of frustration with our decision not to play McIntosh this week. About the only flaw in Worsfold this year has been his almost touching belief that Trent Carroll is anything other than a complete hack. Every single West Coast fan in existence knew what was going to happen if we went in with a Carroll/Glass as our only real defensive options on Tredrea, and our key defenders simply could not come to terms with the strength and pace of Port Adelaide’s forwards. Glass at least shows some promise, but it seems as though Carroll has nothing going for him. The way I see it, we could be playing either the talented old head in McIntosh, or the promising young bloods in Staker or Lynch. Instead, we’re doing neither, and just marking time with Carroll, who simply never will be up to AFL standard. If we must play a CHB who will be beaten, the least we could do is make it a youngster who might get some good experience out of it. Carroll, on the other and, is as good as he ever will be, and his best simply isn’t adequate. (Cue for Carroll to stage an Embley-esque rebirth next year, and make me look like an idiot again)
Whilst Milli was off consorting with Dockers in the WAFL, we were getting murdered for lack of a player capable of out bodying Tredrea in the one-on-ones. I’ll cop a CHF leading out past 50m and taking a mark, but when he’s planting his feet 30m from goal, and waiting for the ball because nobody has the strength to displace him, there is something seriously wrong. This game confirmed what we already knew- if we win it out of the centre, we’ll beat teams. But if we get beaten in the midfield, we can’t expect our defense to pick up the slack.
The Ugly
Not the prettiest game, and Port did little to dispel their appearance as a thoroughly dirty side. Primus cleaning up Judd behind play looked to be a premeditated strike, which rather makes a mockery of Mark Williams’ bleating last week. Add to that Jones copping an elbow in the face, Carr punching Cousins in the head before the bounce, Fletch collecting the classic knee in the kidneys, and Brogan appearing to boot Gardiner in the knee cap, and Burgoyne executing a spear tackle which could have literally broken Kerr’s neck, and its fair to say there was a certain amount of dirt on display. We’re probably going to lose Gardiner for two weeks and Jones for a week as a result of Port’s thuggery, so I sincerely hope they get absolutely r*ped by the tribunal.
The umpiring was of the hometown variety (as was the commentary) , but I guess we can hardly complain about that. What did **** me no end was the two decisions in the first quarter, when the umpire incorrectly signaled our way, waited 20 seconds until all our players had lost their men and streamed forward, then reversed the decision and gave it to Port. When an umpire does that warning, the result is an almost guaranteed goal, because all of our players were about 10m away from their opponents, and sprinting forward to make options. In both instances, Port got easy goals, and my coffee table got a few more head shaped dents.
Well, that’s it. The reality is we went up against far more physical even side and were found wanting. I don’t have any truck with looking for an excuse for this loss. We got well and truly pantsed by a team which was much better than us, simple as that.
The odd thing is that I don’t really feel that bad about this loss. I suppose it’s better that it we have our comeuppance now rather than September, and if we meet Port in the finals, it’s fair to say that we’ll have some axes to grind. The loss of Gardiner will most likely give Seaby his first opportunity and if we had to be without the big fella for a couple of weeks, there are worse games for him to miss other than v St Kilda and an injury depleted Hawthorn, neither side being particularly noted for their ruck. Our season now enters its critical phase, and if we’re serious about a top 4 spot, we need to show some character and get two wins on the board without Gardie. Time to see what this team is made of.
