FB statuses decoded.

[Stratton_Gun]

Read a status the other day from some bitch about how "clever" her little Melissa was for using her potty.

Who the **** wants to know that shit?

Pun intended?

 

[Poseidon]

Read a status the other day from some bitch about how "clever" her little Melissa was for using her potty.

Who the **** wants to know that shit?

I dunno, she sounds like a pisser.

 

[Coxy_]

Pun intended?

Indeed

 

[SugarShane]

Read a status the other day from some bitch about how "clever" her little Melissa was for using her potty.

Who the **** wants to know that shit?

Haven't had that one in particular but my friends with babies make sure to post every day about how their boring bag of bones is so "clever" because he's learnt how to do something else, ie grab a teddy before bed. And when you have the mum and dad on there too you get double barrelled with the same shit.

 

[Howard Littlejohn]

OK. I see a lot of whinging about status updates.

I work on the theory that if my life was interesting enough to share it with the world, I wouldn't have time to share it with the world. Its not that interesting, therefore I choose not share my tedium with the world through FB. (Instead, I relieve my boredom a little by trawling, and occasionally trolling, BigFooty.)

So, what sort of thing is a reasonable update for an individual to make?

 

[Coxy_]

Haven't had that one in particular but my friends with babies make sure to post every day about how their boring bag of bones is so "clever" because he's learnt how to do something else, ie grab a teddy before bed. And when you have the mum and dad on there too you get double barrelled with the same shit.

It's bloody horrible, isn't it? A lot of mine are from the potty woman but there are other offenders too. People uploading new photos of their kids every week/day gives me the shits. I've seen your little dribbler in person and in 100+ photos on FB, so what makes you think I (and anyone else who isn't an annoying bastard) would like to see how "cute" they look in their new baby thongs? WGAF

 

[Marklar_33]

A 'friend' of mine created the album '365 days of (baby)'. I found my unfriend button

 

[SugarShane]

I've seen your little dribbler in person and in 100+ photos on FB, so what makes you think I (and anyone else who isn't an annoying bastard) would like to see how "cute" they look in their new baby thongs? WGAF

They're the worst! "Look, today our baby is wearing little shoes!" "Today he's wearing a little hat! So cute!" "Look at his little fingers, so precious!" Ugh. We get it. Babies are little and wear little clothes.

 

[Punchy Bassett]

My partner is due soon guarantee I won't be wasting my time on Facebook, I'd rather spend time you know looking after and bonding with my kid!

 

[Stratton_Gun]

A 'friend' of mine created the album '365 days of (baby)'. I found my unfriend button

 

[blueboy25]

My partner is due soon guarantee I won't be wasting my time on Facebook, I'd rather spend time you know looking after and bonding with my kid!

It's usually the stay at home mums that when their kid is sleeping they will jump on facebook and post constantly. Maybe it's something to do with slowly losing touch with the outside world.

A chick friend of mine posts daily her 2 young kids, anything from a new tooth coming through to him getting fever.

 

[Punchy Bassett]

It's usually the stay at home mums that when their kid is sleeping they will jump on facebook and post constantly. Maybe it's something to do with slowly losing touch with the outside world.

A chick friend of mine posts daily her 2 young kids, anything from a new tooth coming through to him getting fever.

Lucky for me my partner hates FB with a passion so won't have to worry about that

 

[blueboy25]

Lucky for me my partner hates FB with a passion so won't have to worry about that

Same with me, my Mrs doesn't even have a facebook account. We have a 3yo and another on the way and the only time I would make mention of the kids would be a happy birthday message if anything at all.

 

[Barry Zuckercorn]

Havent read the entire thread so apologies if this has been done but there's 2 types of statuses I despise and they go something along these lines:

1) "happy birthday to my beautiful son/daughter (insert child's name) who turns 2 today, love you heaps little man/lady"

Translation: my kid is not old enough to avoid soiling their nappies let alone have a facebook account and read this status, therefore I am only doing this for some attention.

2) "it 's been 2 years ago to the day that (insert elderly parent's/grandparent's name) passed away. I miss you heaps mum/dad/grandma/grandpa"

Translation: the deceased is 6 feet under so probably wont have a great internet connection to read this so I just want some of your sympathy please.

By all means grieve, just dont ask us to do the same for you.

 

[Poseidon]

Similar to Barry Zuckercorns:

"Happy mothers day, Mum!" or "Happy fathers day, Dad!" or anything along those lines.

Decoded: I want everyone to know what a good son/daughter I am and how family oriented we are but I'm too lazy to go into the next room to actually be with them or go out and buy them a gift.

 

[Bosun]

Similar to Barry Zuckercorns:

"Happy mothers day, Mum!" or "Happy fathers day, Dad!" or anything along those lines.

Decoded: I want everyone to know what a good son/daughter I am and how family oriented we are but I'm too lazy to go into the next room to actually be with them or go out and buy them a gift.

Really you can apply the social decoded meaning to all statuses, I get what you mean though. Maybe its a way for someone who is down on themselves to make them feel better when they a) re read their status and b) check to see who has responded.

Theres a woman on my friend list who got divorced earlier in the year, she had only been married 6 odd months and despite the fact I dont know her overly well I dont think it ended well. Since the divorce she posts 10-12 times a day on literally everything. The ones that stand out in an annoying manner are:

- OMG only 267 days till Europe (minus the days and repeat every week along with the same friends comments)

- Ive just bee offered a job in Japan (when the inevitable replies such as "when are you off?" appear her response is "oohhh I dont think Ill go (insert shithouse reason)"

This is the work of a lonely girl who is in desperate need of attention, however it appears to be the norm (considering this thread).

My status updates consist of solely bagging out Melbourne then waiting for the torrent of abuse I cop from my Dee mad cousins, honestly you should of seen the responses when I posted "Go Dees" at halftime during the 186 game, shit wasnt pretty, fun though.

 

[moses]

These few classics from some 19 year bloke i used to play football with

• Those thoughts that go through ur head but they shouldn't and u can't help but get really upset and worried :/
• a picture of 'Hakunamatata' tattoed on his arm, apparently got whilst drunk
• This job and everyone in it can f**k right off and people wonder why i'm always pissed off recently this job sends you f*****g nuts
• tagged in a picture with someother massive flog mate holding up tickets captioned 'Suuuummmmaaddaayyzzee hell hey'

 

[BotsMaster]

These few classics from some 19 year bloke i used to play football with

• Those thoughts that go through ur head but they shouldn't and u can't help but get really upset and worried :/
• a picture of 'Hakunamatata' tattoed on his arm, apparently got whilst drunk
• This job and everyone in it can f**k right off and people wonder why i'm always pissed off recently this job sends you f*****g nuts
• tagged in a picture with someother massive flog mate holding up tickets captioned 'Suuuummmmaaddaayyzzee hell hey'

Is it possible to get him fired over that post?

 

[moses]

Is it possible to get him fired over that post?

Haha, yeah you would hope he has no workmates on his fb.

 

[Ess_don]

Slightly off topic here.. but anyone get some annoying moos (thats right, I just went ahead and typed out "moo") comment completely irrelevant things/try start a convo on a status you've just posted?

eg: Post some comedic observational gold about current state of affairs.. then suddenly "hey man sup" or "lolz danihur gt injured wut a spud", ie: completely irrelevant to the above status.

Completely baffles me why they just dont use the fb private chat (yes I was online) or even post on my wall (although that annoys me as well, clogging up my wall with incessant chit chat.)

Main offender I must admit is one of my best mate's lil 14yr old brother (ie: cant unfriend) who idolizes me due to my extensive footy knowledge and general awesomeness (opposite of his actual brother who doesnt like Aussie Rules) but I have had the odd "hey whats goin on" from people my own age wanting to catch up or whatever and really should know better in regards to where to post such things. /rant

 

[Cruyff14]

Slightly off topic here.. but anyone get some annoying moos (thats right, I just went ahead and typed out "moo") comment completely irrelevant things/try start a convo on a status you've just posted?

eg: Post some comedic observational gold about current state of affairs.. then suddenly "hey man sup" or "lolz danihur gt injured wut a spud", ie: completely irrelevant to the above status.

Completely baffles me why they just dont use the fb private chat (yes I was online) or even post on my wall (although that annoys me as well, clogging up my wall with incessant chit chat.)

Main offender I must admit is one of my best mate's lil 14yr old brother (ie: cant unfriend) who idolizes me due to my extensive footy knowledge and general awesomeness (opposite of his actual brother who doesnt like Aussie Rules) but I have had the odd "hey whats goin on" from people my own age wanting to catch up or whatever and really should know better in regards to where to post such things. /rant

Yes. Very annoying. Statuses are not for conversation.

 

[ilovethelegs]

They're the worst! "Look, today our baby is wearing little shoes!" "Today he's wearing a little hat! So cute!" "Look at his little fingers, so precious!" Ugh. We get it. Babies are little and wear little clothes.

Apparently since the advent of facebook, the word 'little' has been removed from the English language. Everyone now has a 'lil' man who uses his lil hands to play with his lil toys.

 

[Andre]

This job and everyone in it can f**k right off and people wonder why i'm always pissed off recently this job sends you f*****g nuts

Hopefully he's not a postman and gun owner. Otherwise worry he might hunt down his ex-teammates for imagined slights.

 

[BotsMaster]

Sounds like he's doing a fairly good job at sabotaging the relationship all by himself.

The relationship ended not long after that, now all he's posting is suicide posts.

 

[Marklar_33]

"Well 2012 was filled with good times, and bad times..."

No ****ing shit!

"2012 can go suck a fat one, bring on 2013!"

I actually found 2 people's stati like this and went back a year to find very similar entries. Change your life if it's so shit folks! Or move to Syria!