Family & Relationships I need help

[Normy132]

I feel like this situation's going to come up for me with my sister in 7 or 8 years. And I'd probably pull the plug unless she can pay her way.

Or you can do the Two and a Half Men thing and let her live with you rent-free but she gets absolutely no say in ANYTHING.

 

[GeeUUess]

To not want to work is no indication of mental illness. Quite the contrary, in fact.

Possibly not relevant to the case in question but what you said is complete bullshit. Social phobias see people want to lock themself alone and avoid social situations. Work involves social situations.

 

[WALL-e]

As someone said, if you can get her on a disability pension, do so. That is of course if she does have a social disorder. If she has problems with people, then get it checked with a doc, inform centrelink and they'll ask for the docs report and some forms.

This way she's not dependent on looking for work.

If she just doesn't want a job.....hmmm

 

[LANGFORDandSON]

I have a solution that may work for the both of you.

Make her your maid, sort of like the Seinfeld episode about the butler. She can cook, clean, wash your car, mow the lawns, clean the gutters, wait on you when you require refreshments, provide a chauffeur service when you are out drinking etc. This could also be scaled up for projects ie. paint the house. Make her wear a uniform and keep timesheets ensuring that hours x rate = rent/bills. If she falls short, she can put in extra time the next week to even it up. She will never have to speak to another person outside the house for the rest of her life.

Failing that, pimp her out.

 

[courtjester]

do you live in Ballarat?

Why? ?

 

[KardiniaPark]

My sister is mid 30's and lives at home. Hasnt had a job for years and years and when she does get one it lasts two days and she's fired. She doesn't go anywhere, gets panic attacks (what she calls panic attacks, its what I call being a useless shit that refuses to accept responsibility for her own life) when she goes out in the car. Her EX bought her a 2007 Brand new Corolla but she wont sell it and move out because somehow she thinks she deserves to drive around in a nice car even though she has never worked for anything in her life.

She is a constant source of bickering as i'm blaming my mother for being an enabler and i've been telling her to throw her out on the street for years but I guess she finds it hard because its her daughter which is understandable yet at the same time she is doing more harm than good.

To the OP I suggest the same thing i've been telling my Mother for years. Throw her out and let her find her own way through life, she leads a pathetic ****ing existence and im actually ashamed of her. Through all the ****ed up things i've done in my life nothing is as bad not living the one life you have.

 

[nicky]

Did you inherit the house from your folks as the competent one or they sold their's and moved in with you and the sister came in tow? If it's the latter how old was she when she moved in?

There are plenty of jobs out there that shy people can do. If she's just lazy sit down as a family and state she's got 3 months to either find a job or move out. And to move out within 12 months regardless. FFS it's a sibling. I wouldn't have wanted my brothers staying permanently at my place at 30, paying rent or not.

My brother stayed with me in London and after a week he had to go. Last year after living in china he came and stayed with me, that time lasted 3 days (may have been 2 )

Both my apartment in london and here were/are small and he leaves shit everywhere. It sends me loopy after a day and a half. Even though I try and council myself to chill out, i just can't. Siblings are the best but not to live with.

As for the OP, that is really hard on you. As others have said she should go on benefits where she is exempt from jumping through centrelink hoops due to having a mental disorder.

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her but if you could convince her to get help that would be good. She isn't functioning. No-one would choose to live that life if they believed they could do better (like get a job). I don't think people aren't inherently lazy. I know of (and despise more than anyone else on this planet even though i haven't seen her in a decade) - this fat bogan and she's never had a job. She has kids from a variety of different men and has lived off centrelink her whole adult life. She is an atrocious person, i can't stand her but she is the way she is because she has terrible self esteem and doesn't think she is capable. All probably true but she would function alot better if she addressed some of her underlying beliefs.

 

[nicky]

To not want to work is no indication of mental illness. Quite the contrary, in fact.

Well all well and good but she needs to support herself.

I think if she is relying on her brother to support her as a resort then threatening suicide when he says no then she has adjustment issues.

I'm not saying everyone needs to join the rat race but there are other jobs, like collecting garbage, waiting on tables, cleaning houses.

 

[HardCaucasian]

OP has gone missing :0

 

[Piss Poor]

Don't worry everyone. things have gone ok, she has been offered a casual job and worked today. Seems happy

hopefully all goes well.

Thanks for your advice people.

Not sure if the problem is solved in the long run, but signs are good today.

 

[CrimsonButterfly]

My sister is mid 30's and lives at home. Hasnt had a job for years and years and when she does get one it lasts two days and she's fired. She doesn't go anywhere, gets panic attacks (what she calls panic attacks, its what I call being a useless shit that refuses to accept responsibility for her own life) when she goes out in the car. Her EX bought her a 2007 Brand new Corolla but she wont sell it and move out because somehow she thinks she deserves to drive around in a nice car even though she has never worked for anything in her life.

She is a constant source of bickering as i'm blaming my mother for being an enabler and i've been telling her to throw her out on the street for years but I guess she finds it hard because its her daughter which is understandable yet at the same time she is doing more harm than good.

To the OP I suggest the same thing i've been telling my Mother for years. Throw her out and let her find her own way through life, she leads a pathetic ****ing existence and im actually ashamed of her. Through all the ****ed up things i've done in my life nothing is as bad not living the one life you have.

It is unfortunate but you may be right.

I have an older brother (I'm 17 asnd he's 40 so he's actually fro a diff. father) who lives with us. He actually HAS a job but he wastes all his money away on gambling, cigarettes and alcohol and then he comes home on say, the monday after the weekend and asks for a 'loan' from me and I give it to him because I'm basically too scared to say no because he gets really, really angry if I don't give it to him.

It gets to the point where he goes upstairs and yells and just acts really mean until he gets paid again or someone gives him a loan. I've been told to just 'tell him how I feel' but I'm honestly scared of what may happen should I open up about it and Dad doesn't really take note of anything since all this happens while he isn't home and he thinks I'm just over thinking things. I guess I can sort of relate to the OP sister as a fear of socialising is common and there are alot of bad people out there, sometimes it is better to just crawl into a shell, I guess I'm lucky I'm doing my best to get into uni and I have applied to all uni's out of Melbourne to get away.

Maybe some encouragement over criticism.

 

[Peck]

Hard situation. She may find a job and love it for 5 months then have something go slightly wrong and quit to stay at home because she has that option.

However I'd say people need support much more than "tough love" as people who receive "tough love" can end up in really, really bad situations. Good luck though mate sounds like you care about your sister.

EDIT: You could always tell her to get into volunteering if she struggles a lot with finding a job, my uncle went from being completely unable to work, to working in volunteering, to getting back into work again. He was at the top of the engineering world before personal issues really cut him down really bad, but really is getting back on his feet due to the group hes working with. I think he got there through the government, not really sure.