Favourite Seinfeld Quote

[SNIPER_]

Jerry: Hi, Mr. Constanza. What's uh...?
Frank: Where's your friend Kramer?
Jerry: I don't know. Why?
Frank: Because I'm looking for him. That's why. He stopped short.
Jerry: What do you mean?
Frank: In a car, with my wife. He stopped short. You think I don't know
what that's about? That's my old move! I used it on Estelle forty years
ago! I told everybody about it! Everybody knows! [Demonstrates] Hmmph! I
stopped short.
Jerry: Really, stopping short. That's a good move.
Frank: You're not kidding it's a good move!
[Kramer walks in.]
Kramer: Hey.
Jerry: Hey.
Kramer: Hey, Frank.
Frank: Don't Frank me! I know what you did. How dare you stop short with
my wife!
Kramer: C'mon, Frank, relax. I don't even know what you're talking about.
[Frank backs Kramer into the table, knocking the Fusilli Jerry to the floor]
Frank: You think I don't know, Assman?!! To think I almost split the
profits on the Manssierre with you.
Kramer: Bro.
Frank: Manssierre!
Kramer: Bro!
Frank: Manssierre! You...!
[Frank grabs Kramer by the collar and in doing so, he slips and falls right
on top of the Fusilli Jerry]
Frank: Aah!!!

 

[pinkus maximus]

"my boys need a home"

"I'm out there Jerry and I'm LOVING every minute of it"

"The only thing between him and us is a thin layer of Gabradine(?)"

 

[pinkus maximus]

Jerry: "So did she call?"

George: "She did but the manager called out Cartright"

Jerry: "Who's Cartright?"

George: "I'm Cartright"

Jerry: "But your not..

George: "I KNOW I'M NOT CARTRIGHT"

not 100% accurate

 

[demon_dave]

its the best show ever made and there is a million of them

 

[Silvagnis]

The Bubble Boy
DONALD: OK, HISTORY. THIS IS FOR THE GAME. HOW YA DOIN' OVER THERE? NOT TOO GOOD!

GEORGE: All right BB. Let's just play... Who invaded Spain in the 8th century?

DONALD: THAT'S A JOKE. THE MOORS.

GEORGE: Oh, Noooo, I'm so sorry. It's the MOOPS. The correct answer is, The MOOPS.

DONALD: MOOPS? LET ME SEE THAT. THAT'S NOT MOOPS YOU JERK, IT'S MOORS. IT'S A MISPRINT.

GEORGE: I'm sorry the card says MOOPS.

DONALD: IT DOESN'T MATTER. I'S THE MOORS. THERE'S NO MOOPS.

GEORGE: It's MOOPS.

DONALD: MOORS.

GEORGE: MOOPS,

DONALD: MOORS!


The Slicer-The Episode with Marcia Cross as a Dermatologist

George: This could be so sweet, Jerry. Saving lives? She's one step away working at the clinique counter!

 

[Abaddon]

Kramer when Elaine wants to borrow his meat slicer

Kramer - "where does the meat go?"
Elaine - "there"
Kramer - "well then where do you plug it in"
Elaine - "right there"
Kramer - "but where does the meat go?"

 

[Borgsta]

Yeah, it's bits like these and the end of the marine biologist which I remember most fondly.

Also:

-when Kramer details his adventures after he returns the pinky toe
-when Kramer blasts Jerry and his girlfriend for getting George to run over Bette Midler; the whole 'My Broadway' bit
-when Kramer asks Jerry and George if they want to go to the beach and hit golf balls into the ocean
-when Kramer tells everyone that he thinks George loves Elaine's mimbo
-when Kramer guesses George's bank card password thingy
-when Kramer describes how he saw Joe DiMaggio in Dinkin Donuts and could explain why he was such a good hitter
-when Jerry and George come up with the idea for the show about nothing
-Jerry telling the American-Indian girl that he's 'not familiar' with the term, 'Indian Giver'
-Jerry getting offended with the dentist using jokes about his religion, not because he's Jewish, but because he's a comedian
-Kramer branding Jerry an anti-dentite, a rabid anti-dentite
-Kramer getting fired from his 'job'- 'I don't even really work here,' 'That's what makes this so difficult.'

Oh so many.....

Kramer: I studied his every move. For example, he dunks.
Elaine:Joe DiMaggio dunks his doughnuts?
K: Thats right.
Jerry: See, now I know its not him. Joe DiMaggio could not be a dunker.
K: Oh he's a dunker. (with that classic smug look)
E: Why couldnt he be a dunker?
K: Nothing diverts his attention.
K: Like, Im sitting in there, you know (moving to a table) and I start banging on the table so that he'll look up. You know, like I'm sitting there, and I (bang, Kramer hits the table twice)
He wouldn't move. So then I started doing these yelping noises, like (starts yelping of course)
No reaction cos the guy is so focused, you see. (staring intently at his coffee).
He can just block out anything that's going on around him. See, that's how he played baseball. He dunks like he hits.
E: So then what?
K: Then the waitress, she comes up and tells me to shut up or they're gonna throw me out.
E: Why didnt you just call out his name?

Kramer just has a bewildered look on his face.


*You made me get out the season 3 DVD for that one, thanks.

 

[JUBJUB]

One of my Frank Costanza favourites.It's from the episode 'The Caddy'.

Frank leaving a message on Jerry's answering machine.
"Jerry, it's Frank Costanza. Mr. Steinbrenner's here... George is dead... Call me back."

 

[Portia]

George: "So, what have you been doing with yourself?"

Jerry: "I'm a comedian."

George: "Well, I really wouldn't know about that. I don't watch much TV. I like to read. What do you do, a lot of that 'Did you ever notice' kind of stuff?"

Jerry: "Yeah, yeah"

George: "It strikes me a lot of guys are doing that kind of humor."

Jerry: "Yeah yeah... Boy, you really went bald there, didn't you? You used to really have a thick full head of hair."

George: "Well, I guess I started losing it when I was about 28, right around the time I made my first million."

 

[JUBJUB]

Estelle and Frank Costanza when George announces he's getting married

"Frank, come here!"
"You come here."
"Georgie's getting married!"
"What?"
"Georgie's getting married!!"
"Get the hell outta here. He's getting married?"
"Yes."
"To a woman?"

 

[Mad Dog]

George:........YOU'RE KILLING INDEPENDANT GEORGE !!!!!!!

or

Elaine:........STELLAAAAAAAAAAHHHGGG

or

Newman, Kramer, and Jerry's "Grassy Knoll" routine with that baseballer !!

 

[Vandal]

George: In high school it was always "Bonjour, le George", "How's it going le George?", "Hey, let's stuff le George in le locker".


George: I think it's time for George's lunch.
Steinbrenner: Yes, it is. Let's see what I got today. Ham and cheese again. And she forgot the fancy mustard. I love that fancy mustard. You could put that fancy mustard on a shoe and it would taste pretty good to me


Riley: Hey George, the ocean called, they're running out of shrimp.
George: Yeah, well, the jerk store called, they're running out of you.
Riley: What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller.
George: Yeah well... I had sex with your wife.
Board member: His wife is in a coma

 

[Silvagnis]

When George was a hand model and was dumped by his girlfriend he said
"But I've got hand."
To which she replied
"You're going to need it!"

 

[JUBJUB]

"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"No..."
"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

George, Elaine and Jerry, in 'The Hamptons' ["You gotta see the baby" episode]

 

[ant]

*You made me get out the season 3 DVD for that one, thanks.

Those yelping noises Kramer makes kills me every time.

And on that 'You gotta see the baby' episode, I think it's from an earlier show, but when Jerry and Kramer go to see the baby, and the mother asks who she looks like.

"Lyndon Johnson."
"What?"
"I'm not kidding, she really looks like Lyndon Johnson."

 

[fryingpan]

Estelle: Georgy do you want me to put in the bananas?
Frank: Why would he want bananas in there?
Estelle: GEORGE LIKES THE BANANAS!
Frank: Then let him have the bananas on the side!!!!!!!!

and

Estelle: I used to always say your hands were soft and milky white, remember Frank?
Frank: You never said milky white
Estelle: I SAID MILKY WHITE!!!!

Classic. Many more hilarious Frank and Estelle quotes

 

[Casey]

"sttttteeeellllllaaaaaa!!!!!"

 

[thisisit05]

Elaine getting mad at george with his hair piece that looks ridiculous

She rips off the wig and says "See this thing, I don't like it and heres what I'm doing with it" and she throws it out the window like a mad woman.

The best ep ever.

 

[JUBJUB]

From the episode 'The Pool Guy'

George and Jerry

"You have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she [Susan] is allowed to infiltrate this world then George Costanza as you know him ceases to exist. You see, right now I have Relationship George. But there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with... Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George."
"I love that George."
"Me too, and he's dying. If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George. A George divided against itself cannot stand!"

 

[Silvagnis]

"I can't spare a square!"

 

[Rod Stroker]

George's boss #1 : It's been brought to our attention that you had sex with the cleaning lady in the office.
George : Was that wrong ? Should I not have done that ? Because if someone had told me that sort of thing was frowned upon here...

George's boss #2 : You haven't done anything at all with this Penske file, have you George ?
George : Well bear in mind that I am in the smaller office

Latino bird : What kind of man are you ?
Jerry : I'm a man that respects a good coma.

 

[Silvagnis]

From The Contest

GEORGE: (Not really wanting to embellish) ..I stopped by the house to drop the car off, and I went inside for a few minutes.. Nobody was there - they're supposed

to be working. (Jerry and Elaine look at each other - enjoying the story) My mother had a Glamour magazine, I started leafing through it..

JERRY: "Glamour"?

(Kramer and Elaine laugh slightly)

GEORGE: ..So, one thing lead to another..

JERRY: So, what did she do?

GEORGE: First she screams, "George, what are you doing?! My God!" And it looked like she was gonna faint - she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it.

KRMAER: (Reflecting on the story so far) Man..

GEORGE: I didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling, or zip up.

JERRY: What did you do?

GEORGE: I zipped up!

ELAINE: (Wide-eyed) So, she fell?

GEORGE: Yeah. (Noticing this makes him out to be the bad kid, he gets defensive) Well, I couldn't run over there the way I was!



The Master of My Domain Dialogue.

KRAMER: (Butting in) Wait a second, wait a second. Count me in on this. (Clicks his tongue)

JERRY: You?

KRAMER: Yeah.

JERRY: You'll be out before we get the check.

ELAINE: (Smiling) I want to be in on this, too.

GEORGE AND JERRY: (Rejecting) Ohh, no. No, no, no..

ELAINE: Why?

JERRY: (Showing difference) It's apples and oranges..

ELAINE: What? Why? (More 'no, no, no's from Jerry and George. Persistent) Why?

JERRY: Because you're a woman!

ELAINE: So what?

JERRY: It's easier for a woman not to do it than a man.

ELAINE: (Sarcastic) Oh.

JERRY: We have to do it. It's part of our lifestyle. It's like, uh.. shaving.

ELAINE: Oh, that is such bologna. I shave my legs.

KRAMER: (Making a point) Not everyday.

 

[Jaymin]

My favourite Seinfeld character is Lloyd Braun!

George: What is Lloyd Braun doing here?

Frank: Your mother recommended him.

George: Yeah, of course she did. That's all I ever heard growing up is 'Why can't you be more like Lloyd Braun?' Did you know he was in a mental institution?

Frank: I didn't read his resume.

Braun: (Ringing the sale bell) Another sale, Mr. Costanza. Chalk me up on the big board.

George: (Inquiring about the chalk board) What is this?

Frank (Drawing a zero under George's name) This is your lagging. Good work, Braun.

Estelle (From another room) Good for you, Lloyd!

....................................

Frank: Hey, Braun, I got good news and bad news. And they're both the

same: you're fired. Costanza, you've won the water pik!

Estelle: You're not gonna give away that water pik!

Frank: You wanna bet? Serenity now, serenity now!

Lloyd: You know, you should tell your dad that 'serenity now' thing doesn't work. It just bottles up the anger, and eventually, you blow.

George: What do you know? You were in the nut house.

Lloyd: What do you think put me there?

George: I heard they found a family in your freezer

Lloyd: Serenity now. Insanity later.

.......................................................

Frank: You single-handedly brought Costanza and Son to the brink of bankruptcy.

George: Well what about all the Lloyd Braun sales?

Frank: He's crazy. His phone wasn't even hooked up. He just liked ringing that bell.

 

[Colonel Matrix]

The Red dot episode;

Boss: I'm going to get right to the point. It has come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?

George: Who said that?

Boss: She did.

George: Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon, you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices and I tell you peope do that all the time.

Boss: You're fired.

George: Well you didn't have to say it like that.

Boss: I want you out of here by the end of the day.

George: What about the whole Christmas spirit thing? Any flexability there?

 

[Borgsta]

Guys I just wanted to inform that at the moment you can get Seasons 3 and 4 for $59 (American) plus postage. It seems like a great deal as every other place had Season 3 alone for $50+