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FB statuses decoded.

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A Swallow said:
Just came across the gayest thing I have ever seen on the Internet. I'm in a state of shock.

This is by a bloke today:

"Happy 2 months to this girl. I couldn't think of anyone else better in this world to spend this much time with, to hold my hand and to love. She is my sunshine, my moonlight and everything else in between. She is my world :).

She is the reason I wake up smiling, go to bed smiling, and every second of the day and night in between that. She is the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about before bed. I love you so much. <3 <3 <3."

I am sorry for anyone's day I've just ruined. This is truly baffling.
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2 months???

Pretty sure I can think of about a billion girls I’d happily spend 2 hot months with, no matter how annoying they were.

It’d kinda make sense (but be no less cringe worthy) if he was at least talking about 10 years or something.
 
Not exactly gay, talking about a girl ;)
But, yes, I whole-heartedly agree. That is an awful status to post on facebook. And, as my theory states they would be more on the rocks than other couples who are less prone to post this type of shit on facebook.
 
A Swallow said:
Just came across the gayest thing I have ever seen on the Internet. I'm in a state of shock.

This is by a bloke today:

"Happy 2 months to this girl. I couldn't think of anyone else better in this world to spend this much time with, to hold my hand and to love. She is my sunshine, my moonlight and everything else in between. She is my world :).

She is the reason I wake up smiling, go to bed smiling, and every second of the day and night in between that. She is the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about before bed. I love you so much. <3 <3 <3."

I am sorry for anyone's day I've just ruined. This is truly baffling.
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You should comment:"I bet you masturbate to Jayden Jaymes."
 

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Anyone else sick of all the mothers posting every little detail about their new kid? There seriously needs to be a spinoff Babybook or something. Just had someone post:

"‎1 week old today!! Time flies when ur having a bloody good time! Being a mum is the best!".

What time flying? It's been a week FFS. And the reply she gets from a female friend?

"Omg a week already! :("

Those weeks, they go real quick.
 
If one more person asks me to vote for their son/daughter/niece/nephew/cousin/friends kid/grandchild in the bonds baby competition I'm going to lose it
 
'Thanks baby for ironing my work shirts for me! Wife material'

Decoded: I am going to cheat and/or get cheated on soon.
 
For the last 3-4 months, possibly longer there is a girl on my friends list that, without fail, puts up status updates 2-3 times a day complaining about her job and the lack of sleep she's had. Throw in an open-ended one about something in her life not going the way she likes it. "Why does this always have to happen?" or something along those lines. Could set your watch to it.

I know you lot will say she is doing it for attention, and you're right. More often than not each of the status updates will have friends and family telling her to keep her chin up or to stay strong and positive and that good karma will come her way etc etc.
 
Ed_Gein said:
For the last 3-4 months, possibly longer there is a girl on my friends list that, without fail, puts up status updates 2-3 times a day complaining about her job and the lack of sleep she's had. Throw in an open-ended one about something in her life not going the way she likes it. "Why does this always have to happen?" or something along those lines. Could set your watch to it.

I know you lot will say she is doing it for attention, and you're right. More often than not each of the status updates will have friends and family telling her to keep her chin up or to stay strong and positive and that good karma will come her way etc etc.
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ffs, just tell her work sucks for everyone and to shut the hell up about it. Remind her that the whole point of work, especially on Tuesday, is to test your abaility to ward off suicide until you get too old to do anything with your life. There might some financial thing in there as well, maybe.
 

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Howard Littlejohn said:
ffs, just tell her work sucks for everyone and to shut the hell up about it. Remind her that the whole point of work, especially on Tuesday, is to test your abaility to ward off suicide until you get too old to do anything with your life. There might some financial thing in there as well, maybe.
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This -

except you said it way too nice..
 
I have a girl on my facebook who, every day and without fail, posts some sort of bizarre mix of 'life message' and emo attention seeking rubbish as her status.

Here are her efforts from the last seven days, spelling errors left in for extra effect. Thursday takes the cake:

Monday: No matter how down you are... When you have that one person who can cheer you up... Even if they are on the other side of the world.

Sunday: Only when you realize someones worth, you realize they cannot be replaced.

Saturday: Quality is not an act. It is a habit.

Friday: Friends come and leave as they please. Most of the time we do not understand why. Its the ones that you love the most, tend to hurt you the most. Sometimes its better that way. The less you know, the less you want to know.

Thursday: Back in the good old clubbing days, men were so much more respectful compared to now. A woman could breathe. She could dance freely with her friends and simply recieve delightful comnents. These days,(most) 'men' just want to take advantage, think they have the right to touch arses and use sleezy comments.

Wednesday: My life
My choices
My mistakes
Not your business.

Tuesday: God never shuts one door, without opening another.


Usually with pictures in between, every day, of her posing with fish lips. Seriously, just STFU, no one cares.

I really should delete her.
 
Kyptastic said:
I give them 2 weeks.
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Yep, almost guarantee that he would be the type to completely smother the life out of a girlfriend.

Some people need to just chill, there's really no other way to put it.
 
When someone posts a status along the lines of

"You think you know someone but then they stab you in the back" or "Today you showed your real colours, you are a horrible person"

It means "I hate you but instead of telling it to your face I will take a thinly veiled swipe at you that is almost the same thing as telling you, but more immature"
 

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Brainless guy on Facebook but gets all the ladies:

"Just had a car crash"

65 comments, mostly from sl*ts that wanna ride his ****:

"Omg r u ok??"
"Oh nooo, are you hurt?? :("
"Omg omg omg xxx"
"Glad to hear you're ok babes xxxxxx"

He replies:
"Yeah some guy stalled at the lights and I didn't react in time"

"Omg what a ****ing loser. Did u get his details?? Xxxx"
"Yeah"
"Good!! You're ok tho??? Xoxo"
"Yeah thanks, bit of a sore neck :("
":( :( :( let me know if you need me I can do anything xxxx..."

Kill me now!
 
Marklar_33 said:
I once didn't see someone stop until nearly too late, manage to stop within inches and caused a crash two cars behind me, but I didn't post it on Facebook. Did it really happen?
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If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one around to post about it on facebook, did it really happen?
 
JuddyBuddy said:
If a tree falls in the woods and there's no one around to post about it on facebook, did it really happen?
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Exactly! If you bang a hot chick, and don't brag to your mates...?
 

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FB statuses decoded.

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