T
topdon
Guest
Found this one my travels 
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How to shower like a woman!
Take off clothing and place in a sectioned laundry basket, accordingly to lights, darks, whites, man-made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If husband is seen, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 mins. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 mins until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 mins to make sure it all comes off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area or decide to get it waxed. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How to shower like a man!
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile. Walk bollock naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting Wahey! Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last sniff, get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth-don't need one. Wash bollocks and the surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on the soap. Wash armpits. Wash face. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Piss in shower. Rinse off. Get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor caused by shower curtain being outside bath for whole of showering time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Return to bedroom with towel around waist, leaving wet footprints on carpet. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterdays clothes.
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How to shower like a woman!
Take off clothing and place in a sectioned laundry basket, accordingly to lights, darks, whites, man-made or natural. Walk to bathroom wearing a long dressing gown. If husband is seen, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to bathroom. Look at womanly physique in mirror and stick out belly. Complain and whine about getting fat. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, loincloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash hair once with cucumber and Lamphrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins. Wash hair again with cucumber and lamphrey conditioner with enhanced natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 mins. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 mins until red raw. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. rinse conditioner off hair taking at least 15 mins to make sure it all comes off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area or decide to get it waxed. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and water loses pressure and turns red hot. Turn off shower. Squeegee all wet surfaces. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel. Check entire body for remotest sign of spots. Attack with nails/tweezers. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If husband seen, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.
How to shower like a man!
Take off clothes while sitting on bed and leave them in a pile. Walk bollock naked to bathroom. If wife seen, shake knob at her while shouting Wahey! Look in mirror and suck in gut to see your manly physique. Admire size of knob in mirror, scratch bollocks and smell fingers for one last sniff, get in shower. Don't bother to look for washcloth-don't need one. Wash bollocks and the surrounding area. Wash arse, leaving hair on the soap. Wash armpits. Wash face. Laugh at how loud farts sound in the shower. Shampoo hair but do not use conditioner. Make mohican hairstyle with shampoo. Pull back curtain to see self in mirror. Piss in shower. Rinse off. Get out of shower. Fail to notice water on floor caused by shower curtain being outside bath for whole of showering time. Partially dry off. Look at self in mirror, flex muscles and admire size of knob again. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor. Return to bedroom with towel around waist, leaving wet footprints on carpet. If you pass wife, pull off towel, grab knob, go "yeah baby" and thrust pelvis at her. Put on yesterdays clothes.
