Media Karny HalfHorse: Heart Of A Stallion

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Captain Awkward

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Apr 27, 2014
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Karny HalfHorse: Heart Of A Stallion
By Glenn McPharlap

In a love story that is bound to shatter hearts around the country, East Side Hawks heartthrob Karnezis_13 has been romantically linked with none other than three time Melbourne Cup winner, Makybe Diva. The pair were spotted frolicking together on the shores of the Equine Coast and were seen partying it up in various clubs.

If the rumours are true, then this blossoming romance could also be the reason for Karny's noticeable drop in form. Amazingly, Karny was kept stat less in last week's game against the Dragons. Many experts are describing it as the worst performance by a qootballer at any level, in any game ever.

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Karny partying it up on the Equine Coast

Karny's mother, Jessica Sarah Parker who works as an ambassador for the Equine Society was clearly delighted at the news.

"I'm so glad for Karny." she said "He's gone through so many hardships in his life. All the other horses used to bully him at school because he was different."

And what hardships the young stallion has faced indeed. Karny and his brother Duncan were born as conjoined twins; they shared hind legs. Their parents made a mutual decision to separate them shortly after the birth. Unfortunately, only one of the twins was able to keep the hind legs and after much deliberation and a coin toss, Duncan was the decided winner.

Now, normally the birth of Siamese twins is a joyous occasion but unfortunately, one of them was pure evil. In this case, it was Duncan. Duncan often found himself in trouble due to his dislike of elves and had even once tried to sew himself and Karny back together.

"Duncan was always the wild one." Mrs Parker continued "Too crazy for Foal's Town. Too much of a foal for Crazy Town. He was an outcast. So we did the only equine thing. We chained Duncan up in the attic and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week."

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Karny's twin brother Duncan aka Furious D

Many are surprised when they find out that qootball was not Karny's first career choice. As a foal, Karny dreamt of becoming a big shot Hollywood actor like his idol Shadowfax from 'The Lord of the Rings'. Karny began his journey as an actor by auditioning for the role of "Jellybean" on 'The Saddle Club'. He was promptly rejected due to his deformity.

The rejection sparked a change of career path for the young stallion as he decided to pursue modelling instead. Karny became a successful model and is well known for being the poster horse for cosmetic brand, Neighbelline.

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Karny as the face of Neighbelline

Karny's life changed forever when he agreed to participate in a celebrity qooty match for charity. The star amassed thirteen goals and fifty disposals in the first ten minutes of the game before being subbed off so that he could attend a photo shoot. Such prodigious talent could not go to waste and it was the East Side Hawks that realised this, recruiting him in season 15.

In season 18, Karny overthrew the Hawks' leadership group and declared himself as supreme dictator of the team. There he rules with an iron hoof and is now looking to expand his empire further, beyond the realms of Waverley.

Only a fool would dictate that a horse must have four legs to lead a successful life. Just ask Karny.
 

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Makybe Diva was known for her great hind quarters.

Who would've guessed Karny would be an ass man
 
Karny HalfHorse: Heart Of A Stallion
By Glenn McPharlap

In a love story that is bound to shatter hearts around the country, East Side Hawks heartthrob Karnezis_13 has been romantically linked with none other than three time Melbourne Cup winner, Makybe Diva. The pair were spotted frolicking together on the shores of the Equine Coast and were seen partying it up in various clubs.

If the rumours are true, then this blossoming romance could also be the reason for Karny's noticeable drop in form. Amazingly, Karny was kept stat less in last week's game against the Dragons. Many experts are describing it as the worst performance by a qootballer at any level, in any game ever.

yRpfkIU74tQ.jpg

Karny partying it up on the Equine Coast

Karny's mother, Jessica Sarah Parker who works as an ambassador for the Equine Society was clearly delighted at the news.

"I'm so glad for Karny." she said "He's gone through so many hardships in his life. All the other horses used to bully him at school because he was different."

And what hardships the young stallion has faced indeed. Karny and his brother Duncan were born as conjoined twins; they shared hind legs. Their parents made a mutual decision to separate them shortly after the birth. Unfortunately, only one of the twins was able to keep the hind legs and after much deliberation and a coin toss, Duncan was the decided winner.

Now, normally the birth of Siamese twins is a joyous occasion but unfortunately, one of them was pure evil. In this case, it was Duncan. Duncan often found himself in trouble due to his dislike of elves and had even once tried to sew himself and Karny back together.

"Duncan was always the wild one." Mrs Parker continued "Too crazy for Foal's Town. Too much of a foal for Crazy Town. He was an outcast. So we did the only equine thing. We chained Duncan up in the attic and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week."

250px-Babf09.jpg

Karny's twin brother Duncan aka Furious D

Many are surprised when they find out that qootball was not Karny's first career choice. As a foal, Karny dreamt of becoming a big shot Hollywood actor like his idol Shadowfax from 'The Lord of the Rings'. Karny began his journey as an actor by auditioning for the role of "Jellybean" on 'The Saddle Club'. He was promptly rejected due to his deformity.

The rejection sparked a change of career path for the young stallion as he decided to pursue modelling instead. Karny became a successful model and is well known for being the poster horse for cosmetic brand, Neighbelline.

bJ86j8X.jpg

Karny as the face of Neighbelline

Karny's life changed forever when he agreed to participate in a celebrity qooty match for charity. The star amassed thirteen goals and fifty disposals in the first ten minutes of the game before being subbed off so that he could attend a photo shoot. Such prodigious talent could not go to waste and it was the East Side Hawks that realised this, recruiting him in season 15.

In season 18, Karny overthrew the Hawks' leadership group and declared himself as supreme dictator of the team. There he rules with an iron hoof and is now looking to expand his empire further, beyond the realms of Waverley.

Only a fool would dictate that a horse must have four legs to lead a successful life. Just ask Karny.
Well thought out and entertainingly written, a salient lesson for all those upstarts out there like...well, me!:oops:
 
Even if it's one sterling post out of 696 (at time of posting), the Captain has a better average than pantskyle.

Well done.

Terrible subject matter though.
 
This was my first media thread, so thanks for the feedback guys, really appreciate it. My posting is generally a bit left field (as you've probably noticed) so I can understand if it's not to everyone's taste.

Well thought out and entertainingly written, a salient lesson for all those upstarts out there like...well, me!:oops:
Thanks mate. That means a lot coming from you as I've really enjoyed your work this season. :thumbsu:

Terrible subject matter though.
Haha yeah, I was kind of worried that it would lack relevance (and it probably did). I chose Karny as the subject matter because he's probably the only Hawk that everyone knows these days, so I felt that most of you could relate to it. I also love a good horse joke.
 
This was my first media thread, so thanks for the feedback guys, really appreciate it. My posting is generally a bit left field (as you've probably noticed) so I can understand if it's not to everyone's taste.


Thanks mate. That means a lot coming from you as I've really enjoyed your work this season. :thumbsu:


Haha yeah, I was kind of worried that it would lack relevance (and it probably did). I chose Karny as the subject matter because he's probably the only Hawk that everyone knows these days, so I felt that most of you could relate to it. I also love a good horse joke.
We need more left field, new blood and Hawks out there, so all three in one hit.:thumbsu:
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Fair enough, and there is no better horse joke than Karny, boom boom!
 
Haha yeah, I was kind of worried that it would lack relevance (and it probably did). I chose Karny as the subject matter because he's probably the only Hawk that everyone knows these days, so I felt that most of you could relate to it. I also love a good horse joke.

You don't have to explain. It's brilliant. Karny just isn't worthy though.

I'd actually love to see you sit down with a bloke like Uncle_Leo.

Nail that and you can write my first autobiography.
 
So this is what happens when posters leave the nest? Well done Captain Awkward, top effort.

Itsmyshow now you can put me down as the Bears best poster instead of the joke one you did to get revenge on me for my harsh but fair assessment.
 

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Even if it's one sterling post out of 696 (at time of posting), the Captain has a better average than pantskyle.

Well done.

Terrible subject matter though.

I have 24,630 likes.

250px-Dean_Martin.png
 
But you have over 55,000 posts, that's less than 1 in 2!!
That's really sad:(

You'll have me beat in a few years if you continue spamming with vigor and survive old age.
 
I just looked at your stats... 5,000 posts in 7 months. You'll have the Brown Dog by November.
Is there a limit that I didn't know about??? And WTF is the Brown Dog???
 

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