Society & Culture Job interview tips

[BotsMaster]

Tip no. 1

Wait until the interviewer has finished asking the question before responding.

It's not a race.

Ah...yeah.

 

[Cruyff14]

I passed the phone interview. It only went for five minutes and she just asked me questions what I think the role involves, what I will be doing and things like that.

I have an online assessment to complete which takes about an hour, if I pass that, it is the group interview.

 

[Gough]

I passed the phone interview. It only went for five minutes and she just asked me questions what I think the role involves, what I will be doing and things like that.

I have an online assessment to complete which takes about an hour, if I pass that, it is the group interview.

Sorry if you've already said this, what's the job for?

 

[Shell]

I passed the phone interview. It only went for five minutes and she just asked me questions what I think the role involves, what I will be doing and things like that.

I have an online assessment to complete which takes about an hour, if I pass that, it is the group interview.

Lucky there were no questions about AFL and Hawthorn hey?


But good luck all the same. Enjoy the orgy interview.

 

[Cruyff14]

Sorry if you've already said this, what's the job for?

Cross between retail/sales. Would rather not mention specifics.

Lucky there were no questions about AFL and Hawthorn hey?


But good luck all the same. Enjoy the orgy interview.

Hahaha, all I know is that we beat Geelong in 08 and we have more GF's

Thanks!

Gotta pass the online assessment first!

 

[Shell]

Cross between retail/sales. Would rather not mention specifics.


Hahaha, all I know is that we beat Geelong in 08 and we have more GF's

Thanks!

Gotta pass the online assessment first!

Premierships, sweetie, they're called Premierships.

 

[Gough]

Cross between retail/sales. Would rather not mention specifics.


Hahaha, all I know is that we beat Geelong in 08 and we have more GF's

Thanks!

Gotta pass the online assessment first!

Good luck with it man, if you get to the interview and want to tank it, I still have the velvet trousers.

 

[Cruyff14]

Thanks Gough!

 

[Scotland]

Memorise this and use at the appropriate juncture:

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at the N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people that I never met and that I never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some kid from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and ****in' play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's walking to the ****in' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the schrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorroids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure, **** it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

 

[Scotland]

Alternatively, channel your inner Lester Burnham.

'So, what does your current job entail?'

'My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble Hell.'

 

[Neese]

What colour are the velvet trousers?

 

[Gough]

What colour are the velvet trousers?

Orange.

 

[Neese]

awesome

 

[KP78]

Nobody ever missed out on a job because they were overdressed.

Not only wait until the person finishes asking the question but pause for a second or two to formulate your answer.

Panel interviews are a pain but simply keep your hands in a comfortable position, make eye contact with the person asking the questions, and when you answer distribute eye contact fairly evening with a slight emphasis on the person who asked that question.

Most of all be aware that you are somebody that they want, you just need to demonstrate that. (Unless you know you actually suck and are lazy etc, then just bullshit as required)

 

[BigLefty]

Nobody ever missed out on a job because they were overdressed.

Not only wait until the person finishes asking the question but pause for a second or two to formulate your answer.

Panel interviews are a pain but simply keep your hands in a comfortable position, make eye contact with the person asking the questions, and when you answer distribute eye contact fairly evening with a slight emphasis on the person who asked that question.

Most of all be aware that you are somebody that they want, you just need to demonstrate that. (Unless you know you actually suck and are lazy etc, then just bullshit as required)

solid advice,

although i actually prefer the panel interview because you can maintain eye contact, but share it around so you dont end up staring down the interviewer or have them wondering what you keep looking at on the wall behind them.

 

[Wayne Arnold]

Imagine the interviewers are all naked. If they're attractive, maybe have a wank.

 

[Cruyff14]

Did the online assessment thing that was next part of the process, most of it was just to gauge your personality, then there were a few sections which were timed asking some arithmetic and language questions.

Didn't get to complete them all in the allotted time, and I don't feel that confident. There was some question about fractions and was like wtaf.

 

[Shell]

Did the online assessment thing that was next part of the process, most of it was just to gauge your personality, then there were a few sections which were timed asking some arithmetic and language questions.

Didn't get to complete them all in the allotted time, and I don't feel that confident. There was some question about fractions and was like wtaf.

I'm gonna guess the results are gonna come back saying "psychopath"

Just joking - you never know, maybe it was hard for everyone who sat the test, so maybe you did okay.

 

[Cruyff14]

I'm gonna guess the results are gonna come back saying "psychopath"

Just joking - you never know, maybe it was hard for everyone who sat the test, so maybe you did okay.

The language part was like "Choose the word that comes in the next sentence"

"swim the fish in
- water
- ground
- trees"

Then you had to select one, this section was also timed.

 

[Shell]

The language part was like "Choose the word that comes in the next sentence"

"swim the fish in
- water
- ground
- trees"

Then you had to select one, this section was also timed.

Answer: B.

How'd I do...

 

[Cruyff14]

Answer: B.

How'd I do...

Haha.

Not really confident after that timed section unfortunately.

 

[Gough]

Haha.

Not really confident after that timed section unfortunately.

Should I take my strides to the dry cleaners?

 

[Cruyff14]

Should I take my strides to the dry cleaners?

haha what gough?

 

[Gough]

haha what gough?

Trousers.

 

[Cruyff14]

Trousers.

I know what strides are, I don't know what you meant at all though.