Favourite Simpsons quotes

[Cats2001!]

Watched the Simpsons last night and once again cracked up at Homer. Got the first quote from last night and the others from previous weeks. The Simpsons (especialy Homer) is an absolute pisser. Post your fav Simpsons quotes too!

Cheif Wiggum: How about we just wait for Detective I dont give a damn!
Homer: Its about time!
Lisa: Dad!
Homer: Quiet Lisa! Daddy is waiting for the detective.

Mr. Burns: Use an open-faced club! A sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmmm... open faced club sandwhich!

Homer: I found $1 at the bus stop today!
Marge: While you were out 'earning' that dollar, you lost 40 dollars for not going to work today. The pland called and said if you dont come in tomorrow, dont bother coming in Monday!
Homer: Wohoo! 4 day weekend!

 

[sbagman]

The criminal guy after stealing a VCR - "Oh no..... Beta!"

 

[sbagman]

CIA guy to Homer - "Now when I wink and stamp my foot and say 'Hello Mr Sampson' you reply with 'Hello'. OK?"
Homer - "OK"
CIA guy winks and stamps foot - "Hello Mr Sampson"
* silence as Homer stares back blankly *
Homer to guy next to him - "Psst. I think he's talking to you"

Or something like that.

 

[Cats2001!]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I remember that!

There was something similar last night, when Chief Wiggum was asking for a bribe.

Wiggum: "I am looking for Bill (wink)"
Wiggum: "Do you know where Mr. Bribe is? (Wink Wink)
Homer: "Its a hookey game where you throw these rings"

Loll!

 

[sbagman]

Originally posted by Cats2001!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I remember that!

Loll!

Did they become the Sampsons? Can't remember. Remember rolling on the floor for a while after it though...

I love the episode when Troy McClure and Selma get married, and they have "Planet of the apes, the musical"....

"I hate every ape I see / From chimpan A to chimpanzee..."

"I love you Dr Zaes!"

 

[GOALden Hawk]

Homer to post office: Hello, I'm Mr.Burns, I believe you have a letter for me
Post office: OK, what's your first name
Homer: I don't know

Homer runs into something in his car with Flanders next to him
Homer: he he, I wish that was Flanders.......just kidding Flanders

Dr. Hibbert: Cheers to Homer Simpson for all his recent charity work
Crowd: YAY
Dr. Hibbert: Cheers to this rusty tailgate

 

[Chicago1]

Marge : "Slow... then fast... then slow again"

From the Whacking Day episode. Believe it or not I used the episode in my Year 9 English class which was studying humour in the media. I could have taught a course on The Simpsons!

 

[FIGJAM]

My all time favourite bit -


Homer: All right, guys, pipe down. I got some more in the garage.

Herman: Uh, I'll, I'll get it for you, Homer.

Homer: Hmm. I wonder why he's so eager to go to the garage?

Moe: The "garage"? Hey fellas, the "garage"! Well, ooh la di da, Mr. French Man.

Homer: Well what do you call it?

Moe: A car hole!


Pure Gold!!!

 

[sbagman]

Originally posted by GOALden Hawk
Homer to post office: Hello, I'm Mr.Burns, I believe you have a letter for me
Post office: OK, what's your first name
Homer: I don't know

Pure gold... especially the fake voice Homer puts on....

Mr Burns - "I could crush him like an ant.... but no.... that would be too easy... I'll bide my time.... and then when he least expects it...... oh what the hell, I'll just crush him like an ant".

 

[JUBJUB]

Originally posted by sbagman


Did they become the Sampsons? Can't remember. Remember rolling on the floor for a while after it though...

No,they became the THOMPSONS when they went into the Witness Protection Program.

 

[sbagman]

Originally posted by JUBJUB


No,they became the THOMPSONS when they went into the Witness Protection Program.

THAT'S the one! Cheers!

 

[Cats2001!]

Another quote just popped into my head.

Homer, Moe, Apu and Otto need $500 to form a bowling team.

Homer: Where can I get $500?

Very next scene, it shows Homer and Marge in bed.

Marge: No! I will not pay you $500 for sex!!

ABSOLUTE PISSER! And then Homer continues

Homer: Come on Marge! Its win-win! You'll be getting something in return!
Marge: Its sick!

LOL!

 

[Danny Chook Fan Club]

Lisa: Mom, how do I tell a boy I'm not interested without hurting his feelings?

Homer: Leave this to me Marge, I've heard them all.
"I like you as a friend."
"I think we should see other people."
"I no speak English"
"I'm married to the sea."
"I don't want to kill you but I will."

And if that doesn't work, six simple words ...

"I'm not gay, but I'll learn."

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And, almost as priceless, my old mate Burnsey ...

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"Those slack jawed troglodytes have cost me the election, yet if I were to have them killed, I would go to prison! That's democracy for you!"

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I'm also a big fan of the sequence that leads to my signature below ...

 

[Shinboners]

"They have the internet on computer now" - Homer Simpson

 

[Basic]

homer while his head turns inside out: I hope i don't brain my damage.

not simpsons related but it's still a funny show..futurama
bunch of guys: don't jump don't jump!!
bender:do a backflip

there is too many to list lol

 

[Spogs]

Homer: Marge, where's the Duff!?!
Marge: Ohh, uh, we're all out, Homer.
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: Would you like some fruit juice?
Homer: Don't toy with me, woman!!
------------------------

Mr. Burns: "We don't have to be adversaries Homer, we both want a fair union contract..."
Homer (to his brain): "Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?"
Mr. Burns: "...and if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours."
Homer (to his brain): "Wait a minute...is he coming on to me?"
Mr. Burns: "After all, negotiations make strange bed-fellows."
(Mr. Burns gives out a friendly laugh) Homer (to his brain): Ahh! Homer: "Sorry Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure i'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!"
------------------------

Troy McLure: “Nine months later, Fluffy gave birth to fourteen beautiful bunnies. Eight survived.”
-------------------------
And my personal favourite....

Marge: Homer, has the weight loss tape reduced your appetite?
Homer: Ah, lamentably no. My gastronomic rapacity knows no satieties.

 

[Jars458]

HOMER: (anyry) " I want an answer right now, or else.........(calmer) sometime"


Troy Mclure : "You may have seen me in previous health fims such as


Smoke yourself thin or

Get Confident.....STUPID.


Millhouse: "trabpukcip" repeated.

Pick up Bart backwards as he wrote it on the wall when Bart was trying to mentally connect with Homer after soccer practice

 

[thegoldenbear]

Homer, Marge, Bart and Milhouse are playing a board game while Lisa is making new friends on the beach.....

Homer: [picking up a card] "Oooooooh I got the Captain of the high school football team"

Bart picks up a card....
Marge: "LOL - you got the geek!"

Homer: "A-ha-ha. That looks like you poindexter" [Pointing to Milhouse]

Right to his face - that's fantastic.

 

[Captain Sensible]

"D'OH, theres only one beer in the fridge-and it's Barts. "

(Considering new name for his new son, making sure not to pick one that other Kids can tease him about) "Hmmm, Bart aye. Lets see Aart,Cart,Dart,Eart...No that should be fine.

 

[Mr Ripper]

From the ep where Homer and Marge go to the candy convention...It's not a quote, but if you're quick and have a keen eye, you'll notice the slogan for Gummi Bears reads: "They hibernate in your colon".

 

[NICK THE PIE MAN]

I have a few, enjoy
ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITES...!
Lionel Hutz: Uh Oh! We've drawn Judge Shneider!
Marge: Is that bad?
Lionel Hutz: Well, he has had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
Marge: You did?
Lionel Hutz: Well, replace the word 'kinda' with the word 'repeatably' and then word 'dog with 'son'!!!!!
PISSER!

 

[Macca19]

Originally posted by Cats2001!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I remember that!

There was something similar last night, when Chief Wiggum was asking for a bribe.

Wiggum: "I am looking for Bill (wink)"
Wiggum: "Do you know where Mr. Bribe is? (Wink Wink)
Homer: "Its a hookey game where you throw these rings"

Loll!

it actually goes:

Wiggum: Word on teh street is this game is rigged...geez id hate to shut you down, maybe we can come ot an arrangement *holds hand out*
*slience*
Wiggum: *sighs* I am actually looking for Bill *points to money box*
Homer:........his name is Bart
Wiggum: *sighs again* now watch when i wink ok
Homer: ok

Wiggum: The person im really looking for..wink *winks* is Mr Bribe wink wink *wink wink*

Homer:......its a ring toss game

I love all Ralph Wiggum quotes.
Homer is just a legend...you could be here for HOURS (literally) just thinking up all these Homer quotes

 

[Macca19]

Originally posted by sbagman


Did they become the Sampsons? Can't remember. Remember rolling on the floor for a while after it though...

I love the episode when Troy McClure and Selma get married, and they have "Planet of the apes, the musical"....

"I hate every ape I see / From chimpan A to chimpanzee..."

"I love you Dr Zaes!"

HAHAHA!!!!! What a classic 3 minute period that play in that episode is

"I can Talk!"
*monkeys in quiet voice* "he can talk he can talk he can talk"
"I can talk I can talk i can SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGG"

 

[sbagman]

Originally posted by Macca19


HAHAHA!!!!! What a classic 3 minute period that play in that episode is

"I can Talk!"
*monkeys in quiet voice* "he can talk he can talk he can talk"
"I can talk I can talk i can SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNGGGG"

He he he

"Can I play the piano anymore?"
"Of course you can!" "Well I couldn't before!"

ROFLAO

 

[Macca19]

there was one tonight

homer talking to the momentarians, and they say that there is no beer on the weekend
"Homer no function me beer without"